
JOHN SPARLING 




THE LIBRARY 

OF 

THE UNIVERSITY 

OF CALIFORNIA 

LOS ANGELES 



T5he 

Irish - Canuck -Yankee 



By 
C. John Sparling 




ILLUSTRATED 



CHICAGO 
M. A. DONOHUE & COMPANY 

701-727 DEARBORN ST. 



COPYRIGHT mi 
BY C. JOH.W SPARLING 

THIRD EDITION 




THE IRISH- CA NUCK— YANKEE 

(•'Doing" Dublin.) 



"CA NUCK h a ptt namefot a Canadian; the mme as ' ' YANKEE, 
kroaJly ipeakinfl, for an American. 

PURPOSE OF iVORK—Amtxiing; HiUorical; Educational. 



Pacoa 



CONTENT&- 


i a«l 


The Irish and Irish- Americans 


5 


The English 


53 


The Scotch 


77 


The Canadians 


82 


The Yankees 


191 


Contrast and Criticism 


313 


Nine Vo}fages Across the Atlantic 


330 


Tenth Voyage. 


36/ 


Eleventh Vo\^ge 


364 


Chicago to the Southern Cross and back 


367 



•'?tnt5C2 



ILLUSTRATIONS- ^^l^ 

Irish — Canuck— Yankee Outside Cover 

Author 2 

A Tippcrary Farmhouse 4 

A Tipperary Neighbour 7 

A Limerick Man 30 

Irish Girls ^6 

Irish Youth and Beauty ^9 

North of Ireland Girls 50 

South of Ireland Girls 57 

An American Heiress 68 

Boozing and Posing 96 

Hoofing the Prairie 128 

A Canada Barn Raising 140 

For Fishing on Sunday 146 

American "Hobos " 208 

American Citizens 266 

American Cities 268 

"Irish Femininity" 329 

An Ocean-Going Palace 367 



THE IRISH -CANUCK-YANKEE 



THE IRISH AND IRISH-AMERICANS 

Ole Oleson, a Scandinavian (Swede, I think), was a 
new arrival in one of the northwestern states of Amer- 
ica, possibly Minnesota. 

Att«*ndin^' an i-vangclistic service, the revivalist 
invited him to come forward to the penitent bench, 
thereby hoping' to be the means of leading Ole into a 
bfttrr life. Proving ratb.-r inditTerent to the preacher's 
pleadings, the evangelist argued with him about as 
follows: 

"Ole, you were lat.'ly eaught up in a cyclone, car- 
ried some distanei', and suddenly dropped." "I vas," 
says the newcomer. "Well, only for the Lord was with 
ytm-all the time while you were in the air, and miracu- 
lously saved you, you would have been dashed to death. 
Now you want to live right, so that you will be always 
ready. Th<'r«'fore, come to thf front." 

Having thus listened attentively, our Scandinavian 
friend finally broke out in the peculiar English so 
typical of that nationality in this wise: "Val den, ef 
de Lord vas vit me all dat time, lie bane 'goin' som.' " 

Going Galore 

So it has been with the writer. For the last twenty- 
five years I have been in clase touch with the Irish, 
Irish-Americans, English, Scotch, Canadians and 
Yankees. 

5 



g THE IBISH-CANUCKYANKEE 

My travels and fields of endeavor have covered the 
British Isles, Canada east and Canada west, and the 
United States from coast to coast. 

My earliest industry abroad included labor upon 
the bush-whacked farms of Ontario, and toil on the 
wind-swept plains of Manitoba. 

During the twenty years of my business career in 
the United States, restlessness, untainted by idlonoss, 
was my record. Very few of America's great indus- 
tries have escaped a slight touch from me. 

Beginning with railroading, I restlessly and ambi- 
tiously kept on, changing from one occupation to 
another and from one proposition to something newer 
and later, always active, never idle. 

Commercial clerkships in business offices, such as 
railroads, banks, commission houses, real estate and 
other lines, occupied some of my years. Then again 
I became a stenographer and typewriter, newspaper 
correspondent, business manager of a large sanitarium, 
private secretary to captains of industry and million- 
aires, mine-manager in a western mining camp far 
beyond the Rocky Mountains, and finally a land col- 
onizer in the prairie parts of the Canadian northwi'st. 
In all of these various fields of usefulness I "made 
good." But in so doing I only did what thousands of 
others have done and are doing. 

However, every man must be made up of two parts. 
These are the business and social sides of life. There- 
fore, I always ("ffl^idered it my duty to be identified 
with other problems, too. Thus I took more or less 
interest in church work, club life, politics and poli- 
ticians, public and semi-public affairs, and to an extent 
took a personal interest in all matters of moment per- 
taining to everyday life, whether directly or indirectly 
concerned. 

With this brief summary, I will pass on. 



A TIPPERARY- 




NEIGHBOR OF THE AUTHOR'S. 



THE IRISH ASD lEISH-AMEEICANS 7 

Tipperary and Prairie 

Tipperao' (Ireland) was the scene of my earliest 
activities. Since that time I have sojourned on many 
plains and prairies. 

Semi-orphaned young, my father remarried. But 
the proud possession of a stepmother, with the later 
additions of several half brothers and one half sister, 
were not sufficient inducements to deter me from 
endeavoring to break away from home for the purpose 
of joining the British army, as this partieular outlet 
has proven the means of escape for many a young 
Irishman when tired of home ties and home sur- 
roundings. 

Although three times, within a very short time, 
I ran away from home, ere I was eighteen years of age, 
to become a military man, my mission miserably mis- 
carried each time, owing to some technicality having 
to be gone through on the part of the recruiting author- 
ities before being finally sworn in. :Mcanwhile I con- 
tracted a case of "cold feet" and returned home. 

Outside of these boyish escapades, my youthful 
career was very little different from that of all others, 
born and brought up amid the same Irish environments. 
But, of course, I was considered wayward. 

My full brother— I had but one— and myself were, 
as youngsters, always deemed of the rather wild vari- 
ety. However, we never behaved ourselves in any 
seriously improper manner, nor committed wrongful 
offenses against our neighbors, although, possibly, we 
may have annoyed some of them at times with 
playful pranks or tricks. Thus we retained the friend- 
ship and goodwill of all our old neighbors and friends, 
and kept on a friendly footing with them, which seems 
quite an unusual thing in Ireland, as many near neigh- 
bors often refuse to keep on speaking terms with one 



g TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

another. Particularly in country districts do we find 
these annoyingly unpleasant conditions existing. 

Schooled at a small crossroads Protestant parochial 
school, somewhat of a private character, we were not 
brought into very close contact with scholars of the 
national schools. But in all other respects we were 
on an equal footing, and always the best of friends, 
without the slightest show of religious differences or 
animosity whatever. 

Girls, guns, horses, dogs and donkeys furnished me 
with variety enough to get in pleasant times while yet 
in Ireland. On all of these I never lost ray grasp until 
I left the country. 

My brother was also spoiling for flight and fortune- 
hunting. So. long before he was even eighteen years 
of age, he sailed for Brisbane, Queensland, Australia. 

He was not there very long until he sent me both 
transportation and money to join him. 

Here again my self-will and contrary nature as- 
serted itself. I simply refused to go, eager though I 
was to leave home for somewhere. 

Continuing in the old place for a few years longer. 
I finally picked out America (no partieuhir point), and 
started off on Wednesday morning. Jime 17, 1885. My 
father drove me early in the morning to the Killaloe 
railway station, where I took the train for Queenstown, 
via Limerick and Cork, sailing the next morning from 
that noted southern seaport of Ireland. 

At Home Again 

About the middle of February, 1889, having been 
away from my native land something over three years 
and eight months, I again entered Ireland at London- 
derry, one of Ireland's northern ports. 

The ruralistic steamship agent on the other side, 



TEE IRISH AND lEISE-AMERICANS 9 

from whom I bought my ticket, incorrectly booked me 
Queenstown ; but I got myself clumped off at London- 
derry, as the ship headed for Liverpool, England, the 
former being a southern route, while the latter was a 
northern, so far as Ireland is concerned. However, 
through the courtesy of the Allan Steamship Com- 
pany's representative at Londonderry, this little mis- 
understanding was amicably adjusted, and I came out 
a winner, being forwarded, by rail, to Dublin, instead 
of being sent to Queenstown. 

Getting home again seemed a jubilant occasion for 
me. Few changes had taken place, and the country 
seemed about the same, as far as my immature judg- 
ment could determine. 

But I would be doing the friends of my boyhood 
days an unpardonable injustice were I to pass on 
without saying that my brief stay was made by them 
most pleasant. During the thirty days that I prolonged 
my visit I was treated and feted in true Irish fashion. 
The cork of genuine Irish hospitality was speedily 
pulled, and I was entertained and entertained. No 
matter how modest Irish fare may be, it is given with 
such a warm welcome that all else is quickly forgotten. 

Despite all the native generosity and goodness of 
my Irish entertainers, I could not stay. Accordingly, 
I cut my visit very short, and again departed for 
America, once more sailing from Queenstown, in the 
early part of March, 1889. 

For fifteen long years now I practically severed my 
connection with the homeland altogether. But I had 
not forgotten it— no, not for a minute. Returning 
again and again were uppermost thoughts in my mind. 



jQ TEE IBISH-CANUCK-¥ANKEE 

In Paddy's Land Once More 

Stepping ashore from a coastwise steamer, plying 
between Glasgow and Dublin, I again gleefully entered 
my native land, in October, 1903. 

I now came with mature judgment, and also with a 
feeling that I was abundantly qualified to size up the 
Irish people from many viewpoints. Had always kept 
more or less in touch with Irish happenings. Thus I 
came somewhat prepared to pass upon Ireland's prog- 
ress as it should show itself to me, for long since it had 
become almost of international note that this rather 
backward country had been making rapid strides 
ahead. Nor had I gone far when it began to dawn 
upon me that progressiveness was noticeable on every 

hand. 

Hardly had I touched Irish soil when I began to 
make inquiries about home rule, coupled with other 
public questions of national import. 

The Dublin jarvey driver, who drove me, rather sur- 
prised me by the apt retort he made when I interviewed 
him regarding home rule. He unhesitatingly replied to 
the effect that we want nothing of that sort in Ireland, 
for Ireland was bad enough now, but if we got home 
rule it "would go to the divil entirely." Further, he 
added that if we had an Irish parliament "every man 
that had a pound in his pocket would want to be a 
'mimber,' and then there would be the divil to pay." 

On leaving the United States it was my intention to 
spend not more than six weeks away. But on reaching 
Ireland, I became so agreeably surprised at the up-to- 
date appearance of both people and country that I 
extended my stay to fully six months. To say that 
every second of this time was not thoroughly enjoyed 
would be wrong. Day after day I walked around the 
country calling upon, and poking a harmless brand of 



THE IRISH AND IRISH- AMERICANS H 

fun at, the Irish peasantry, right at their own doors or 
at their firesides. To draw forth their ever-flowing 
fountains of good-nature and native wit was my keen- 
est delight. Perhaps my readers would like me to 
give a few original samples, or choice bits, selected at 
random. I will try and do so, but don't be too modest 
while reading them. 

Some time after I had been home a few weeks, I met 
one of my old neighbors, who promptly broke out in 
the following rather awkward manner: ''What in the 
name of goddlemighty. Master Chris., are you aiting 
and dhrinkin' since you came home from Yankeeland; 
yure gettin' so big and so fat, for when you came from 
Americky you were so thin and so impty that you could 
wipe your face with the skin av youre belly?" 

Upon another occasion I met a neighbor woman, who 
addressed me much in the same way, winding up her 
speech by saying that I had much improved since 
coming home, as "When you landed from Americky 
you was hungry enuf lookin' to ait the petty session 
coort, and make a shnap at the judge." Talking with 
a chatty old lady, living by the roadside, whom I had 
known some twenty years before, I incidentally in- 
quired as to how many in family they now had. For 
a moment she paused, apparently counting on her fin- 
gers, then replied: "Heath, we haven't so many at all, 
only tin in all, sir." "But that's quite a large family," 
I suggested. ' ' I — a, not so many at all, ' ' she exclaimed. 
"Shure, Phil. Ryan, down a bit the road there, have 
fourteen, and they're goin' to have more, but all our 
family is born now, sir." Making exactly the same 
inquiry of another mother of the same talkative class, 
she said: "Faith, we have eleven, and we called 'em 
all afther our own people, and if God sent us any 
more we'd have to christen 'em afther some of the 
neighbors." 



-^2 TEE IBISE-CANUCE-YANKEE 

But it is not along any one particular line the Irish 
people excel in wit and ready answers. Nor have the 
peasant folk any monopoly upon these well-established 
Irish traits. True, the innocent country people nat- 
urally take to a certain kind, while city folk, appar- 
ently more careful concerning anything that might 
savor of immodesty, present different types of native 
humor. But even in the veiy best Irish cities, Dublin, 
for instance, we can daily notice pleasing little inci- 
dents amongst the most ladylike and refined. Here I 
will undertake to give you a specimen of everyday 
natural occurrences in Irish metropolitan life. To the 
rest of the passengers it seemed a simple, humdrum 
happening; while to the writer it looked like a pre- 
arranged put-up job. One of Dublin's most beautiful 
young ladies boarded an uptown tramcar. Taking a 
seat, she, with a kind of vacant and thoughtless expres- 
sion in her beautiful countenance, began pushing back 
her rather unruly hair from her girlish face, simul- 
taneously remarking to herself, and totally unmindful 
that she was in a public conveyance, surrounded by 
strangers, that she washed her hair last night, and thus 
had lost all control of it. This exclamation she uttered 
several times to the amusement of many of the car 
occupants. Meanwhile one of the men passengers 
wished to alight. In doing so he tripped over the 
umbrella of the worried young lady, kicking it into 
the aisle, she carelessly having let it slip from her 
lap. Hastily turning round and facing the young lady 
in question, he profusely apologized, by intimating that 
he also seemed unfortunate, having washed his feet the 
night before had lost all control of them. Few within 
hearing even smiled, as they were far too well accus- 
tomed to such daily occurrences to even notice such a 
trifling one. 

Dividing my time evenly between city and country 



THE IRISH AND lEI SH- AMEBIC AN S 13 

folk, I was afforded every opportunity of seeing the 
Irish people and noticing their different methods of 
living from all standpoints. Moreover, I became one 
of themselves to such an extent that very little of 
their innermost daily routine was hidden from me. The 
more I saw of their sublime simplicity, the closer I 
seemed to be drawn towards them. 

As heretofore said, every moment of my time was 
utilized in making a close survey of my native land, its 
people, customs, and dail}^ life. Not for a single instant 
did my interest flag in anything pertaining to their 
well-being. No matter how grotesque some things ap- 
peared, still I could detect an innocent and laughable 
situation somewhere or somehow. 

These six months taught me many things that I 
heretofore lived in absolute ignorance of. With nearly 
twenty years' experience abroad, I came to contrast 
and criticise. That I fully performed this self-appointed 
foreign mission, with analytical eye at close range, I 
feel fully satisfied. With a trained and scrutinizing 
mind I unsparingly overlooked aught, with a view of 
giving my country and countrymen all they were en- 
titled to, whether for good or bad, and without reser- 
vation. 

That this much-talked-of land and its interesting in- 
habitants more than surpassed my most sanguine ex- 
pectations in intelligence, education, natural aptitude, 
keen wit, coupled with general cleverness, I now boldly 
maintain. Here and now I unqualifiedly made up my 
mind that henceforward I, for one, would accord the 
Irish people that pinnacle in the world 's greatness that 
rightfully and righteously was their due. 

Imbued with feelings of good will, and more than 
ever determined to stand up for the greatness of Ire- 
land, the honor of her sons, and the grace and virtue of 
her daughters, which were now but comparatively 



14 TEE IBISH-CANUCE-YANEEE 

small remnants of her past population, I again departed 
for America. Taking shipping at Glasgow, having 
arrived there from Dublin, I again went west. 

Ireland Again Invaded 

During the interval between April, 1904, and De- 
cember, 1907, Ireland and her people were free from 
my contamination. Howevei, further annoyance by me 
was brewing. Accordingly, in the month of December, 
or, to be precise, the day after Christmas (Saint 
Stephen's Day), I again swooped down upon the Em- 
erald Isle, stepping ashore at Dublin. 

Though my stay away this time was not very exten- 
sive, I enjoyed the innovation incident to returning 
home immeasurably. Once again in the house of my 
friends, I got busy. 

Nothing particularly new or startling had developed 
during my absence. Nevertheless, I never got up a 
day that something new, and frequently novel, couldn't 
be scared up. Being single, I could find both amuse- 
ment and enjoyment in chasing or courting the charm- 
ing Irish colleens. I came with "fire in my eye," inso- 
far as having an amusing time at all hazards. Still 
young, I could see no sensible reason why I should 
not have a good time, even if it became necessary to 
discommode others. Their feelings, likes or dislikes. 
I didn't feel like wasting time consulting. They knew 
me well, and not only me but my people back for 
several generations. I also knew their natural bent, 
which meant a neighborly desire to make my vacation 
a pleasant one for me. Their native modesty led them 
into the belief that they were humble, and those com- 
ing from afar humbled themselves in mixing with them. 
But none proved too humble for the writer to fail in 
proper appreciation of their warm-hearted kindness 



THE IBISH AND lEI SE- AMEBIC AN S 15 

and hospitality. I considered myself what they call in 
America a "good mixer" with my fellowman, regard- 
less of birth, wealth, or station, and so adapted myself. 
Poverty and pride were in the same boat, to my way 
of thinking. Consequently I never failed to get a full 
measure of real enjoyment from contact with poor or 
rich, when such occasions presented themselves. 

Thus starting out, I very properly secured for myself 
a most enjoyable time from start to finish, amongst the 
Irish people in general. Utterly indifferent as to their 
class or caste, I could see good in them all. Honesty 
of purpose, added to true Irish hospitality, no matter 
how coarse the fare, or how humble the home, cap- 
tured me far more than scarlet and fine linen. 

A continual round of festivities were now inaugu- 
rated for my entertainment. Barn dances, house par- 
ties, which would eventually resolve themselves into a 
dancing programme, outdoor dances whenever the 
weather permitted, were a few of the pastimes indulged 
in. Such occasions always offered a variety of fun 
and frolic. Here again the Irish youngsters — yes, and 
many oldsters — showed their hand at fun producing. 
At a regularly invited dance — barn or otherwise — no 
time would be lost, the floor being occupied as early 
as 7 o'clock in the evening, and kept so until five, six, 
or possibly seven in the morning, dancing being unoffi- 
cially recognized as a national institution in Ireland. 
But such entertainments are invariably interspersed 
with story telling and comic song singing. 

Attending a particularly jovial barn dance one night, 
in pure country fashion, I could not fail to take note 
of the many queer remarks passed from time to time 
during the progress of the dance. Here I may men- 
tion one or more. I am sure they will interest those 
who read them. 

After a long and animated floor effort, along towards 



16 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-TANEEE 

midnight, the dancers idly sat along the walls, drawing 
their breath, cooling off, and resting themselves. Just 
then the calm was broken by the following rather com- 
manding order from one of "the byes": "Get up our 

that our, Paddy and give us that song of 

yours, and be quick about it, too, for we'll have some 
good singers here bimeby and then we won't let you 
sing at all." 

At another time, when one of the best comic artists 
present, and one who had a reputation for good songs 
throughout two parishes, delivered his most fetching 
song and sat down, one of the "byes" stepped up to 
him, saying: "Glory be to God on high, if you can't 
sing any bether than that you're a very ignorant man, 
the Lord save us." 

Taking pains to invite a lady, in whom I seemed to 
take a special interest, to a bam dance one night, I 
asked one of the lads to see that the young lady in 
question got properly entertained while with us. Of 
course, proper entertainment at a dance means a 
goodly occupation of the floor, having for a dancing 
partner one of the best male dancers present. This 
lady being rather stout and heavy set, the boy I spoke 
to promptly assured me that he would see that Miss 

• got her full share of dancing if I would 

only nail a handle on her, something like a jug, as he 
was too small to swing her right. Feeling amused at 
the ready answer, I let my friend take pot luck with 
the rest, seeing that I was not a dancer myself. But 
the Irish boy, no matter how countrified he may be, is 
far too thoughtful to let any of the girls at a dance 
suffer from neglect. 

Farther advanced in years, more experienced in the 
ways of the world, its people at home and abroad, more 
conceited in myself to fairly comment upon the cus- 
toms and manner of life of the peoples I sojourned 



THE IBISH AND IBISE-AMERICANS \f 

amongst, I assumed the task of bringing to bear all 
these so-called talents upon my countrymen, in order 
that I may be fully satisfied that I would do them no 
wrong. 

New phases of noticeable betterments in every con- 
ceivable department of Irish existence were unerringly 
to be observed. I never came to the country with a 
view of looking at things through the eyes of others, 
or permitting myself to be swayed either way by preju- 
diced parties. Coolly and calmly I sought information 
along lines mapped out solely by myself. Fetching 
with me an abundance of American hard-headed sense, 
the people of Ireland did not find me inclined to palaver 
them regarding their shortcomings. It was far from 
my intention to pretend that their lot was a most 
uniquely unhappy one, when compared with other na- 
tions in the world. In this connection I may safely add 
that my course was just the opposite. That sort of sym- 
pathy had long since appeared to me as being an over- 
worked and threadbare feature of Irish history. Too 
often the people of Ireland had been led into the 
absurd belief that they were being perpetually tram- 
pled upon by their so-called oppressors. This national 
view of conditions I could never countenance. Un- 
doubtedly industry had languished, when compared 
with their sturdy commercial and manufacturing neigh- 
bors, the English and Scotch. But I quickly realized 
that my Irish countrymen were more, by nature, in- 
clined to the convivial than the commercial side of 
life, which condition unfortunately brought in its wake 
a certain amount of unavoidable misery. So deeply 
is this characteristic trait a part of the Emerald race 
that it does not seem to be able to shake itself off even 
among Irish-Americans, in America, the very core of 
modern commercialism. 

Here it is just as well to add a word to the effect that 



18 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

not even in the United States, where business influences 
are so apparent on every hand, do the brave Irishmen, 
so numerously found there, particularly distinguish 
themselves in the commercial world. Their talents 
seem to trend in other directions. 

Self-confident that I had, after concentrating my 
keenest gaze upon the people and their country those 
many years fully sized them up, I again departed from 
their midst, firmly rooted in the belief that the knowl- 
edge I had acquired of Ireland and the IrLsh would com- 
pare favorably with that of any other intermittent ob- 
server from any superficial viewpoint, including their 
industrial, social and religious life. No matter how 
Americanized I became, it was never my desire to re- 
turn to my native land with the intention of fault-find- 
ing, or to be funny at the expense of my good Irish 
friends and fellow-countrymen. They were a free and 
jovial people, always fronting the world and its pro- 
blems from the humorous side of life. Stern realities 
did not appeal to them. Nor did they seem these re- 
sponsibilities to grasp in their fullest sense. A light- 
hearted and frivolous time caught their fancy far more 
readily than the really important. 

With these impressions once more again made upon 
my mind, I left the country, via Dublin, for London, 
embarking at the latter city early in June, 1907. 

My Fourth Attack on Ireland 

Resisting all allurements of both American and Ca- 
nadian life, having now business interests in each of 
these countries, as I had grown ere this to be an inter- 
national traveler, I again approached Ireland aboard 
a Liverpool boat, disembarking at the North Wall 
docks, Dublin. This took place in December, 1909, and 
on the Saturday before Christmas. 



TEE IRISH AND IRISH- AMERICANS 19 

Though this was my shortest stay away thus far, I 
did not fail to enjoy it just the same. My many 
trips home were not even falling flat upon me, much 
less tiresome. Plenty of things pertaining to Irish 
life were, and always will be, worthy of my most care- 
ful study. 

Quickly I noticed that the country was still forging 
upgrade. Improvement and progress were still more 
prominently in evidence. Poverty and despair were 
now hard to locate. Upward and onward were the 
watchwords. On my first visit I found this progres- 
siveness barely started. Next time I came it was well 
under way, with a good head of pushing steam on. 
Later on, when I scanned the industrial horizon, I felt 
more than gratified ; but now it seemed as if we had a 
finished work, save the final finishing touches. The 
thatched hovel had practically disappeared, and in its 
place could be noticed the substantially built stone and 
slated laborers' cottages. 

Industrially the Irish are not known to the world 
as manufacturers. But in this respect Ireland differs 
little from other small countries. However, Ireland 
has at least three industries of international impor- 
tance, with which her name is inseparably linked. 
But, unlike the product of many other large factories, 
which usually have but a limited market, the output 
of Ireland's noted trinity of industries is known and 
looked for the world over. No matter how ignorant a 
person may be of distant affairs, few can be found 
who have not heard of Ireland's excellence along the 
three lines of industrial activity I am now going to 
briefly mention. 

The first in greatness and importance we might name 
the great shipbuilding yards located away in the north 
in the city of Belfast. Here the largest seagoing 
leviathans are launched from time to time. As these 



20 



TEE IBISE-CANUCETANKEE 



great vessels sail from port to port they silently bear 
testimony to the cleverness of the often wrongfully 
accused idle Irish. 

Manufacturing linen of the best known variety is 
another of Ireland's well-known enterprises. Who 
has not heard of the fine Irish linen produced and 
turned out in the north of Ireland? Indeed, I am not 
afraid of contradiction when I make the assertion 
that there is no first-class dry goods store extant that 
does not carry it in stock and for sale. If such a store 
does exist anywhere I am not aware of it. However, 
we may rely upon the fact that if the genuine Irish 
product is not on sale in any first-class drapery, carry- 
ing linens, some spurious imitation will be offered the 
unsuspecting customer. But even at that, it will be 
difficult to palm off on linen buyers an article of ques- 
tionable feel and appearance, no matter how near to 
the genuine the fictitious may seem. People through- 
out the world are far too well acquainted with the good 
qualities of Irish linen to be so easily imposed upon 
by sharks of the nature mentioned. Ireland, therefore, 
maintains an honored place at the head of all nations 
in the manufacture of one of the most absolute neces- 
sities of life, as well as the most attractive to the eye, 
which good linen always is. 

Ireland's next well-advertised industry is that of 
porter brewing. This rather ancient and colossal plant 
is found in Dublin and is known the world over as 
Guinness 's brewery. Its product has many catchy and 
euphonious names. Among these might be mentioned 
"Stout," because of its strengthening and fattening 
properties, it being not only a satisfying beverage for 
the parched and thirsty tongue, but also frequently 
administered by physicians as building-up medicine to 
the sick and invalid. ' ' Single X, Double X, and Triple 
X" are also synonymous with ''Stout" in declaring 



THE IBISH AND lEISH- AMERICANS 21 

to the world the many advantages of drinking porter. 
In all my travels, never yet have I discovered a first- 
class bar minus ** Dublin Stout." On the contrary, 
even low-down grog shops are compelled to carry it, 
for the use of the occasional passerby possessing a por- 
ter palate. Every first-class bar, whether on land or on 
sea, cannot conduct its business in a first-class manner 
unless supplied with porter, and none other is recog- 
nized outside of the Dublin product. Very true, there 
are numerous other brands and imitations, but drink- 
ing epicures quickly sidestep when confronted by them. 
The publican in the British Isles, no matter whether in 
Ireland, England, Scotland or Wales, the cafe in 
France, the beer garden in Germany, the saloon in the 
United States, or the tavern in Canada, all must be 
supplied with this palatable and health-producing na- 
tional drink of Ireland, No first-class, or even second- 
rate, barroom anywhere can be considered an elegant 
place for drink goods unless it carries, alongside all 
other choice and fancy fermented liquors, porter im- 
ported from Ireland, This standard article of meat 
and drink, for both are said to be contained in this 
world-renowned porter, is known throughout the civil- 
ized and uncivilized portions of the globe. In fact, I 
have been told that if the great brewery lost altogether 
its Irish, or home, trade, the company would never 
miss it, or even feel financially embarrassed by the loss, 
so great is their foreign demand for porter in both 
wood and bottles. I have hesitated to believe this as- 
sertion, but it might be even so. Several times I have 
been through the brewing plant and have expressed 
admiration at its thorough organization each time. 
Both at home and abroad I have partaken of the liquor, 
and I have found it both palatable and appetizing. 
In America it is considered rather heavy for a sum- 
mer beverage, and is not in very common use. But as 



32 THE IBISH-CANUCE-YANKEE 

Irish linen is found for sale on all good dry goods 
counters, so is Irish porter to be found, for the asking, 
upon all "wet goods" bars. Therefore, the Irish peo- 
ple can plume themselves in no uncertain way by the 
gratifying knowledge that their two leading industries 
are in demand at all times and in all places, the one in 
large establishments, resorted and patronized by 
women, while the other is to be had in the large 
drinking emporiums, largely catering to men. 

At a private dance upon one occasion the writer was 
asked to make a few remarks for the benefit of the 
friends present. Porter being just served at the mo- 
ment, I deemed the time opportune to dwell upon its 
use in an offhand and humorous manner. So, holding 
my filled glass aloft, I said: ''Friends and neighbors, 
since my return to your country I have been closely 
sizing up you all, and I find that there is very little I 
can tell or teach you, as you all seem to have the situa- 
tion mighty well in hand yourselves. However, I would 
intimate that there are two men in Ireland you should 
all very carefully look out for. One is Sir Arthur 
Guinness, for he is turning out this kind of black 
stuff for the men, and occasionally one gets intoxicated 
from it. The other is Sir Thomas Lipton, who is turn- 
ing out stuff equally black for the women, and they al- 
ways seem to be intoxicated from it. Now, my advice to 
the ladies is, that they boycott Sir Thomas, by drinking 
no more of his tea, until he builds a faster boat, picks 
a better crew, and runs a winning race." They all 
quickly saw the joke, hearty handclapping ensued, and 
I was complimented upon hitting it just right. Yes, 
indeed, the men of Ireland are rather sadly addicted 
to the overuse of porter and other spirited intoxi- 
cants, while the women are still more hopelessly in the 
clutches of the tea-drinking habit. Both are evils of 
serious importance, and quite often of grave conse- 



THE IRISH AND IBISH-AMEBICANS 23 

quenees. Men foolishly expend, in rather reckless 
fashion, their earnings upon too much drink, while 
the women frequently consume bigger quantities of the 
tea-sugar-cream beverage than would appear to be 
good for their general healthfulness. Indeed, I have 
been told by a semi-scientist that a good deal of the 
teeth-decaying tendencies nowadays so prevalent among- 
the fair sex in the Green Isle are attributed to the 
excessive indulgence in tea amongst the daughters of 
Erin, A good deal of truth must attach itself to this 
assertion, as Irish femininity are everywhere recog- 
nized as of the sound, healthy, rugged type. But the 
tea-drinking habit seems to have grown quite beyond 
the bounds of good sense in recent years. Where it 
will now end is exceedingly conjectural. Men have 
taken to the flowing bowl of foaming liquor not one 
whit more than the women have taken to the boiling 
pot of luscious tea. In an Irish home, no matter what 
gets mislaid, the teapot is always at hand. 

A tea party in Ireland, or I might justly include 
the British Isles, means tea for all present. The most 
humble in Great Britain thoroughly understand the 
making and serving of a real savory cup of tea, which, 
unfortunately, cannot be said of people generally 
throughout the United States or Canada. Both of 
these countries cannot boast of trained tea makers, 
coffee being the popular drink at mealtime in them. 
As old country folk do not pretend to be coffee con- 
noisseurs, neither do the Americans claim to be judges 
of good tea. Afternoon tea, which proves to be such 
a sociable event amongst the British people, is prac- 
tically unknown amongst the common run of people 
abroad. Of course, the higher up and more fashionable 
element on the American side of the Atlantic, who 
have traveled on this side from time to time, thereby 
becoming schooled and educated to an extent in foreign 



24 ISE IBISH-CANUCK-TANKEE 

social customs, very readily copy the examples set toy 
good society, eventually adopting them at home, in 
which list afternoon tea is not overlooked, for, really, 
it is a simple custom, and one which reflects pleasure 
far beyond its inconvenience insofar as the serving is 
concerned. 

As I have hinted, a British tea party means tea for 
all hands. Not so on the other side of the Atlantic. 
A tea party means a whole ^ot more. The American 
hostess, wishing to do the neat thing by all her invited 
guests, seeks to ascertain each one's likes and dislikes. 
So, when she heads the table preparatory to pouring 
tea, she soon discovers that only a small percentage of 
her visitors use tea. One will want black tea, another 
green tea ; others, again, will call for varieties such as 
Japan, English Breakfast tea, Lipton's tea, etc. But 
that is not all. Many will not touch tea of any kind. 
They take such things as hot water, milk, cocoa, choco- 
late, coffee, and thus the so-called tea party terminates 
in confusien. Why all this variety in tastes amongst 
our American friends, we ask? It is a question easily 
answered. Their medical advisers, or one young lady 
has whisperingly advised another, that certain things 
are bad for her fast vanishing complexion, and in order 
to retain the little left, or further beautify her already 
well-preserved color, she unhesitatingly denies herself 
any and all noxious eatables and drinkables to that 
end, as such sacrifices, for such purposes, sit lightly 
upon the average American young lady. All girls, but 
particularly our American cousins, are forever bur- 
dened with anxiety about the retention of their good 
complexions to the last day of their existence, whether 
leading lives of single blissfulness or double blessed- 
ness. Nor do we men object. 

As without a dissenting voice all ladies at an old 
country tea partj' partake of tea, men, with one accord, 



TEE IRISH AND IHISH- AMERICANS 25 

at a drinking party, will partake of porter. Thus en- 
tertainments become simplified, for myriads of different 
tastes bring in their trail numerous annoyances, 
coupled with necessary preparation. Moreover, visitors 
will not enjoy functions if it should appear to them that 
they have caused their entertainers undue trouble. 

But while here discoursing upon the drink habits 
of men and women, before passing on I may be par- 
doned for making a few further remarks regarding the 
drink traffic, particularly along intoxicating lines, 
where men are solely responsible, in my native country. 

One of the most lamentable features pertaining to 
this business, which to some one-idead people appears 
a nefarious one, is, to me, the discovery that a great 
many women are engaged in it. Widows who had pub- 
lic houses passed down to them by departing husbands 
of necessity have to carry on the trade for the sup- 
port of themselves and fatherless children. So, in our 
travels around the country we find many proprietresses 
of crossroad refreshment places ; also in the small vil- 
lage or town. Quite frequently we notice the most 
estimable women operating rather uninviting grog 
shops. Upon them I have reflected nothing worse than 
the most considerate compassion. Keepers of "Pubs." 
cannot be considered their natural bent, desire or in- 
clination, for, above all womanhood, the Irish are not 
given to the use of strong drink. Happily, however, of 
late years women ownership and feminine barkeepers 
are fast disappearing in the larger cities. This pleasing 
state of affairs is not being brought about by any 
drastic governmental action, but by a natural drift to 
better things in Ireland. So much so has this very 
desirable feature of the trade changed within a com- 
paratively short time that it is even now quite difficult 
to find girls in public drinking places at all. But at 
stations along the right of way of railroad lines, where 



26 



TEE IBISH-CANUCK-TANKEE 



invariably refreshments of all kinds are served to all 
classes of the traveling public, we find the railway- 
companies still adhering to the old habit of employing 
practically nothing but girls ; also hotel bars. 

The Irish barmaid is in a class all by herself. She is 
modest, comely and goodlooking. She is also a paragon 
of virtue and morality, despite her hard surroundings. 
That such environments have not succeeded in unsex- 
ing the Irish girl, all through those years, bespeaks 
much for the good girls thus employed. This is not an 
unraveled mystery to me, but quite the opposite, for 
the girls of Erin, her sex and femininity are far too 
firmly established to be so easily dethroned. Thus my 
admiration for the lassies of Ireland, be they barmaid 
or otherwise, becomes fourfold enhanced by their un- 
tarnished character, regardless of their rather forbid- 
ding trade or profession. I say this more particularly 
for the benefit of travelers and tourists from abroad, 
who cannot understand the Irish girl, judging from 
many of their experiences at home. This will suffice. 

Speaking with many of these girls, I very soon found 
out from them that from a business standpoint they 
would like to see all men able to drink ; but from a per- 
sonal or matrimonial viewpoint they would much pre- 
fer their husbands to be total abstainers. 

But there is another side to the employment of nice 
girls as barmaids. The beautiful young lady behind 
the counter exercises a great deal of peaceful and quiet- 
ing influence over the noisy tipplers; for is it not an 
acknowledged fact that the Irish character represents 
a certain amount of disturbance when keyed up by the 
use of fermented liquors? Decidedly, this influence for 
good brought on by the presence of a nice young lady 
is not to be despised. Above all nationalities, whether 
in Ireland or elsewhere throughout the world, the Irish- 



THE IBISH AND IBISR- AMERICANS 2? 

man is chivalrous to the fair sex, and will not wantonly 
insult them or hurt their feelings. 

However, constant attendance on drinking men, in 
an atmosphere thickly remindful of strong liquor, must 
have a hardening effect upon those amiable girls, espe- 
cially when they never touch intoxicants in any form 
themselves, further than dole them out to the men. 
Frequently have I asked them if they ever indulged 
themselves, only to be promptly told they never did, 
and I have never yet run across one who even meddled 
with the mildest of wine connected with the traffic. 

Licensed premises throughout the British Isles could, 
at the very least, be reduced two-thirds, and even at 
that none would be obliged to go thirsty. In fact, no 
one would suffer save the licensees. But as the British 
are a sensible, self-governing nation, fully competent 
to look out for their ovm. welfare, far be it from me to 
harbor a desire to dictate to them. So far, I am not 
sufficiently Americanized for that; neither have I the 
wish to become such a busybody. Britishers are abun- 
dantly able to work out their own salvation, without 
any outside aid or assistance, now, just as they have 
done in the dim past. There is no deterioration there. 

Irish Wit 

Scarcely is there to be found a nook or corner in 
the inhabited world where Irish wit and Irish ready 
answers have not penetrated. On their native soil, to 
the observant, this proneness is ever noticeable. Even 
abroad, the preacher in the pulpit, the politician on 
the platform, the lecturer, the orator, never interest 
their audiences more enthusiastically than when re- 
galing them with Irish yarns. They are keen witted, 
original and pointed. On such occasions American 
alertness quickly prompts those listening to a full 



28 THE IRISE-CANUCK-YANEEE 

measure of appreciation at the cleverness of Pat. You 
need not be an expert judge of such things to swiftly 
notice the promptness with which a whimper of amuse- 
ment will wavelike pass over the most staid and fash- 
ionable congregation, or audience, as one of Pat's 
choicest stories are told by the speaker. Often, in 
different parts of the United States and Dominion of 
Canada, have I taken careful pains to notice the readi- 
ness with which foreign auditors realized that any 
story emanating from a witty Irishman was well worth 
listening to. Nor is this ardent eagerness to be enter- 
tained from the rostrum by samples of wit attributed 
to the fun-loving Irishman, whether justly or unjustly, 
confined to the wideawake Yankee. Not so; even the 
hearers, embraced by nearly all other nationalities, in- 
cluding non-English speaking people, who translate 
some of Pat's fun for reprint in their own books, papers 
and magazines, are also responsive to mirth and good 
humor. Thus it may be safely said that Irish jokes are 
reaching the uttermost parts of the earth by retelling 
and reproduction in various ways. 

At home Paddy's keen wit is not as thoroughly ap- 
preciated as elsewhere. Nothing overabundant is fully 
appreciated anywhere. That is the sole explanation 
in his own land. Audiences cannot be so easily moved 
by witty anecdotes there. Many a time have I noticed 
the most mirthful sayings, from both pulpit and pew in 
Ireland, which would convulse with laughter American 
congregations, but which passed unnoticed there. 

Perhaps a few selections of my own gathering might 
be acceptable to my readers here. Attending a relig- 
ious meeting in Dublin, conducted by two Chicago 
evangelists, who were then holding a mission in that 
city, known as the Torrey- Alexander, the hymn, "I 
Surrender All," was sung by the large concourse of 
Dublinites present. The leader, having called upon 



TBE IRISH AND lEISH- AMERICANS £9 

those sitting in the auditorium to sing the chorus 
again and again, finally reached the soldiers, who were 
occupying a central portion of the hall, part of it being 
roped off for their special accommodation, as the evan- 
gelist apparently made them a special target for relig- 
ious work. "You soldiers down there know what it is 
to surrender; I want you to sing that chorus, 'I Surren- 
der All,* and also to surrender unconditionally to the 
Lord tonight." Did they all jump to their feet and 
sing? No; instead a cry reached the evangelist which 
undoubtedly amused him. It was, "No, sir, we don't 
know what it is to surrender." Further argument 
along that line was useless, and the evangelist had to 
change his tactics. I might here add, and in this con- 
nection, that the average Irishman is not as impres- 
sionable or as easily beguiled by new theological theo- 
ries put forward by traveling preachers as our friends 
on the American side. In that country the home bred 
are far more susceptible to the art of quietly following, 
while we born on the British side like to take the lead- 
ership. For this selfsame reason. Irishmen are found 
officering almost everything beyond the water, from 
the United States army to the little union of laborers 
holding their weekly meetings in the back room of some 
downtown saloon. 

Providence apparently designed the Irish and Irish- 
American citizen to be a leader of men, so when he is 
expected to be a lowly follower he is out of his ele- 
ment, and trouble follows. 

Politically, Pat is a howling success, both at home 
and foreign. In this field of usefulness he is a shining 
mark. He seeks home rule for his own country, but, 
as some American statesman has once said, denies the 
American citizen the right to rule America. The hold- 
ing of public office is no stranger to the average Irish- 
American, so the great joy of capturing the same privi- 



30 TEE IBISE-CANVCK-YANEEE 

leges at home must be attained, through the medium 
of home government. Irish- Americans meet with very 
poor success in getting themselves elected to public 
ofBce in America, where they are obliged to seek such 
preferment at the hands of the ordinary electorate. 
But with little effort or influence properly brought to 
bear on the duly elected government officials, a large 
proportion of the appointive offices fall to the lot of 
the political Irishman. This rather strange political 
phenomenon is accounted for by the fact that the 
average voter is not gifted with the discernment or 
sound wisdom of his leader, and therefore fails in elect- 
ing the best available man in the majority of cases. So, 
at the earliest opportunity, the properly constituted 
appointive power heads his important departments 
with stanch men, which are usually of the Irish type. 
With wonderment I have often taken an analytical 
glance at the large numbers of my countrymen thus 
thrust into much-sought-after public offices, where can- 
didates representing many other worthy nationalities 
eagerly sought the honors in question. But tlie or- 
ganizing ability of the Irish politician and his capabili- 
ties as a leader are readily acknowledged, and re- 
warded acordingly. 

Irishmen as Policemen 

No department of human necessity is more important 
to any country than the protection of life and property 
by the efficient policing of large cities. Here, again, 
the fine physique of the home-bred Irishman, and his 
foreign brother, are quickly made use of by the powers 
that be. Their athletic build, military bearing, bravery, 
courage, freedom from cowardice, peculiarly qualify 
these well-chosen men for this important service. Few 
cities of any size or worldly wickedness in English 



A LIMERICK MAN. 




AN IRISH UPHOLDER AND ENFORCER OF AMERICAN 
LAW AND ORDER. 



THE IRISH AND ITJSH- AMERICANS 31 

speaking countries are without their full quota of Irish 
police ofiScers. From the superintendent at the head 
of the entire force, the chief of city detectives or plain- 
clothes men, right down to the dogeatcher, the Irish- 
man is to be found. Scandinavian saloonkeepers doing 
business on the fringe of the dangerous slum districts 
in large American cities have told me that they have 
often been obliged to petition the mayors of their 
respective cities to have the patrolmen on their beats 
Irishmen, as they were more of a terror to evildoers 
and disturbers than officers recruited from other na- 
tionalities. "With dignity and dispatch these natural- 
born upholders of law and order, peace and quietness 
maintain and enforce good behavior. Of their detect- 
ing perception and bloodhound alertness, for the track- 
ing and taking of wrongdoers, thugs, confidence men, 
burglars and blackguards, all are fully aware. Thus 
they keep out of sight, avoiding crime as honestly as 
their evil natures will permit. Of this fact the highest 
government officials also seem alive to ; hence the large 
preponderance of our race thus starred with authority 
and equipped with death-dealing weapons to properly 
execute it. Our big American cities would be rather 
unhealthy places of abode, indeed, were their policing 
attempted without Irishmen. Cosmopolitan, as they 
are, the best available are needful to enforce even a 
semblance of good order in riotous times. 

Chicago, America's greatest inland metropolis, might 
well be considered an Irish settlement from nearly all 
viewpoints. Here in particular will be seen, in the 
busiest and most congested parts and street crossings 
of the city, the typical Irish and Irish-American police 
officer, with his whistle and upheld hand, vigorously 
aiding street traffic. To some it would seem that no- 
where are these ablebodied men more needed. Out of 
the 4,500 protectors of the people in this wonderful 



32 



THE lEISH-CANUCE-YANEEE 



city, nearly all tlie commanding officers and kalf of 
the patrolmen might be classed as Irish, Irish- Ameri- 
can, or of Irish extraction. Business firms also like 
to employ Irishmen as their private sleuths or 
watchmen. 

At home, in Dublin, the most magnificent body of 
picked men comprise the police force of that city. It 
is known the world over as the Metropolitan. Men 
taken on must be from ^iix feet upwards in height. 
Lately this standard has been somewhat lowered. In- 
quisitively I approached one of these noble creations, 
while performing his duty on the streets of the city, 
and offhand he told me that at the present time the 
height of the men ranged from six feet two inches to 
six feet eight inches. These figures convinced me that 
Dublin had a prize-winning police force, and it looked 
the part in every particular. 

London, England, is also well protected by the Irish 
stalwart. There you will find a great many of them. 
To my surprise, when addressing an attractive and 
dignified looking officer one night, quite close to the 
parliament buildings, with the query as to whether 
Irishmen were on the London force or not, I was 
promptly enlightened by the quickly given answer 
that there were lots of them, the speaker being one. 
Quite gratified I was, indeed, to hear this rather 
unlocked for news. 

But the cities where English is the official language 
are not the only ones where Irish policemen abound. 
For instance, Montreal, the most important city in 
Canada, they are numerously noticed. In that big town 
we find a divided people, or two separate races, and a 
dual language. In it, in spite of the confliction of 
tongues, races and religion, the Irishman adapts him- 
self. He does not permit his ambition to become a 
valiant Canadian-Irish police officer to be thwarted by 



TEE IBISH AND IBISH-AMEEICANS 33 

a lack of languages. So he sets himself to work in 
acquiring this workable equipment. French-Canadian 
is soon mastered, and our worthy countryman makes 
his bow in a new role. Thus, when the requirements 
of the time demand it, the average Irishman will not 
be found wanting in being able to fluently use his 
native tongue, be it Celtic or Gaelic. For my part, I 
hope the time will never come again when it will be 
necessary for the Irish people in Ireland to use any 
other but the English language, a tongue known 
throughout the world, and recognized as representing 
the major portion of the world's commercial enter- 
prise, whether reached by land or water. If the Irish 
people, far and near, can train their tongues to use 
this international form of human speech, minus brogue 
or accent, enough will be accomplished to satisfy all, 
no matter how much they may now be hankering for 
the resurrection of the defunct Irish dialect, I say 
this with all due respect to the worthy educators and 
scholars now busying themselves endeavoring to teach 
Irish youth the supposed tongue of their forefathers. 
From a sentimental point of view the cause is a laud- 
able one, but this is an age of cold-blooded commer- 
cialism, with no place for sentimentality. The thing 
of practical value, which will enable youth to success- 
fully cope with world problems, is the thing most 
wanted in this workaday age. 

But I have unwittingly digressed. The twin brother 
of a good policeman might be found in that of ward 
alderman. If the Irishman does seem somewhat of a 
failure in national politics, he more than retrieves 
himself in local politics. Assemblymen and such other 
representatives of a neighboring kind provide offices 
of a public nature always within the grasp of the Irish 
officeseeker. In this narrowed-down sphere the trust 
and confidence of his friends, who know him inti- 



34 TEE lEISE-CANUCE-YANEEE 

mately by reason of their neighborship, are reposed in 
him. Lapse of time does not dislodge him, for by his 
straightforward and honest dealings he becomes more 
solidly entrenched in their political affections. 

But I will refrain from dwelling too much upon the 
\artue of Irish politicians, lest my readers laugh at my 
apparent innocence, for is it not public knowledge that 
Irishmen have developed into political scalawags and 
low-down tricksters in many instances ? As the native 
of Ireland has furnished great political leaders, states- 
men of no mean renown, and diplomatists, so have the 
Irish given to the world not a few of the baser sort of 
shyster, ward heeler and paid political worker, 

"Home Rule" 

Often, both at home and in foreign lands, have I 
been interrogated, with a view of ascertaining my indi- 
vidual views upon the burning question of home rule 
for Ireland. Emphatically, upon all such occasions, 
have I replied in the negative. Unqualifiedly, I will say 
now that I am not a "home ruler." My many years of 
experience in the United States and Dominion of 
Canada have taught me better. In the United States 
we have fifty-one duly organized lawmaking bodies, 
one legislature for each of the fifty states of the 
Union, with a federal congress and senate in Washing- 
ton, the seat of the national government. 

In Canada there are ten parliaments, a provincial 
parliament for each one of the nine provinces, with a 
Dominion parliament located at Ottawa, which is head- 
quarters for the central government. Under such con- 
ditions, is it any wonder or amazement why there are 
laws and laws, freakish, wise and otherwise? Well, in 
these so-called lands of liberty there is none. It has 
been legislated and lawed out of existence by these 



THE IRISH AND IRISH- AMERICANS 35 

hordes of lawmakers. The people have deprived them- 
selves of liberty, through an excess of zeal for more 
and more laws. 

Irish parliamentarians and political agitators have 
quite frequently held up Canada as a sample of self- 
governing countries in their arguments for home rule 
for Ireland. From my point of view, I hold the colony 
up as a very valid reason why Ireland should not have 
the same form of self-government. I was never yet 
much of an admirer of "hayseed" statesmanship, and 
this is precisely what the (50) states of the American 
Union have today, while the Dominion of Canada 
is exactly in the throes of the same evil. "Hayseed" 
is a comprehensive word, which signifies statesmen hail- 
ing from the hayfield, or hay yard, with straws clinging 
to their clothes and seeds in their hair and whiskers. 
Such men are useful to mankind while following their 
agricultural pursuits ; but ridiculous in legislative halls. 
They have neither the training nor farsightedness 
necessary for such important national responsibilities. 

Now, if these howling home rulers in Ireland, their 
sympathizers, aiders and abettors abroad, wish Ireland 
to have the same measure of self-government as Can- 
ada, it will be well for them to organize five parlia- 
ments, one for Ulster, one for Munster, one for Leinster, 
one for Connaught, and one over all in Dublin. All this 
may sound ridiculous, and the writer may appear 
funny, but quite the reverse should obtain, for has not 
Ireland, even now, nearly as large a population as the 
colony under discussion ? 

I have been in many of these legislative buildings 
when in session, and ofttimes failed to notice any par- 
ticular cleverness demonstrated by the speechmaking 
and debating heard on their floors. However, for the 
two great English-speaking lawmaking divisions of the 
Anglo-Saxon race, one located on the bank of the 



36 TEE lEISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

Thames, London, the other in Washington, District of 
Columbia, United States, I have the utmost respect. 
The Imperial Parliament, with its worldwide ramifi- 
cations shoulders a tremendous burden of responsi- 
bility, while the American congress and senate also 
grapple with a growing interest in the world's affairs. 

The Bank of Ireland now occupies the old parliament 
bulding in College Green, Dublin, and its old house of 
lords makes a very convenient and comfortable meeting 
place for the officers and trustees of this national fidu- 
ciary institution. May it so continue in its present 
serviceable use. I want never to be an eye witness to 
parliamentary performances within its walls, except in 
a very modified sense. However, should home rule 
ever come to Ireland, the Irish people might just as 
well understand that the eyes of the entire world 
will be focused upon them, and no matter whether their 
acts shall prove meritorious or otherwise, criticism will 
be dealt out from all corners of the earth's surface. 

Why Irish-Americans imagine themselves self-ap- 
pointed guardians of the home Irish is one of the most 
mystifying mysteries, to me, of the twentieth century. 
If my good friends abroad were in as close touch with 
the home Irish as the writer they would very soon per- 
ceive that their brotherly proteges were abundantly 
able to look out for their owti welfare in everything 
pertaining to themselves. It would be far better for 
the Irish- American home ruler to concentrate his en- 
ergy upon the barefaced abuses of his homeland, legally 
terrifying the law-defying trust magnate, squelching 
the monopolist and curbing the capitalist. When they 
have this finally accomplished they will, and not until 
then, stand on a level with their home brother, who 
has practically driven the landlord-capitalist from his 
home and country. But in tackling these men abroad 
my good Irish- American friends fully realize that they 



TBE IBISH AND lEISH- AMERICANS 37 

are making war upon the brainiest and cleverest busi- 
ness men knowTi to the world in past or present years. 
Not so with the harmless Irish gentlemen, whose train- 
ing along commercial lines has been very meagre. 
Hard competition has steeled and hardened the Ameri- 
can self-made man. 

Not so with the poor Irish landowner. Petted and 
assisted by a paternal government, he was but poorly 
prepared for successful resistance when war was vig- 
orously made upon him. So he had to go. But will 
his departure prove an unmixed blessing to the country 
and people he has left behind? I have my doubts. 
The lands which once gave employment to farm hands 
and workingmen are being divided up into small lots 
and parceled out to farmers in wee holdings. "Will 
this form of peasant proprietorship prove a boon to 
all? It is doubtful. Men who were obliged to labor 
day after day for a worthy paymaster will now strut 
around idly, wrapped in the robe of proprietary in- 
terest in land which will not yield enough produce to 
back up such airs. 

But there is a sadder side to all this. The beauty 
spots of the Emerald Isle are fast disappearing. Beau- 
tiful demesnes are being turned into grazing common- 
ages. Magnificent trees, which once embellished and 
adorned these ancient homesteads, are now making fire- 
wood. Historic old mansions are unoccupied, not even 
a caretaker tenanting them. People are incessantly emi- 
grating, Englishmen and Americans are taking their 
places, so Ireland is rapidly losing its old-time identity 
in every possible way that can be thought of. 

Despite all these unfortunate circumstances, nothing 
can ever be conjured up to take the place of Ireland 
and Irishmen. They, jointly, have filled a niche in 
world history that none can even approach. 

The depopulation of Ireland is sad, the turning out 



38 



TEE IBISH-CANUCE-TANEEE 



of its larger employers of labor is bad, the disappear- 
ance of the places of interest to all tourists, regardless 
of where from, may be annoying, but there is yet one 
thing more unfortunate than all else combined, and 
briefly will I refer to it here. 

Ireland and her people have not occupied the high 
pinnacle of dignity and worldly respect that is their 
due by reason of the fact that their poverty and woes 
were advertised throughout the world by themselves, 
and outside aid sought far too often, and upon occa- 
sions when the same could be well avoided by a small 
measure of generosity on the part of the comfortably 
situated at home. Renowned for education, intelli- 
gence, wit, manhood, bravery and ability almost in 
every field of endeavor, the Irish people deserve a far 
more dignified place in the family of nations than they 
have heretofore held. Even though governmental 
wrongs did exist, such did not supply a sufficient excuse 
for the place filled by the Irish people, w^hen compared 
with their just dues. 

Some think Ireland has lost her proper place and 
population through misrule, lack of self-government, 
coupled with other causes too numerous to mention. 
Possibly she has. Canada has had all of these things. 
But the Dominion of Canada has also lost her place and 
population. Why? They have gone to the great com- 
monwealth south of her empire-like country. The Irish 
have also sought refuge in the western republic. A 
strange situation here presents itself. The Canadians 
ran away from too much freedom and self-government. 
The Irish skipped out because they hadn't either. 
British statesmen have done big things to plead with 
the Irishman to stay at home. It is now up to the 
English diplomat to do something to cause the fleeing 
Canadian to remain north of the international boun- 
dary line. In this effort the rulers of Canada should 



TEE IBISH AND ISISH-AMEBICANS 39 

have an easy task. They have a large, new and unde- 
veloped country. On the other hand, Ireland is old 
and long settled. 

Sporty Ireland 

This is another phase of Irish life that is worthy of 
mention. Who has not heard of our Marathon run- 
ners, hammer throwers, prize fighters, horse racing and 
yachtsmen? Has any country produced more prize- 
winning champions in every known department of 
sportsmanlike life? I question it, although I am not 
much of a hand to carefullj'^ follow national or inter- 
national doings of this variety. However, I did bet 
on a horse race once. It was at the Curragh of Kil- 
dare. Attending a "meet" there, I noticed on my 
race card that a horse named American Boy and owned 
by Richard Croker, formerly of New York city, but lat- 
terly a repatriated Irishman, and a thorough sports- 
man, was in the running. I accordingly wagered at 
odds, getting six to one. I won. Mr. Croker came to 
Ireland in order to uphold a high standard of horse 
racing to the extent of even winning the English derby, 
a feat that even British royalty covets. Thus we have 
horse racing events on Irish turf of international im- 
portance ; also yachting contests of similar consequence. 
Lord Dunraven's Valkyries and Sir Thomas Lipton's 
Shamrocks have again and again interested the entire 
yachting world; yes, and many landlubbers. Both of 
these plucky aquatic sportsmen have endeavored to win 
back the America's cup in American waters, but thus 
far to no avail. Yankee deftness and swiftness cannot 
be so easily overcome. However, if this noted cup 
ever does come to the European side of the Atlantic, 
it is a foregone conclusion that some Irish sportsman 
will have to fetch it. Without prejudice, I will give 
both sides of the ocean their just desserts. For a 



40 



TEE lEISE-CANUCK-YANKEE 



speedy shuttlecock boat the Yankees excel in building 
and manning. But for a substantial ocean liner, Ire- 
land enjoys a worldwide reputation. 

Football and very many other popular outdoor sports 
are also much encouraged by the Irish people. Further, 
Irishmen make good referees of money-making events, 
and they are always identified with them. For fairness 
and high standard they stand unequaled. 

Religious Ireland 

This one question has presented a bone of conten- 
tion abroad to the casual students of Irish affairs far 
more than at home. Orangemen and others there fancy 
that Roman Catholics and Protestants here are literally 
reveling in one another's blood, not only on St. Pat- 
rick's day, March 17, and Orangeman's day, July 12, 
but on all public and semi-public occasions throughout 
the year. In fact, ignorant foreigners of the bigoted 
type picture gory clashes taking place every time 
one of either persuasion happens to encounter his neigh- 
bor. This is altogether an erroneous impression. It is 
quite the contrary. Never yet have I heard, other than 
in joke, a loud word or angry expression from one or 
the other holding opposite faiths. All are most friendly, 
and religious rioting is something unknown to modern 
times. True, many decent people, through ignorance 
of the Irish people, imagine the ''fighting Irish" deal- 
ing each other deadly blows at all times and for no 
particular cause. But here, agami, I will say, and again 
repeat, that I have never yet witnessed one man struck 
by another. They may talk loudly and threaten much, 
but fistic collision hardly ever. But readers must not 
get the foolhardly impression from this that the aver- 
age Irishman is afraid to defend himself ; instead he is 
ever ready to do so with his fists if need be. 



TRE IBISH AND IBISR- AMERICANS 41 

Eeligiously, both sides have pronounced convictions. 
Rarely, indeed, can you change a Catholic from his or 
her way of thinking, and vice versa, in the case of 
Protestants; so they both agree to hang onto their own 
beliefs unmolested. All imagine they have the best 
end of the deal and so all are suited. 

The Irish priesthood are a very estimable lot of well- 
educated men, and their people place profound con- 
fidence in them. This insures harmony and smoothness 
on the part of both priest and people. Likewise in 
the case of Protestant ministers, their adherents are 
satisfied. Even though Irish-Americans break away 
from the ancient church when abroad, it is a foolish 
supposition to surmise that the Irish people at home 
are less enthusiastic than formerly. The teachings of 
their church have been too deeply instilled into them to 
be cast off so lightly. Occasionally, however, you will 
meet with an individual more daring than the rest, 
who may venture a mild criticism. For instance, I 
happened to inquire of an old lady one holiday as to 
whether she went to mass that day or not? Her reply 
was: ''Faith, we went to the chapel today, sir, but 
we had a young priest there, but he couldn't praich." 
I have also heard women call the parish priest and his 
curate such things as "terrifying characters, entirely." 
Of course, such epithets are applied only when rev- 
erend gentlemen fail to please everybody. 

Much that is good can be said for Irish Catholic 
clergymen, and is it not also something of a parody 
on Americans to be reminded of the fact that vast 
numbers of their Irish brethren are continually leaving 
their own shores, ordained and unordained, to serve as 
pastors amongst them? Yes, the Catholic youth of 
America does not seem to take very kindly to the 
honored calling of the priesthood, Ireland being called 
upon to make up the deficiency. But these are not the 



,^2 THE lEISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

only times that Ireland has felt the need of sending her 
sons abroad for missionary purposes. Its earliest his- 
tory acquaints us with this pleasing Christian 
knowledge. 

For the benefit of my Canadian friends, let me here 
draw a comparison between the two countries, Ireland 
and Canada. 

Take two towns of equal size and population, and 
what do we find? The Irish town would have but two 
churches and four ordained clergymen. One of these 
edifices would be a Roman Catholic, in charge of a 
parish priest and his coadjutor. The other would 
belong to the Church of Ireland (known as the Church 
of England in Canada, and Protestant Episcopal in 
America), and its religious requirements taken care of 
by the rector and his curate. These four officiating 
clergymen amply furnish every spiritual consolation 
needed by their respective religionists in their concur- 
rent pastorates or parishes. Here we have a goodly 
measure of sound sense displayed in even churchly 
matters. 

In the Canadian town not less than eight sects, each 
vying with its opponent regarding the size and gran- 
deur of their churches and the wealth of their congre- 
gations. Even with this unwieldy force of half-paid 
pastors, more unchristian crimes are committed in so- 
called moral Canada, with its very few licensed drink- 
ing dens, than in Christian Ireland, with its vast num- 
ber of liquor-selling public houses. 

With these undisputed facts plainly before me, and 
which cannot be denied or gainsaid, I boldly claim that 
Canada is far more preacher-ridden in the twentieth 
century than Canadian Orangemen ever claimed Ire- 
land to be priest-ridden in the nineteenth century. 
Therefore, this unfortunate preacher-ridden colony 
could get along very nicely with a smaller variety of 



TEE IRISH AND IRISE- AMERICANS 43 

church activity, as well as less politics and self- 
government. 

Ecclesiastically also has Ireland given to the Chris- 
tian world men of name and fame. From the days 
of the apostolic Saint Patrick this little country has 
been in the forefront van of true Christianity. Who 
has not heard of the Rev. Father Mathew, the noted 
temperance advocate, whose good work extended just 
as far throughout the world as spirituous liquor ever 
reached? Today, everywhere, there are thousands of 
abstaining societies bearing his honored name. 

Again, who has not heard of the immortalized Dr. 
Jonathan Swift, commonly known as Dean Swift, because 
he was dean of St. Patrick's Cathedral, Dublin, Ireland's 
national Protestant church? The memory of this emi- 
nent divine is revered by all, regardless of race or 
religion. Upon the walls of the stately church he min- 
istered in is a marble tablet commemorating his loving 
life ; also nearby is seen a diamond-shaped brass plate, 
firmly imbedded in the tiled floor, bearing silent testi- 
mony to the long lifework of this worthy doctor of 
divinity. He passed away at the age of 78 years in 
1745. Dean Swift shed luster, as a preacher and 
author, not only upon his native land, but also the 
British empire. A neat little anecdote is told of him, 
and I do not doubt its veracity. "When walking in the 
Phoenix Park one day a shower came on and he took 
shelter under a shrub. Hearing loud sobs from the 
other side of the same tree, he sought the trouble. 
There he found a bridal couple. They were on their 
way to some Gretna Green to be married, but the rain 
having spoiled the bride's trousseau, she could do 
nothing but cry. The good dean came to the rescue. 
Producing his prayerbook, he quickly made the dis- 
tressed couple man and wife, writing out and giving 
them the following marriage certificate: 



44 TRE irdSH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

"Here in rain and stormy -weather, 
I married this man and woman together, 
And let none but Him who rules the thunder 
Put this man and woman asunder." 

Military Ireland 

Irishmen make good soldiers, valiant commanding 
officers and victorious generals. Whether in the army 
or navy, they distinguish themselves. Have not some 
of England's greatest military men, admirals and em- 
pire extensionists come of Irish origin? Let me name 
just a very few of them. The Duke of Wellington, 
who gave the all-conquering Napoleon Bonaparte his 
"Waterloo." Napoleon was not only defeated by this 
great fighter, but outwitted by a plain private Pat, 
serving in his own army. A story runs that this 
humble Irishman was standing in the ranks one day, 
awaiting the battlecry, when the emperor rode by, 
dropping his handkerchief. Soldier Pat, flash-like, 
picked it up and handed it to the renowned French- 
man. "Thank you, captain," said Napoleon. "Of 
which regiment, sir!" said Pat. The great commander 
was not slow in recognizing the Irishman 's readiness to 
answer, and ordered him so promoted. 

Among the best known of our modern heroes claim- 
ing Ireland as their native land we might mention Lord 
Roberts, Lord Kitchener, of the British army, and Sir 
Charles Beresford, of the na\'y. 

But the little fighting country of Ireland has not 
been selfish in the distribution of its military inclined. 
Great Britain alone has not reaped all the benefits 
accruing from Irish prowess on the battlefield. Irish- 
Americans have been found ever willing to do their 
share in the armies and navies of their adopted country. 
Thus, from the earliest inception of the American re- 
public. Irishmen have never failed in their warlike 
duty, whether their services were required on land or 



THE lEISH AND IRISH -AMERICANS 45 

sea. Lacking in knowledge of American history to a 
criminal extent, indeed, would any student be who 
did not hear of the Sheridans and Shermans of the 
American armies; also the famous ''Irish Brigade." 
Presidents of the United States have frequently given 
evidence of their appreciation of the valor of their 
Irish-American fellow citizens by appointing them to 
posts of honor and responsibility whenever and wher- 
ever such appointments harmonized with all other 
things that have to be taken into consideration by gov- 
ernmental officials of dignity and international impor- 
tance. Quite often have home-born Irishmen, as well 
as the Irish-American, after they became American 
citizens, been sent on foreign missions, such as ambas- 
sadors and plenipotentiaries, by the different presidents 
of the United States, and rarely ever has the Washing- 
ton government found cause to regret such choice, 
through undiplomatic negotiations carried on by these 
carefully chosen representatives. Not so in the case 
of others. Why, I can even now recall an instance 
where a most carefully chosen foreign ambassador by 
President Taft got no farther on his way to the country 
he was going to than San Francisco, when he was re- 
called to Washington by the secretary of state and 
there dismissed. He was not an Irish-American, else 
he would be more of a natural diplomat. 

The Master's Masterpiece 

I have now come to my most pleasant subject, and 
I approach it with grave fears lest I should not be 
able to do it justice. 

It is Irish wopaanhood, the world's highest type of 
femininity and virginity. This tribute has be^n 
acknowledged almost everywhere. 

Bountiful nature has been lavish in its besto wings 



4g TEE IBISHCANUCK-YANEEE 

upon the beautiful girls of the Emerald Isle. Nothing 
seems to have been withheld. 

In face and feature and form and figure, also size, 
the Irish girl stands conspicuously alone. Very true, 
charming ladies are to be found in all countries, and 
among all nations, but Ireland comes second to none. 
However, the climate of Erin's Isle aids in the fasci- 
nating complexions of Erin's daughters. But Provi- 
dence has provided the climate, too. God never sent 
a thing of delicacy and beauty into the world without 
first having made provision for its proper preserva- 
tion and upkeep. 

The Irish girl is gifted with grace in carriage and 
graciousness in manner and disposition. No matter 
whether in childhood, girlhood, young womanhood, 
matronly or elderly, she is always handsome and 
comely. She is strictly feminine from start to finish. 
She looks well in the morning, at midday, and 
at midnight. Ireland does not furnish feminine 
material out of which can be made English suffragettes 
or American Carrie Nations. They have no masculine 
hobbies, so thoroughly are their entire natures femi- 
nine. Domestic life is their only desire. They are 
satisfied to seek men in whom they can place supreme 
confidence. Doubly fascinating do they seem on ac- 
count of their habits in dress. Everything studied and 
worn proves that there is a keen wish on the part of 
the wearers to bring out more plainly their eagerness 
to be feminine. Mannish inclinations are abhorred 
and scorned. Grown-up girls, with their flown hair 
and unstayed forms, are the delight of every individual 
possessing the most ordinary taste. No matter how 
unobserving a stranger may happen to be, it is utterly 
impossible for him, or her, to pass unnoticed such 
girlish attractiveness. 

Notwithstanding the undisputed fact that the Irish 




IRISH GIRLS. 

(Friends of the Author.) 



THE IRISH AND IBISHAMEEICANS 47 

girl is the most fascinating of all womankind, some 
strange inconsistencies are noticed in the homeland. 
Very seldom do we see one of these fair ones taken in 
marriage without some kind of a fortune in addition. 
No matter how beautiful or accomplished a girl seek- 
ing marriage may be, her matrimonial chances are 
very slim unless some dowry is forthcoming. Nor are 
such endowments confined to any particular class. 
From the high up to the moderate, in the social scale 
or in worldly possessions, this rather forbidding prac- 
tice seems the inexorable rule. But there is yet an- 
other serious obstruction to the entrance of Irish 
young couples into the holy bond of matrimony. It is 
the exorbitant marriage fee charged by officiating 
clergymen. This particular remark might be solely 
applied to the clergymen of the Roman Catholic per- 
suasion. I have actually known young couples who 
were candidates for matrimonial honors and possessing 
but a very few hundred pounds obliged to pay a fee to 
the parish priest for tying the marriage knot that 
would make an American millionaire balk ; yes, and 
sulk. Unlike America, no wedding ceremony is deemed 
properly performed unless done according to the rites 
and rules of the Holy Church, accompanied with a 
blessing promptly pronounced by the priest or priests 
present. For all of this, the innocent, but religious, 
Irish are literally compelled to pay handsomely. How- 
ever, it must be borne in mind that our good Irish 
friends, when once married, remain married for life, or 
until death does them part. Not so in America. 
Through divorces, the ceremony is frequently gone 
through by the same couples, but with different part- 
ners. Nor is this idle talk, for I have had some per- 
sonal friends in America who were married from one 
to three times, being divorced, or otherwise separated, 
each time. Moreover, there is a stipulated legal fee 



4g TEE IBISH-CANVCK-YANKEE 

for the performance of marriage ceremonies in Amer- 
ica, something unknown, or unrecognized, at home. 
Here, again, it might be added that other methods 
save the ecclesiastical are not sought in Ireland. 
Whether such exist or not is of mighty little impor- 
tance to the Irish people, as they would only fall into 
disuse anyway. 

Again, it might be in the interest of fairness to say 
that parties contemplaiing matrimony are almost 
obliged to be generous with the clergy. In fact, they 
find little sympathy from onlookers to be otherwise. 
Their fellow parishioners know that a certain amount 
has to be annually raised for the support of the clergy 
and maintenance of the church. Thus the more wrested 
from newly-married couples, the less will be neces- 
sary to be raised by ordinary subscription. So cleverly 
does each contributor keep track of the amounts re- 
ceived by the priest for marrying young couples within 
the parish limits that he is, therefore, afforded a basis 
upon which to estimate his own giving, in order to 
reach the amount necessary to keep the clergy up to 
a respectable living sum. It is not their purpose to 
give very far beyond that. 

Irish girls like dancing. It is one of their most pas- 
sionate pastimes and recreations. "Wherever two or 
more girls reside there are to be found two or more 
boys night after night, indulging in a little swing all 
by themselves. Invariably someone can play an instru- 
ment, such as a concertina, melodeon and accordion, 
all of which are deftly and musically manipulated by 
the girls, the fiddle and flute being more adapted to 
the use of the boys. Even when none of these instru- 
ments are available the dance is not hindered, for our 
resourceful Irish merrymakers arise to the occasion, 
and with a tin whistle, or old woman jigging, the 
needed music is supplied. Often, indeed, have I en- 



A VARIETY OF- 




IRISH YOUTH AND BEAUTY. 



TEE lEISR AND IRISH-AMERICANS 49 

joyed these little swinging bouts, but only as a won- 
dering spectator; yes, even an admiring one. 

Calling upon some friendly acquaintances up in the 
mountain fastnesses of County Tipperary upon one 
occasion, I was very agreeably surprised to notice the 
size and beauty of the girls I met. But when told that 
the eldest girl — there were four in the family — was 
the best of all, I became very much interested, indeed. 
So intense did my curiosity become that I determined 
to call upon her on reaching New York returning to 
America, as she now lived in that city. I reasoned 
within myself regarding the possibility of these charm- 
ing Irish girls looking mediocre enough when lined up 
with and compared to other dashing young ladies, pos- 
sibly in Grafton street, Dublin; the Strand, London; 
Broadway, New York; State street, Chicago; Nicollet 
avenue, Minneapolis; Market street, San Francisco. 
Of their beautiful appearance at home amid the pre- 
vailing modest surroundings there I was assured be- 
yond doubt, but under the circumstances just named, 
what? Carrying out my plans to the letter, I called 
upon the young lady in New York city. What next? 
I took her for an after-dinner walk up Broadway and 
down Fifth avenue one springlike Sunday afternoon 
the latter part of April, 1904. Suffice to say that at 
no time since has there been the veriest iota of doubt 
in my mind as to whether or not the Irish girl can look 
as charming abroad as at home. 

The popularity of the Irish girl is far too well estab- 
lished in America for me to dwell upon it here. 

But how is she appreciated in other countries? Let 
us take what is popularly known by the unsophisticated 
as anti-Irish England. Many, very many, Irish girls 
find good situations there and are thoroughly appre- 
ciated. 

Just a case in point : When in a large London res- 



50 



TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANEEE 



taurant one day I noticed quite a number of very 
good-looking waitresses. Asking the young lady wait- 
ing upon me if there were any Irish girls in the estab- 
lishment, she promptly said: "Not now, but we did 
have a girl here by the name of Kate Kelly, from Cork, 
and she was so well liked by everyone that came in 
that they all wanted to sit at her tables, so the manager 
had to let her go. He couldn't help it, for they were 
all calling for 'Kate Kelly.' " 

So you will here notice that being too popular cre- 
ates a dilemma just as troublesome as the opposite. 

Irishmen are also popular in England. John Bull is 
only too glad to see them coming. He knows they 
make good soldiers, and he also knows they make good 
men in other walks. Accordingly, we find Irish set- 
tlements in England made up of purely Irish people. 
It is said that Mr. T. P. O'Connor goes to the Imperial 
Parliament representing an all-Irish constituency in 
Liverpool, the second largest city in England. 

County Tipperary and its neighbor across the River 
Shannon, County Clare, are two of the most typical 
counties in Ireland. "Within their borders we find Irish 
people of the unadulterated type. "We also get pure 
Irish wit. A country girl of adult age told me that 
she had to be home every evening at nightfall. 
**"Why?" I asked. "Heath, them are the rules of our 
house." ""Who made those foolish rules?" I queried. 
"Faith, me father and mother made 'em." "But," 
said I, "as you didn't sign them, you don't have to 
live up to them, and you needn't care." Then she ex- 
claimed: "God help your foolish head! It don't 
make any matter whether I signed 'em or not, I have 
to live up to 'em just the same, shure." That was 
enough. She went. 

At another time I was poking fun at a Nenagh 
young girl, when she erupted as folloAvs: "Gwan, 




NORTH OF IRELAND GIRLS. 




SOUTH OF IRELAND GIRLS. 

(All Irish.) 



THE IBISH AND IM SB -AMERICAN 8 51 

now and go back to 'I guess' land, divils and all you 
care about the Irish. You only come over here to 
*cod' the poor unfortinit crathers." An observant 
person can be regaled with Irishisms at every click 
of the clock. You will hear such as **He is a pure 
solid divil," '*He sweated for shame," "That fellow 
don't know one individual haperth,'* "Shure, I used 
to ait stirabout at your house," "He just came from 
Ameriky, and shure he must have a weight of mooney." 
But one of the most common expressions now noticed 
amongst the Irish people is : "Wet a sup of tay." 

My experiences in Ireland have also taught me that 
Englishmen, when first coming to the Green Isle, for 
the purpose of occupying some of the untenanted coun- 
try mansions, bring with them a staff of both male and 
female help. But after they get thoroughly acquainted 
with the Irish people they quickly send their imported 
servants back from whence they came, putting in their 
places the nice and obligmg Irish girl and the willing 
and witty Irishman. 

In one respect the girls of today in Ireland differ 
a good deal from those of days gone by. They seem 
much quieter and far more timid. This can be ac- 
counted for by reason of the depopulation of the 
country, and the consequent fewness of their sex. 
Nowadays it is no unusual thing to travel miles of a 
country road without seeing or meeting a living soul. 

Emigration has played havoc with the people. But 
the stream has practically ceased to flow, and it is 
both hoped and anticipated that henceforward few of 
either sex will care to leave the homeland, for the 
uncertainties accompanying fortune seeking in foreign 
lands. Ere this Ireland has contributed its full share 
towards the development of other great countries, and 
the time has now arrived when it will be possible for 
her sons and daughters to stay at home, working for 



52 



TEE IBISE-CANUCETANKEE 



themselves upon lands owned by themselves, altogether 
free from the blighting influences of absentee land- 
lordism, which in the past proved a bone of no small 
contention. That Erin's population, under present cir- 
cumstances, will grow and increase is problematical. 
Speaking for myself, I am afraid not. However, should 
it not, it is pleasant to know that li\'ing conditions pre- 
vailing there have become wonderfully ameliorated. 

A Final Sum-Up 

Finally summing up the Irish people, I will readily 
shoulder the responsibility incident to making the 
following comment : 

First, the average Irish boy, whether a product of 
city or country life, will compare very favorably with 
any boy in the same sphere born on American soil. I 
will unhesitatingly go a bit further, and say that the 
homespun home boy has nothing whatever to fear 
from competition with the American boy, after the 
former has been somewhat Americanized, but on the 
contrary, can outstrip him in many ways. Even this is 
not unnatural, for the home boy has been handed down 
a better constitution and healthier habits, generally 
speaking. 

The Irish-American who considers himself superior 
to the Irishman at home is in very grave error. The 
Irishman at home has just the opposite feeling. He 
feels as if he were abundantly able to look out for his 
own interests, and often regards the foreign well- 
wisher as an intermeddler. Very true, the sympa- 
thizer from abroad came to the aid, in famine times 
and financial distress, of the Irish folk, all of which 
has not been ungratefully received. 

The Irish people are not criminally, but rather relig- 
iously inclined. However, we must all admit that 



TBE IRISH AND lEISH-AMEBICANS 53 

many atrocious crimes have in the past been committed 
by Irishmen in Ireland. But these were brought about 
by intolerable conditions, which have at last disap- 
peared. Moreover, the Irish were a powerful race, 
and playfully did acts that resulted in serious conse- 
quences, unintentionally. For instance, not far from 
Brian Boru's fort, near Bally Valley, Killaloe, a large 
mountain rises heavenward in Clare county. Across 
the Shannon, in Tipperary, is another high hill. The 
distance between these two summits would be, I 
reckon, about three miles. Seeing a large stone, weigh- 
ing possibly upwards of six tons, standing upright in 
the Shannon about forty yards from the Tipperary 
shore, I asked a passing Paddy how that stone hap- 
pened to lodge there. Quick as a flash the reply came 
that: ''In ould times there was nothin' in Ireland but 
giants, and one of 'em stood on that hill, and the 
other stood on the hill bey ant, and the giant in Clare 
picked up that big rock and threw it at the Tipperary 
giant, and the stone slipped out of his hand and fell 
there, the Lord save us." Had the monster missile 
reached its destination, another foul crime would have 
been perpetrated, for surely the man struck could not 
have withstood the shock incident to having been hit 
by such a Clare stone thrower. Such is the romantic 
conception of many of the present day innocent Irish 
folk of the great strength and power possessed by the 
hurlers and football kickers of "ould times," in Ireland. 

The English. 

I am proud of the fact that I was born an Irishman. 
I am also proud of the fact that Ireland forms a part 
of the British Empire, which has its headquarters in 
London, England. 

Those uninitiated in the art of travel have little 



54 THE lEISH-CANUCE-YANKEE 

conception of the greatness and magnitude of this 
wonderful little country. Its civilizing influences are 
felt everywhere a human being happens to be found. 
Its commercial enterprise enters all ports throughout 
Christendom, flying the British flag, which carries sig- 
nificance and respect with it wherever it floats. 

Hazy indeed can a proper comprehension of this 
world-civilizer be unless one is first conversant with 
bible teaching from the beginning of the world's his- 
tory. So closely co-related to Old Testament and New 
Testament teaching does English history seem that one 
is incomplete without the others. To me it appears 
hard to understand where the one leaves off and the 
other begins; and to fully appreciate biblical study, 
English history should be followed up in connection. 

In my youthful days I delighted to study the "Eng- 
lish" version of Holy Writ. j\Iy spare moments w^ere 
thus used. Many a premium I procured at catechetical 
examinations for my scriptural knowledge. But I had 
good instructors, both on weekdays and Sundays. 

From the Garden of Eden family ; the time of Noah 's 
ark and flood ; Abraham ; Isaac ; Esau, the hairiest man 
that ever lived, and Jacob his brother; Joseph, and his 
brethren; Moses, Pharaoh, the Israelites and their 
brick-making taskmasters ; the ten plagues and march 
through the wilderness ; Samson ; the Judges ; Samuel ; 
Saul, the first king of Israel; David; Solomon, the 
wisest man that ever lived ; the Prophets ; the Saviour 
of Mankind, and His twelve apostles, including St. 
Paul, all were of profound interest to me all through 
my childhood days. 

Passing on then to English history, its heroes and 
warlike characters, I found ample scope for study and 
food for thought. I read of their battles, their bloody 
beheadings, their victories and conquests, their hard- 
ships, and their chivalry. 



TEE ENGLISH AND SCOTCH 55 

Beginning with the ancient Druids, and on through 
the Roman conquest period, the Danish conquest ; the 
Norman conquest by William the Conqueror; Henry 
the Eighth, with his six wives ; Bloody Queen Mary ; 
the ''Good Queen Bess" (Elizabeth); James the First 
of England, who was also James the Sixth of Scotland, 
and coming from that country to sit on the throne of 
England. This monarch's name is closely associated 
with the Protestant version of the bible. Charles the 
First, who lost his crown and also his head ; Oliver 
Cromwell, the lord protector of the commonwealth of 
England, who invaded and devastated Ireland; James 
the Second, who fled from England, and also brought 
grief to Ireland; William, Prince of Orange, another of 
Ireland's invaders. Then on down through the Georges 
until we finally arrive at the reign of Queen Victoria, 
during whose occupancy of the throne the British na- 
tion waxed greater and more powerful than during 
any like period in the history of her predecessors. 
Along towards the end of Her Majesty's long reign, 
Providence had decreed that another great republic 
should be added to the family of commonwealths, so 
a war was unavoidably begun in South Africa, which 
finally terminated victoriously for the all-conquering 
Briton, and today the British empire is extended over 
a larger area than ever before. 

In my boyhood days, when attending school, and my 
class would make a semicircle around the map-of-the- 
world, hanging on the wall, our teacher would call upon 
me to take the pointer and point out for the benefit of 
my fellow-scholars the British Isles, and the British 
dominions throughout the world. Of course, I took 
great interest in doing so. First marking off the little 
spot first mentioned, and following it up by squaring 
off whole continents and half-continents, how the en- 
tire class, even the girls, would swell out with import- 



56 



TRE IBISH-CANUCK-YANEEE 



ance at the vastness of the possessions we held. How 
keenly I read about such triumphant seadogs as Lord 
Nelson of Trafalgar, when he fell mortally wounded, 
and gave orders to the last moment of his fleeting exist- 
ence! 

What a lesson Sir Philip Sidney taught coming gen- 
erations, when suffering by the pain of a mortal wound, 
and thirsty into the bargain, a little drinking water 
was procured on the battlefield for him ; but seeing a 
poor wounded private soldier longingly looking at the 
cup, refused to drink himself, ordering the water to be 
given to the poor dying soldier instead, thus passing it 
from his very lips. Such thoughtful consideration on 
the part of a commander for the needs of his men 
could not fail to convey an everlasting lesson to all. 

Who has not heard of Lord Robert Clive, the distin- 
guished avenger of the Calcutta Black Hole massacre, 
and who practically added India to the British empire ? 
Who has not heard of the well-known navigators and 
explorers Captains Cook and Drake? These men did 
valiant things in foreign waters for the safety and 
betterment of navigation, as well as defeating naval 
enemies. In their medieval and crude sailing ships 
they encircled the globe, with marine prowess of the 
most marvelous kind. 

It would be utterly impossible to find any person in 
the twentieth century, in either America or the British 
Isles, who has not heard of the famous General James 
Wolfe, who died on the Plains of Abraham, Quebec, 
while gloriously adding that portion of North America 
known as Canada to the British dominions. This brave 
general's military tactics were particularly worthy of 
note owing to the hazardous warlike operations he 
undertook. Climbing the precipitous cliff-like moun- 
tain, for the purpose of surprising the enemy, was a 
feat of no small magnitude even under ordinary con- 



THE ENGLISH AND SCOTCH 57 

ditions. But when the same had to be done in the 
rigorous winter climate prevailing in Canada, and in 
the face of such a valiant enemy as Marquis de Mont- 
calm, the French commander, the victory won was still 
more glorious. Both of the brave fighters succumbed 
to the fatal wounds received on that memorable battle- 
field. In fact they died on the Plains, while actively 
commanding their respective forces. The lustre shed 
upon British arms by this illustrious warrior is far 
too well known on both continents to need extended 
comment here. Quebec city and Quebec province hav- 
ing a mixed population of Canadian-English and Can- 
adian-French, both heroes of the Plains of Abraham 
are honored alike by public monuments and otherwise. 

England always had an able lot of men to do her 
fighting, no matter whether required for land or water 
service. Clever statesmanship at home speedily fol- 
lowed up all advantages gained by victories either at 
home or abroad. Nor has England ever failed to prop- 
erly honor her heroes whether in life or in death when 
they deserved it. If alive, titles from their sovereign, 
and parliamentary appropriations from the people, are 
showered upon them. As an illustration of these mod- 
ern usages, I might mention the case of Earl Roberts. 
On returning home, after subduing the Boers and an- 
nexing their country to the crown lands of the king, he 
was honoured by the nation, ''lorded" by the king, 
and given 100,000 pounds sterling by a grateful parlia- 
ment for the proper maintenance of his newly acquired 
titles and honors. 

In a similar way was Lord Kitchener rewarded for 
his military efforts, while engaged in the South African 
campaign; but his financial emoluments were only 
50,000 pounds. Both of these mighty men of war have 
richly earned their country's gratitude, as well as all 
other honours and gratuities bestowed upon them, and 



58 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANEEE 

may England ever have such men to carry on her 
civilizing warfare. 

In the case of her illustrious dead England also car- 
ries out to the letter her full duty. Cathedral mauso- 
leums, magnificent stained windows, wall tablets, and 
commemorative epitaphs, bear silent testimony to this. 
Imposing monuments in the public squares, streets and 
thoroughfares, of her home cities, and quite frequently 
in colonial towns and parks, are seen towering sky- 
ward, mutely reminding present and coming genera- 
tions of the once great. As the English people build 
and erect substantially, the lives and deeds of their 
honoured dead will be perpetually commemorated. 
Half-heartedness has no part in these national tributes. 

Whether new possessions are conquered by her 
soldiers and marines; or peacefully become a part of 
the empire through diplomatic negotiations and treaty- 
making by her statesmen, alike are they benefited and 
helped. Law and order are soon established, and prog- 
ress begins. By no unprejudiced historian is this 
denied. Often have I heard her colonizing and govern- 
ing capabilities extolled by observant travellers. Once 
I heard a very eminent preacher, who had just returned 
from a vacation trip to Egypt, tell his large congre- 
gation that not since Pharaoh was king and Joseph 
was prime minister was the country so well governed 
as at present by the few Englishmen there represent- 
ing the British government. When President Grover 
Cleveland, some years since, sent his fiery Venezuela 
message to Congress, calling the attention of that body 
to the so-called aggrandizement of the English in that 
South American republic, many jingoes and trouble- 
makers sought war between the United States and the 
British for violation of the Monroe Doctrine. One very 
enthusiastic supporter of the president wanted war 
declared at once. But this same gentleman, who after- 



THE ENGLISH AND SCOTCH 59 

wards became a United States senator, travelled in 
South America, visiting the English portion of Vene- 
zuela, the disputed territory, and the republic. Strange 
to say that on his return home to the United States, 
he was inclined to talk but very little about his trip 
south. But it leaked out afterwards that while travel- 
ling in the southern republic he passed himself as an 
Englishman, Over this he felt so humiliated that he 
deemed silence more befitting. It further became 
known that this warlike Cleveland enthusiast acknowl- 
edged that where English rule was supreme life and 
property were safe ; while quite the contrary condition 
of things existed in the disputed territory and also in 
the republic itself. 

Many parallel cases could be cited, but it is needless 
to continue them here, England's supremacy in the 
field of good government is thoroughly understood, as 
well as emphasized when necessary, by the great 
powers of the world. This being the case, her dignity 
and worldwide responsibility are much more easily 
upheld than a milk-and-water course of action, that 
unruly republics and contrary commonwealths would 
set at naught whenever it so suited their slow and 
backward policies. 

Justice, equality, and a fair interpretation of all 
her laws are other desirable attributes of England's 
governmental qualities. Her laws are framed for rich 
and poor alike, and are invariably dispensed that way. 
When otherwise adjudicated, the bulk of Britishers are 
not to be blamed, as such reprehensible conduct would 
be the Individual failing of some unjust judge. In 
England a judge's tenure in office depends upon him- 
self. His judicial position is for life, or until in- 
capacitated by old age, or other infirmity. He is, 
therefore, given a free hand to deal out justice and 
equity to all alike. If an unjust judge should happen 



60 



TEE IBISE-CANUCR-YANKEE 



to disgrace his honoured profession, his bench useful- 
ness will be shortlived. 

Once an old patriarchal Canadian, at his own fireside, 
told me that he had studied it all out, and was now 
convinced that British law was based upon the bible. 
This gentleman was a great scriptural student, and 
was liberally supplied with texts and passages to back 
up his assertion. 

Quite a number of years ajro a distressing crime of 
almost international importance was committed in 
England. It was the murder of one Maybrick, his wife, 
an American woman, being the murderess. She was 
promptly brought to trial, found guilty by a jury, and 
sentenced to death by an English judge. But this 
sentence was afterwards commuted to life imprison- 
ment. American busybodies at once got active. Up- 
roarious noise was made upon the streets of American 
cities. The international intermeddlers claimed that 
Mrs. Florence Maybrick did not get a fair trial, and 
was the victim of English injustice. Petitions were put 
in circulation by various female organizations, demand- 
ing her prompt release. If I remember aright, even 
three presidents of the United States were asked at 
different times to use their influence with the British 
authorities to unlock the jail doors and turn the woman 
loose. Queen Victoria was also prayed to mercifully 
release the prisoner, on the ground of womanhood. 
But all to no avail. Mrs. Maybrick served fifteen years, 
at the end of which time she was quietly released, 
with the understanding that she betake herself out of 
the country and make no museum spectacle of herself 
upon British soil. She fulfilled her obligation, and 
silently departed for America, where she became a 
magazine writer. 

In this connection it may be pert to say, how nau- 
seating it should seem to the average Britisher to hear 



TEE ENGLISH AND SCOTCH 61 

irresponsible Americans loudly protesting that Mrs. 
Maybrick did not have a fair trial, and if she had would 
have been proved innocent. What a parody upon the 
"twelve good men and true" composing the jury ren- 
dering the verdict ! It even bordered upon an inter- 
national insult. Personally, while living all through the 
ordeal in the United States, I was more than disgusted 
at the ignorance displayed by nice and well-meaning 
people over this unfortunate affair. But the bent of 
Americans desire for uncalled-for meddling in the af- 
fairs of foreign nations has of late years become so pro- 
verbial that it has now dropped to the level of con- 
tempt, and henceforward, even in meritorious and de- 
serving cases, it is safe to say, will be ignored, unless 
coming from official sources. From my viewpoint, this 
is a good thing, and will save many an ignorant busy- 
body unneeded anxiety over the world's wrongs. 

Upon one occasion I attended an indignation mass 
meeting in the city of Minneapolis, Minnesota, which 
was addressed by a United States Senator. The pur- 
pose of the meeting was to vehemently denounce and 
roundly score the British government for what seemed 
to the people present an act of highway robbery. This 
was about the time that a British warship was sent to 
Nicaragua to collect an indemnity of some £15,000, for 
some treaty violation, or other wrong doing on the 
part of the recalcitrant Central American repub- 
lic. I followed the senator closely in his rather abusive 
speech, and was agreeably surprised at the "frost" 
he received. It was quite apparent to me that he had 
misjudged the feeling of his audience, for it was not 
unanimously sympathetic with him on any of the points 
he thought he was making. 

My first visit was made to England in the early 
spring of 1904. Running across from Dublin, I landed 
in Liverpool. Spending a few days in this the largest 



62 



THE IBISH-CANUCK-TANKEE 



seaport in the world, I began to carefully size-up the 
country. Liverpool very quickly impresses upon all 
comers the importance of itself, and the greatness of the 
country it is the gateway of. Even if untravelled 
foreign travellers, Americans included, cannot spare 
the time to make a more extended visitation of the hub 
of the universe (England), it would be quite an educa- 
tional advantage to step off for an hour or two at 
Liverpool. A great deal cculd be seen and learned 
regarding the kingdom even in that brief space of time. 
The city has eight miles of wharfage, and ships of the 
largest water-carrying tonnage can sail up to the very 
dock and discharge their cargoes. Here we find ship- 
ping from all quarters of the earth, and representing 
all nations. 

Proceeding down the country, I stayed a few days 
in Preston, Wigan, Manchester, and many other im- 
portant towns. In doing so I was being more and 
more convinced that England could substantiate all 
that had been said and written about it. 

My next call through England was from Holyhead 
(Wales), having crossed from Kingstown (Ireland). 
I was on my way to London. Travelling thereto, I 
enjoyed just as good a train, including diningcar ser- 
vice, as ever I had experienced in America. For six- 
pence a very sociable afternoon tea was served, and 
quite refreshing it seemed to the dust-throated pas- 
sengers. This trip through England was made in the 
early part of June, 1907. 

In December, 1909, I again approached England, 
reaching London by ship from abroad. Upon this 
occasion I decided to make a prolonged stay, with a 
view of seeing and visiting many of the historical and 
interesting places with which that city abounds. Par- 
liament had been prorogued a few days previously, and 
a political campaign was on. Accordingly I attended a 



THE ENGLISH AND SCOTCH 53 

big political mass meeting at the Royal Albert Hall, 
where the prime minister (Mr. Asquith) opened the 
campaign. While reeonnoitering outside the large cir- 
cular building, I was afforded ample opportunity to 
size-up and scrutinize a marching throng of howling 
suffragettes. These feminine agitators made a very 
unfavorable impression upon me, and instead of enlist- 
ing sympathy in their foolish vagaries, they became the 
butt for laugh and ridicule of the male mob without, 
who were unable to gain admission into the auditorium. 
They were knocked-about and sneered at in quite an 
offensive manner, and in addition thereto the police, 
of which there seemed to be a squad of thousands 
present, kept them incessantly on the move. A police 
official afterwards told me that the suffragettes present 
were of the paid variety, they having a large fund 
to pay for such loud-mouthed and disturbing per- 
formances. However that may be it makes little dif- 
ference, as there seems to be but mighty little decency 
in the best of them, judging from their street antics, 
of which I was an eye-witness, and their published per- 
formances, which I have often read. Their ''Votes For 
Women" sashes, and such other regalias as they may 
elect to wear in order to make themselves ludicrous, 
might just as well be cast aside, insofar as influencing 
statesmen should be concerned, for if women are to 
have the ballot such awe-inspiring and spectacular dee- 
orations should not be necessary, to bring it about. 

But from my personal experiences with the fair sex, 
I doubt very much if they really want the franchise. 
Even in this connection I have not been a total stran- 
ger. In America I have acted as judge of election on 
many polling occasions. While serving the state in 
that capacity, I have been brought into contact with 
would-be female voters. Bringing to mind one aggra- 
vated case in the past, I might as well set it down here. 



64 THE IBISE-CANUCEYANKEE 

Two giggling women, of uncertain age, came into the 
polling place one voting day to do their duty as far as 
it went in their behalf as American citizens. 

Women in that city were given the privilege of vot- 
ing for members of the school board, and many other 
boards, whose members were only honorary and un- 
salaried. Being ballot Judge, I handed them tickets, 
asking them the usual questions, as required by law, 
including their ages. Disdainfully tossing her head in 
the air, one refused the proffered ticket, scornfully say- 
ing she'd rather not vote than tell her age. "All right, 
madam," I said, "step aside out of the way." Turning 
around for a few moments ' parley between themselves, 
they both returned, and decided to conform to the 
requirements of the law by stating their ages, which 
they admitted were more than twenty-one each. Hand- 
ing them their ballots a second time, they both crowded 
into the same booth. Recognizing my sworn duty, I 
promptly grabbed one by the arm, at the same time ex- 
plaining to her that the law required all voting to be 
done in secret. At this supposedly rude treatment 
she seemed somewhat annoyed; but it mattered little, 
as I quickly ejected her, and pushed her into a booth 
for herself. They seemed to attach no serious import- 
ance to the duty they were performing, and could be 
classed as curiosity-mongers. Of course, they claimed 
that as they were not given the full franchise, the same 
as the men, and allowed to vote for all candidates, they 
held the privilege tendered in contempt. 

But even this has been tried. Several small and un- 
important states have put them upon a voting equality 
with male voters, and statistics show that they never 
took full advantage of their balloting opportunities. 

So the present suffrage movement, carried on by mas- 
culine women and effeminate men, in behalf of women 



TEE ENGLISH AND SCOTCH 65 

is only a passing fad that will very shortly spend itself, 
and be heard of no more. 

I may also here state that where women have in- 
fluenced a sufficient number of simple-minded men to 
carry elections, for the purpose of putting drastic re- 
forms into effect, chaos followed, and the reformation 
apparently attained lacked permanency. Almost to 
a unit, these ill-advised actions are invariably re- 
versed at the first chance. But short-sighted people 
must be hit before they take warning. 

However, it would be a very grave oversight to pass 
on without pointing out a couple of good things arising 
from the suffragette movement. Has it not strength- 
ened the entente cordiale now so happily existing be- 
tween the United States and the United Kingdom? 
Has not the great republic loaned its hatchet-hitting 
Carrie Nation to the kingdom to show them how to do 
things there, and to work some stunts amongst them? 
In return have not the people of Great Britain sent 
over to the people of the United States some of their 
choicest wild-eyed suffragettes to teach and enlighten 
on that side of the Atlantic? Is not this chummy on 
the part of the two great English-speaking nations? 

(For the benefit of future generations, I may here state that 
Carrie Nation was a product of the state of Kansas, and while 
labouring under the halhicination that she was called to perform 
a certain mission, armed with a small hatchet she sallied forth on 
her self-appointed crusade to destroy all liquor dealers and cigar- 
ette smokers. In her mad career of destruction she was arrested 
and re-arrested, fined and confined, several times in her own 
country. Later she visited the British Isles, where she was 
obliged to conduct herself more orderly. Finally she returned to 
her own country, dropping out of sight and sinking into innocuous 
desuetude. For the information of coming posterity, I might 
also say that the cigarette evil Carrie wished to put down, sufi'er- 
ing many martyrdoms in the attempt, was the seemingly little 
diversion of rolling a small quantity of ravelled-up smoking 
tobacco with a piece of tissue paper, all forming a smoking 
preparation something like a coffin nail, and frequently dubbed 
such. This habit was first started by brainless boys, and, being 
contagious, as all bad practices usually are, was soon learnt by 
men, and indulged in to such a harmful extent that Mrs. Nation 



66 



THE IBISH-CANUCK-YANEEE 



felt called upon to place it in the same category as the use of 
intoxicating liquor, and carried on her campaign accordingly 
against the twin-evil. However, through the gullibility of an 
easily led public, Mrs. Nation enriched herself, and that was the 
main point. As coming generations will also know little concern- 
ing twentieth century suffragettes, I might here further say that 
they were an aggregation of feminine disturbers, always looking 
for something or another they cared not what, wholly undomesti- 
cated and unsexed.) 

Continuing my sight-seeing observations in London, 
I went to the Tower of London. Very interesting in- 
deed is this ancient old pile of masonry. Freely pass- 
ing through it, I saw the Crown Jewels, ancient ar- 
mour, relics of various ages of a warlike and torturing 
nature, such as thumbscrews, blocks used by the ex- 
ecutioner, headsman's axes, and many other such 
things, which readers of history can well understand. 
In the yard I saw a marked place where many notables 
were beheaded on scaffolds temporarily erected for the 
bloody purpose. The Tower of London was founded in 
the year 1078 by William the Conqueror, and has been 
successively used since as a fortress, a palace and a 
prison. It is one of the leading objects of interest in 
the world's metropolis, and should be seen by all pos- 
sessing a taste for grewsome landmarks. 

St. Paul's cathedral is not only a most wonderful 
structure, but is the second largest religious institution 
in the world, St. Peter's, at Rome, being the biggest. 
Its crypt, its nave, aisles, numerous small chapels, 
wonderful whispering gallery, located in the great 
dome far aloft, are all apt to inspire the most super- 
ficial observer with the feeling that England does 
nothing by halves. Here many of the Nation's mighty 
dead find resting place. Interred therein are such men 
as the Duke of "Wellington. Inspired indeed must any 
one feel who is fortunate enough to pass within its 
walls. No better monument could be left by any great 
man than Sir Christopher Wren left when his genius 



TE.E ENGLISH AND SCOTCH 67 

as architect planned and reared this magnificent temple 
of worship. 

Westminster Abbey can never be forgotten once 
visited. "Within its sacred precincts are the tombs of 
royalty for hundreds of years back. Its spacious wings 
furnish resting places for royal personages; statesmen; 
noblemen ; countesses ; duchesses ; poets ; musicians ; 
engineers; architects and clergymen. Here the Eng- 
lish people honour the memory of their illustrious 
dead. This ancient monastery dates back to the year 
960. For hundreds of years building and re-building 
have been going on. Owned and occupied by abbots 
and monks until the dissolution of monasteries at the 
time of the English Reformation. Almost since that 
time it has been unbrokenly in the hands of the re- 
formers. Viewing the notable Coronation Chair, sitting 
in which all the kings and queens of England have 
been crowned for hundreds of years back, I could not 
but conceive certain curiosity regarding it. Especially 
interested did I become on learning that the stone 
directly under the seat and resting upon the rungs was 
the selfsame stone Jacob used for a pillow in Bethel, 
when fleeing from his brother Esau, lest he kill him 
for stealing his birthright. But still more interested 
did I become on ascertaining that the same stone first 
turned up in Ireland, and was known in that country 
as the "Stone of Destiny." On it Irish kings had also 
sat to be crowned. The same history writer also says 
that the obliging Irish loaned the stone to the Scotch, 
where it was also used for king and queen crowning 
purposes, staying in that country until taken from 
Scotland to London by Edward I, and placed in West- 
minster Abbey. Since that time the stone has not been 
removed and all the kings and queens of England have 
been crowned sitting thereon. 

Speaking with one of the vergers, functionaries who 



68 THE IRISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

are everpresent in the Abbey, I innocently inquired of 
him what the penalty was to sit for a moment in the 
royal chair. Of course he said it would not be tolerated 
under any circumstances. He went on further to say 
that Americans, almost without exception, would Uke 
that privilege very much; in fact, some of them would 
pay a very handsome sum to do so. Speaking of Ameri- 
cans the courteous attendant aroused my curiosity some- 
what. On seemg many be^iutiful monumental eulogies 
to British countesses and duchesses in Westminster 
Abbey, recalling their many good qualities and the 
various things they did which shed national lustre upon 
their titled heads, and the pedigreed families they de- 
scended from, I could not help guessing where the im- 
ported American duchess or countess would find them- 
selves entombed, and what would be the inscribed epi- 
taphs or eulogies? I felt puzzled when I propounded 
this question to myself. However, I settled it to my 
own satisfaction. My inscription would be so : 



SiS$$§S 



But there is no need of being unduly anxious. Eng- 
land's most sacred burying grounds will not be so dese- 
crated. The dollar-bought duchesses must be satisfied 
with more modest resting places for their titled remains, 
even though they do escape the divorce courts. 

Devoid of all christian attributes, indeed, must any 
person be who could feel otherwise, than reverent while 
passing through this magnificent ancient temple. Its 
altars, its much-reverenced saintly shrines; metal cas- 
kets containing the honoured remains of the mighty, 
tombs and tombstones done in marble and mosaic, 
covered with gold; bejeweled brass statues; chapels 



U^.^ ir"^^' '''" ''• '= *° "^ -"-d to a foreign 



nobleman, aged 45. 

An American Heiress. 




by her nm-se, Ld the L-^n doubtts ?-in'plf "^^^ ^^^7 

wedding march.-azcalo TrZirie ^ ^ *^^ Long-green" 



TEE ENGLISH AND SCOTCH 69 

for private worshippers protected by solid ironwork, 
and aisles and pews, all of profound interest to the 
student and admirer of ancient glory and grandeur. 

The British Museum is an institution that cannot 
fail to be of the utmost interest to all scholars and 
learned, no matter wherefrom. It would be an utterly 
fruitless endeavor for me to give here even the merest 
outline of its contents. I will, however, try to feebly 
give a few fleeting observations which occurred to 
me as I hastily passed through the massive building, 
and its spacious exhibition rooms. The mummies from 
ancient Egypt were well worthy of serious considera- 
tion and study. Pottery, fac simile hieroglyphics of the 
Egyptians' early writings, and hundreds of other things 
of a similar nature, impressed me. Massive cutstone 
figures of lions, and other animals, beasts and birds, 
excavated by enterprising explorers from the colossal 
ruins of the Assyrian city of Nineveh, and the bible- 
famed Babylon, which played no small part in the 
captivity of the Jews. That the evidences offered by 
the many silent things and figures in the Museum 
proved that a high type of civilization existed even 
in such early days left not a particle of doubt in my 
mind regarding the same ; and that a more cruel and 
blood-soaked type could have superseded it in compara- 
tively modern times has left me somewhat in a quan- 
dary. Nearly every christian has heard of the behead- 
ing of John the Baptist in the time of our Lord, and the 
massacre of all the infants under two years of age by 
order of the cruel King Herod. We have also heard of 
the Babylonian Belshazzar feast, which went down into 
history as a drunken orgy; but even such repugnant 
happenings in these early and barbarous ages, could not 
be compared to the cruelties which were practiced by 
royal ruffians and avenging warlords as late as the 
middle of the sixteenth century. 

Passing from the famous museum, I went to the 



70 THE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

National Portrait Gallery, also a London landmark of 
international importance. I say international ad- 
visedly, for I there witnessed magnificent and costly 
paintings on exhibition, loaned to the gallery by Ameri- 
can millionaires, who had acquired them at great cost 
in European countries. 

I stood there partially stunned at the contemplation 
of the horrors pictured before me when gazing at the 
portrait of that burly blackguard, King Henry the 
Eighth, and the portrait of his beautiful queen, Anne 
Boleyn, whose terse biography nonchalantly informed 
the onlooker that she was beheaded on Tower Hill, 
May 19, 1536. 

The christian civilization that would permit a royal 
husband to cut otf at will the heads of his queens, 
for poor Anne was not the only wifely head, a death 
warrant was signed for by her inhuman monster of a 
husband, was very questionable indeed. Despite any 
provocation whatever that might make the crime seem 
justifiable, such performances should receive no quar- 
ter so recently as a few hundred years ago. The world 
had long ere that emerged from the chaos of barbarism. 
But this cruel tyrant seems to have had his bloody 
hands untied, and went on unhindered, pursuing his 
reckless wicked ways without restraint. Moreover, the 
royal ladies so brutally disposed of by the tyrannical 
command of this sixteenth century king seemed to me 
just as innocent, from the pictures before me, of wrong- 
doing as any of the ladies moving in royal circles in this, 
the early part of the twentieth century; yes, and just as 
amiable and good-looking. My readers would do well 
to go and see for themselves. 

About this time the Reformation had its inception in 
England. It was high time that some reform should 
take place. King Henry the Eighth did not start it. 
The clouds had been gathering before, and were now 



TEE ENGLISH AND SCOTCH 71 

breaking forth with fury. But the king took advantage 
of their coming in order to carry out his own devilish 
designs. Accordingly he was afforded opportunities, 
which he eagerly seized, for the purpose of carrying 
into execution his dark deeds of bloodshed — beheadings 
on the executioner's block, burnings at the stake, plun- 
derings, and many other persecutions scarcely less 
dreadful. 

My walk of observation through the leading por- 
trait gallery of the British empire taught me a lesson 
not soon to be forgotten. That the now widespread 
Protestant religion should have been in anywise as- 
sociated with the monstrous royal criminal, known as 
Henry the Eighth, is a rather sad commentary. But 
such has been the predestined ordination of an in- 
scrutable Creator. 

Up to this period the Roman Catholic faith held 
full sway in England, and here are indisputable evi- 
dences of its shortcomings. Therefore, the time ripened 
for a radical reform. It came. Or, had the Protestant 
religion been in vogue in those days of cruelties and 
burnings, it would be equally culpable, and should be 
cast off with the vengeance of a thoroughly aroused 
and persecuted people. Evildoing was the watchword 
in those fatal days, and oppression reigned unchecked. 

King Henry quarreled with emperors, popes and po- 
tentates, as well as with his unfortunate wives, of which 
he had six, and the fact that he so miraculously escaped 
unharmed from them all, practically rounding out his 
allotted span of power for everything bad, would some- 
how go to prove that a higher authority had elected 
him to carry on the early beginnings of a mighty world- 
movement so fraught with tremendous after results. 

All who wish to go, see and learn for themselves will 
find abundant scope for their reasoning faculties in 
trying to solve the many lessons to be learned by a 



72 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

carefully planned trip through England's educational 
art and portrait gallery. Pictures and paintings of the 
world's heroes and heroines are there, and from a sys- 
tematic study of their countenances, which are as true 
to life as the art of the artist, or touch of the painter's 
brush, can make them, draw their own deductions. 

Although England has always led the way in the 
vanguard of enlightened progress, and christian civil- 
ization, long after the days of the Reformation and 
King Henry the Eighth, that country seemed to be slow 
in throwing off the shackles of tyranny and heinous 
persecution. Treachery and treason were rampant for 
many generations after the sixteenth century had 
elapsed. Under the guise of government sanction, bru- 
talities that would have done dishonor to the most 
disturbed times during the middle ages were per- 
petrated, and it was well along towards our owti days 
ere they finally ceased for all time to come. 

Bearing all this in mind, sound thinkers cannot be 
convinced that the Anglo-Saxon race, even though in 
the forefront rank of christian progressiveness, pos- 
sessed a monopoly of what was good in that particular. 
A great deal of credit must rightfully be given the an- 
cients for forward steps in the same direction, the 
earmarks of which can be easily traced by an analyt- 
ical study of their interesting relies on public ex- 
hibition in the famous British Museum, and its sister 
institution, the National Portrait Gallery. 

To attend a session of court, with the Lord Chief 
Justice of England on the bench, was a much-appre- 
ciated privilege of mine, while on this London trip. 
Even though arrayed in their legal gowns and wigs, 
still there was a most refreshing air of simplicity about 
it that could not be mistaken. There were no bullyings, 
or sharp practices, on the part of learned counsel, or 
anybody else connected with this dignified court of 



TEE ENGLISH AND SCOTCH 



73 



justice, and the quiet, calm and deliberate atmosphere 
prevailing bespoke, or betokened, nothing more than 
an ardent desire that all should receive fairplay. His 
lordship was as easily addressed and approached by 
the king's counsellors practicing before the distin- 
guished bar as any ordinary justice could be. In fact, 
the case on trial in this the first court in the British em- 
pire, the day I called, was very simple, and for that 
reason the more interesting to visitors. Imperious 
England is many-sided. When firmness and dignity are 
the needed requisites in settlement, no parleying 
need be expected. "When a species of democratic 
doctrine is needed, the application will be forthcoming. 
Hence courtesy and simplicity are factors in British 
life ever noticeable ; while sternness and diplomacy also 
play their part. 

Every department of British existence appeals to me 
as of the safe and sane type. It has also been my 
chance to hobnob with soldiers and sailors in my travels 
amongst them. The officers' mess and sergeants' can- 
teen have often been placed at my disposal for re- 
freshment. While in the enjoyment of such courtesies, 
I have at all times noticed the gentlemanly behaviour 
and soldierly conduct of the men with whom I came 
in contact. Adjoining their recreation rooms, wherever 
soldiers are stopping in barracks, are located their can- 
teens, where first-class liquid refreshments are contin- 
uously served by the men themselves, under the super- 
vision of the proper military authorities. These goods 
are dispensed at cost, thereby allowing the men to have 
the benefit of cheaper beverages than could be ob- 
tained elsewhere. Temperance cranks in Great Brit- 
ain have not been able to deprive the drinking Tommy 
Atkins of this very desirable privilege. Of course it has 
been tried, but practical men, upon whose shoulders 
rests the responsibility of governing an empire, have 



.^4 THE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

said them nay. Not so in the United States. In that 
country the army canteen has been legislated out of use- 
ful existence, at the behests of a theoretical lot of tem- 
perance workers, principally women. If I remember 
aright, this crusade was started by the W. C. T. U. 
(Woman's Christian Temperance Union), and kindred 
irresponsible organizations, who know aught of the 
tastes and requirements of men. Be that as it may, 
congressional action caused the removal of the army 
canteen, a respectable and needed auxiliary in mili- 
tary posts, thereby driving the American soldier out 
into the street to seek liquid refreshments in whatever 
licensed drinking dive or joint happening to be nearby. 

Having given the methods adopted on both sides of 
the Atlantic some consideration and thought, I have 
been inclined to the belief that the American plan is the 
more censurable, and the British more commendable 
of the two unavoidable evils, for soldiery will always 
tipple, no matter where they are, or what nation they 
belong to. 

That women should wield such aggressive influence 
in matters of grave governmental importance, within 
the bounds of a country of such growing magnitude, 
as the great American republic, bodes no good. It is 
an indication of weak-kneed and wishy-washy type of 
statesmanship. Large-minded and unbiased statesmen 
find it difficult enough to dispose of governmental 
affairs of such gravity, without being swayed, coaxed, 
cajoled, or persuaded, by feminine theorists, no matter 
how good their intentions, or plausible their arguments. 
But the United States has not yet reached that high 
imperial standing, where would-be effeminate enact- 
ments will be frowned upon, tabled and quietly pigeon- 
holed, instead of being embodied into the laws of the 
land. However, our country is yet young, our states- 
men hopeful, though immature, and bigger things are 



THE ENGLISH AND SCOTCH 75 

in store for us. As we become more nationalized more 
metropolitan ideas will prevail, and rustic narrowness 
will disappear. 

English redcoats are popular with everybody in the 
homeland, and particularly so with the fair sex. In all 
the large cities, where these gaudy-looking young men 
happen to be stationed, after a certain hour each 
evening it is a very common occurrence to see them 
paired off with the young ladies and gallantly escorting 
them around town. In fact, so intense has this feature 
of soldier life become in the large cities of Great 
Britain and Ireland, where large bodies of men are 
barracked, it would appear to the casual observer that 
the ordinary civilian had positively a freeze-out. The 
girls apparently admire the well-outlined and shapely 
military man. They also know that these men were 
as sound and healthy as medical skill could determine, 
else they would not make subjects for enlistment. 
Thus wearing the government's scarlet certificate of 
freedom from physical blemish, the result with the fair 
sex is obvious. Tommy Atkins, therefore, manages to 
get in a very sociable time when off duty, and living in 
city quarters. 

While the girls of England do not come up to the 
Irish standard of beauty, nevertheless they are very 
charming. It might be said they represent a different 
type of womanhood altogether. The divorce industry 
of America is bad ; but, from my viewpoint, the juvenile 
engagement evil so prevalent in England is equally so. 
Girls in the latter country engage themselves at a very 
early age. English girls are proverbial for this, one 
of the most important events in their lifetimes. In- 
stead of being immaturely committed to a young man, 
the innocent English girl should not become betrothed 
before bringing all the discerning power of a fully de- 
veloped life upon so important a selection. Parents 



76 



TEE lEISH-CANUCK-TANEEE 



should not permit such girlish caprices, much less to 
consent or connive at them, until their daughters 
reached the age of out-and-out maturity. Marriageable 
maidens will thus hold themselves free for the latest 
and best matrimonial candidates; while in the other 
case such desirable wooers are seared off by announced 
engagements. Therefore, the system is bad, and should 
become obsolete. 

English femininity are worthy of better things. 

Briefly summarizing England's greatness, I will pass 
on by saying that this little country has given to the 
world at large more than all other agencies put to- 
gether. In religion it has given us the AVesleys, the 
Spurgeons, and the Booths, In the triumphs of dis- 
covery and invention it has brought forward men of 
eminence innumerable. Navigators to discover new 
waters; explorers to pry into the mysteries of new 
regions, and to bring them under the ban of useful 
development for the benefit of all mankind ; statesmen 
to organize; diplomats to negotiate, and intelligent 
underlings to carry out and execute. "With such a 
galaxy of achievers, and such overwhelming evi- 
dences of things achieved, England's greatness cannot 
be overthrown, unless so decreed by the Almighty hand, 
which in the past overtook, and demolished, mighty 
empires. "When the time comes for history to again 
repeat itself, Britain 's globe-bestrewed empire will sink 
into decay, regardless of resistance. The author of 
"The Irish-Canuck-Yankee" fervently prays that such 
a universal calamity is far distant. Being born a 
Britisher is a birthright in itself. This heritage will 
not so easily be surrendered by those so fortunate as 
to possess it; nor will those desirous of depriving 
Britishers of their endowments expect to wrest it from 
them without a superhuman effort. 



THE ENGLISH AND SCOTCH 77 

The Scotch 

Another of my youthful diversions was the study 
of Bonnie Scotland; coupled with the canny Scotch — 
two pet epithets most appropriate. My childish at- 
tention was more particularly drawn towards the little 
country lying adjacent to Ireland, and its people, ow- 
ing to the fact that a Scotch family were our nearest 
neighbors. These typical Scotch folk settled in Tip- 
perary, carrying on farming operations in quite a 
large way for that part of the country. The land being 
more adapted for pasturage than crop-growing, our 
Scotch friends got into a bad rut, which finally brought 
them to grief, and they were compelled to withdraw 
from their recently acquired lands, largely owing to 
their propensity for ground cultivation. 

But these estimable people were long enough 
amongst us to most forcibly impress upon the minds 
of their Irish neighbors that good things could come 
out of the land of the Picts and Scots. The removal 
of this transplanted energetic family from our midst 
before the days of the Land League and agrarian agita- 
tion was a distinct loss to that district. Had they 
perseveringly stood their ground until better days 
dawned upon Ireland, landlordism would not have 
driven them out, and the Emerald Isle would have 
been benefitted by their presence, for a more indus- 
trious and thrifty race than the canny Scotchman, yes, 
and Scotchwoman, is quite difficult to unearth, and this 
particular family did their country honor, they being 
thoroughgoing Scotch. These worthy Scotch people 
took to Ireland, and the Green Isle took to them. So 
they stayed in the land of their adoption, in spite of 
the fact that their native country lay so near, and en- 
gaged in other fields of usefulness different to soil cul- 
tivation. Versatile Ireland assimilated these law-abid- 



ij/3 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-TANKEE 

ing Scotch Presbyterians, and many regrets vrere suf- 
fered by reason of the non-success following their steps 
into the country. 

Thus tersely have I outlined how I happened to be 
first drawn towards the Scotch people. Once interested 
in any subject, it has been my inquisitive nature to 
follow it up with increasing eagerness. As there were 
a few nice young ladies in the family under discussion, 
I naturally took more interest in the family's welfare 
than might otherwise be the case. Further than that, 
I have ever since been more or less interested in Scotch 
lassies, which nationality I have placed in my list as 
second only to the Irish colleen. Scotch femininity, 
therefore, ranks high up amongst the robust and pre- 
possessing nations of the world, not only in the esti- 
mation of the writer, but by all writers and historians 
as well. 

Being an ardent reader of Scotch history, I was 
afforded an opportunity of satisfying my literary tastes 
in that respect by the early possession of a prize, for 
good scriptural answering, entitled "Tales of a Grand- 
father, by Sir Walter Scott. ' ' Within tJie leaves of this 
exceedingly interesting work, I found educational oc- 
cupation night after night until bedtime. How I ad- 
mired the warlike doings of the brave Scotch warriors, 
and defenders of their comparatively barren little coun- 
try from the incursions of their aggressive English 
neighbors, lying to the north! The English had tri- 
umphed over many European nations, but over Bonnie 
Scotland never. Happily, however, the two little nations 
became one by a more Christian method than through 
warfare and bloodshed. This epoch-making event trans- 
pired when at the death of Queen Elizabeth, England 's 
throne was left heirless. It was at this crucial moment 
in the history of both countries that James the Sixth, 
of Scotland, was crowned James the First, of England. 



TEE ENGLISH AND SCOTCH 79 

We thus had a united kingdom, which has smoothly 
dwelt together in harmony ever since. 

But in the old troublous days of stress and warfare 
between these two kingdoms, little Scotland never 
lacked a warrior to lead her people to victorious battle. 
Where can be found the true Scotchman who does not 
feel proud of men like Sir William Wallace, and Sir 
Eobert Bruce? These were typical Scotch soldiers. 
Though often defeated, badly beaten, traced by blood- 
hounds, dogged by human sleuths for the purpose of 
gaining the princely rewards placed on their heads, 
dead or alive, by disgruntled enemies, hounded by 
night and chased by day, they always suffered, but 
were never conquered. Have we not read the story, 
where the good King Robert Bruce lay in a rude herds- 
man's hut, dejectedly watching a spider spin its web, 
trying again and again for five times to swing itself to 
another rafter, but without success? The sixth at- 
tempt brought success to the insect. The Bruce 
jumped up, after learning a lesson from the spider's 
perseverance. Had he not fought the English five 
times, meeting defeat and disaster each time! 
Could he not have the perseverance of even a little 
spider! Could a small insect infuse courage into a 
great king by setting a good example! Scotland's 
much-pursued monarch arose, marshalled his scat- 
tered forces around him, fought the memorable 
battle of Bannockburn, won a signal victory, and drove 
the English in disorder out of his kingdom. 

Very many anecdotes are told about this good king. 
Upon several occasions he was known to have single- 
handed slain as many as three of the enemy, at separate 
times, so powerful and agile was he. 

Besides furnishing the world with thrilling news re- 
garding its lairds and fighters, who carried on cruel 
and bloody wars between themselves when they were 



go TEE IRISH-CANUCE-YANKEE 

not fighting foreign invaders, Scotland has left its im- 
print in the world in many other ways. Since the olden 
times, when the Romans conquered the Lowlands, and 
the Scots and Picts inhabited the Highlands, this moun- 
tainous little country has not been behind in producing 
men of talent and learning. Scotsmen seem to be a 
distinctive race of people quite apart from other na- 
tions. That this distinctiveness in character is observ- 
able cannot be gainsaid. But whatever the difference 
in makeup these people inherit beyond all others, it is 
of the desirable kind, and betokens true manliness, 
extreme honesty, and religious tendencies. Therefore, 
the land of Robert Burns, Scotland's patron poet, is 
well worthy of a visitation from travelers, who may 
be interested in countries pregnant with historical hap- 
penings, in which the land of ''Bobby" is unexcelled. 
Thrice I have dropped in upon the canny Scotch in 
their homeland. A sail down the noted River Clyde as 
far as Glasgow is an ovation in itself. Along the banks 
of this narrow stream on either side will be noticed a 
scene of shipbuilding activity scarcely found anywhere 
else in the world. Undergoing construction will be 
noticed the ocean greyhound, whose steel skeleton 
towers high into the air. Battleships and war vessels 
of every kind are being built by the army of riveters, 
sledge-hammerers, aided by their immense traveling 
cranes, and such other modern appliances as up-to-date 
ingenuity provides, for the canny Scotsman is not a 
whit behind the times in any particular. The Clyde, 
small and narrow though it is, can float the largest 
craft. But it has to be continuously dredged, in order 
that the progress of navigation may not be impeded. 
Thus, this little stream is one of the interesting sights 
of Scotland. Along its banks on both sides can be 
plainly seen the shipyards, busily turning out vessels 
of every description — ^none too big and none too tiny. 



THE ENGLISH AND SCOTCH gj 

But the Scotch are not only able to build seagoing levi- 
athans, but they are also a seafaring race, and many 
of our most down-to-date ocean-going ships are both 
manned and mastered by Scotchmen. 

Glasgow, the second or third most important city 
in Great Britain, is a metropolis that any country 
might well boast of. It is indeed a busy mart. An air 
of commercialism pervades the city. Manufacturing 
plants thrust their smoking chimneys high into the air, 
thus betokening activities, which all countries delight 
in. These are the employment of men, and the paying 
of living wages, both of which Scotland's uprightness 
has never been questioned. No country in the world, 
as far as I am aware, shows less friction between em- 
ployed and employer as Scotland in proportion to the 
number interested. 

Besides being a noted shipbuilding community, Scot- 
land has other important industries. Who has not 
heard of ''Scotch Whiskey"? This distilled product 
is found on all the first-class drinking saloons, bars, 
and taverns throughout the British Isles, Canada, and 
the United States. This is no advertisement, but the 
Scotch distilled product, known as "Black and White, 
as supplied to the House of Commons," and "Long 
and Short, as supplied to the House of Lords," are 
worthy of "honorable mention." 

Yes, I have met Scotchmen and Scotchwomen in 
their home country, and also abroad. But no matter 
where we find them they are the same honest, hard- 
working and industrious folk. 

The comparative few that have emigrated to the 
United States have carved places for themselves high 
up on the scroll of good citizenship. The same can be 
said of those who have made the Dominion of Canada 
their adopted country. Out in the far west, we find the 
thrifty Scotchman diligently cultivating his prairie 



g<3 TEE IPdSH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

lands, and making his home on the plains as comfort- 
able and inviting as he possibly can under prevailing 
conditions. With a combination of brain and brawn, 
he hardly ever fails to get the best results obtainable. 
In the large cities, where commercial pursuits are 
mostly followed, the Scotchman is in evidence. The 
substantial callings in life seem to appeal to our Scotch 
friends in preference to the more ephemeral. 

Therefore, unlike his near neighbor, the Irishman, 
we rarely find the canny Scotsman dabbling in slimy 
politics either at home or abroad. The Scotch-Amer- 
ican seems to be a missing quantity in American civic 
life. In marked contrast to his Irish brother, the aver- 
age Scotchman plods along in other walks of useful- 
ness, wholly indifferent to the emoluments of public 
life and officeholding. 

This would indicate that the Scots are not politically 
pugnacious, or spoilsmen, far preferring the quiet sur- 
roundings of home life to the embroiling turmoils in- 
cident to public. However that may be, the cold fact 
remains that a very small percentage of Scotchmen are 
noticed in the governing bodies, or councils, of either 
the United States or Canada. From a political view- 
point this is unfortunate for both countries, as no bet- 
ter men could present themselves for such honors. Our 
Scotch friends thus distinctly proclaim to the world 
that they are a straight-forward, good-natured, self- 
confident people, only anxious to pursue their own 
course, wholly free from the ups and doAvns which 
naturally follow in the footprints of political strife. 

The Canadians 

Crossing the Canadian line, via the old Suspension 
Bridge across the Niagara river (Niagara Falls), I 
soon found myself in the Dominion of Canada. This 



TEE CANADIANS 33 

was in August, 1885. Hailing from New York City, I 
went direct to Toronto, Ontario. 

Loitering around Toronto only a very few days, I 
hastened out into the country, where I very soon com- 
menced toiling at farmwork. The township of Brock 
had the distinction of enjoying my first Canadian 
labors. Well I remember the day. Boarding an early 
morning train upon the Nipissing division of the Grand 
Trunk system, I passed out through such towns as 
York, Unionville, Stouffville, Markham, Uxbridge, 
Blackwater Junction (where we changed cars for the 
end of the track up at Midland, which is the end today 
as well as twenty-five years ago, I think), finally reach- 
ing Sunderland, at which station I stepped off. 

Losing no time, I hoofed it out along the Sixth Con- 
cession until I reached the second stone house on the 
left, which was about two miles from the village. This 
home was that of Mr. George Shier. Happening in 
about dinnertime, Mrs. Shier, after our first informal 
greetings, kindly asked me if I had been to dinner. 
Receiving a negative answer, that good lady quickly 
made ready, and I dined. 

That afternoon I went across the road to the farm of 
Mr. Lof tus Shier, brother to Mr. George, where the lat- 
ter gentleman was busily breaking in a rather frac- 
tious new self-binder, while the former was doing the 
shocking-up. 

Never inclined to be idly standing around when 
there is work to be done, and particularly in the 
harvest time, I flung off my coat and also went shock- 
ing. Not having worked very much for some time pre- 
viously, this work seemed to somewhat distress me, es- 
pecially so under the hot Canadian sun, not being used 
to such high temperature. But I continued at this work 
all through the afternoon, and after tea departed for a 
farmhouse nearly two miles away. This was the home 



84 "^EE lEISH-CAyUCK-YAyEEE 

of Mr. Wellington Shier, and was located on the Fifth 
Concession of Brock. Harvesting was not thus far in 
full swing, early fall wheat being only ripe enough to 
cut. Accordingly I found some difficulty in getting 
immediate employment as a harvest hand; but I was 
promised an abundance of work within a week or two ; 
and, dear knows. I needed it bad enough, for my 
finances were dropping far below low water mark. 

But relief was in sight, for Mr. TVellington gave me 
a few days' work in a rather Delated hayfield, and when 
we had that all cleaned up and the hay safely mowed 
(stowed away) in the bam, I was turned over to a 
stump-pulling crew, working down in the swamp, for 
the important task of cleaning the upturned roots, and 
knocking off with spades and shovels all that portion 
of mother earth adhering to the machine-pulled stumps. 
This work was also laborious, even for a willing work- 
man. So, after I continued in the service of Mr. Alf. 
Maybee, the stump-removing contractor, some three 
days, I resigned this strenuous job, and much to Mr. 
Maybee 's annoyance I quit the gang, he having pro- 
nounced me to be .just as good a man to clean stumps 
as he'd ask. 

Unripe grain had ripened considerably during the 
days I spent stumping. This was luckj' for me, so I 
hustled up to Mr. Edwin Shier 's for the purpose of 
seeking harvest work. Right enough Mr. Shier was in 
the market for a harvest hand. I promptly engaged 
with him for the sum of twenty dollars for one month, 
starting in that same afternoon hoeing weeds in the 
turnip field, as well as an odd turnip plant. Up at 5 
o'clock every morning, each person had certain chores 
to be performed before breakfast, which was eaten and 
family prayer over by 6 :30 a. m. Long before 7 o'clock 
we were in the open field working, not letting up until 
the large bell rang for dinner about 11:30. By the 



TEE CANADIANS 85 

time men and horses reached the barnyard, horses fed, 
and men washed, noon, 12 o'clock, would have arrived. 
Dinner and nooning consisted of one hour, so that all 
hands would be on the return journey back to the fields 
a little after 1 o'clock. "Without a moment of relaxa- 
tion, pipe-filling, or pipe-lighting waste of time, we 
worked steadily on until the supper bell announced that 
we were again needed at the house. Both horses and 
men again returned homeward, watered, washed and 
refreshed, hieing back to the field once more to con- 
tinue working until sundown. Reaching the house 
about dusk each evening, we rarely ever bothered eat- 
ing again, although anybody wishing so to do would be 
supplied with food. 

In those days self-binders were not in common use 
with all farmers as they are today, Mr. Edwin Shier, 
therefore, not being a pioneer in labor-saving devices, 
had none. "We were thus obliged to bind by hand the 
wheat, oats and barley. The regular annual hired man 
(another Shier) and myself followed the small reaper, 
which the boss drove himself. Binding sheaves in the 
harvest field, in real sizzling summer weather, is not a 
task to hanker for, and when the grain is thickly peo- 
pled with Scotch thistles it becomes far less attractive. 
But "binding-mits" help some. They serve as a sort 
of protection. These are usually provided by the boss, 
and the harvesters have only to ask for them. 

"Well, I continued at ^Mr. Edwin Shier 's until the ex- 
piration of my month. I got along splendidly, and the 
friendship which sprung up betwixt Mr. and Mrs. 
Shier and family and myself has been of the wearing 
kind, as I have visited their hospitable home time and 
time again during all these years, each successive oc- 
casion being more and more interesting. 

This farm was hung up midway between the Fourth 
and Fifth Concessions, the land extending from one 



8G THE IBISH-CANUCKTANKEE 

road to the other (Concessions being roadways, seven- 
eighths of an English mile apart). Had circumstances 
been different, there is no doubt but what I could keep 
on indefinitely with this good man and his estimable 
family. However, his farm was not large enough for 
two hired hands and I scanned around for another 
place. 

Mr. Edwin Shier, therefore, having no further use 
of me himself, he very kindly undertook to drive me 
around with his horse and rig in quest of a place. Con- 
sidering it desirable that I should fall into the hands of 
good Christian people, we one day drove some ten miles 
up north to a brother's house, who was also an em- 
ployer of farm hands. He wanted a man all right 
enough, but as we differed upon the wages offered, I did 
not hire out to him, and returned to Mr. Shier 's, hav- 
ing an invitation from both himself and wife to make 
their place my headquarters until I finally ran across 
something suitable. 

But I hadn't long to wait. Hearing that a renting 
farmer, by the name of Mr. James Marquis, wanted a 
man, I called upon him one early morning ere he had 
time to leave for his fieldwork. Not finding him home, 
I left word to have him call that evening where I was 
staying. Both he and his brother drove up to Mr. Ed- 
win Shier 's, where I quickly made a bargain with him. 
He was a fine fellow, and few words were necessary to 
close a deal satisfactory to us both. The terms of my 
engagement were, that I should start in the next morn- 
ing, work for a month on trial, if at the expiration of 
that test either of us was dissatisfied I would leave, he 
paying me fifteen dollars for the month wrought. On 
the other hand, if we were both satisfied, I was to con- 
tinue at work until my year was up, the month already 
put in forming part of the year. 

I started. The farmhouse and barnyard were right 



TRE CANADIANS 87 

by the side of the road allowance, which was the 
Fourth Concession of Brock, Just three weeks after 
being installed in this my new place, Mr. Marquis called 
me one side, stated that he had watched my mevements 
very carefully, that he was more than pleased, and if I 
were equally well satisfied with the place I could go 
on and put in my year. As I was very much pleased 
also with the work, Mr. Marquis, Mrs. Marquis, and two 
brothers of Mr. Marquis, who were nearby neigh- 
bors, and their families, with whom we were in the 
habit of exchanging work quite frequently, I unhesi- 
tatingly agreed to carry out my part of the agreement 
and continued right along. 

Time passed on. I had my daily routine systematized 
in such a methodical way that I knew where I was at 
all the while. Part of my hiring agreement was that 
from April 1 to November 1 1 would get up at 5 o'clock 
each morning ; and from November 1 to April 1 to arise 
at 6 a. m. This was a very desirable understanding, 
and possibly spared us needless friction at times, for 
the Canadian farmer would not hesitate to arise him- 
self, and also rout out his men hours earlier, when any- 
thing rather driving appeared upon the horizon of 
farmlife. But I sidetracked such contingencies by hav- 
ing the getting-up hour agreed upon. Nor did I ever 
have to be called. To get up at the precise moment 
became a part of my being, and once trained in I ex- 
perienced no difficulty in following it up. No matter 
how late the farmhand retires in Canada, he is expected 
to be up and doing at the regular hour. Getting up, 
therefore, in the morning has nothing whatever to do 
with the bedtime schedule. 

All through the winter of 1885-6 I was busy with 
barnwork. Feeding and earing for upwards of forty 
head of cattle ; sixteen horses ; sheep ; pigs, and poultry 
kept my time fully occupied. But whenever I could 



88 TEE lEISH-CANUCE-YANEEE 

manage to spare a few hours in the middle of the day, 
I usually busied myself in sawing and splitting up cord- 
wood for summer use. Another of my pet diversions 
was the flailing of peastraw. Thus I threshed out up- 
wards of three hundred bushels of peas, that, my first 
winter in Canada. Any employe, upon whose slioulders 
rests the responsibility of bringing through a lot of 
well-bred livestock, when a long and tedious Canadian 
winter is to contend with, has quite a little chore on his 
hands. 

Priding myself in the appearance of my stock, neat- 
ness of my barn and stables, convenience of all fodder, 
and, above all, freedom from sickness and disease, 
which animals are liable to when housed so long, I took 
great interest in my indoor labors, as well as the beasts 
intrusted to my charge. I kept my provender thrown 
down from the upper parts of the barn, and quite handy 
in my feedrooms. Roots, chop, salt and such other in-, 
gredients as good herdsmen are supposed to give cattle 
from time to time, in order to insure health and growth, 
I gave methodically, all of which helped to secure me 
from the annoyances resulting from sick animals and 
consequent doctoring. 

Canadians are not a fun-loving people, so on that ac- 
count it is work all the time with them. Rarely do they 
become merry-makers, entertainments of any kind in 
the country being seldom put on, all of which begets a 
stay-at-home type of agriculturalists, whose only de- 
light is money-making. The festive dance, so amusing- 
ly indulged in by the Irish, is altogether unknown to 
Canadian farmers and farmeresses. In the majority 
of farming communities there the folk are too religious 
for such nonsensical performances. People thus inocu- 
lated practically prohibit dancing. Once in a while 
some church, or other religious body, will organize a 
hot fowl supper, or oyster stew, and invite some local 



THE CANADIANS 89 

M. P. P. (member of the Provincial Parliament) to be 
present and make an address the night of the party. 
Not having taken to these things very much during my 
farming pilgrimage amongst the Canadians, I religious- 
ly stayed at home, finding ready enjoyment in book and 
newspaper reading. 

By the time eight months of my year's servitude at 
Mr. Marquis' had elapsed, he sought to re-engage me 
for another year. We even went so far as to decide 
upon my wages for the ensuing twelve months. There 
was to be quite a substantial raise above the sum I was 
slated to receive the first year, which was one hundred 
and sixty dollars. Things transpired, however, which 
prevented another annual term. The Marquis family 
treated me well, and it has always been my pleasure 
to drop in upon them, partake of a meal with them, 
and put up for an odd night at their home, whenever 
fate has taken me by their hospitable roof. These 
brief visitations have been at all times fully enjoyed 
by me ; and my calls must also have proven quite agree- 
able to them, judging from the warm-hearted recep- 
tions I have always received. 

Two Years and Two Months on the Sixth Concession 
of Brock 

Mr. James Marquis, my previous employer, was a 
non-churchgoing man. While his life was a very ex- 
emplary one, he, nevertheless, neglected this privilege, 
and the advantages accruing therefrom, if any. But in 
all other respects Mr. Marquis was a model man, and 
exceedingly popular with all the boys, his neighbors 
and friends. 

Mr. George Shier, my next employer, was precisely 
the opposite to my previous boss. He was a most de- 
vout and thoroughly religious man. Of course he would 



90 TE.E IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

never miss a church service. Both himself and all 
members of his family were ever-present in the family 
pew in the little crossroads Methodist church, situated 
midway between the villages of Valentyne and Vroo- 
manton. But churchgoing was not all his activities re- 
garding religious doings. He held high office in the 
councils of church circles. Sabbath school superintend- 
ent, class leadership, trustee, prayer-meeting attendant, 
lay preacher, or, as they call it in Canada, "local 
preacher," were all numbered amongst the various 
useful ways in which Mr. Shier helped along the good 
cause. Even at times when the regularly ordained 
preacher, by reason of circumstances which he had no 
control of, failed to turn up at the church hour, this 
good man took his place, carrying the entire service 
through just like a trained hand, or regularly anoint- 
ed minister. Not only were there times when these 
calls were made upon him in his own church ; but quite 
frequently he would have to drive around the circuit, 
filling the other pulpits as well. Then in revival time, 
when special efforts were put forth to bring the sinful 
into the fold, our good friend would be there, night 
after night, to aid and assist in the good work. To 
this method of doing I very often objected, for on re- 
turning to the house after a strenuous day's threshing 
with a neighbor, who helped us when we were thresh- 
ing, a lot of extra chores fell to my unhappy lot to per- 
form, owing to the absence at some evangelistic services 
of Mr. Shier. Heavenly works were far more import- 
ant, in his estimation, than any earthly labor, so it de- 
volved upon the hired man to make up the deficiency, 
whether he grumbled and swore, or not. 

In addition to all these churehworks, Mr. and Mrs. 
George Shier conducted Bible reading and family 
prayer every night and morning in their own home. 
All of this is mentioned with a view of indelibly stamp- 



TEE CANADIANS 91 

ing upon the minds of my readers the moral atmosphere 
in which I spent twenty-six months of my Ontario 
existence. 

Mrs. Shier treated me precisely as a member of her 
own family. She spared no pains in making her home 
pleasant for me. Two little girls and one small boy 
were her entire family. Generally two hired men and 
one working girl were also included in the household. 
But the first year I was there, I grappled so manfully 
with the farmwork, that it became unnecessary to em- 
ploy a second workman further than for about one 
harvest month, and another month for the fall plough- 
ing. 

Feeling absolutely at home here with this delightful 
family, time passed swiftly. My undivided attention 
was bestowed upon my farm duties from 5 o'clock in 
the morning until dark each day. During the winter 
months it was the same old grind as in my old place — 
feeding and caring for livestock. 

Very few incidents worth mentioning took place 
during the first year. However, I might by way of 
variety name one. A band of a sect known as Free 
Methodists pitched a tent tabernacle inside the fringe 
of a neighboring woods. Here they held religious serv- 
ices night after night for several weeks. Sundays were 
particularly fierj' days. One continuous series of serv- 
ices were carried on. One Sabbath evening I happened 
to attend with many others. Such a howling lot of 
worshippers I never witnessed before. Some ''got the 
power," and were lying prone on their backs, working 
convulsively, and kicking in every direction. Some 
ghastly sights were presented. To add to the religious 
confusion, a tremendous thunderstorm came up, in 
which there were frightful flashes of chainlightning, 
followed by a drenching downpour of rain. But the 
excitement kept on. Men and women screamed for for- 



92 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-TANKEE 

giveness. The sin-sick souls present were wonderfully 
worked up. Such earnest praying, preaching, pleading 
and singing I had never before understood. That re- 
ligiously exciting time I have never forgotten. 

After I had been in the employ of Mr. Shier about 
fifteen months, I took a month's leave of absence in 
Toronto, where I went for the purpose of studying city 
life and comparing the countrified life with citified. 
Quite industriously I spent each day learning the ways 
of city people. 

My last engagement with him was for a period of 
eight months, for which time he was obliged to pay me 
the highest wages yet known to be paid in that portion 
of the province to a partial greenhorn. Somewhat re- 
luctantly he submitted to my high charges, but I had 
long proven to him that few men could out-maneuver 
me at farm labor. Never sick, and always on the job, 
were my recommendations. 

Disagreeing over the wage scale, I quit the family 
of Mr. George Shier, and sought an engagement with 
Mr. Wellington Shier, the third Shier family I called 
upon when I first joined the ground-tilling forces of 
the noted Township of Brock. 

My new place, the home of Mr. Wellington Shier, 
was located upon the unopened Fifth Concession of 
Brock. Mr. Shier possessed quite a large farm, as 
farms go in Eastern Canada. All told there were about 
four hundred acres. Some of the land was low, swamp- 
like and covered with a scrubby growth of soft wood. 
The other two farms, upon which I had worked and 
labored, contained only two hundred acres each. So I 
could now, if I wished, redouble my efforts to keep the 
larger tract well worked. I liked this new place very 
well, was getting fairly large wages, and would have 
put in the year had I not ^ot bad news ere I was there 
a full month. 



TEE CANADIANS 93 

One evening a letter was placed in my hands from an 
uncle of mine in Toronto. It began : "Fearing that you 
have not yet heard about the death of your father in 
Ireland," etc. That was enough. I laid down my 
tools, having decided right on the spot that I would 
take a trip back to the old country. Such a letter can 
only come to any person once in a lifetime. 

Mr. Shier found no fault with me for having so 
speedily made up my mind to quit his service. On the 
contrary he promised to keep the place open until he 
heard from me abroad. He kept his word. But after 
developments were such that I never worked a day in 
Brock since. 

During my rather extended stay in the Township of 
Brock, I had made many friends. I found the people 
exceedingly nice and neighborly. Hard work and in- 
dustry, coupled with church work and religious activi- 
ties, seem to be their only desires. Sports, pastimes, 
and amusements, did not enter into the mind of the 
average young Canadian hardly at all. Athletic events, 
horse racing, outdoor sports, regattas, and such like, so 
dear to the average foreigner, they have not been edu- 
cated to and know nothing of. Occasionally they 
might go to a County Fair, or Agricultural Show in the 
township, where neighbor would compete with neigh- 
bor in the display of farm products and livestock. These 
exhibits may consist of cereals, such as wheat, oats, 
barley, etc. Also vegetables and fruits of every de- 
scription are noticed at these local expositions. Well- 
bred cattle, and blooded stock of every variety, are 
always on hand upon such occasions. Very interesting 
to the admirer of good products such shows are. In 
the ladies' departments, too, we see many evidences of 
their home handicraft. These good women are not a 
whit less zealous than their husbands in having things 
well worth the showing. Prize-winning butter, the 



94 THE IBISH-CANUCK-TANKBB 

finest known to man's palate anywhere in Christendom, 
is made and exhibited by these cleanly butter-makers. 
In all such things the Canadian women have few equals, 
and no superiors. Their homes are models of taste and 
tidiness. 

Ploughing matches also give the Canadian youth 
a chance to show off their artistic tastes in this very 
important feature of farmwork. These are annual 
events in different sections of the province of Ontario. 
Implement manufacturers, and plough makers, lend 
their assistance and encouragement. "Wisely they 
donate prizes to be competed for by the enterprising 
young ploughmen. Of course donations of this char- 
acter are usually a plough, or other farm implement, 
manufactured by the donors. These rewards give 
added interest to the matches, and any young farmer, 
or farmhand, once lucky enough to win a prize for 
good ploughing, is always esteemed very highly, in fact 
looked up to as an expert in that line. It is an honor 
not soon to be forgotten, and gives quite an impetus to 
all future competitors. 

Then there is the exhibition, held annually in the city 
of Toronto. Farmers send their sons to take it in, so 
that they might be schooled in up-to-date methods of 
doing things. The rustics, therefore, having their en- 
tire being bent upon land cultivation, very quickly no- 
tice the new and improved implements and machinery 
exposed there for their benefit. This is an educational 
advantage, which all men interested in agricultural 
pursuits should avail themselves of. Yes, and right 
here I may add that, in this particular I practice what 
I preach, for I kave never yet failed to attend exhi- 
bitions of this nature when the opportunity presented 
itself. 

The two greatest expositions that the American con- 
tinent ever got up; namely, the World's Columbian, 



THE CANADIANS 95 

in 1893 in Chicago, and the St. Louis Centennial, in 
1904, the agricultural exhibits of both were of supreme- 
ly more interest to me than any other departments of 
these wonderful works of men. 

Canadians are Live Politicians and Voters 

Well, I got into the game, and voted. Presenting 
myself at the voting place, a scrutineer inquisitively in- 
quired if I could read. ' ' Not in the dark, ' ' I answered, 
whereupon he gave me my ballot and I recorded my 
vote. Of course my questioner represented the oppo- 
sition. He had no trouble in ascertaining the candi- 
date who was going to have my vote counted for him. 
He knew that by the man who drove me to the polling 
place. That night everybody seemed to be in the little 
town of Sunderland, awaiting the latest returns. Ex- 
periences in after years convinced me of our foolish- 
ness, for the poor soil-tiller still continues to labor on 
his farm from 5 a. m. until dark p. m., just the same as 
of yore, regardless of his political activities all these 
years. 

Before coming to the time when I was to bid my 
many Brock friends a final adieu, I might just as well 
mention a couple of incidents at least, which took place 
while amongst them. Being a so-called ''Greenhorn," 
it was only the logical outcome that some ''Smart 
Alecks" would try and have some fun with me. Once 
I attended a church sociable, held in a private house, 
thus leaving myself open for such attacks. A couple 
of noted imaginary dudelets, egged on by their two 
girl-friends, laughingly accosted me. They wanted to 
know if I were from Ireland. I told them I was. Then 
the spokesman for the quartette said that he would 
like to travel through Ireland, only he was afraid that 
a whole lot of the Irish people would gather around 



96 THE lEISE-CANUCE-YANKEE 

him and kill him. I assured him that the Irish people 
would do nothing of the kind, I further added that, 
if he deserved killing, a whole lot would not gather 
around him. Instead one man would do it, and "it 
wouldn't take much of a man, either." Hearing this 
they all vanished, and there was no more provocation 
for fun. 

Having thrown up my job on Mr. Wellington Shier 's 
farm, I began visiting around amongst the many 
friends I had made while m that neighborhood. All the 
Shiers were more or less nearly related to me, and it 
was my cousinly duty to call upon them and learn more 
about our relationship. Accordingly I did so. Visit- 
ing at the home of one of these blooded friends I was 
more than surprised at the hearty reception I received. 
One of the boys hitched up his horse and rig and drove 
me to a town called Cannington, in order to entertain 
me. On the way there, he said that I would have to do 
either of two things, pay for a pint bottle of whiskey 
or pay for two photos of ourselves. I promptly de- 
cided my end. I told him that as I never eared for 
pictures of myself, I would buy the booze. That satis- 
fied him, and we did both. Posing in our regular winter 
time clothing, we secured the pictures. "We also en- 
joyed the beverage. It being a representation of two 
men doing Eastern Canada in the winter of 1889, I 
take the privilege of reproducing it on another page. 

Twenty years afterwards, I visited this good friend 
of mine again. He would not be satisfied unless we had 
ourselves photographed once more. We did so. But 
we had several additions upon this occasion, he having 
a wife and one grown-up son. We further covenanted 
between ourselves that at every twenty-year interval 
henceforward we would again assemble ourselves in 
front of the camera, and so continue until we had about 



BOOZING and POSING. 




AN ONTARIO, CANADA, WINTER SCENE. 
C. John Sparling Eliada Shier 



TEE CANADIANS 97 

a half-dozen photographs, which would be quite suf- 
ficient for two small albums. 

My friends all seen, and my visiting done in the 
townships of Brock, Scott, Georgina and Uxbridge, all 
lying contiguous to each other, I purchased a steamship 
ticket, getting myself booked to the old land via Mon- 
treal and Portland, Maine. It was in the early part of 
February, right in the middle of winter, when I stepped 
aboard the cars at Sunderland. Of course there was 
snow in abundance, as is usually the ease in Canada at 
this time of each year, so our train was many hours late 
reaching Montreal. 

Just at that time great festivities were being carried 
on in the city. It was the ice palace season. Even the 
governor-general of the Dominion of Canada was pres- 
ent with his suite. Of course it would be something of 
a curiosity not to have him there as a drawing card, for 
such things seem to be their most important functions. 

How these shivering midwinter events in cold Canada 
could be so thoroughly enjoyed by the inhabitants has 
always been more or less of an inexplicable mystery 
to me. But to my own satisfaction, I account for it 
largely because the people have seen little else in their 
own country and nothing in more pleasant foreign 
lands. Also because the fleeting stranger takes to it 
by way of novelty, as he passes through. 

This was my last glimpse of "The Lady of Snows" 
for the next sixty days, as I sailed for Ireland via Port- 
land, Maine, and Halifax, at once. 

In this writeup it is not hard for the reader to notice 
that I entered Canada, first striking the province of 
Ontario, passed through the province of Quebec, Mon- 
treal, the largest and most important city in the coun- 
try, being in that province, and finally the province of 
Nova Scotia, its capital being Halifax, which is noted 



98 



THE IBISH-CANUCE-TANKEE 



for having one of the most commodious deep-water 
harbors in the world. 

During the three and a half years absorbed in mak- 
ing this sojourn, I had little idleness and no spare mo- 
ments. Hard work was my lot, and at the hardest of 
callings, for soil-tilling in Eastern Canada, amid its 
unsightly black and burnt pine stumps, unremoved 
roots, unburied and unblasted rocks, hidden and 
ploughshare-breaking stone, etc., etc., is no picnic. 
My tasks were not easy ones, so I have never since har- 
bored any hankering for a return to them under the 
same conditions. 

Other young men have spent their valuable time in 
agricultural colleges, where the farming knowledge 
acquired would be theoretical, but the writer received 
a practical training, and there were no college pranks 
about it. 

Universities may be good, but adversities are still 
better to bring out a young man's capabilities, and de- 
velop to the full limit his manhood. 

Away abroad only some sixty days, I again entered 
Canada over the Niagara Falls Suspension Bridge, hav- 
ing come from New York City a second time. I went 
on to Toronto once more. As I had no settled plans, I 
aimlessly drifted around that city several days. 

Passing along the street one day, while in Toronto, I 
noticed a very fascinatingly fixed-up show window, 
beautifully displaying samples of wheat, oats, rye, flax, 
peas, hay and many other products supposedly from 
Manitoba. I entered. This was a kind of "Spider and 
fly" tale. The smooth-tongued politician there suave- 
ly informed me that there was no place like the west 
just now for a young man. Work was abundant and 
wages were high. Thousands were going, and the rail- 
way company was giving special rates to would-be set- 
tlers. These trains went forward on certain days only, 



TEE CANADIANS 99 

and, so great were the throngs going, it would be neces- 
sary to get your ticket early. Of course the layout was 
a catchy one, and "I bit." 

Accordingly I bought a ticket. If I remember aright, 
the fare west to Winnipeg was twenty-one dollars, 
while the return fare was double, if not more, that 
amount. But that made little odds to me, for it was 
not my intention to return. I was going and deter- 
mined to stay in the northwest somewhere. 

The evening to embark came. Lonesome and alone, 
I boarded the train. It was one of these long-since 
notable stripped and unupholstered colonist affairs, in 
which you have to provide your own bedding and also 
your own grub on the way. 

The Canadian Pacific Railway Company has been 
a pioneer in providing these luxurious trains. Singing 
soldiers (both sexes) of the Salvation Army came down 
to the Union Station, and whilst our train dilly-dallyed 
about pulling out, held religious services. Thus sung, 
played and prayed, we steamed out. 

These trains usually travel slow. At every stop the 
boys got out and amused themselves in pistol target 
practice, poking fun at the train hands, section em- 
ployees, and such other people as happened to hang 
round. 

Belated and worn out, we iSnally reached the famous 
prairie city of Winnipeg, the capital of the province 
of Manitoba. Its main street was wide, its citizens of 
the rough-and-tumble type, being a composition of 
Indians and white men, the former driving oxen and 
carts, while the latter seemed to be more fortunate as 
far as the ownership of a small breed of horses or In- 
dian ponies was concerned. 

Unfavorably were we all impressed, and began to 
grow sorrowful that we had left Ontario. This feeling 
became more pronounced, as we beheld thousands re- 



100 TEE IBISH-CANUCE-TANKEE 

turning east, having scouted the entire province in 
search of work, but finding none. The Manitoba immi- 
gration authorities, located in Toronto, had wilfully 
misrepresented the true condition of things in the 
prairie province. In this they were ably supported by 
the management of the only transportation iron artery 
then passing from east to west. 

But, could they be blamed? The province badly 
needed settlers ; while the lately finished transcontinen- 
tal railroad was in dire straits for passenger and freight 
traffic. It seemed to be a case of the poor trying to get 
money from the poverty stricken. 

Gallivanting around the small city for a few days, 
seeking work of some kind, I finally gave it up for a 
lost cause, and started out in the country to call upon 
some friends. Ticketed to a station on the Manitoba 
Northwestern railroad named Birtle, I got off at that 
town about midnight. Putting up at a small boarding 
house in Birtle, I started a fifteen-mile walk across the 
prairie early Sunday morning. I was heading for the 
small settlement of whites, known as Beulah. I got 
there in time for dinner, and I had a very nice wild 
duck on my arrival. 

There being no agricultural labor or work of any 
kind to be had in and around Beulah. I settled down to 
a life of ease and luxury. I engaged board and lodg- 
ing with the family I first called upon, and spent my 
days shooting wild duck, wild geese, ground gophers, 
which were considered a pest in those early days, the 
government paying a 2-cent bounty for their tails, a 
crude mistake, as Indians devoted their entire time to 
snaring them, detailing the little animals and letting 
them go again, so that the supply would not give out 
in future years. Thus the red Indian outwitted the 
great colonial government; but the mistake was soon 
straightened out by a head bounty instead of tail. 



TEE CANADIANS 101 

One of the boys in this family was county superin- 
tendent of public instruction, and, being short of 
school teachers, he advised me to attend the local school 
for a few months, and he would give me a pass to teach 
until I secured a regular certificate. I did so. But 
this school-going business did not quite meet with my 
approval, so after a few months I decided to go south, 
where I heard there was a very promising crop grow- 
ing and harvesters needed. 

From the very beginning I seemed to take to the vast 
prairie, and now had no inclination to leave it. Un- 
fortunately the crops around Beulah were going to be 
another bad failure this year; making two successive 
failures, as all grains were killed by early frosts the 
year previous. Thus there was nothing in sight for me 
in that vicinity. This was not only bad for men seek- 
ing work, but much worse for the poor struggling set- 
tlers, possessing pluck sufficient to settle there. Un- 
doubtedly they felt cast down and despondent. 

Packing a few duds together into a small hand 
satchel, I sallied out into the world once more. Steer- 
ing south, I walked on, one roasting hot July day. For 
upwards of twenty-five miles I hoofed it without hav- 
ing met a soul, or seen a house. Nor did I have any 
luncheon along, fancying that I would dine with many 
hospitable homesteaders on the way. In this I was 
sadly mistaken. There were none. But I surged along. 
Towards dark I beheld in the distance a small shanty. 
Arriving thereat, I found nobody there, but evidences 
of life were apparent. Mad hungry, I diligently 
searched the shanty in quest of food. Nothing more 
appetizing than a roll of half-melted butter, stowed 
away in a carpenter's tool chest, rewarded my hungry 
efforts. 

Disappointed and hungry, I felt weary, and made 
up my mind to go to bed. Before doing so, I took the 



IQ2 THE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

precaution to hide all the deadly weapons around the 
place, including the axe, so that if the owner should 
come during the night, he would not take me for a wild 
beast, and kill me in cold blood. But he never turned 
up, and I slept soundly. 

Going out in the morning, and gazing upon the vast 
horizon, I beheld smoke arising from a human habita- 
tion in the distance. To get there consumed but a very 
brief space of time. Knocking at the door, I was bid 
enter. On doing so, I noticed the good man of the 
house was conducting family prayer, preliminary 
thereto reading the Bible. Silently and reverently, I 
took a chair, and after devotions were ended I made 
known my dilemma. 

We had a most sumptuous breakfast. I found the 
people most charming. Unfolding my plans for their 
benefit, I was quickly told that this was the eighth of 
the month, and as the twelfth of July was not many 
days away, it would be better for me to wait and they 
would drive me to Hamiota, a long distance off, where 
they were going to attend the annual Orangemen's 
celebration. Gratefully thanking them, I so decided, 
and the next four days were very pleasantly spent as 
the guest of my new-found acquaintances. They were 
charming folk, and I shall always bear their extreme 
hospitality in grateful remembrance. 

''The twelfth" came. All went to the "Walk." 
Orangemen were there in their regalias. Preachers 
were there to deliver addresses. Politicians came from 
afar. The grandeur of the occasion overwhelmed me. 
Girls beautifully dressed in summer attire were numer- 
ous. Lace and network of every kno^vn variety made 
the ladies most bewitching. The festive lemonade stand | 

was also there for the purpose of serving cool and re- I 

freshing drinks. Behind its counter, I was called upon ^ 

to officiate. One of the brethren asked me to take his 



TEE CANADIANS 103 

place, while he took part in the Orange procession, 
which was to start somewhere and end at the speakers ' 
temporarily erected platform. Always willing to 
oblige, I did step inside. Moreover I dished out to the 
thirst-stricken at five cents per glass rather weak lem- 
onade. Some of my patrons even took the pains to 
assure me that my lemonade was only good water. 
But I hastily assured them that good water in this 
alkali region wasn't to be sneezed at. Thus merrily 
went the day. 

The speakers on this auspicious occasion were ven- 
omous with rage and fury. Only a short time before 
Sir John A. Macdonald, at that time premier of the 
Dominion of Canada, passed what was called the Jesu- 
its Estates Act. This was a parliamentary enactment, 
which gave the Roman Catholic church in Canada 
grants and money appropriations amounting to about 
four hundred thousand dollars. This highhanded per- 
formance on the part of the Canadian premier, and his 
parliament, was considered a grave sell-out to Roman- 
ism by the fiery Orange order. This being the first 
twelfth of July celebration since the obnoxious law was 
enacted, Orangemen throughout the country went wild. 
Political abuse was showered down upon the head of 
the foxy old premier. His defeat, when he went before 
the country again, was certain. His political scalp 
was already dangling at their belts. Old Sir John 
had outlived his usefulness and must be driven from 
power and political trickery. The arguments were that 
he sold out to Romanists, in order to capture the Romish 
hierarchy and their followers. Such a blot upon the 
political escutcheon of fair Canada could never be 
erased. 

Now, let us see what did actually take place. Sir 
John A. Macdonald did have the hardihood of going 
before the country again to ask its suffrage. He got 



104 ^'H^ IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

it, too. Once more he was triumphantly elected and 
returned at the head of the Ottawa government. The 
wily old politician had, during the campaign, so cleared 
up and ironed out his apparent blunder, that even 
the Orangemen turned in and helped his election. 

Sir John afterwards died in the governmental 
harness. 

This notable Scotch-Canadian did a great deal for the 
Dominion of Canada, and it was largely through his 
mastermind that Canada's first coast-to-coast line of 
railway was put through, which was a tremendous un- 
dertaking for so small a population, there not being 
more than twenty thousand souls in the vast empire 
lying west of Lake Superior at the time. 

Our Orange picnic came to a close, I bade adieu to 
my kind friends, and began making new acquaintances. 
That night I secured a seat on an ordinary farmwagon 
right down to Griswold, a small place three stations 
west of Brandon, on the main line of the Canadian 
Pacific Railway. 

This part of Manitoba seemed to be a veritable gar- 
den spot when compared to the unsettled region I had 
thus far been putting my time in. I was so satisfied 
with the prospects that I hastened out next day to 
seek a farm engagement. Going to the home of Mr. 
Robert Hall, that gentleman and his amiable wife 
invited me to make their place my headquarters until 
I secured a situation. Mr. Hall asked me if I could 
butcher hogs? I told him I could. At his request, 
therefore, I helped the boys kill and clean eighteen 
swine one day. But I was a novice at sticking and 
bleeding the animals. So the first one I tackled, took to 
the woods, leaving a bloody trail after it. Nothing 
daunted, I tried again. Before doing so, I took pains 
to ask a passing farmer the secret of hog-sticking. He 
told me to drive the knife in and cut upwards. After 



TEE CANADIANS 105 

that, there was no farther trouble, and the remainder 
of the pigs fell ready victims to my well-directed steel. 

Within a few days I got just what I was looking for. 
Mr. Thomas Ingram, who owned a half -section of land, 
just one-half mile north of the Griswold station, needed 
a harvest hand. I hired with him for three months, but 
put in four. His sister Miss Tillie kept house for us. 

Thus far my experiences with Canadians brought me 
into relationship with no nicer folk than Tom Ingram 
and his nice-looking sister. They were French-Can- 
adians, who had some years since moved from the East 
to the "West. They had a very comfortable home, and 
very pleasantly indeed the time passed. 

Harvesting on the apparently limitless grainfields, 
carved out of the boundless prairie, under the unpro- 
tected rays of a searchlight scorching sun is no easily 
borne task. The burning sun peeps under the leaf 
of your straw hat into your face until it finally dips 
down below the level, just as it appears to the ocean 
traveller. There are no nearby or distant hills to 
mercifully stand between the praire worker and the 
hot sun. In other parts of the world, high mountains 
will quite early in the afternoon shut off the burning 
rays, thereby making life more bearable to all laboring 
outdoors. Not so on the plains. Until the very last 
vestige of "Old Sol" hides itself beneath the earth 
there is no relief. 

Farming operations were carried on here much dif- 
ferent to what I had been accustomed in Ontario. In 
that province the country had been partially cleared of 
woods. Here and there, however, were left standing 
large stretches of the original forest, for firewood and 
lumber-cutting purposes. In Manitoba very little wood 
of any kind was to be found. Occasionally could be 
noticed light growths of soft wood, which were 
called bluffs. These small groves were shortlived 



106 THE IBISE-CANUCE-YANEEE 

once settlers got in, for they were ruthlessly cut away 
for fuel and fencing, yes and for house-building when 
gross enough. Nice little lakes also dotted the plains, 
and Manitoba has been particularly fortunate in that 
respect. 

Harvesting and threshing done, the fall plowing 
season came on, and after that was also finished, ray 
time with Mr. Ingram grew short, and I took my de- 
parture from his parts abou^ the middle of November, 
1889. Farmers attended to their own winter chores, 
such as looking after their cattle and all that sort of 
thing. Hauling and bucksawing a little firewood are 
about all the teaming and labor needed, making hired 
help unnecessary. 

Again I started hence, aiming for Winnipeg. It was 
now my intention to enter a business college and se- 
cure a commercial education. Sitting in my hotel one 
day I noticed an item in the newspaper I was reading to 
the effect that only one candidate out of every twenty 
examined are found eligible for the Northwest 
Mounted Police force, the medical examination is so 
rigid. Being always more or less imbued with the 
spirit of adventure, I reasoned within myself that right 
here was a very good opportunity to see what manner 
of man I was. With this end in view I hastened to the 
recruiting officer, who sent me at once to the examin- 
ing physician. The doctor nakedly put me through 
certain manoeuvres, pronounced me sound and fit. and 
withal a promising recruit. 

That selfsame night I started aboard the train going 
west for Regina, in the Northwest Territory. So far 
I rather liked the ovation and outlook. Regina being 
over 350 miles west of Winnipeg, we did not get there 
until midnight. As I stepped off the train an officer ap- 
proached, with the enquiry if I were a recruit. I 
answered in the affirmative. He then took me to the 



THE CANADIANS 107 

hotel, and told me to report at headquarters next day. 

Doing as I was told, I walked towards the barracks 
Sunday afternoon. The distance was about two miles 
west and a mile north of the track. Reaching the 
depot, I took possession without ceremony. Desirous 
of seeing and sizing-up everything and everybody, I 
hastily passed through one building after another un- 
til I completed the rounds. I saw the men at mess. I 
saw them in their reading and recreation rooms. In 
fact it did not take me very long to ascertain their 
whole manner of living and daily routine. Further- 
more, I slept in a narrow and hard cot that night and 
did not admire the prospect of continuing amid the 
same surroundings, as long as it was possible for me 
to do much better in civil life. I, therefore, hastily de- 
cided that I would cut loose from the military entangle- 
ments that were fast gathering me in for a period of 
years. 

According to the regulations governing enlistments 
in this fine body of men, I had to be re-examined by 
the physician-in-charge of the barracks. Before being 
brought into his surgery for another medical inspection, 
I had sent word that it would be unnecessary, as I had 
fully and finally decided not to be sworn in under any 
circumstances. But I soon discovered that I could not 
wiggle myself loose so easily. The doctor informed me 
that it was his duty to examine all recruits, and that 
he had nothing whatever to do with my enlistment. If 
he found me fit to become a mounted policeman, he 
would have to report me as such ; but if he made the 
discovery that I was physically imfit for the service, 
I would be at liberty to depart, having all my expenses 
paid to the point from which I came. As there was a 
two-dollar fee in sight for the doctor for the medical 
examination, I could easily see his eagerness to see 
me through. 



108 



TEE IBISE-CANUCK-YANKEE 



The army surgeon reported me unblemished. I was 
next taken before the commissioner. To him I ex- 
plained my change of heart. Kindly he told me that 
they had no desire to press any man into the service, as 
only too many were willing to serve voluntarily. 

After this interview with the commander, I was pre- 
sented with an itemized bill covering all expense in 
fetching me there, including two two-dollar medical 
fees, making altogether a sum total of nearly fifty 
dollars, which I grimly paid and departed. 

Of the Northwest Mounted Police force and its offi- 
cers, I had only words of praise and good will. A 
majority of them seemed to me to be foreigners. But 
in any event, they were a cleancut body of intelligent 
men, and great influence have they exercised in con- 
vincing settlers that there is a large measure of safety 
and security in the districts, no matter how remote, 
patrolled by these wideawake and ever alert officers. 

In those early days out in the Canadian Northwest, 
there were very few opportunities for employment at 
any season of the year, and scantier still in the winter 
season. So I did not delay my return to Winnipeg. 
Nor did I waste any time in seeking employment of 
some sort on my arrival in that city. Thus when I 
turned up at the employment office, I had no difficulty 
in getting an engagement. The job offered was not a 
very flattering one. It was nothing more nor less than 
driving a team of horses upon the prairie. Without 
hesitation, I accepted the proffered escape from 
idleness. 

Given my directions, I lost no time in leaving town. 
Boarding a sort of gravel train, pulling a threadbare 
coach behind, I went out not knowing whither. I 
noticed the line was a brand new one, with scarcely 
any stations, and no settlers on either side. Wilder- 
ness though it was, it couldn't feaze or frighten me. 



TEE CANADIANS 109 

Getting off at a little boxcar station named White 
Plains, the operator there told me that I had about 
eight miles yet to travel afoot before I got to my em- 
ployer's place. Along over the trackless prairie I 
surged. Quite a dark night, with a total absence of 
guiding lights, it was, but I continued my race on the 
snow-covered ground, shuddering a little now and then 
lest a pack of hungry prairie wolves, or other wild 
animals, ferociously attack me. Several times on the 
run I went considerable distance to enquire the way 
where I saw lights. Moreover the people called upon 
were non-English speaking settlers of the French-Can- 
adian type, and very little satisfaction could I get from 
their signs and tokens. 

At a late hour I reached the premises of Pearson 
Brothers, two Englishmen, who had decided to try 
their fortunes upon the banks of the Assiniboine river. 
I found quite a farming outfit, also a steamplant, as 
these progressive men were operating a modern steam 
creamery in addition to their farming activities. I 
introduced myself to the senior Pearson, and handed 
him my employment-office credentials. He then out- 
lined my work and wages, making me a full-fledged 
teamster at the munificent sum of fifteen dollars per 
month. 

Early the next morning I was given a team of horses, 
with instructions to cross the river, call at all farm- 
houses within sight on the way up for a distance of five 
miles, and pick up their milkcans; do the same on the 
other side of the Assiniboine on the return journey and 
bring the milk to the creamery. The weather being ex- 
tremely frosty, the milk was frozen hard in the cans, 
and had to be thawed out with a steamhose before it 
could be separated from the cream. The cans and 
"skimmilk" had to be returned to the farmers each 
afternoon. 



no TEE lEISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

But there were other things not so agreeable in sight. 
Mr. Pearson owned a large drove of cattle. He being 
a comparatively new settler in the prairie province of 
Manitoba, unfortunately he did not have a proper 
supply of hay on hand to fodder his stock. It was thus 
necessary to buy hay from the surrounding homestead- 
ers. The summer before being extremely hot, the 
drought left little hay available for cutting. Sloughs 
that made first-class meadows other summer seasons, 
dried up and grew nothing this year; and sloughs, 
where water lodged throughout the hot weather, dried 
up and yielded hay this year. Naturally, therefore, 
provender was scarce, and dear in proportion. But 
it must be provided at all hazards. The Pearsons were 
thus obliged to drive over vast prairie tracts in search 
of hay to feed their starving stock, and, having the 
reputation of being wealthy Englishmen, were com- 
pelled to pay exorbitant prices to the poor home- 
steader, whose only revenue was the few dollars de- 
rived from the sale of hay cut in meadow sloughs on 
his own land, or on government lands lying adjacent to 
his homestead, for in those early days crown lands were 
of mighty small value, and scarcely ever looked after. 
Numerous farmhouses studded both sides of the slop- 
ing banks of the Assiniboine, owing to the fact that the 
farms formed narrow strips back, thereby giving each 
holder access to the famous river with its abundant 
flow of fresh water, a feature very desirable in that 
alkali region. 

A Cheerless Christmas 

On December 24, 1889, another teamster and myself 
started out at an early hour in the morning to fetch a 
couple of loads of hay, and be back in time for holiday 
celebrations. We had not gone far ere a snow-blinding 
storm set in. This was my first redhot experience with 



TEE CANADIANS HI 

the blizzard of the plains. It was undoubtedly a severe 
" nor 'wester, " as they say. We had taken a luncheon 
along, but the meat and bread became frozen so hard 
that we could hardly knock off a morsel with a cold- 
chisel and hammer, alone bite it off. However, I sur- 
mounted this unhappy obstacle by putting the meat 
into my warm pants pocket, gnawing off the thawed 
parts as fast as mouthfuls became soft enough. On and 
on, over the trailless prairie we went that fatal after- 
noon, till we arrived at the homesteader's shanty. 

On going into the hut, the pain of my face became in- 
tense, and I wondered what the smarting all meant. 
But the boys told me that I was badly frozen. Quickly 
I applied a poultice of snow, getting partial relief. 
Stabling being found for my team of horses, through 
the courtesy of the homesteader turning his yoke of 
oxen outdoors from their dugout, all the livestock he 
possessed, I made the shack my sleeping quarters for 
the night. Although I had lots of bedclothing, such as 
it was, piled on top of me, still I was not bothered 
with heat. 

The other teamster and the homesteader went a 
distance of some three miles farther away, in order to 
secure shelter for his tired team as well. Spending a 
tiresome night in this fireless hut, amid such comfort- 
less surroundings, I got up timely Christmas Day. My 
friends in the meanwhile arrived. They were about 
as refreshed as I was. To get at the hay presented 
another problem. Snow-shoveling should be done. 
The stack was literally buried, and we must either bur- 
row or tunnel our way in. 

Loading up a couple of small jags, we didn't get 
very far before we were capsized. Again and again 
this trouble overcame us on the journey home. The 
new-fallen snow was soft and untrodden, so travel was 
slow. Moreover we were in imminent danger of our 



112 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

horses becoming so tired-out as to make further 
progress impossible. 

"We did our best, however, and reached the Pearson 
farm with hay for the starving cattle about midnight 
Christmas Day, fully thirty hours behind time. My 
frostbitten face bore silent testimony of a strenuous 
time. It was so badly peeled off and disfigured upon 
that never-to-be-forgotten drive, and nipped many 
times thereafter ere the winter subsided, that the ill- 
effects are visible to this day. This was my first experi- 
*ence with a northwestern blizzard, and I have never 
hankered for a repetition of the unpleasant occasion 
since. 

Besides hauling hay to hungry cattle, my teaming 
consisted of many other kinds as well. From the 
nearby Assiniboine river we cut and housed several 
hundred tons of four-foot ice. That winter went down 
into history as the severest heretofore recorded, con- 
sequently the famous winding river froze to its bed. 
Harvesting ice in a sixty-below-zero brand of weather 
is a cold, slow and slobbery job. "When the water got 
well splashed upon you, and froze in a jiffy into thick 
ice, an ice harvester feels quite stiff, like ancient 
knights done up in steel armour. But when the thaw 
comes later on he feels like a dishcloth. 

By the 17th of March (St. Patrick's Day) I had 
enough of the Pearson Brothers' establishment, so I 
determined to depart. They refused to pay me the 
wages asked, and if a fifteen-dollar-board-washing-and- 
lodging man could do their work it would be unpar- 
donable folly, on their part, to pay more. They were 
very estimable gentlemen, who saw farming possibili- 
ties through rose-colored glasses in such a glowing man- 
ner that they were not afraid to risk their handsome 
fortunes on developing the wild lands of the untamed 



THE CANADIANS 113 

prairie. Their plant was officially known as the Ashley- 
Jersey Dairy Farm, 

Even at this dairy farm, located on the high-up banks 
of the Assiniboine, some things that partook of the 
paradox presented themselves. The two Pearsons 
were known as Englishmen — not of the remittance 
type, though. On the contrary, they were recognized 
as of that progressive class known as empire-builders, 
of which kind little England has sent its full quota 
throughout the world to wield far-reaching influence. 
But, strange as it may seem, these enterprising men 
imported to Manitoba two workwomen all the way 
from Limerick, Ireland, and one workman, which trio 
enjoyed the supreme confidence of the masters of the 
place — the girls indoors, while the man practically took 
charge outdoors. With mj^self added, we formed a 
quartette, which went far towards making the Ashley 
Farm a model Irish layout, even to the old country 
brogue. In fact we held the fort against all comers, 
in spite of the circumstance that a little army of ar- 
tisans, consisting of masons, brieklaj'-ers, carpenters, 
painters and plumbers found employment in building 
and equipping the Pearsons' place all through the 
winter. The vast barn was a most modern one. It 
seemed far in advance of everything else I had noticed 
in the province. Steamheated, electric lighted, with a 
copious supply of running water everywhere. Even 
the livestock didn't have to leave their stalls to drink. 
Kight through their mangers water flowed freely, and 
all that was necessary was to slide back a cover when 
drinking time came. To this day I have never seen 
anything half as elaborate in the way of handy farming 
equipment. 

From the day I left the employ of the Pearsons, I 
lost sight of both themselves and their farm. But 
twenty years afterwards when in Winnipeg I was told 



114 THE IBISH-CANUCEYANKEE 

that these worthy men had been obliged to relinquish 
their farming operations; and "gone broke." I was 
also told that they had gone into the land business, 
opening an office in "Winnipeg, just before western land 
values began to soar, and were now millionaires. If 
my old employers are so fortunate, none will begrudge 
them less than I. 

Having completed four months in my last situation, 
I hastened to Winnipeg, in order to be on hand when 
the early spring hiring movement took place. This 
was towards the latter part of March. Making the 
acquaintance of a fellow-Irishman, Mr. W. H. D'arcy, 
western claims agent for the Canadian Pacific Railway, 
I was, through him, put in touch with the company's 
agent at Port Arthur, Ontario, who had just reached 
the city of Winnipeg, for the purpose of hiring men to 
take back to Lake Superior with him at the opening of 
navigation. At the C. P. R. employment office I was 
engaged to go East. Of course where such a large body 
of men were going to be hired, a fee of one dollar each 
was considerable, and was not to be overlooked by 
even such a vast corporation as the transcontinental 
railway company. I paid it. Then we were given free 
transportation to the head of the great lakes, some 
430 miles east. Our duties were "dock wallopping," 
which is undoubtedly a marine phrase of the expressive 
kind. But, using more dignified English, we would call 
the same work trucking and handling freight. 

Large fresh-water steamers docked alongside quite 
a big freightshed, while the railway goods-carrying 
cars ran in on the opposite side of the shed, and into 
which merchandise was trans-shipped for western 
transportation. Such means of furthering freight were 
employed through the summer months, and while there 
was open water. But when navigation became impossi- 
ble because of ice, all merchandise went west by rail. 



TEE CANADIANS 115 

Lake and rail being much cheaper, that method of 
forwarding goods is pushed to the limit in the summer 
time, especially in the case of slow-moving and un- 
perishable goods. But this particular year there 
seemed little doing. Accordingly the freight handlers 
and stevedores were daily idly sunning themselves on 
the wharf, looking out for the arrival of boats. More- 
over when they did come, they were only half laden 
with cargo, which was very unsatisfactory. As the 
men were paid by the hour, and steady employment 
being out of the question, their monthly wages were 
very small. This condition of things brought on trou- 
ble. The dearth of work and small pay when the men 
did work, only fifteen cents straight per hour, brewed 
unpleasantness for the eorapanj^ In addition thereto, 
hours of labor were unsatisfactory. Vessels docked 
at midnight quite frequently, Sunday included, and the 
men were expected to be on hand to unload. Then it 
was steady rushing, day and night, until the steamer 
departed on its eastern trip again. Unloading and 
loading up, as each vessel carried back a cargo of 
flour, wheat, or other western products, consumed a 
couple of days and a like number of nights, during 
which time the men labored without rest or sleep, and 
then laid off both day and night until the arrival 
of the next vessel. 

Dissatisfied men did not return to Winnipeg, but 
got away from Port Arthur and Fort William by 
water, entering the United States, and once there 
hardly ever returned. 

During my period of service with the C. P. R. on 
the north shore of ''The Great Unsalted Sea," Lake 
Superior, things went on rather smoothly. However, 
working hours became so scarce that I grew disgruntled 
as well as the rest. Our hours had dwindled down to 
something infinitesimal. So one day three large coal 



116 TEE IBISE-CANUCK-YANKEE 

barges, from some point in the United States, anchored 
at the coal wharf, and the foreman at once ordered the 
freight handlers to go shovel coal and unload the coal 
boats. 

Handing a big bunch of keys to a trusty, the foreman 
said: "Coys, get shovels and go shovel coal." At the 
same moment the tools were being hurled out of the 
storeroom fast and furious. Men grabbed them with 
alacrity. I held back, and went walking slowly up the 
long warehouse. Just then a young Scotchman, shovel 
on shoulder, followed me up, and asked me if I would 
work at the coal. "Certainly not ; nor did I ever come 
to Canada to become a coal heaver," I answered. 
At that, he threw his shovel out of his hands as far as 
he could, saying he wouldn't either. The falling 
shovel made a resounding noise, which at once attracted 
the attention of the foreman. He quickly took in what 
had happened. He next hastened up to where I was 
calmly standing. Tiger-like he yelled out, "Are you 
going to shovel coal?" " 'Tis the least of my notion," 
I answered. 

"Then, byjeesuskrist, the Canadian Pacific Railway 
Company will keep no such man upon its payroll. You 
not only refuse to do what you're told yourself, but 
you're putting badness into other men's heads. You 
can come around tomorrow and get your time." 

The men went to their work, as ordered. Later on I 
appeared at the foreman's office and demanded my 
time in full. "Sparling," he said, "you do things too 
hastily, you had better go to your boarding house and 
come back tomorrow when the boat comes in and con- 
tinue your work." He was so nice about it, I so agreed. 

For more than six weeks longer I stayed in the ser- 
vice of the company. Most of the men praised me for 
the independence shown. But I considered it quite 
unfair, even though I was willing, to take away the 



TEE CANADIANS 117 

work from the regular coal-heavers, for which they 
received twenty-five cents an hour, and do it for only 
fifteen cents per hour. The foreman also treated me 
with more courtesy than before the coal incident. He 
promised to watch for an opportunity to send me back 
free to Winnipeg, from whence I came. Such chances 
quite frequently offered themselves, as horses and other 
live-stock were sent west by boat, then had to be ac- 
companied by a caretaker in the ears to their desti- 
nation. But even this kindness on his part I refused. 

Thus one day, I called at his office, making a final de- 
mand for my time in full. He said he wouldn't pay me 
until I brought a receipt from my boarding-house land- 
lady showing that my board bill was paid up. It had 
been the custom of the Company to turn over at the 
paycar every month all moneys due boarding-house 
keepers. However, this was never done in my case. I 
was fairly well able to take care of my living expenses 
as they matured. 

Insisting, therefore, upon discontinuing in the service 
of the great Canadian railway company, I received 
what I had due me, after my fare from Winnipeg to 
Port Arthur was deducted, something wellnigh thirteen 
dollars, or three cents per mile. Contracts read that if 
the men finished the season, at the close of navigation 
free transportation would be tendered them to Winni- 
peg, along with having their fare to their work also re- 
mitted. But in case of quitting the company before 
seeing the season through, the price of a first-class 
ticket would be withheld from wages due, the quitter 
receiving the balance. This was my lot. I was not 
sent back, nor did I care to go. Neither did I have a 
first-class passage down, although nothing less would 
satisfy the big transportation company to hold out. 

Green as I was in those early days of my sojourn, 
this giant-like corporation found it difficult enough to 



llg TEE IFdSH-CANUCKYANKEE 

browbeat me into their small and shabby way of deal- 
ing with men. Quite naturally, ever since I bade adieu 
to the northern country myself, I have been very much 
interested in the whys and wherefores others also took 
their departure therefrom. 

Port Arthur, on Lake Superior, and Fort William, 
on the Kaministikwia river, are sister towns, about 
four miles apart. Both are very nicely situated, by 
reason of which advantage many tourists and pleasure- 
seekers often summer there, availing themselves of the 
many opportunities found in that neighborhood for 
fishing, fowling and camping out. The climate is 
particularly pleasant during the hot season, owing 
to the close proximity of the big lake, and angling is 
peculiarly fascinating in these parts owing to the many 
little rivulets and small lakes there abounding. Be- 
sides all this the surrounding country is park-like, 
being beautifully adorned by trees, and many other 
natural advantages. 

It was amid these environments I put in four months 
of the summer season of 1890. Less favored surround- 
ings could hardly have begotten so charming a lot of 
townspeople. Port Arthur was much the larger town 
of the two in those days. The town up stream seemed 
to be little more than a base for large grain elevators ; 
but since those embryo days, I am informed, Fort 
William has outstripped its nearest neighbor in point 
of population and commercial importance. 

One more advantage these twin cities have that 
might be mentioned here. Travelers and tourists, rail- 
ing it east or west, find them a convenient resting 
spot. Westbound parties, having seen nothing but 
rocks, rivers, lakes and ragged mountains all the way 
from North Bay, a distance of nearly 650 miles, feel 
gratified upon their arrival at these nice breathing 
spots. The country just left behind is one of the most 



TEE CANADIANS 119 

uninviting possible. It would take a globe-trotter to 
discover much worse. In and out around the arms of 
Lake Superior, one finds little to admire, save the 
pluck and sagacity of the founders of the C. P. railway. 
Almost barren of a rib of grass, vegetation, or human 
habitation, is this entire stretch of country. Ra^^ Por- 
tage (now Kenora), bordering on the boundary line 
separating the provinces of Ontario and Manitoba, is 
the last breathing spot noticeable to all eastbound pas- 
sengers until the twin towns are reached, quite 300 
miles further east. 

We, therefore, cannot wonder at these hardy people 
priding themselves on their pleasantly-situated towns. 
Once I happened to be on hand when the Duke of Con- 
naught, with his retinue, passed home that way from 
the Far East. Of course we didn't let him get by with- 
out the mayor and other city authorities stepping 
aboard his private car and presenting him with an 
address. Few in fact try to get past on this the Do- 
minion's main iron artery for coast-to-coast traffic, 
without being entertained in some way by these good 
Port- Arthur-Fort-William Canadians. The duke named 
was Queen Victoria's son. 

Well, I betook myself away from the scenes of my 
summer work, practically shoved out of Canada, 
through its back door, by the Canadian Pacific Rail- 
way Company's representative. But what cared I for 
all these things? I got into the place by rail, and I was 
getting out of it by navigation. Across the lake we 
headed in our shore-hugging mail steamer. Ordinarily 
we would get to Duluth, Minnesota, in one night's 
steaming. But having to call in for and deliver mail 
matter to the fishermen all along the way, we touched 
shore many times. We all felt pleased with this innova- 
tion. Quite a number of passengers were aboard. Sev- 
eral nice Chicago tourists were on the fast-running 



120 



THE lEISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 



little steamer, and, while in their company, I began 
to like Yankees so well that I already imagined I had 
made a mistake not to betake myself away from the 
Canadian shore earlier. A story worth relating was 
told, which I will undertake to tell again. Chicago 
men are celebrated for many good things, amongst 
which might be mentioned storytelling. So we all 
listened with interest. It ran: A certain drunkard 
could not be kept sober no matter how his friends tried. 
So they contrived a plan to frighten the drink habit 
out of him. Accordingly they dug a grave in the ceme- 
tery, placed him while in a drunken stupor in a coffin, 
buried him in the new-made grave, lightly covering 
him with grass, ferns and such like. Sobering up in 
due time, he crawled out of his grave, and standing by 
the side of it, scanned the surrounding gravestones, 
then suddenly clapped his hands exclaiming, ** Resur- 
rection morning, and I am the first on deck." 

I was now lock, stock and barrel out of Canada. 
However, I had made many very estimable friends in 
that country, and it was my intention to return to 
visit them again sometime. This chance did not come 
to me until more than six years afterwards. 

One September, years after my departure from 
Canada, I felt as if I needed a rustic outing, and think- 
ing of my friends in Ontario I hastened thither. It 
was a charming time of the year and I enjoyed this 
renewal of old acquaintanceship thoroughly. 

As usual, they were working hard. It was the same 
old grind with them from 5 a. m. until all hours p. m., 
but different with me. Having educated myself at a 
college, I now held more important posts than soil 
cultivation. But I found my friends satisfied, and 
when you meet folk happy and contented with their 
lot in life, it is a very safe procedure to let them con- 
tinue so. In the modest walks of life many men are 



TEE CANADIANS 121 

a tower of strength and usefulness, while in the more 
exalted spheres they would turn out miserable failures. 
Thus it was with my Canadian country friends. In 
their old home environments, they were joyously eon- 
tent, and their happiness increased, if anything, at 
the opportunity offered when returning friends called 
upon them for entertainment, for nowhere do we find 
a more hospitable and entertaining class of people than 
the Canadians resident in the province of Ontario. 
Thus I found them, and of their manifold courtesies 
I drank deep for six weeks. Could not break away 
sooner. During the time I renewed old acquaintances, 
and made many new ones. At church, in their homes, 
and at the market places I met and enjoyed their com- 
pany. Compared with American city life, which had 
fallen to my lot for several years back, my rusticating 
seemed like a paradise amongst such estimable friends 
and delightful entertainers. It was thus with mixed 
feelings that I departed from their midst. These were, 
gratefulness for past favors, and a determination to 
come again and again, which good resolution I have 
sacredly kept. 

Returning once more to the United States, I did not 
again call on Canadians for several years. Meanwhile 
I kept in rather close touch with affairs in that country, 
through newspapers and private correspondents. 

Entering Canada at Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, travel- 
ing over the "Soo" railway line, which is an auxiliary 
of the Canadian Pacific, I was somewhat entertained 
on the train by a Canadian fellow-passenger, with 
whom I struck up an acquaintance. During our con- 
versation I very quickly perceived that my newfound 
friend was a very enthusiastic colonist. I asked him 
why the Dominion was so backward. Being well primed 
with facts pertaining to the development and popu- 
lation of Canada, I knew whereof I spoke. Indeed, I 



X22 TEE IBISH-CANUCE-YANKEE 

was much surprised when this apparently intelligent 
gentleman undertook to assure me that the great cause 
for Canada's backwardness lay in the drink evil. He 
further assured me that the time was now fast ap- 
proaching when the Dominion of Canada would lead 
all other countries in the total prohibition of liquor. 

This was all news to me, for I am stating the God's 
truth when I say that up to the time of this train talk I 
had never touched, tasted, nor handled either spiritu- 
ous, vinous or fermented liquors all the while I was in 
that country ; nor did I see many others doing so. But 
coming from the great republic, right here a new light 
dawned upon me, and the more I saw of Canada and 
Canadians from that day on, the more I became con- 
vinced that this form of colonial narrowness had more 
to do with retarding the growth and prosperity of the 
colony than all other evils put together. The gentle- 
man, who so unwittingly aroused me to action along 
investigating lines pertaining to this so-called handicap 
to Canadian progress, happened to be a physician and 
surgeon. He was on his way to make a professional 
call, or calls, in some small measle-strieken community 
along the railway line. That a doctor should talk so 
foolish, was a mystery to me, when I knew that many 
a life has been saved by the administration of liquor, 
when other drugs and antidotes failed. That such a 
useful commodity should be prohibited by any civilized 
people, was far beyond my comprehension, and I at 
once attributed this physician's foolishness to an un- 
fortunate colonial idea that has worked a world of 
harm in Canada. 

This was my second visit to the old stamping 
grounds, but, owing to press of business in the United 
States, where I was interested, I did not have a chance 
to stay long. But while I was in the country I made 
the most of my time, getting around extensively. All 



TEE CANADIANS 123 

the old boys, who had not left the country, were work- 
ing in the usual Canadian way — from dawn to dark — 
day in and day out. Instead of seeing earmarks of a 
forward march, I beheld evidences of decay and back- 
wardness here and there. Towns and villages, which 
gave every reason to believe would eventually develop 
into places of importance, had fallen into public notice 
just the opposite. 

My next annoyance to Canadian friends was made 
two years afterwards. Other similar visitations have 
been made at stated intervals about two years apart 
since. On each of these occasions, I made new dis- 
coveries regarding Canadian life, when brought into 
comparison with the customs of the people of the 
United States. Each successive trip more emphatically 
impressed me with the fact that there was something 
seriously wrong with Canada and Canadians that must 
be righted some time, ere the country can make that 
headway, which is its due, by reason of its size and 
geographical location. Like Ireland, Canada has lost 
its greatest asset — the loss of its native brain and 
brawn of the youthful and accomplishing variety ; but, 
unlike the Green Isle, the Dominion has secured instead 
enough of the rang-and-tang element of other countries 
to strike a balance sheet insofar as population is con- 
cerned. That the swap gives Canada the worst end 
of the deal, from one viewpoint, is certain; but that 
it is beneficial in pnother aspect is equally true. 

For more than twenty years I had been visiting and 
passing through the province of Ontario, learning new 
things pertaining to its life, religion and industry every 
time. I had approached it by nearly all its land ar- 
teries, as well as its water communication, for I had 
landed both at Quebec and Montreal, which is the ex- 
treme head of ocean navigation. But I had not visited 



124 ^SE JBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

Western Canada since I first left it in April, 1890. My 
next move was in that direction. 

Starting from the JMinnesota cities of Minneapolis 
and St. Paul, I arrived in Winnipeg, Manitoba, after an 
absence of nearly twenty years. My call was an im- 
portant one. I went up with the intention of acquiring 
from twenty thousand to one hundred thousand acres 
of Canadian wheatlands, away out in the western por- 
tion of the country. 

I was pleased to see that Winnipeg had made tre- 
mendous strides along every line necessary to build up 
a metropolitan city. It being the gateway to the west, 
above all else it was desirable that Winnipeg should 
present a hustling citylike appearance, for first im- 
pressions of a new country leave strangers and capi- 
talists in either a mood of pessimism, or optimism, the 
former if people and their surroundings seem unpro- 
gressive, and the latter if evidences of energetic pro- 
gression are visible. Therefore my first impression of 
this fine city of the great Canadian west was all that 
could be desired. Its wide and cleanly kept streets 
were paved with asphalt, granite paving blocks and 
other durable materials. Magnificent temples of com- 
merce, known as skyscrapers, numerously studded the 
well lighted streets and avenues. A superior street 
car service, and first-class departmental stores, the like 
of which older and far more important cities could not 
boast of, were here. Hustle and bustle, all of which 
betokened a busy commercial life, were witnessed on 
every hand. The Canadian Pacific Railway Company 
had but recently put in extensive improvements cost- 
ing millions of dollars. Their new combination hotel 
and passenger station was a marvel for completeness 
and grandeur. The trainshed and business offices of 
the railroad were worthy of a capital city ten times the 
magnitude of Winnipeg. Marked improvements in all 



TBE CANADIANS 125 

directions were observable. An upward and onward 
movement had gained such an impetus that hencefor- 
ward slow-going easterners would have to bestir them- 
selves if they desired to keep abreast of western pro- 
gressiveness. The city of the plains was a thoroughly 
modern growth. It had practically all taken place 
within the present decade. Old landmarks were razed 
and new structures raised in their stead. There was 
very little left to remind the stranger of the olden 
days, when the Indian and his Red River cart occupied 
Main street. 

It was into such a town I now came on my land-seek- 
ing mission. But advancement was not confined to 
this prairie gateway. The entire country west of it 
had felt the footprints of life and activity. Within 
a very short space of time, marvellous strides had been 
made in soil cultivation as well. Settlers had poured 
from the western states of the United States into the 
"Western Canadian provinces. They were after the 
virgin soil yet available there. With them came money 
and movables. Lands in their own country having 
been picked over many times, the restless spirit of up- 
and-doing so proverbially attached to the name of 
Yankee, drove them thither seeking new fields to con- 
quer. The Canadians had land in abundance to sell, 
and were putting forth every effort to sell it ; while the 
Americans were in the market for land and had the 
money to pay for it at any cost. 

When an American goes after anything, he usually 
gets it. Therefore, he did not go empty-handed when 
making his bid for Canada's fair soil. But he traveled 
thither in a businesslike manner, aboard his own pri- 
vate car, fully equipped with an efficient corps of chefs, 
waiters, porters and such other employees as became 
necessary to warrant a certain degree of comfort while 
exploiting the fertile regions of the Dominion. 



136 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

It was with such a party I cast my lot in Winnipeg. 
It was not a party of land novices. It was made up 
of men who had helped to build up the United States 
into a world-power. They had caught and tamed the 
wild and woolly plains of their own country, and were 
now eager to put the practically untouched portions of 
Canada through the same process. 

Yankees are not last in getting there, but first. Ac- 
cordingly we traveled over the half-spiked and un- 
finished roadbed of the new national transcontinental 
railway line, the Grand Trunk Pacific. "We did not 
operate our improvised train of gravel cars, to the rear 
end of which our coaches were attached by the dis- 
patcher at headquarters, but paddled along as best we 
could imder track orders. So warped and uneven did 
the newlaid rails seem that at times we imagined we 
would become ditched. However, these fears were not 
verified, and as we ran slowly and carefully along, roll- 
ing in our berths from side to side as the coaches 
swayed and swung violently, I mused in my mind that 
the future of Western Canada was at last assured. 
Heretofore it had fallen upon evil days, being partially 
peopled by a shiftless and moneyless lot, who proved 
anything but stayers. Now empire-builders had taken 
hold. Traveling over the prairie in vehicles and auto- 
mobiles, we here and there stopped at the modest homes 
of plucky settlers, to test their water and analyze their 
living conditions. Invariably the answers to our pry- 
ing inquiries were optimistic. 

A ten-day trip with a live, wide-awake and intelli- 
gent body of American landseekers and landlookers 
was an agricultural education not soon to be forgotten. 
We passed through a country that I had personally 
walked over twenty years before. Then it was prac- 
tically valueless, and no one cared to take it for the 
asking. 



TEE CANADIANS 127 

The Almighty Himself had been trying to give it 
away for thousands of years, but failed. 

The Canadian government had advertised it as free, 
but it was all to no use, people looked sideways at it 
and passed on. 

Finally the Canadian Pacific Railway Company came 
along and reluctantly agreed to accept some thirty 
million acres, or more, of it. The few who took it up 
first, got tired of their prospects and decamped. The 
railway people sold at a nominal price many acres, re- 
quiring small payments down, the balance in long- 
drawn-out installments, but the payments were rarely 
met, the land reverting back to the company. 

But this was all a part of the Divine plan. In the 
eyes of Providence the time had not yet arrived when 
this immense fertile region was to be fully and finally 
brought under the hand of man, in order that a full 
measure of human use might be derived from it. 

A far-seeing Creator does not permit one generation 
to catch all the fish in the sea ; or mine all the minerals 
and coal in the bowels of the earth ; nor allow all the 
virgin soil to be impoverished by them; but instead a 
full share is reserved for the use of future generations 
untouched and unexploited. Thus we notice, wealthy 
mining strikes in out-of-the-way and unexplored re- 
gions at intervals of fifty years apart. We have heard 
of the California gold discoveries in 1849. We have 
also noticed the Klondyke rush for the yellow metal a 
half century later. 

Thus I have briefly illustrated the ways of nature. 
God has a plan for doing everything, and He rarely 
deviates from it. Moreover He treats all things alike. 
So with the great Canadian west. The time had not 
yet come for it to be fully understood in those days of 
which I speak. It had arrived at last, though, and we 
were .there as the forerunners. 



128 TEE IBISH-CANUCE-TANKEE 

After a fifty-mile drive over the vast prairie one day, 
I stood at the opening of our tent and watched a 
heavenly sight never to be forgotten for its grandeur. 
It seemed as if the beauties of the upper world were 
shining approvingly down upon us. They were the 
Northern Lights, or more commonly known as the 
aurora borealis. Suddenly away in the southeast we 
could notice a rather brilliant light start in a beclouded 
sky. Then it went shooting and stretching out its 
electrical display imtil the entire firmament was one 
panorama of brilliance and grandeur. Such a magnifi- 
cent sight I had never before witnessed. Mirages, and 
many other prairie illusions, I had previously seen and 
noticed ; but this was the first time I had witnessed the 
renowned "lights" with such resplendent splendor, 
"We were all charmed with the beautiful sight. It 
seemed as if the Almighty and ourselves had arrived 
at the same time, He to give the country an improved 
climate, and we to take full advantage of the good 
things a Supreme Being saw fit to bestow upon us. In 
many instances God and man have to work together, 
in order to fulfil the Divine plan. I considered the 
present was a time for united action. Already it had 
been proved beyond all doubt that with the cultivation 
of the soil came a change in climate. The harnessing 
of the one tamed the other. Then together they went 
hand-in-hand carrying out the ways of nature. 

As I stood there that memorable night, after viewing 
the works of man and reviewing the doings of the 
Supreme power, I could not avoid exclaiming within 
myself that, "The Bigness of this Big Country cannot 
help fascinating Big Men into doing Big Things." 
Upon one and the same day I had seen the earthly in- 
termix with the heavenly, both bearing testimony. 

We came, we saw, we were satisfied. Bringing up 
the tail end of a long string of ballasting cars, we 



HOOFING THE PRAIRIE. 




C. JOHN SPARLING. 

(A summer scene in western Canada.) 



TEE CANADIANS 129 

started on the return trip to Winnipeg. Our coaches 
were crowded with men jubilant over what they saw. 
The new railroad being yet in the hands of the con- 
struction department, without accident we arrived in 
"Winnipeg. 

Harvest time was fast approaching in the northwest, 
and harvest hands were arriving by the thousand on 
trouble trains from the east. These trains are so 
dubbed by reason of the rough-and-tumble element that 
takes advantage of the cheap rates offered by them 
to get to the golden wheat fields. Had heard a great 
deal about them, so I took advantage of the oppor- 
tunities offered at this time to see them for myself. 
Stepping into the trainshed, I found one about to 
steam west with its load of trouble-makers. Its make- 
up consisted of twenty colonist sleepers, a bumper 
boxcar next to the tender, and a big freight engine, 
that the conductor in charge assured me would waltz 
the long string of cars, and its living freight, out west 
at the rate of forty miles an hour. 

Twenty years before I had traveled in similar 
coaches, and under almost identical conditions. So as 
a reminder of old times, I took pains to walk through 
the entire train, beginning at the first and ending at 
the last so-called coach. Every car, every seat below 
and above, were occupied with as hardy a lot of men 
as could well be found anywhere. They had come a 
long distance, and seemed more or less fatigued. But 
they were a brawny lot of empire-builders, and such as 
would lead the casual observer to believe that the 
harvest fields these willing harvesters got into would 
be quickly taken care of. As precautionary measures 
against loss to the company, and damage to the cars, 
all unnecessary decorations and trimmings were re- 
moved from the stripped train of ears. There it stood 
late in the evening dimly lighted, unupholstered, un- 



130 TEE lEISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

watered and insanitary. It was the product of the C. 
P. R., a pioneer in such comfortless and inconvenient 
rolling stock. But it was a money-maker for the trans- 
portation company, notwithstanding the low rate given 
to travel upon it. Of course it never ran upon schedule. 
Nor did it encumber the tracks when more important 
traffic required the right-of-way. It became side- 
tracked when it suited, and went forward when it did 
not impede the progress of other trains. 

Nor were these Canadian citizens allowed the use of 
the regular passenger station. A part of it was fenced 
off and there the Canadian harvester was penned in, 
so that he could not intermix with other passengers. 

Just think of it. Right in his own country he was 
thus humiliated. Even this sort of treatment is not 
quietly submitted to by the new arrivals from European 
non-English speaking countries. But the average 
Canadian doesn't look for much and gets it. As long 
as he is permitted to work unmolested from early morn- 
ing until late at night, he seems satisfied. In this 
particular he is fortunate, for very few from other 
nations try to outrival him in that respect. Foreigners 
seek better things. 

These trains have to be policed, and are not fit for 
women to travel upon. From start to finish rowdyism 
reigns supreme. Excursionists thus traveling have to 
provide their own grub, which, in the majority of cases, 
is principally whiskey. Sustentation upon such fare 
for a period of two or three days does not produce that 
harmony amongst these rough travelers that quiet peo- 
ple happening to be aboard might wish for. 

Between the old province of Manitoba and the new 
Saskatchewan province I spent over a month of great 
activity in getting around, during which time I looked 
and learned. Nearly every moment spent in the 
Canadian west was fruitful of new and unlooked-for 



THE CANADIANS 131 

revelations. Large cities and good-sized towns were, 
phoenix-like, springing up at many points. New rail- 
roads were being built, and old lines extended and 
branched. Lands heretofore practically unsalable, or if 
sold at all fetched only a few dollars per acre, were 
now easily marketed at prices varying from ten dollars 
an acre to one hundred dollars, according to location 
and nearness to railroads, towns and cities. 

Science and scientific research were proving to the 
satisfaction of all, that where large stretches of coun- 
try were broken up and brought under cultivation, 
there was nothing whatever to be feared from early 
frosts, hitherto the arch enemy of the grain grower in 
these parts. It was discovered that ploughed land 
soaked in and absorbed sufficient heat during the hot 
part of the day to give out at night to ward off and 
antagonize these frosts. Therefore, large areas of up- 
turned soil presented a barrier against the possibility 
of crop failure from frost. These and many other new 
discoveries were made in the west, all of which im- 
pressed me most favorably, and which I am pleased to 
give here for the benefit of possible calamity howlers 
into whose hands this work may fall. 

Having once more taken the pains to visit the west- 
ern end of the Dominion of Canada, I took my de- 
parture therefrom and went to Eastern Canada once 
more, arriving in Toronto the latter part of November, 
1908. The previous winter I spent in the British Isles, 
and not caring to cross over so soon again, I decided 
to pass the winter amongst my old friends in Ontario. 
That the months following brought me into closer con- 
tact with Eastern Canadians, their ways, their general 
condition and working methods I very quickly per- 
ceived. Men seemed very scarce, having gone either 
to the United States or the Canadian northwest. For 
those who stayed, work was abundant, wages high and 



133 TEE IBISH-CANUCE-YANKEE 

working hours considerably curtailed. The slave-driv- 
ing that was so prevalent everywhere in years gone by 
liad been superseded by a more rational mode of doing 
things. The youth of the unfortunate country had 
grown very tired of the drudgery imposed upon them 
by hard-working fathers, and fled. Work that the old 
fellows could have performed with ease, and freedom 
from fatigue, owing to their more rugged old country 
constitutions, more fully developed still by the pioneer- 
ing incident to the clearing up of a bush-covered coun- 
try, could not be managed at all by the younger genera- 
tions, who seemed to have neither the strength nor in- 
clination to continue in the steps of their fathers and 
forefathers. 

From house to house I visited my very many friends 
all through the winter season. The ladies in each place 
treated me most courteously. But that is their natures. 
Nowhere can a more hospitable class be found. For 
cleanliness, good cookery and neatly kept homes, the 
women of Canada are par excellence. I have always 
found that if one wishes to be courteous and obliging, 
people, almost without exception, wnll meet you more 
than half way. On the other hand, if a person goes 
around the world with a sour disposition, seeking 
trouble ; or with a chip on his shoulder daring anybody 
to knock it off, will very soon find himself accommo-. 
dated. I have further noticed that if a man wants a 
pleasant time upon fun-making occasions, he must be 
agreeable, turning in and doing his full moiety. Then 
there will be little room for the complaint that the 
thing was a frost. Of this there need be no doubt 
whatever. 

"Well, I was at all times happy when it lay in my 
power to assist the ever-working Canadian ladies in 
their own homes. I would fill the kitchen woodbox 
with stovewood from the woodshed, prepare a small 



TEE CANADIANS 133 

quantity of liglitwood for kindling the fire in the morn- 
ing, pump and fetch in hard water from the well, fill 
the reservoir in the back part of the cooking stove with 
soft water from the cistern and occasionally help the 
girls wipe the dishes after the meal was over ; also churn 
once in a while. These, and such other little knick- 
knacks as would fall to my notice, I took pleasure in 
performing, often to the amusement of my kind host- 
esses. 

Then again, when I met the ladies in the town on 
market days, I would avail myself of the opportunity 
of putting away their horses in the shed, carry their 
baskets into the market-place, give a paper of sweets 
to the girls, often invite them to the hotel to have din- 
ner with me, which invitation nearly always went un- 
accepted, owing to the eager desire of these industrious 
farmeresses to be back home at dinnertime. 

Canadian ladies delight in getting the highest prices 
and best prizes for their products. Before disposing 
of their goods they will first wear out the patience of 
buyers, ere they give in. Any ordinary Ontario house- 
wife would consider she had been humiliated, were she 
obliged to accept a cent less than the highest market 
price for her eggs, butter, poultry, etc. Second-class 
goods, or varying prices they never tolerate. If their 
products are not up to the topnotch in quality, they will 
not be exposed for sale at all. Home consumption will 
take care of the overflow, for Canadians never deny 
themselves anything in the eating line. During the 
busy seasons, such as the springtime, harvesting, or 
ploughing terms, these active ladies do all the market- 
ing, unbothered by men, leaving them at home attend- 
ing to the fieldwork. But at other times in the year. 
men usually accompany the women to town. 

Many funny and pleasing little incidents came to 
pass during my rather long sojourn in Eastern Canada 



134 2'J?^ lEISH-CANUCE-YANEEE 

at this time. Once I was at a home, where I noticed 
one of the young ladies making and baking cookeries 
and confectioneries nearly all day long, and to such 
an extent that I waxed inquisitive. "What are you 
preparing all that stuff for, Gertie?" I asked. 

"Oh, for the party tonight," she answered. 

"What party?" 

"Over at ." 

"Well, I'm going." 

"Why, you can't go." 

"I'd like to know why not, for I go everywhere." 

"Sure it's an invited party, and you're not invited. 
Nobody but members of the League is going." 

"What League?" I asked. 

"The Epworth League." 

"Well, that cuts no figure with me whether I'm in- 
vited or not, I'll go anyway." 

"Well, alright, if you go I'll make a whole pie for 
yourself. ' ' 

"That's a bargain now, so fetch it along with us, for 
I'll ride over with ye when you're going." 

' * Oh, you can 't do that, for then we 'd get the blame 
for bringing you, and the house won't be able to hold 
half the people that will be there, anyway." 

"Well, lookout for me, for I'll go on my own hook 
and be there sooner than yourself." 

It being a fine frosty moonlight night, I started off 
early. In due time I arrived at the private home where 
the festivities were to take place. Knowing the people 
well, I made bold. The young lady of the house ap- 
peared in answer to my knock. I explained that, even 
though I wasn't invited, I came on my own account, 
and that if she didn't feel like inviting me in I'd walk 
right off, and there would be no harm done. But Miss 

didn't let me go away. Instead she gave me 

a most cordial invitation to come in, which I did, she 



THE CANADIANS 135 

leading the way to the nearest downstairs bedroom, 
put away my hat, coat and cane, took me around and 
introduced me to the already arrived, finally bidding 
me be seated and get into the games. 

To be late for church is no uncommon occurrence 
among the country people. In one house I was staying, 
the women were only finishing up their household work, 
and the boys their chores when the clock announced the 
hour service was supposed to commence. To this I 
called their attention. But they quickly told me the 
clock was fast. "How fast?" I asked. This query 
innocently provoked an argument. One claimed it was 
only ten minutes, another a quarter of an hour, while 
yet another said it was a half hour. But they all agreed 
that church service didn't ever begin at the moment. 

Hearing all this, I advised them to set the clock just 
right, then there would be no room for such senseless 
contradictions. To make matters worse, they had a 
drive of more than four miles before they arrived at 
the church. Of course, I started off walking, much 
against their wishes, for they wanted me to drive with 
them. It being at all times no matter where I am, very 
distasteful to me to enter late, I never wait for the slow- 
moving. So I went to church on this occasion alone, 
and was in good time. In fact I got there before the 
preacher himself. 

It was a Wesleyan-Methodist church, and located not 
very far from the wrecked village of Vroomanton, in 
the township of Brock, Ontario. "When the preacher, 
who had many other appointments for the day, began 
the service, he was several minutes slow in doing so. 
The regular hour was 10:30 a. m., and he didn't take 
his place until nearly 11 a. m. Even then the organist, 
class-leader, nor many other prominent members of the 
congregation hadn't been ushered into their respective 
pews. Indeed the most important part of the day's 



136 TEE IBISH-CANUCKYANKEE 

worship was gone through ere the entire congregation 
arrived. They were coming in ones and twos all 
through it, 

I noticed the preacher prayed for the Fenians in Ire- 
land ; the nihilists in Russia ; socialists in other coun- 
tries ; anarchists in the United States ; heathen in China, 
and such other folk throughout the world denied gospel 
teaching, but never touched his own little flock. Had 
he prayed for the young women late in getting to 
church; the young men who were just shaving pre- 
liminary to hitching up their horses before driving 
to the "meetin' house," those on the way already, those 
in the church on time, and those tying their horses in 
the shed, he would have aimed direct at those members 
of his own charge, for which he was directly receiving 
his stipend. But the Canadians have such a pronounced 
and well-developed habit of reforming all others, as 
well as themselves, that even the preacher in the con- 
fusion zealously overlooks his own. 

Canadians are desperately religious, and owing to 
this failing I have quite frequently been the butt of 
more or less censure. Late one Saturday night, in the 
home of one of these patriarchal personages, who sees 
violations of God's law almost at every hand's turn, I 
was quite severely reprimanded. It happene(i in this 
way : Reaching my hand up to my chin, I said : "I need 
a shave badly, but I guess I'll let it go until the morn- 
ing." The good man sat up and took notice, saying: 
"For pity sake, don't shave around here on Sunday." 
That was sufficient. I respected his religious feelings 
by shaving at once. 

Upon another occasion I imkuowingly gathered the 
shoe shining outfit about me, and was industriously 
polishing my boots, when the same man again caught 
me. Addressing me, he said: "What are you doing 
there?" 



TEE CANADIANS 137 

"Shining up," I awkwardly replied. 

"Who gave you them brushes on Sunday?" 

"I got them myself." 

"Well, you are a very favored man, for no one was 
ever let clean their boots on Sunday here before." Of 
course I reasoned with him to the effect that if you 
clean your boots only once a week, and that you picked 
out the Sabbath for doing so, it would be a violation ; 
but when a person did so daily, making no exception of 
Sunday, it was harmless. My explanation was accept- 
ed. However, I considered it so at any rate. 

But jokes were not always on my side. Once in a 
while they would get the laugh upon me. So it came 
to pass that as I was sojourning in the township of 
Scott I stayed at the home of a friend one night. At 
breakfast next morning, I was joshing my host and 
hostess, in the presence of their hired hands, about 
the Canadians being "easy marks." I claimed they 
were victimized by every fake and fraud that hap- 
pened to go the road. I even went so far upon this 
jovial occasion as to say that they were caught in un- 
covered traps. After the morning meal was over, I 
carelessly walked over a trapdoor leading to the cellar 
and located right in the middle of the kitchen floor, 
in order to straighten a picture hanging a wee bit 
crooked on the wall. Having done so, I began to 
leisurely back up towards the center of the floor ; but to 
ray sad surprise I was badly shocked by a sudden drop 
into the cellar, some eight feet to the floor. I got badly 
shaken up internally, along with having quite a large 
piece of flesh gouged out of one of my shinbones. It so 
happened that while I was busying myself with the wall 
picture, the light-footed lady of the house had softly 
stepped over to the trap, lifted it up, preparatory to 
carrying down the foods left over. Discovering that I 
was not painfully hurt, my friends had quite a laugh 



138 2^-ff^ IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

at my expense, all of which I hear about iinto this 
day. 

Never yet have I called upon a Canadian family 
without being graciously received. The nearest ap- 
proach to anything of that sort took place in the same 
township as the above incident. Uninvited, I dropped 
into the home of a gentleman one Sunday afternoon. 
I knew the ladies of the family, but had never met 
him. Not seeing him around the place, I took the 
liberty of asking how and where he was. They said he 
was well, adding that he had gone to visit a neighbor. 
This was sufficient, so I continued my visit long after 
teatime. After whittling away a very social evening, 
I departed, A short time after this call, I was told by 
some country gossip, that the gentleman at whose home 
I had spent that evening was not visiting a neighbor, 
as they said, but hiding in the barn, in order not to 
meet me. This bit of news did not fret me in the least. 
He had no reason to flee from his own house and take 

refuge with the livestock. I hoped Mr. had 

as pleasant a time in the barn as I had in his house. 

In marked contrast to this, I will proclaim to the 
world the honor I received from a gentleman and his 
lady, whom I had not visited in twenty-three years. 
Both were delighted to see and entertain me. Work 
of every kind was suspended by him while I was at his 
house. But her labor was increased considerably, by 
reason of my call, owing to the great pains she went to 
dine me to her liking. With them I had often worked 
in the days long since gone by. This most hospitable 
couple took pains to tell me that I was at all times wel- 
come to their home; that their relatives and friends 
came and visited them when they cared to do so ; but 
that any of their old hired help were welcomed far be- 
yond all others, as their coming betokened humane 
treatment while working with them. Thus it gave 



TEE CANADIANS 139 

them exquisite pleasure to receive and entertain their 
old hired men whenever they cared to come. 

Their warm-hearted hospitality bore testimony to 
their kind utterings, both of which had the right ring. 
This good-natured couple were Mr. George Marquis and 
his estimable wife, he being a brother to Mr. James 
Marquis, the first man I ever hired a year to in the 
Dominion of Canada. James had long since departed 
this life, but his widow and family made it pleasant for 
me whenever I visited their home, which had of late 
years changed from the Fourth Concession of Brock to 
the Third of the same township, while Mr. George Mar- 
quis' home was located on the side road between the 
Second and Third Concessions, also of Brock. 

I was at a barn-raising one afternoon, where a large 
body of men had assembled to put up and hammer to- 
gether the already prepared timbers of a large barn. 
This is quite a fete day in that particular part of the 
country in which the new barn is being erected. The 
men generally separate themselves into two squads, 
each side selecting its own so-called captain. When 
the timbers are all up, and the ''yoheave" heard no 
more, the winning side get to the supper tables first. 
The young ladies for many miles around are present in 
their dainty white dresses, to serve the men and wait 
on the tables. But what caused me the most surprise 
in this undertaking was the delicacies provided for the 
strong and muscular men. Salmon sandwiches, a dozen 
different kinds of pie, an endless variety of cake, 
cookies, jam tarts, ginger snaps, wafers, angel food, 
kisses (these are a sort of confectionery), apple sauce, 
and other sauces, preserves, etc. This elaborate layout 
seemed to me wholly unfit food for hungry men. I 
considered it far more adapted for a Sunday-school pic- 
nic. I further ruminated that if an aggregation of 
Irishmen at home were offered such a dainty table, they 



140 



TEE IBISH-CANUCKYANEEE 



would be apt to walk off disgusted ; preferring to have 
such edibles as meat, spuds, bread, butter and tea ; all 
washed down with a pint of Dublin Stout. Dancing 
generally takes place after a barn-raising, and con- 
tinues until late in the evening. 

Canadians do many things which appear odd to 
passersby. For instance, farmers would go to an auc- 
tion sale, and would bid up things they sought to buy 
far above their value, in order to give a note in settle- 
ment instead of cash down ; the custom being that all 
amounts below ten dollars are cash, while sums exceed- 
ing that figure would be settled by note, or joint notes, 
as the case may be. At this simple expedient for not 
paying right down, I have often wondered. 

The preaching industry has taken on such vast pro- 
portions in Canada now that the growing youth nearly 
all want to be preachers of the gospel, instead of enter- 
ing industrial walks of life. They seem to be inclined 
to the churchy-churchy side, rather than the more 
strenuous callings. 

The goody-goody Canadian girl also has a hanker- 
ing for the cloth, and will not reject an opportunity to 
become a preacher's wife. But the nice girls of Canada 
are worthy of the best the matrimonial market can 
afford, for thrift, coupled with a keen desire to make 
every dollar do a dollar's worth, are her most pro- 
nounced traits. 

Canada could almost supply all Christendom with 
preachers, missionaries, mission workers and reformers 
of every known variety in this the twentieth centurj^ 
Poor but pious, they are willing to contribute their 
share to the world's evangelization. But there are more 
crying needs for their services in undeveloped Canada, 
ere it will make much progress, than preaching. 

So much for country life. I will now try and devote 
a little time to the city side. If such a thing were pos- 



A CANADIAN HALF-HOLIDAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. 




A CANADA BARN RAISING ON A FARM. 



TEE CANADIANS 141 

sible, here is where we find the silly and ridiculous side 
of Canadian life more of a shining mark than in the 
country. For my subject I have selected Canada's 
most important English-speaking city. It is Toronto, 
Ontario. 

There is nothing new about this town, it having a 
population of over ten thousand souls seventy-five 
years ago. But it has none of the earmarks of a metro- 
politan city about it. It is situated something like Chi- 
cago, having inter-lake navigation. But while Chicago 
has been governed along broad and liberal lines, To- 
ronto has been handicapped by a narrow policy, which 
has worked worlds of harm in its growth and progress. 

Such an uncosmopolitan course is undoubtedly harm- 
ful, and retards advancement. On reaching Canada, 
and Toronto in particular, I feel like a boy reduced 
from the high school to the kindergarten. Nor is this 
a prejudiced statement. "What surprise is it ? Canadian 
cities have suffered a lamentable loss by the exodus of 
their brain and sinew to the United States, which un- 
fortunate outpouring has continued unabated for 
twenty-five years to my own knowledge. Ontario has 
suffered in that particular more than any other part of 
the Dominion, owing to its closeness to the republic. 

An experienced, observant and well-traveled person 
can tape a town, and thus get the measurements of its 
citizens. 

This I have done in the ease of Toronto, situated on 
Lake Ontario. 

Never have I visited or lived in a city, either In 
America or Europe, where there are such long-drawn- 
out streets, upon which front low-sized buildings. Nor 
never have I been in a place where so many candy 
stores are to be seen in proportion to the size. There- 
fore, to my way of thinking, I would say that diminu- 
tive establishments, in this age of big undertakings 



142 



TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 



along all lines of trade and commerce, are indicative of 
a small calibered people wherever centered. Toronto- 
nians boast of a population exceeding three hundred 
thousand souls. They have two large departmental 
stores. They face each other, and both are located 
on the opposite corners of Queen and Yonge streets. 
The larger of the two is the T. Eaton Company, 
Limited. The smaller is the Robert Simpson Co., 
Limited. The former comprises a patchwork of build- 
ings acquired from time to time by its progressive 
owner, Timothy Eaton, an Irishman. 

Mr. Eaton was one of the go-ahead type of Irishmen, 
and a tower of strength to commercial Canada. The 
company he organized has many manufacturing rami- 
fications, even extending as far west as "Winnipeg, 
where the same enterprising firm also owns one of the 
largest and most modern establishments in America. 

If Canada had many such citizens, their tremendous 
influence would be felt throughout its three thousaud- 
two-hundred miles from east to west, and fourteen hun- 
dred miles from north to south. 

The generous spirit of the Irishman pervades the T. 
Eaton Company, for it is a well advertised fact that it 
has corralled practically the entire retail and manufac- 
turing business of Toronto. This has been accomplished 
through the liberal dealings meted out to its patrons; 
the courteous treatment accorded its numerous em- 
ployees; the humane usages enjoyed by its thousands 
of factory hands, all of which the citizens of the city 
keenly appreciate. 

But it is magnanimous in one other totally unlooked* 
for respect. This is the company's ardent desire to 
deal honorably with its less fortunate competitor across 
Queen street. The T. Eaton Company, therefore, closes 
its doors each day at 5 p. m., while The Robert Simpson 
Company keeps open one-half hour longer, thus catch- 



THE CANADIANS 143 

ing all the belated buyers pouring forth from the great 
universal emporium on the opposite side. I have 
bought goods in many cities, and I have got checks and 
drafts cashed in many banks and counting houses ; but 
here I consider it my bounden duty to say that, no 
matter vsrhat my experiences were in other places, I 
always found the T. Eaton Company, Limited, of To- 
ronto and Winnipeg, able to give me a more satisfac- 
tory bargain in my purchases, as well as a slightly 
smaller discount in my financial dealings. It is with 
cheerfulness and willingness I voluntarily give the 
largest conaern in Canada, in the commercial field, this 
little testimony. 

If the Dominion of Canada, from a national view- 
point, was handled and governed along the same broad 
lines of bigness and broadness as the T. Eaton Com- 
pany is along commercial and manufacturing lines, it 
would not have the tale of woe to unfold to the world 
that it is now daily unfolding. Its governmental nar- 
rowness has been its undoing. This will be borne out 
as I continue to unravel my Canadian criticisms. 

Toronto has a great many ably edited daily and 
other newspapers. But there is so little doing in the 
half-dead town there is a dire dearth of news. How- 
ever, readers are of such a high moral character, and 
there are so many agencies for reform, that religious 
inclinations and inspirations are at all times kept up 
to a fever heat. News pertaining thereto is the most 
acceptable, and the city's pulpits are the principal 
sources from which it flows. When some heretofore 
unheard-of preacher suddenly springs a sensationally 
new type of theology upon his hearers, the daily papers 
get it. Then other preachers take it up, and either 
approve or condemn. Many other papers and maga- 
zines are drawn into the controversial vortex. Then 
the original pulpit-pounder must be interviewed to 



144 2'flE IBISHCANVCE-YANKEE 

see if he were correctly reported, and also to ascer- 
tain his further and latest views. If he don't happen 
to be at home, the reporter writes up his wife. If she 
is also absent, the hired girl is questioned, as to what 
the good man of the house has been saying lately. The 
controversy grows and grows. Laymen and many 
other private individuals must get newspaper space to 
enlarge and enlighten. Thus until something else turns 
up of a similar nature to again distract the attention 
of the writing public from the correspondents columns, 
the papers teem with correspondence pro and con. 

All this is a jovirnalistic mistake. It tends to add 
unmerited importance to the semi-idle pulpit, all of 
which the half-occupied clergy take full advantage of. 
This is another undesirable feature of Canadian life. 

"Morality Leagues," "Lord's Day Alliances," W. C. 
T. U., Y. M. C. A., Y. W. C. A., and innumerable other 
religious societies have the city of Toronto so firmly in 
their theoretical grasp that relaxation, or getting down 
to a sensible and practical basis, seems a physical im- 
possibility. These societies, with the clever and ener- 
getic young men out of the country, and the old and 
one-ideaed in absolute charge throughout the country, 
run the affairs of the land in such a grandmotherly 
manner as to make it the butt of ridicule by all sensible 
people. 

The city government has also a morality department. 
This needless annex of municipal authority must pass 
upon all theatrical performances ere they are permitted 
to be produced on a Toronto stage. If the duly consti- 
tuted inspector fails to eliminate certain suggestive 
situations, dialogues, questionable scenery, including 
posters and other advertising matter pertaining to the 
theatre business, the several other morality depart- 
ments, representing the various sects and religious 
bodies, dip in their oars and call a halt. The city seems 



THE CANADIANS 145 

to be their private property, in so far as reform and 
morality are concerned, and they govern things accord- 
ingly. 

Often have I attended temperance and other meet- 
ings in the spacious Massey Music Hall. The promoters 
and speakers were hardly the most prominent business 
men of the city. Instead they were the cranks and 
one-ideaed. They were the well meaning, but mis- 
guided, reformers, who worried over every evil, the 
same appearing to loom up before them like mountains 
when only mole hills. "We must save our boys," I have 
heard them frequently exclaim. Gazing around the 
hall I could see no boys, nor young men, either. Self- 
respecting boys wouldn't care to go to hear such non- 
sense. Sermonie eruptions of this nature could have 
no other effect than to estrange the boys and lead them 
to believe that they were only irresponsible chattels. 

These good people would close up every open bar, 
every theatre, and almost everything else except the 
church door to these youngsters, thereby laying the 
groundwork for a generation of ''mollycoddles, sissy 
boys, cigarette fiends," and such like. 

Thus guarded and protected by an overzealous grist 
of impracticable reformers in their home city, they fall 
a ready prey when they stray from their parental roofs 
to seek their fortunes in cities and towns where all 
these things are permitted seven days in every week. 
In testimony I will quote from a Toronto paper just 
one clipping: "A fool and his money soon parted. 
Canadian youth fleeced of $520 by poolroom sharks. 
"Was an easy victim." This happened in one of the 
nearest American cities to the Canadian line. It was 
Detroit, Mich. Such things are the natural and logical 
outcome of too much looking after youngsters by kindly 
disposed people, all of which does not tend to develop 
a manly and self-reliant generation of boys and girls. 



146 TSE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

In this day and age it is almost a physical impossi- 
bility to have bright boys and capable young men, the 
new fantangled methods of rearing them being more 
adapted to the bringing up of easy marks than real 
men. 

In their earliest childhood they are taken in tow by 
the kindergarten trainer, passed on to the feminine 
school teacher, and later on turned over to the police 
department, no minor admitted sign, and laws and by- 
laws galore. First they are feminized and later so 
carefully watched over by the guardians of the law 
that no sense of responsibility is cultivated within 
themselves. The average parents, of course, are glad to 
be relieved, and willingly transfer their charges to the 
lawful authorities. To be rid of such a burden is a 
very desirable heritage. But our fathers did not have 
the benefit of these newly-invented innovations in the 
days of their youth. To this their capabilities read- 
ily testified. 

Proving the force of this argument, I will here take 
occasion to quote the heading of a newspaper column 
clipped from a Toronto daily: "Police methods under 
censure. Arrest of children for minor offenses depre- 
cated. 1,200 in court last year." Further on in the 
article it goes on to state that a ''policeman had ar- 
rested an eight-year-old child, and it was regarded as a 
shame that innocent children should be haled to the 
police court as criminals." Is this the way to develop 
twentieth century manhood ? I wot not. But it is the 
Canadian; yes, and the United States way, in such 
parts as are yet in an embryo state of semi-silliness. 

But these are not the only foolish cases brought into 
the courts for adjudication. Breaches of the "Lord's 
Day Act," such as the delivery of cracked ice to keep 
ice cream in proper condition, selling a cigar on the 
Sabbath, repairing automobiles, and myriads of other 




CANUCK— YANKEE LAW ENFORCEMENT 

(for fishing on Sunday.) 



TEE CANADIANS I47 

trivial offenses performed on Sunday are relentlessly 
prosecuted in this law-ridden country. 

Liquid refreshments on licensed premises from 7 
o'clock p. m. Saturday until early Monday morning are 
strictly prohibited. To my mind there must be some- 
thing radically wrong when a gentleman of respect- 
ability and responsibility cannot get a drink of liquor 
on Sunday in a city presumed to have over 300,000 of a 
population. The early closing of bars Saturday 
evenings, by law, I deemed an unwise one. Laboring 
men usually have a half-holiday Saturday afternoons, 
and are thus given an opportunity to get a jag on early. 
Thus when women shoppers and their children are re- 
turning to their homes they are obliged to bump into 
drunken men who have just been ousted from the 
drinking places. 

Toronto might well be termed the city of modern 
manna, owing to the large number of unemployed there 
every winter. Thousands of men surround the city 
hall seeking work of some kind. Snow shoveling pro- 
vides the only industry available, and a heavy fall of 
snow seems a windfall for the distressed workmen 
unable to secure more substantial labor. This is a very 
sad condition of things, but unfortunately too true. 

The scriptural teaching is that a house divided 
against itself cannot stand. This applies to Toronto. 
Its citizens seem to be lined up in two hostile camps 
the greater part of the time. The reformer wants to 
reform his unreformed neighbor. The non-drinking 
seeks to stop his drinking brother. The churchgoer 
worries himself over the waywardness of his non- 
churchgoing companion. The temperance individual 
is keenly annoyed because of the beastly habits of the 
intemperate. The dealer in dry goods is anxious to 
drive the dealer in "wet goods" out of business. 
Clergymen are envious one of another if one con- 



148 TEE IBISH-CANUCE-YANKEE 

gregation proves more generous than another. Poli- 
ticians without the pale of public office are jealous of 
their more fortunate political co-workers who are hold- 
ing office. 

These are a few of the evils restraining Toronto's 
growth and forward march. 

During the campaign fought out to the bitter end 
by the "reductionists" and "anti-reductionists," two 
new political parties organized for and against the 
lessening of inebriety and decreasing the number of 
licensed hotels in the city, or maintaining the number 
that had been in operation for a great many years, 
I happened to be residing in the city. 

Unlike the United States, where the clergy dabbles 
in politics the cause invariably gets lost ; but in Canada 
just the opposite — the side taken by the preachers usu- 
ally wins. It was so in the case under discussion. The 
clergy got busy, and their cause triumphed. 

Girls of voting age, providing their working incomes 
are up to the property qualification required, have a 
vote for certain public officers, and on certain municipal 
questions. A young lady friend of mine was urged 
by her pastor and Bible-class teacher to go to the judge 
and make the regular declaration regarding her salary 
and thus become a qualified voter. She did so. In do- 
ing it she had also obligated herself to pay a tax of 
something over seven dollars. I remonstrated with 
her, saying that it made little difference to her how 
the polling turned out and that the tax she left herself 
liable for would hardly compensate her for the political 
enthusiasm displayed. Of course, her pastor had said 
so and that was sufficient. The day for voting came, 
but she was absent and failed to record her vote. Not 
having done so, she could not understand why she 
should pay her taxes, either, never having paid any 



THE CANADIANS 149 

before. She admitted that the pastor and Bible teacher 
did not so explain to her. 

Like Ananias and Sapphira, they had ''kept back 
part of the price." AVhether it was done unwittingly 
or wilfully I am unable to say. Suffice, however, to 
know that such results are obtainable by clerical inter- 
ference in matters that should be foreign to their cloth 
and calling. 

The loss of its vigorous manhood, the predominating 
influence exercised by the busybody clergy in Toronto, 
are intensely felt and noticed. "When carefully scan> 
ning the faces of the mediocre crowds we meet on the 
streets we cannot avoid noticing the lack of manly 
countenances, nor can we fail to attribute the woman- 
like measures in vogue and enforced in the city to 
the rapacious desires of the ecclesiastical meddlers for 
perpetual reform. 

Analyzing this Toronto campaign, while leisurely 
visiting in the city, I could not escape being impressed 
with many queer things applicable to American cities 
as well as this Canadian city. Nothing could possibly 
seem more ridiculous than to have a supposedly metro- 
politan city run on village lines. Such is quite fre- 
quently the case. It so happened in the Toronto in- 
stance that a new outlying district had been added to 
the city, making an additional ward. Village though 
it was before, the villagers were admitted to full citi- 
zenship, the same privileges being accorded them as the 
citified folk belonging to the old city proper. All the 
old wards gave a majority against the curtailment of 
the liquor traffic, while the voters possessing the smaller 
ideas incident to village life offset the city's plurality 
and gave a majority for the cutting off of the licenses. 
Here was taught an object lesson to the effect that 
countrified folk cannot become citified in an instant. 
Such a process takes time. In fact, so verdant rustic 



150 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-TANKEE 

are some people that it would consume even a couple 
of generations ere the operation was complete. 

For the benefit of both American and Canadian 
growing cities desiious of putting on metropolitan airs, 
and they all have this excusable ambition, newly an- 
nexed suburbs should not be permitted to stand on the 
same footing as the central portion until they have 
passed through a rigid course of citifying training, 
thereby drinking down cosmopolitan and metropolitan 
ideas. Adopting the other plan resembles a case of 
where the tail wags the dog. Of course, Toronto fell 
into this rut. 

If the city of Toronto wishes to take its place in the 
ranks with other American cities of the same age and 
importance its citizens will have to stand unitedly, 
shoulder to shoulder, for the general welfare of their 
town. The Orangeman will have to quit antagonizing 
his Roman Catholic brother, and such signs as "Roman 
Catholics need not apply" must be taken down and 
thrown into the wastebasket, no matter whether they 
apply to the school teaching force or private business 
firms. 

The religiously inclined must quit oppressing their 
irreligiously disposed brethren by forcing them into 
the paths of the righteous through sheer legal action. 
To my way of thinking, a very strange condition of 
things obtains where we find a community whose in- 
habitants are so narrow-minded as to have half of them 
worrying over what the other half are eating, drinking 
and doing. 

I would further take occasion to remark that large 
hotels, and many other semi-public places and build- 
ings, should be more large-minded and liberal in their 
treatment of visitors. Hotels should have no such 
signs as "These Lavatories Positively for the Use of 
Guests Only," or, "Don't be a Sponge; Keep Out." 



TEE CANADIANS 151 

Such selfishness is un-American. Be glad to see peo- 
ple sit around the rotundas of your hostelries. Ap- 
parent loafers may be calling upon one of your well- 
paying guests. As they pass in and pass out they 
might buy a cigar, a package of cigarettes, a magazine, 
send a telegram, use the local or long-distance tele- 
phone, buy a drink, get a shine, shave, singe or sham- 
poo, use the hotel stationery, thereby advertising it, 
etc., any of which little transactions leaves money be- 
hind and in addition helps to make the hostelry more 
popular. 

Thanks to the big-heartedness of the Yankees, who 
are pleased to make all comers feel at home. They 
don't bother with hand towels, but put on large roller 
wipers, twenty feet long, for the benefit of guests and 
casual callers. 

All this is not meant for Toronto alone. It is ap- 
plicable to other Ontario towns as well. "Western Can- 
ada is not included. They do things there in true 
Yankee fashion already. 

Leaving Toronto, I returned to the country, where I 
continued my rather prolonged stay until the month 
of June, it being my first opportunity to spend part 
of the summer in Ontario for twenty years. Thus I 
was afforded ample time for further observations. 
"While doing so my many long walks in Ireland were 
recalled. There was quite a striking similarity in very 
many respects. 

Decaying property and a sparse population were 
conspicuously noticed everywhere. Log-built farm- 
houses were unoccupied; small churches could be seen 
here and there no longer used for the purposes to 
which they were dedicated, doorless and windowless, 
deserted; little roadside buildings, which were once 
used as Orange lodges, could be seen unused; also many 
workmen's cottages untenanted. 



152 mE IBISH-CANUCK-TANEEE 

These unsought sights in a comparatively new coun- 
try were witnesses of a rather backward tendency. But 
there were also redeeming features. Magnificent brick 
and stone farmhouses were to be seen on every hand, 
even too nicely furnished and kept up for the owners 
to use the best rooms except on Sundays or when com- 
pany came. If anything, Ontario takes first place in 
its substantially built and comfortable homes, added 
to which might be mentioned the giant-like barns and 
fine fruit-growing orchards. These noted barns are 
usually located on a steep bank ; then the cellar, which 
is built of solid masonry and used for the stabling of all 
the live stock, is entered from the low side, while the 
high side afi:"ords a driveway onto the next fioor, where 
the winter's provender is stored away. This arrange- 
ment enables the farmer to attend to all his outdoor 
choring indoors, regardless of wind, weather or snow. 
This farm outfitting is very uptodate and convenient. 
Windmills do the pumping, chopping of feed, sawing, 
and such like, Horseforks, cleverly manipulated by 
pulleys, ropes, blocks and tackle, all carried on a track, 
securely fastened to the ridge-board of the big barn, 
do the work, making it possible for the operators to 
dump their loads of hay, or anything they have to un- 
load, in any part of the large mows they desire. Farm- 
work thus modernized makes it comparatively easy 
for the farmer. 

In many other ways his work has been lightened 
also. Hayloaders attached to the hayracks are a great 
saving of labor. Then there are horseforks for loading 
up barnyard manure into self-spreading wagons, ren- 
dering it unnecessary for the driver to leave his seat 
until he returns again, the self-acting dumper doing 
the unloading and spreading with more than human 
skill and accuracy. All of these ingenious appliances 
have been a boon to the farmer, whose lot is always 



THE CANADIANS I53 

supposed to be an unenviable one. Soil cultivation 
under twentieth century conditions is a series of amuse- 
ments and pastimes compared to the oldtime methods. 
One of the greatest benefactors the Canadian farm- 
ers ever had was the late Thomas John Barnardo, a 
Dublin man. This gentleman is more familiarly known 
in Canada as Dr. Barnardo. Through the homes which 
he established for boys, twenty thousand and more 
have been sent to Canada, nearly all of them have 
found places with farmers. Girls have also been sent 
out in the same way. This humane benevolency has 
proven a double-header in charitable usefulness. In 
the first place, good homes have been found for de- 
serving children who had lost their parents or were 
otherwise thrown helpless upon the world. In the 
second place, the Canadian households among whom 
these children were distributed profited by their 
faithful services. At various times have I had the 
pleasure to be waited upon by these youngsters at 
their adopted homes. It pleases me, therefore, to say 
without qualification that I found each and every one, 
whether boy or girl, very nice, neat and obliging. They 
were treated as members of the family, addressing the 
heads of the household as father and mother, and no 
matter what the provocation they were seen and not 
heard. Some of these children are exceedingly well 
bred and thoroughly trained. Even many of them are 
accomplished vocal and instrumental musicians. On 
the whole, these homeless, and frequently parentless, 
children will compare very favorably in all respects 
with the Canadian children with whom they are wont 
to associate. Unhesitatingly, therefore, I will say that 
no family need for a moment imagine anything evil of 
these boy or girl waifs. Make them members of your 
families and don't presume that they are the nameless 
products of the slums to be shrank from. For over 



154 TRE IBISE-CANUCK-YANEEE 

twenty years I have seen more or less of them, and I 
have yet to discover anything in the least doubtful con- 
cerning them. Further, I have learnt more of them 
through their little publication, "Ups and Downs," all 
of which tends to teach me that the little "Home" 
children are more than interesting. Give the children 
a chance, I humbly plead. They are well worthy of 
such treatment. 

It must indeed afford all true Irishmen profound 
pleasure to know that such a worthy benefactor to so 
many of the helpless and homeless of the human family 
was a fellow countryman. Ilis brother is a Dublin 
business man, his establishment being located on Graf- 
ton street. The good works of Dr. Barnardo will con- 
tinue to live after him. 

It was my earnest desire at this time to take back 
to the Canadian Northwest some of my good Ontario 
friends. But I found them unreasonably unwilling to 
become enterprising enough to make a start. AYhen 
once they get going, however, no better workers or 
more thrifty settlers are discoverable. They were 
afraid of the early frosts, drouths and sandstorms. 
Some were scared off by the flies and the fleas ; others 
were frightened at the thought of going so far from 
their friends and would never reach their old homes 
again. They had heard of the calamities that befell 
others who had gone west. But whatever the 
fortunes or misfortunes of the friends that pioneered 
in the west, it was always to be noticed that when they 
returned east to visit and holiday-make they traveled 
as first-class passengers upon the regular "Limited" 
and "Express" passenger trains; while the easterners 
stayed at home, claiming that they had neither the time 
nor money necessary for such holiday-making amongst 
their distant friends in the west. But whenever they 
did happen to so travel the "homeseekers' " excursion, 



TEE CANADIANS 155 

the cheap and hard-seated harvester train, the immi- 
grant *'Hog Special," which is supposed to be the sole 
legacy of ** filthy foreigners," are considered none too 
hazardous for these fastidious easterners. They sit in 
the same seats while making the passage west. Of 
course, on all other occasions the dirty European, be he 
a dago or otherwise, is an absolute undesirable. 

For the edification of those whose lot in life has not 
brought them into relationship with the plains I will 
venture a few further remarks concerning prairie im- 
pressions made upon me by later visits thereto. 

The calm, smooth and treeless plain seems to be the 
most peaceful and logical place for man's abode. 
Hilly, rough and mountainous country would appear 
the most illogical. Every mariner prefers a smooth sea 
to a rough and billowy one. Thus the prairie home 
represents the smooth sailing in a waveless sea ; while 
the hill-and-valley dwelling reminds those occupying it 
of the bilious feeling incident to seagoing in mountain- 
high waves. As I have observingly sped along over the 
well-developed prairie States in fast-running trains, 
noticing the peaceful looking farm houses, I have 
ever and anon ruminated within myself that there could 
be nothing more homelike and attractive than living 
amid such tranquil surroundings as a prairie com- 
munity offered. Smooth waters and level lands are 
synonymous of God's graciousness. Angry seas and 
rough countries can be interpreted as evidences of the 
Creator's ungraciousness. 

In the private cars of Yankee invading hosts I trav- 
eled back and forth several times to the great Canadian 
west during the summer of 1909. Upon each of these 
occasions I made new discoveries and observations re- 
lating to that wonderful prairie country. These ob- 
servations were not confined to the actual notes taken 
while upon the soil; but some of the most delightful 



156 TBE IRISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

and entertaining happenings were at times noticeable 
while traveling thereto and back. The singing of gos- 
pel hymns by a rather rough-and-ready party of land- 
seekers in the "observation" ends of the richly uphol- 
stered coaches was not an uncommon occurrence. Peo- 
ple seeking new lands to conquer for the purpose of 
bringing them under man's control, acting in such 
Christian-like unison with the meadow lark, so sweetly 
and tunefully singing, sitting on the wee hillock, or 
perched on the delicate little twig not a foot high from 
the ground, cannot miss the goal of their ambition. On 
the contrary, nature will so decree, that their energy 
and push will make them all-conquering heroes of the 
soil they have invaded under such beautiful circum- 
stances. 

To this region Providence has been most abundantly 
lavish in goodness. ]\rodern conditions do not re- 
quire, nor does an All-Wise Creator demand, that all 
man's time shall be occupied by his efforts in obtaining 
his daily bread to the absolute neglect of soul and 
body cultivation, as has been the case in mediaeval days. 
This new country has proved to the world that eight 
months out of each year provides ample time to do a 
year's labor. The other four months can be put to 
good advantage along the lines of self-culture and 
recreation. Years ago, before people had attained the 
high standard of enlightenment that we enjoy in the 
early part of this the twentieth century, it took twelve 
hours for the performance of a day's labor, while the 
same thing is accomplished nowadays in eight hours. 
Let all this good work go on unhindered, western Can- 
ada taking the lead. 

"While pursuing my investigations in the west, a par- 
ticularly striking story was told me regarding the un- 
sound judgment of parties from the east. A livery- 
man there had three of his rigs drive twelve Ontfjrio 



TEE CANADIANS 157 

men for three consecutive days over a stretch of 
prairie lands considered the most productive soil lying 
outdoors. This land was offered them as free home- 
steads by their own government, but they demurred 
taking it. They returned to their homes to continue 
their humble callings of field laborers. 

A year later English capital, directed by Canadian 
politics, put the Grand Trunk Pacific Railway right 
through the heart of the lands rejected by the slow- 
going Ontarioites, thereby enhancing their value from 
nil to tens of dollars per acre. Many such instances 
are recallable. 

Canadian Criticisms 

Canada is overgoverned. 

Canada is overchurched. 

Canada is overeducated. 

Canada is politically harassed. 

Canadians should cast off their threadbare coat of 
colonial narrowness and put on the whole armor of 
empire-building, for, geographically speaking, an em- 
pire is in their possession. 

The twin evils of priesthood and preacherhood must 
relax their theoretical grasp upon the easily influenced 
colonials, as their present hold upon secular affairs is 
harmful from a cosmopolitan viewpoint. 

Canada Politically 

The Dominion of Canada has nine provincial parlia- 
ments ; i. e., one for each province. It has also one Do- 
minion parliament, making all-told ten lawmaking 
bodies. But that is not all. The country has many 
other elected authorities, which make laws and ordi- 
nances in a more narrowed-down sphere for the guid- 
ance and governance of the most law-abiding and 



158 2'flS IBISE-CANUCK-YANEEE 

harmless class of hard-working people on the face of 
the earth. There are laws and by-laws, sections and 
sub-sections, some cities having been known to pass 
hundreds of by-laws within the space of even one year. 
Is it, therefore, any wonder that the Canadian people 
are govemmentally distraught and legally harried out 
of existence? These are my individual views, born of 
close political observation. 

Now let me bolster up my personal ideas by quota- 
tions from Canadian ncAvspapers of the most loyal 
kind. One says: "We are the most governed people 
on the face of the earth. We have town councils, city 
councils, school boards, school trustees, etc., and over 
all these is the provincial government, over which 
again is the Dominion government, and over all, how- 
ever lightly resting, is the crown and imperial par- 
liament." 

All of this may be deemed something of a joke. But 
another responsible Canadian paper says: "Still the 
joke has a serious aspect — a very grave aspect indeed — 
when we consider the susceptibility of certain sections 
of the Canadian people to the stampeding campaigns 
of organized theorists." Now, how about these so- 
called theorists! 

"A large and influential deputation from the Moral 
and Social Reform Council of Canada waited on Sir 
Wilfrid Laurier," etc., etc. This deputation consisted 
of a lot of reverend doctors, one posing as the head of 
this "Council," another at the head of the social re- 
form work of some other guild, all representing moral- 
ity and ministerial associations of one kind or another ; 
their petitions demanding the suppression of "gam- 
bling, adultery and other social evils, bookmaking, 
pool selling," and such other things as are not already 
covered by some law or another, and if so covered to 
make them still more drastic. Why these agricultural 



THE CANADIANS 159 

people need so much reforming is a mystery. Why a 
country so bucolic needs so much religion is another. 

These ministerial meddlers, who would deprive the 
youth of the land of the last vestige of manly liberty 
remaining to them, go so far as to draft the measures 
which they wish enacted into law themselves, thus serv- 
ing as a lawmaking auxiliary to the proper political 
authorities. It would seem as if the raw, shirt-sleeved 
statesmen, into whose care and keeping the Dominion 
of Canada has fallen, and into whose hands the law- 
makiug machinery of the country has worked itself, 
have at last reached the zenith of foolishness in their 
mad endeavor to furnish legal restraint to the liberal- 
minded men of the land at the theoretical behests of 
an impracticable clergy. So far have these enactments 
already gone along their various lines of viciousness 
that the youth have been driven in disgust from the 
land of their nativity elsewhere. One Canadian born 
out of every four has fled the country, for which 
lamentable condition there are many causes, chief 
amongst them being colonial narrowness as prefaced 
by homespun laws. Once I saw a boy stealing a ride 
on the train through the Sarnia tunnel. He told me 
he was going over to the American side to buy a pack- 
age of cigarettes. He could get none in Canada on 
Sunday. 

The merits and demerits of local option have been 
threshed out over and over again by ruralistic ig- 
norance. Often have I heard farmers argue the ques- 
tion until they would wear themselves out. It is a 
proposition that only a small proportion of the people 
are concerned in. But instead of fighting for some 
rights all are interested in, they waste their fighting 
energies on unimportant matters. Local option simply 
means the right of one man to refuse another to take a 
drink if he so chooses. But it has a deeper and more 



160 TEE lEISH-CANUCK-YANEEE 

significant meaning. It virtually puts a weapon in the 
hand of one business man to drive another out of busi- 
ness. Why, one merchant would drive another com- 
petitor out of the commercial field, no matter what 
class of merchandise they dealt in, if given a chance. 
It is purely another form of Yankee greed and selfish- 
ness, and it applies to the United States as well as 
Canada. 

But colonists are at best only a one-ideaed people. 
So whatever question enters their heads first — be it 
politics, religion, the drink traffic, reformation — it must 
spend itself or be ejected before another question can 
be grappled with. 

Canadians meekly suffer the penalty of their own 
folly in many waj'^s. They vigorously fight each other 
over wrongs of trivial importance, while the most 
flagrant abuses continue unmolested. 

For instance, instead of putting up a united and ag- 
gressive defiance against railroad companies, robbing 
them by the overcharge of a cent a mile in passenger 
charges, the rate being three cents, further piling on 
the humiliation by offering inferior roadbeds and third- 
class rolling stock, they silently submit. They seem 
afraid to tackle anything big and where the entire 
public would profit. 

In the United States, where the population is just as 
sparse as in Ontario, and the country a great deal 
newer, the people enjoy first-class railroading equip- 
ment and a two-cent-a-mile rate. Therefore, I submit, 
that I am not expecting anything unreasonable from 
the Canucks. But the consumption of a glass of ale 
seems to annoy and worry them more than things uni- 
versally abusive. 

Nor am I advocating the abuse of the drink habit. 
"What I admire is the bright, active and self-reliant boy 
or young man who will take a drink or let it alone as 



TEE CANADIANS 



161 



he may elect, or as the social circumstances may dic- 
tate; smoke a pipe or cigar (no cigarettes) ; wager his 
money on a horse race or pass it up; go to dances or 
theatres; also indulge in such other manly perform- 
ances as sound sense may suggest, all of which are at- 
tributes pertaining to manliness of a true and sub- 
stantial kind. The Canadian way of throwing legal 
restrictions and reforming safeguards around and 
about the youthful only breeds a generation of de- 
pendents. A little of everything and not too much of 
anything is good. Youth thus surrounded feel no per- 
sonal responsibility, and eventually drift into a milk- 
and-water manhood. With every self-appointed re- 
former unceasingly looking out for and watching the 
boys lest they err in the least, it becomes unnecessary 
for them to harbor a particle of anxiety about their 
own welfare. That is taken out of their hands. Thus 
I will again repeat that while these methods prevail in 
the bringing up and training of the Canadian youth, 
foreign bom, whether English or non-English speak- 
ing, have little cause to fear competition from them 
even in their own country. The old style of developing 
boyhood and manhood still continues abroad, and of 
its superiority when compared with the colonial there 
can be little doubt. 

Sir John A. Macdonald was one of Canada's earliest 
and greatest statesmen. When making his last speech 
in England, June 4, 1886, he said: "And when it was 
known that in any quarrel and in any conflict with 
England account would have to be taken of the ten 
millions of Australia and the ten millions of Canada." 
Sir John was a far-seeing statesman, who did much for 
Canada. She has not the ten millions of inhabitants. 

It has been said that the foreign element are a handi- 
cap and drawback to the United States and Canada. 
This I question. Both the United States and Canada 



162 THE lEISH-CANUCE-TANKEE 

seem to have made their mightiest progress while 
nearly everybody was a foreigner in these countries. 
Since generation after generation have been born at 
home there seems to have been a very different state 
of things. The colonial youth being easily led by 
preachers and theorists, we have freakish and senseless 
laws. Politicians sway and swing them to their hearts' 
content. They seem to be like lambs led to the slaugh- 
ter. All this may be the plausible result of a youthful 
case-hardening from hard work, work being their lot at 
tender ages. 

Not so with the foreigner. He has an unbroken will 
of his own. Politicians have often found to their sor- 
row that they could not manipulate the foreign voter. 
They will not be driven, coaxed or coerced. There is 
unquestionably something tangible to their makeup 
that is wantonly lacking in the human product of the 
plains, hills and vales of America, Offieeseekers have 
tried to buy their votes, but they wouldn 't stay bought 
long enough to cast them. In this case who were the 
worst, the buyers or the sellers ? I would say the buy- 
ers, and they were the homebred. 

With the exception of the head of the Canadian gov- 
ernment nearly everybody mixes in politics to an ex. 
tent. The governor-general is the only one exempt 
from becoming bedaubed by this slimy octopus. He is 
an appointee of the British crown. Instead of playing 
politics he wisely stands aloof watching the maelstrom. 
He is satisfied to be a figurehead, and finds ample scope 
for his talents in laying cornerstones, unveiling bronze 
statues, reviewing school children, opening public in- 
stitutions, officially reviewing the soldiery, amusing 
himself at horse races, attending national enterprises of 
various kinds as a drawing card, enjoying social func- 
tions, and so on ad libitum. These monarchical repre- 



THE CANADIANS 163 

sentatives are usually very popular and well liked by 
the people. 

The next highest authority in the Dominion is the 
premier, who is elected by the people of the constitu- 
ency he represents in parliament. The heads of the 
other governmental departments are called ministers, 
of which there are quite a number. The house of com- 
mons and senate are the two most important bodies in 
the Dominion lawmaking machinery, the former being 
elected by the electorate, while the latter are appointed 
by the higher authorities. The members of parliament 
are elected for five years, while the senators hold of- 
fice for life, or during good behavior. 

In thus outlining the organization of the Dominion 
government at Ottawa, the hub of the main body of 
Canadian rulers, I have not delved into any historical 
works, or gone into any statistical reports, as such 
things are considered ''dry" reading, and in the case 
of Canada would be particularly so. Very few seem 
to take much interest in the big unwieldy and cumber- 
some legislative outfitting necessary to govern these 
few people. 

The country seems to be almost evenly divided be- 
tween two parties. These are the Liberals and the 
Conservatives. Or, in other words, the Ins and the 
Outs. The "in" party wants to stay there, while the 
"out" party wishes to break in. At the expiration of 
their present term of officeholding the Liberals will 
have been in power for sixteen years. As the shrewd- 
est politicians in the world are allotted to the Do- 
minion of Canada, a most desperate political struggle 
will be necessary before the present government will 
be dislodged. They have a powerful political machine 
and know exactly how to keep it well oiled and in 
very efficient working order. 

New contrivances to this machine are being added 



164 THE IBISH-CANUCK-TANEEE 

year after year. For instance, the new National Trans- 
continental railway will add a numberless lot of voting 
cogs to the Liberal political machine. Be that as it 
may, the project is a worthy and developing one and 
should receive the hearty support of all progressive 
Canadians. Very true it is a government proposition 
and will be used more or less as a political football by 
whatever party happens to be in charge of the coun- 
try's governmental affairs. I have traveled over a 
great portion of it already, and its construction is ac- 
knowledged by all, including experts in such enter- 
prises, to be of first quality. 

However, there is one feature of the great iron high- 
way that should be severely deprecated. Who should 
be censured for this folly I am not in a position to de- 
termine. But no matter whether it is the railway com- 
pany or the government, it is equally intolerable. 

What I refer to is the foolish way in which this coast- 
to-eoast line of railway parallels already existing lines 
to such an extent in the prairie country as to be only a 
few miles apart much of the way, and within speaking 
distance in spots. If the other roads are at fault, then 
the Dominion government is blamable. In any event it 
is an unwise plan to have a regular network of railroad 
lines in parts of the fertile west, while other portions, 
equally productive, are left barren of all such com- 
munication and transportation for very large areas. 

In addition to the large body of voters this great 
national railway system will fetch into the political 
fold of the party in power there is yet another im- 
portant vote-getting device in contemplation. 

This is Canada's new navy, which is now being 
planned and outlined by the political powers at their 
Ottawa headquarters. 

What magnitude this new marine enterprise betakes 
is as yet problematical. But to the one who is com- 



THE CANADIANS 165 

paratively conversant with the exigencies of Canadian 
political life it is a settled conclusion that, no matter 
where war is being waged, when voting day comes all 
Canadian marines must be home to cast their ballot and 
vote "right" into the bargain as good citizens. 

Party lines are closely drawn in Canada, inews- 
papers representing and spreading the views and poli- 
cies of one party will not be subscribed for, or even 
read, by adherers of the other side. Neither will promi- 
nent speeehmakers of one party, when on the stump or 
rostrum, be listened to by those holding opposite views. 
Even the newspapers on file in the emigration offices 
and information bureaus maintained by the Canadian 
government in foreign cities are solely those represent- 
ing the party in power. The opposition papers are 
rigidly excluded. Perhaps this is pardonable on the 
part of the officials in control of the government, but 
at any rate it is nothing less than a narrow-gauged 
policy. This is one feature of colonial narrowness, 
and it is of the detrimental type. 

Before passing on I might say that the present 
premier of Canada, Sir Wilfrid Laurier, in putting 
through the new transcontinental line of rail, is only 
following in the footsteps of his predecessor holding 
the same office. Sir John A. Macdonald. During the 
years between 1880 and 1890 the Conservative party 
was in the government saddle, and it was in those 
years the Canadian Pacific railway was built, thereby 
joining the cities of Montreal in the east to Vancouver 
in the west with one continuous track of steel. 

In those days the country was very sparsely settled 
and backward in practically all other respects withal. 
But a few big and brainy men got together and fin- 
ished a continental work of the first magnitude. The 
enterprise of these colossal characters could not be 
bounded by a transportation programme of even that 



166 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

size. They went a great deal farther. Leviathan-like 
steamships connected both ends of their long railroad, 
carrying both people and products to the far east, 
sailing from Vancouver, and to the near east, steam- 
ing from Montreal. 

As supplementary enterprises, this mammoth corpo- 
ration went into the hotel business, providing a most 
palatial string of hostelries all along the line from 
Quebec city to the Pacific ocean. 

It also handled upwards of thirty-two million acres 
of land, selected in close proximity to its main and 
branch lines. 

The coal mining industry, irrigation projects, lum- 
bering and many other kindred enterprises, which a 
country possessing limitless possibilities and not yet 
hardly scratched could invite, have been exploited by 
this pushing company. 

The Canadian Pacific Railway Company undoubtedly 
had its years of "lean kine," but of late it is enjoying 
its years of "fat kine." 

English enterprise originated and carried through 
the Canadian Pacific railway line and its many ac- 
cessories of an industrial nature. British brains and 
capital also control and supervise the old Grand Trunk 
System. Where do the colonials show their push and 
energy in these great undertakings? An extract from 
a newspaper report of a half-yearly meeting held in 
London by the Grand Trunk railroad directors might 
shed some light on this question. Here it is, and it 
cannot be considered a very creditable showing for 
the capitalists and business men of Canada. A share- 
holder suggested that a few Canadians be put upon 
the board of directors, to which suggestion Sir Charles 
Rivers "Wilson, president of the company and presiding 
officer at the meeting, made the following reply : "That 
it was a foolish suggestion, as Canadians were only 



TEE CANADIANS 167 

customers, not shareholders. There were 65,000 share- 
holders in Great Britain, and not a thousand pounds of 
stock was held in Canada. The interests of the share- 
holders were best looked after here." Of Canadians' 
capabilities in developing their own country volumes 
are here spoken. Their incapacity is clearly shown. 

Being a visitor at the Dominion parliament's legis- 
lative halls at Ottawa, I learnt a good deal at the 
fountain regarding the scenes there. It being the most 
important body of legislators within the boundaries of 
the country, I deemed it sufficiently interesting to visit 
it. 

The next most important lawmaking body in Canada 
is the Ontario provincial parliament, having its build- 
ings located in the Queen's Park, Toronto. This is the 
most populous province in the Dominion ; consequently 
its legislature is only second to the Ottawa parlia- 
ment. 

One day I wasted sufficient time to present myself as 
a gallery spectator while a session was in progress. As 
I sat there in the front row, having an unobstructed 
birdseye view of the entire gathering, I could not well 
escape reflection. There were the speaker, clad in 
white gloves, white tie, surmounted by a long black 
robe; the provincial secretary and, of course, the 
premier. Then the supporters of the government and 
also the grumbling opposition parliamentarians could 
be seen covering the spacious chamber floor. Sergeant- 
at-arms, pages and many other attaches helped to swell 
the swarm of statute-filling law makers. Knowing that 
the principal usefulness of this honorable body of legis- 
lators was the enactment into law of oppressive meas- 
ures originating with, and drawn up by, a host of 
theoretical clergymen and other parasite crusaders, des- 
perately anxious to distinguish themselves along some 
line of unneeded reform, the country being already 



168 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-¥ANKEE 

pestered to death by such senseless and infeasible acts 
of parliament, I was not sympathetic. Close study of 
the doings of both the reformed and unreformed led 
me to believe that the entire population was in a state 
of toil and turmoil all the time. The body sitting only 
helped the aggravation by inviting these foolish people 
to camp upon their trail, forcing their individual ideas 
upon a cosmopolitan lot of citizens, regardless of their 
tastes and requirements. In the past it had been done 
to such an extreme degree that the young and liberal- 
minded considered them sufficiently odious to disgust- 
ingly leave the country altogether. A very substantial 
curtailment of this restrictive output of meaningless 
laws must necessarily be demanded by the responsible 
portion of the colonial population ere the wrongs done 
the incoming foreigners, who are accustomed to liberal 
empire-like usages in the lands they hail from, are 
righted. 

Aliens of a desirable kind, whom the Canadians 
would wish to see making Canada their adopted homes, 
must be catered to in a more liberal way than at present 
seems to be the tendency. Colonial narrowness will 
not attract them from their home countries where more 
liberal conditions exist, and where the taking of a 
drink of the amber fluid is not considered a criminal 
act, nor where the vender, licensed or unlicensed, is re- 
lentlessly pursued and prosecuted by whisky detec- 
tives, all of which are daily occurrences in narrow 
Canada. 

Well, as I watched this all-important provincial body 
of lawmakers preparing and passing new statutes to be 
embodied in the already bulky and overcrowded stat- 
ute books of the province I could not refrain from 
warring within myself regarding their relative useful- 
ness down below. "What such a muscular bunch of 
men might accomplish if only placed upon the Canadian 



TEE CANADIANS 169 

northwestern prairie for soil cultivating and grain 
growing activities ! Like the Saviour of mankind, who 
drove the money changers and idlers out of the temple, 
I felt akin. Thus, were it within my power, I would 
have done likewise, saying, ''Men, go west." 

Incomplete indeed would my political narrative of 
Canada and Canadians be if I failed to give some 
idea of their campaigning methods and political en- 
thusiasm. On such occasions the average voter can 
blow off more vociferous steam than any other class of 
political enthusiasts I have ever known. Nor am I a 
stranger to such performances, for it has fallen to my 
lot to observe them in many strange places, including 
different countries. In the eastern, northwestern and 
western states of the American Union I have been an 
interested spectator, if not an actual participator. 

Cunningly trained city politicians, as well as the 
cruder and coarser country genius, have alike fallen 
under the spotlight of my political eye. The artful 
politician in Ireland, for have I not been an interested 
looker-on while a Dublin constituency carried on a par- 
liamentary campaign and election, marched athwart 
my scrutiny. The gentlemanly statesman of England, 
his political courtesy, including the rusty resolution 
style of thanking the chairman of the evening for the 
able manner in which he presided over the meeting, 
has been a source of amusement to me in his own coun- 
try. In Canada — east and west — I have scrutinizingly 
scanned their methods, heard their animated argu- 
ments, attended their meetings, listened to their 
speeches, and watched their feelings when in defeat or 
in victory. 

With the utmost frankness I will acknowledge that 
the Canadian way is a superior one. There is a style 
and finish to it of the winning kind that cannot well 
be disputed. Hurrahs and highty-flighty speeches are 



170 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANEEE 

all right as far as they go, but they don't go far 
enough. Criminations and recriminations regarding 
timber steals and land scandals by those who were in 
and by those who are in don't seem to carry much in- 
fluence with them in determining voters. The fact of 
the matter is that there was more land to be scandal- 
ized than both parties together could possibly manage 
to give away, working all through the campaigns at it, 
and the time intervening between political disputes as 
well. 

These were the principal stock-in-trade reasons why 
the reigning powers should be dethroned and their op- 
ponents seated. No matter whether a fight was made 
upon an M. P. P. (member of the provincial parlia- 
ment), or member of the Dominion parliament, all the 
forceful political powder that could be conjured up was 
blazed away at them. 

But Canadians have other and more tangible methods 
of carrying elections than mere talk and platform ora- 
tory. Enough ridings must be "salted down" by gen- 
erous appropriations from the public treasury to en- 
sure a sufficient number of government supporters to 
swing the government beyond all peradventure. Thus 
the ones easiest and surest to keep within the fold will 
be favored by these outlays, which expenditures usu- 
ally take the form of some public improvement within 
the constituency regardless of whether the same is very 
much of a practical value or not. 

On and before election day these expenditures of 
government moneys are vigorously carried on, no voter 
being idle ; but a relaxation usually follows immediately 
thereafter, and quicker than ever if the voters have 
not performed their polling duty to the entire satis- 
faction of their friends. Thus constituencies failing to 
bear fruit are henceforth rigidly disciplined for their 
unpolitical stubbornness, both in the matter of office- 



THE CANADIANS 171 

holding and further financial considerations; while 
those that responded with pleasing majorities are listed 
for additional favors. Our clever and well-schooled 
political friends now know how to get at it and act 
accordingly. The kickers continue to kick, but only 
manage to kick themselves farther away from the pub- 
lic spoils crib than ever. 

Politics in Canada is a profession, requiring the high- 
est type of scientific practice. Therefore, to be suc- 
cessful Canadians are always on the job. In times of 
political calm they are diligently preparing their po- 
litical guns and training their political henchmen; so 
that in periods of strife and stress they are ready. 

Newspapers for and against the government are un- 
ceasingly hammering away. No matter how harmful 
and unstatesmanlike acts of parliament, or ministerial 
measures, may appear, the government organs connive 
at and editorially browbeat their readers into the er- 
roneous belief that they are all right and will work 
out to the benefit of all the people, the country in- 
cluded, in due time. Of course, the wise citizen will 
not lose sight of the fact that there are more important 
considerations behind the utterances of these party 
newspaper organs than mere patriotism. Cash, possi- 
bly advertising contracts. 

On the other hand, the opposition papers cannot see 
anything good in the government programme. No 
matter how meritorious a measure may be, or how 
statesmanlike and well debated parliamentary acts 
should turn out, their motives are impugned and ensu- 
ing results deemed only accidental. They incessantly 
keep on picking flaws and pointing out blowholes 
with the most accurate precision. This they continue 
all the time while it is their unhappy lot to be on the 
outside ; but once on the inside their tunes would turn. 
All of this sort of thing has been carried to such 



172 



THE lEISH-CANUCK-YAyKEB 



extreme lengths in the Dominion of Canada that nearly 
every voter, no matter how ignorant, is beginning to 
see into it, thereby destroying all confidence in both 
parties. Unqnestionably some ignorant and easily led 
voters are in Canada. The former class might be at- 
tributed to the foreign element, while the latter might 
safely be charged np to tlie homeborn. Both are bad, 
but of the two evils I should prefer the lesser, which 
is the alien. They are not willing to permit themselves 
to become the prey of senseless theorists. It is dif- 
ferent, however, with the native, who very readily fol- 
low the theoretical foolishness of the impracticable 
preacher and the silly reformer. As proof I need only 
say that the coimtry is primarily rural and agricul- 
tural. Therefore, when such people arise at five o'clock 
in the morning and work between farm and barn until 
a late hour at night each and every day there is very 
little time for mental cultivation, the results being 
palpable. Thus the Canadian youth seem to be per- 
fectly willing to let the others do their thinking, guid- 
ing and directing for them. It is not amiss to reiterate 
this again and again. Moreover, I would be pleased to 
see the youth of that country sit up and take notice. 
There is ample room for their improvement. 

Canada's development up to the present time has 
been a complete muscle tussle one; the only brains 
brought into requisition being of the political type, 
and these have been keyed up to the highest pitch of 
party usefulness. 

Western Canada is recognized as being far more 
progressive than the eastern portions. For many years 
western Canada had been endeavoring to develop one 
of her most promising political sons, with a view of 
having him take an active part in the councils of the 
empire. First he climbed to the lofty position of at- 
torney-general for the province of Manitoba. Then he 



TEE CANADIANS I73 

went on to the province of British Columbia, where he 
became provincial premier. These colonial successes 
so swelled his head that he believed himself capable 
of swinging into the imperial parliament as a member 
from some carefully chosen English constituency. But 
his colonial experiences along the lines of silly and 
ruralistie legislation were so pronounced that he could 
not shake them off ere he presented himself to the Brit- 
ish voter. So both himself and the platform of princi- 
ples he espoused were hurled to defeat. 

Colonial statesmen may readily adapt themselves to 
the small pettifogging political schemes at home, but 
they are not wanted in the British Isles. Their "Blue 
Laws," and many similar puritanical statute-stuffing 
acts of parliament, typical alike of American ruralistie 
statesmanship and colonial small-calibered parliamen- 
tarians, are not tolerated in big empire-like self-gov- 
erning countries. 

Broader and bigger policies must needs prevail in 
the Dominion of Canada ere progress of the desired 
kind can be counted upon. 

Canada, Religiously 

On this all-absorbing subject it is not my intention 
to waste very much time. In a country like Canada, 
where the church wields such a tremendous power over 
an emotional people, and where every industry in the 
colony is so closely interwoven with the religious, it is 
difficult to treat one subject pertaining to the country 
and life of the people without finding it impossible to 
divorce churches and religion therefrom. 

When voteless women, officered and led by clergy- 
men, can presume to loudly proclaim to the world what 
they purpose doing with the country in the way of 
reform, which practically prohibits the male sex from 



174 THE IBISH-CANUCK-TANKEE 

the exercise of any personal liberties at all, a rather 
composite condition of things have obtained. Nor is 
all this idle talk. Galling prohibitive measures have 
been enacted in Canada already at the instance of these 
people. Men have been deprived of liberties enjoyed 
by their forefathers through the instrumentality of 
preachers and church workers. In Canada the preach- 
ers practically control the w^omen, and the women and 
preachers together seem to have cornered the men. 
These conditions obtain more in the Dominion of Can- 
ada today than any other advanced country. 

As I have said previously, this is one of the pro- 
clivities resultant on the exodus of the larger part of 
the colonial manhood. This deplorable circumstance 
produced an effeminate tendency. Varied and devious 
have been the means employed by an aggressive clergy 
to influence the women of their flocks. Men recognize 
this. Yes, and to such a harmful extent is all this 
noticeable that the men have almost made up their 
minds to let the preachers and their feminine follow- 
ers have their absolute fling in running churches and 
church matters. Of course, a halt has often to be 
called in the case of an overzealous wifely church 
worker at times when she would be very apt to involve 
her hubby in excessively unreasonable church expendi- 
tures. This feature of mothers' and wives' devotion 
to things pertaining to the church, which women be- 
come hopelessly involved in, have to be kept in check 
by indulgent sons and obliging husbands. 

Throughout Canada, and also the United States, 
there is an apparent dearth in male attendance in all 
the Protestant denominations, and in all other miscel- 
laneous worshipers as well, save and except the deep- 
rooted adherents of the Roman Catholic faith. Even 
this well-organized church is not free from man's in- 
difference to religious attendance. 



TEE CANADIANS 175 

But this rather deplorable condition has been 
brought about by the church itself. In trying to overdo 
things it overdid its own usefulness. Every denomi- 
nation organized itself nearly out of existence, as far 
as the men of their congregations are concerned. This 
state of affairs naturally threw a double portion of 
church labor upon the ever-willing women. Nor did 
they run away from it. Instead they stood their 
ground and enthusiastically shouldered the additional 
burden. 

But even this has been accomplished at the sacrifice 
of many needful home duties. Divorces and other do- 
mestic differences have been engendered by such devia- 
tions from home life. Unfortunately it is a well-estab- 
lished fact that it is the men and women that can 
least afford to waste the time and money necessary 
who are the most actively associated in the questions 
here discussed. The people of independent means, who 
are amply supplied with well paid servants to direct 
and perform their household affairs at home, waste the 
least of their time in this good work, but to their credit 
it may be said they give liberally in money considera- 
tions. If it were not so, great cities the world over 
would not have such magnificent temples of worship. 
Thousands of generous men give unostentatiously of 
their riches for the building and upkeep of these 
massive church structures. In this respect the rich and 
affluent help the good cause along in a far more sub- 
stantial way than anything the poor can do; for it is 
now a world-wide recognized fact that churches and 
things pertaining thereto have resolved themselves into 
moneyed institutions in such a manner as has never 
been known heretofore. Modern life is such as not to 
require a person, in order to be religious, to go down 
on his or her knees to pray. Instead go down in your 
pockets and pay. 



176 TRE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

Like all other old country youth, my early training 
so indelibly impressed upon me the duty of being a 
steady churchgoer I have rarely ever missed such op- 
portunities, no matter where I may be spending the 
Christian Sabbath, While traveling in foreign lands on 
business bent it has very often happened that the 
church of my choice was not represented in the small 
villages I Sunday ed. But being broad in my views, I 
never failed to see good in all. This principle fre- 
quently led me into the open doors of many other de- 
nominational churches, and even Jewish synagogues. 

The religious enthusiasm of good and well-meaning 
people does not become dampened by reason of their 
rather poor worshiping accommodations, which they 
often complain of. Inconveniences of this character 
only impel them to go on with more fervor than ever, 
eventually owning a consecrated edifice of their own 
creation in the regular orthodox way, after growing 
prosperous. 

"While occupying a pewsitting in various American 
and Canadian churches and meeting places, I have al- 
ways been very attentive. It is often, therefore, with 
both amazement and amusement, I paid strict attention 
to the announcements when the minister gave them 
utterance. It seemed to me that from early Monday 
morning until late Saturday night something was con- 
jured up by the church management to keep most of 
the men and all the women busy with church work, 
with an utter disregard for home requirements. There 
was the "Quiet Day" for the ladies of the congrega- 
tion, at which a luncheon would be served, making it 
unnecessary for anybody to go home. There was a 
meeting of the "Mothers' Club," which paradoxical 
enough had more members of the spinster class than 
those possessing actual experience in practical mother- 
hood. Ladies' Altar Guilds, Boys' Clubs, Men's Clubs, 



TEE CANADIANS 17 7 

Girls' Guilds, Ladies' Aid Societies, Ladies' Auxiliaries, 
Sisters of the Peace, Women's Foreign Mission So- 
cieties, and Women's Home missions, and so on and 
on. Something doing every day, as well as night after 
night. 

Under such conditions it could not be otherwise ex- 
pected but that a reaction would set in which would 
work very ingloriously to the church's disadvantage. 
This has already taken place, and in a very pro- 
nounced form. No more verifying proof could be well 
adduced than the decidedly sparse population of men 
noticeable Sunday after Sunday in all the fashionable 
sanctuaries of worship throughout North America. 

But there is yet one redeeming feature that I might 
venture to mention in this connection. It is the ever- 
present little effeminate man, usually accompanied 
by the mannish-appearing woman, known to the con- 
gregation as her husband. 

In the province of Quebec the Roman Catholic hier- 
archy, and this includes the French-Canadian and Eng- 
lish speaking branches of the church, are the religious 
rulers of the people. But in almost all the other Ca- 
nadian provinces the Protestant denominations pre- 
dominate. It has been said that the high-handed and 
intolerant methods adopted by these lords of the peo- 
ple 's spiritual welfare were some of the reasons why 
French-Canadians left their home country and settled 
in the United States. 

At all events ecclesiastical oppression has been more 
or less under the spyglass for many years. Once I met 
a French-Canadian out in the far west who told me 
that when he left the province of Quebec his family 
made one out of a total settlement numbering two 
hundred families that moved from the province of 
Quebec to the state of Minnesota. He also stated that 
not one of the number ever returned, all being perfectly 



178 TEE IBISH-CANUCKYANEEE 

satisfied with the chances for better opportunities, and 
the changes in government, both secular and religious. 

The French-Canadian population, as far as the clergy 
can hold them in hand, are loyal subjects of the British 
crown. Under its benevolence these people enjoy re- 
ligious liberties and educational advantages that they 
are afraid would not be accorded them if they once 
became a part of the great republic. Therefore, from 
a religious point of view, very few are annexationists; 
while, from a commercial viewpoint, a majority of 
them might be considered such. 

The church authorities are not slow in recognizing 
the fact that the Separate School system, now pre- 
vailing in Canada, would be one of the most important 
national prerogatives denied them in the United States, 
where all are subservient to the public school system 
of education, now so well established in that country. 

These priests and preachers do a vast amount of 
good, and also some harm. They do good when they 
confine their activities to the things for which they 
were ordained. They do harm when they find occasion 
to deviate from their regular christiam routine, and 
mix up with things requiring practical experience in- 
stead of professional theory. Canada in particular 
provides them with plan and scope sufficient for all 
their theories, by reason of its multiplicity of unstates- 
manlike laws. 

The small-sized liquor industry in Canada is a veri- 
table thorn in the flesh with the clergymen of that land. 
Why it should be so seems to me to be one of the un- 
solved mysteries. Really I have never known yet 
where a preacher of the gospel recklessly "blew-in" 
much of his money on either hotels or hotel bars. 
Nevertheless the Canadian tavern-keeper seems to be a 
bright and shining mark for his crusading. Of course 
in that country it is the law and custom for every 



THE CANADIANS 179 

hotelkeeper to have an open bar for the dispensation 
of wet refreshments to their guests, in connection with 
their hotel accommodations. This provision has been 
the means of securing for Canada a very excellent 
hotel system. 

That preachers patronize neither bar nor hotel when 
staying in towns, cities or villages, are removed from 
the realm of speculation. They are usually billeted 
amongst the brethren of their faith, where they are 
gratuitously put up during the time they are in con- 
vention assembled or otherwise restrained from going 
to their homes while in strange cities. 

As a rule, men and women who are thus continually 
crusading against every conceivable thing that don't 
look exactly right to their narrow visions, belong 
to a class that it is senseless folly to waste much 
patience with. They are most commonly discoverable 
among the ranks of the busybody element, who are too 
worthless to tackle the more important of unsolved 
human problems. 

However, they have helped to depopulate the Domin- 
ion of Canada by their whims, and for that reason 
deemed sufficiently important to receive some word- 
painting. 

Childlike confidence and belief in the honesty and 
straightforwardness of the so-called religiously inclined 
have been the undoing of many gullibles. Here I recall 
a case in point. Once I knew a farmer of a very con- 
servative nature, in the township of Georgina, who got 
bilked out of a string of good horses, a sum of money, 
and much time, all of which savoured of the most hu- 
miliating rustic simplicity. The parties interested were 
of the spider and fly variety of human characters. 
This innocent and guileless farmer, although he sup- 
posed himself to be a clever genius in the transaction 
of business deals, was by a pre-arranged plot brought 



ISO 2'HE IBISE-CANUCK YANKEE 

into relations with a shrewd and crafty horsedealer. 
Once in the clutches of a man following up that trade, 
it was practically impossible for our farmer friend 
to shake him off. In Montreal a bargain was made, 
whereby the horse-owner and horsedealer came to 
terms. The former parted with his horses and a goodly 
sum of money; accepting in lieu thereof an unseen and 
unimproved farm in the far-off Canadian Northwest. 
The horsedealer pocketed the money and transported 
the horseflesh west with him. 

Later on the soil tiller traveled west aLso, in order 
to see and size-up his newly acquired possessions. But 
he got what he never bargained for, a tract of land that 
he positively refused to accept, and demanded his 
horses back. His request was not complied with, and 
the courts were appealed to. The final outcome was, 
he lost all, as he afterwards told me. 

Speaking with the gentleman about the silly trans- 
action, I inoffensively enquired how he got led into it? 

Much to my amazement, Mr, G told me that he 

had placed profound confidence in the horsedealer. 
When in company together in ^lontreal, they ate, 
prayed and slept most harmoniously side by each, 
Grace before meals, and long bedside prayers were im- 
portant factors in convincing the horse-seller that the 
horse-bnyer was all right. Thus the horse-and-land 
deal went through as sleek as grease. 

Such demonstrations of religious enterprise in the 
Dominion of Canada are very, very common. 

Religion, reform and remonstrance, are three words 
covering a vast amount of Canada's woes. Until the 
religious and reformed shall begin to see something 
good in the irreligious and unreformed, there seems 
small hope for conciliatory neighborship and a closely 
woven national unity to exist. 



TEE CANADIANS 181 

Canada, Overeducated 

This phase of Canadian life also exhibits a rather 
peculiar sort of speculation and observation. Up to 
within recent yeai-s the country was undoubtedly 
under-educated. Of late years quite the reverse is the 
case. Careful scrutiny into the cause and effect of this 
great change in the colony's physical and educational 
life presents many rather fetching features. In the near 
past, few seemed to hanker for knowledge, the re- 
quirements being more on the order of manual rather 
than mental for the development of the big colony. 
Education and knowledge were of little value in its 
reclamation. Scientific research at this time was not 
available, and ordinary book knowledge helped but 
little. 

Accordingly the first pioneers groped their way as 
best they could through thick and unpeopled forests; 
learning on their feet in the woods of adversity, what 
is now taught on your seat in the school, or university. 
The worry and excitement of bushwhacking, followed 
up by ox-logging or prairie pioneering, left little in- 
citement or yearning for learning. Rest and sleep 
after each day's strenuous work were far more 
acceptable. 

However, these evil days disappeared with the out- 
going of the old generation and the incoming of the 
new. Youngsters, harassed to the highest tension by 
their strenuous parents, sought education as a possible 
means of escape from the further persecution of in- 
human hard work. This took on different forms. Some 
organized schools; others attended. So between the 
two there was shortly a surfeit. From their activities 
grew the kindergarten, public, ''separate," and private 
school systems. But these are not all. We have the 
convent schools ; the universities ; the business, or com- 



182 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANEEE 

mercial college; the private boarding school, and a 
host of other educational institutions, including young 
ladies' seminaries; theological colleges, which turn out 
a varied assortment of priests and preachers, and all 
the other recognized professions. 

So, as a natural result, the Dominion of Canada in 
due time became as forward in enlightenment as it was 
backward in unenlightenment in the years goneby. 
In those days it was all muscular ; in the present age it 
seems to be all of the easier variety of labor. There- 
fore, few nowadays care for the privilege of encounter- 
ing the severe hardships that befell their fathers. 
Lighter and easier made livings must be sought after 
through the medium of education. But when a work- 
ing knowledge was acquired there were few openings 
to put it to practical use in a country where muscle 
could only be employed. Thus our educated young 
friends were obliged to seek a larger field for their 
educated energies, and the United States, being the 
nearest available, both the self-taught and the college 
graduate also crossed over. 

Young fellows who were leading very useful lives, 
daily enmeshed in the crotches of the plowhandles, 
became restive and sought means whereby easier livings 
might be attained. This they accomplished after much 
time, patience, and possibly privation. Considerable 
expense was also involved, which had to be disbursed 
by either themselves or friends. If by themselves, it 
had to be re-eamed and again pocketed ; or if by good 
friends it had to be repaid with interest. 

Once a graduate of some educational institution, 
suitable situations had to be sought, and Canada pre- 
sented a minimum of possibilities in that direction. 
If such opportunities were forthcoming, it would be 
a source of satisfaction for both parties, the people at 
large and their ambitious youth. If such opportunities 



. THE CANADIANS 183 

were not forthcoming, it boded no good for either the 
country's young, or the country itself. Uneducated 
youth is willing to do things for maintenance that 
could not be considered at all after going through 
an educational process. Thus with a head full of 
undigested book learning, the owner found himself 
between the two horns of an awkward dilemma. To 
put his newly acquired knowledge to a money making 
use was utterly impossible; while at the same time a 
hint to return to the old sphere of workaday usefulness 
presented an insurmountable disinclination, a condition 
which soon began to breed a desire to seek an outlet, 
by way of the lightfingered, or other confidence 
practices. 

In this way the criminal population has been added 
to, for it is well known that an ignorant wrongdoer 
is less of a plague upon society than an educated; 
wherein the unlearned will only come and steal your 
dog, the learned will rob you of your daughter. 

It is very safe to say that the men who have thus 
far developed Canada were not the tender human house 
plants of kindergarten enterprise. 

It is equally safe to surmise that the men who do 
big things for the further advancement of Canada will 
not be kindergarten men either. 

Did the men who thus far cleared and cultivated the 
Dominion have the advantages of night schools, sum- 
mer training schools, and technical training schools? 
Not at all. They did their work with healthy con- 
stitutions and elbow grease. They were not victims 
of all these modern fads and fancies. They went 
through a course of worldly training that insured a far 
more substantial measure of hard-headed and sensible 
wisdom. 

It is unquestionably a great parody upon all the 
professors and educators to know that America's pres- 



184 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

ent mightiest men, no matter whether occupied along 
lines of commercial industry, manufacturing enter- 
prise, railroad construction, or even political pursuits, 
have never had the advantages of kindergartens and 
summer schools. It is even highly probable that a 
great many of our concurrent statesmen, upon whose 
shoulders the responsibilities of statecraft rest, were 
also denied them. 

But I do not decry these things altogether. When 
taken properly they fill in a small niche. We must 
not place too much confidence in them. My experi- 
ences are that having them in our possession enables 
us to more readily grasp the practical side of things. 
Without them time is wasted in the apprehension of 
real cold-blooded business affairs. 

A self-made Chicago millionaire once wrote to the 
effect that higher schooling does not make either 
brains or ability, and as these are the only things that 
count in any of life's activities what use can we have 
for higher schools? As these schools are not needed, 
they cannot be anything but useless, and all this outlay 
is thrown away, much to the injury of the country and 
its people, he said : 

"The college men talk as though they knew all 
about every other man's business, and that they could 
manage affairs better than the business men them- 
selves. Why draw a small salary for telling young men 
how to draw big salaries, if you are capable of drawing 
the big salary yourself?" he added: 

The brainy millionaire is right. He struck the key- 
note precisely when he spoke in that way. It is indeed 
a joke to have college professors, as well as deans and 
other high university functionaries, explaining to the 
youth of the land how they are to become great and 
high-salaried men, while willing to modestly remain 
in comparative and low-priced obscurity themselves. 



THE CANADIANS 185 

Can it be that these educators are so self-sacrificing? 
This I am not prepared to admit. To my mind they are 
quite the opposite. 

It can be depended upon that the average college 
pedagogue requires that the last penny be paid him. 
But in doing so, is he not inculcating the instinct of 
honesty into the plastic minds of his students. In the 
absence of a less harsh construction, we might let it 
go at that interpretation. 

When I was an apt pupil in a Canadian public 
school in the prairie province of Manitoba, our teacher 
quite frequently gave us moral lessons upon the evils 
of alcohol upon the human system, amply illustrated by 
pictures, showing the inside conditions before and 
after. So silly did such performances appear to me that 
I gave them little thought. In my early school days in 
Tipperary, Ireland, we had nothing of the kind in 
our curriculum, and I have been unable to place my 
finger upon any one of my fellow scholars who ever 
tippled to excess. Whether other important branches 
of knowledge are kept up in Canada or not, this item is 
scarcely ever lost sight of. Thus hammered into the 
heads of non-drinking youths, and followed up by 
Jveaehers in the pulpit, it becomes a nightmare to 
such an alarming extent that sisters, wives, and 
mothers imagine their brothers, husbands and sons are 
under intoxicating influences, even though they are 
only chinning from the cold or amusing themselves 
sucking a cough lozenge or chewing a clove. 

This is another highly important feature of Canada's 
colonial narrowness. A never-ceasing flow of temper- 
ance lectures and intemperate sermons upon that sub- 
ject have driven many a woman into hysterics over it. 

Before departing from this subject of education, it 
is only fair to Canada and Canadians to say that a 
high standard of education now obtains in that country. 



186 THE IRISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

Two of its most important educational centers might 
with propriety be mentioned. They are McGill Uni- 
versity in Montreal, and the University of Toronto. 
Both have high reputations, and enjoy the distinction 
that many students enter them from the United States, 
and possibly from other foreign countries. Graduates 
of these institutions, no matter from what departments 
they issue, will compare very favorably with educated 
men turned out by similar seats of learning in older 
countries. 

Commercial Canada 

Commercial Canada furnished further food for thought. 
In this desirable desideratum is also noticed Canada's 
woeful backwardness. 

An American gentleman by the name of Van Home 
headed and managed the destinies of the Canadian 
Pacific railway enterprise until it was carried far beyond 
the experimental stages. When Mr. Van Home wished 
to lay down the burden imposed upon him, he shoved it 
onto the shoulders of Mr. Thomas O'Shaughnessy, an 
Irish-American. That Sir Thomas proved himself to 
be a capable successor all will admit. 

The Grand Trunk System meanwhile was headed and 
handled by Mr. Charles M. Hays, another Irish-Ameri- 
can, or, if he was not, he belied his name, for there are 
no people so numerous as those bearing that name in 
Ireland. This is Canada's next biggest enterprise. (Mr. 
Hays was a Titanic victim.) The Dominion's next great 
and growing system of transportation is the Canadian 
Northern railway, originated and brought into being by 
Mr. William Mackenzie, a Scotch-Canadian. 

With the transportation interests of Canada in the 
hands of Irish and Scotch-Canadians, and the manu- 
facturing and retaihng interests practically monopo- 



THE CANADIANS 187 

lized by the T. Eaton Company, Limited, where does 
genuine Canadian enterprise show itself? 

Well, to be perfectly frank and outspoken, native 
born Canadians have captured the reforming and re- 
Ugious industries, and are so agitated over their ac- 
quisitions, that they lose sight of the more tangible things 
of which the country is capable. The average Canadian 
seems satisfied to become managing editor of a gospel 
wagon or mission. 

Reduced to the level of a political sort of serf; bond- 
aged by governmental restrictions tending to dej^rive 
of all manly hberties; burdened by an assortment of 
religious fanaticism, which denied young and spirited 
the most ordinary scope for personal enjoyment, the 
homeborn of the Dominion of Canada sought freedom 
elsewhere. Accordingly they went to the United States 
seeking what was denied them at home. There they 
found a welcome. There they were given a larger meas- 
ure of opportunity to display their talents, for being 
the best of Canada's brawn and brain, no better citizens 
could be enrolled in the population of any civilized country 
seeking settlers. 

Unbearable as all this became to the native bom it 
was unspeakably more intolerable to the foreigner, who 
first went to Canada with a view of settling there, but 
who afterwards left the country and permanently settled 
in the United States. 

It has also been an agonizing form of anxiety to the 
very few really big and broad-viewed public men and 
merchant princes of the Dominion of Canada. 

Canada Summarized 

I will here very briefly summarize Canadian life. In 
doing so, I cannot avoid referring to things tinged with 
the unpleasant. 



188 THE IRISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

Canada being a country possessing a boundless pub- 
lic domain with limitless resources, it presented oppor- 
tunities for the corrupt poUtieian that could not well 
be withstood by men unless endowed with more than 
human integrity, rectitude and immaculateness. Twen- 
tieth century tendencies in powerful circles and pub- 
lic service are to get it honestly if you can, and squarely 
if possible; if not, get it somehow, but take good care 
and don't get caught. In pursuing this modesn policy, 
the Canadian corruptionist (if any exist, or existed), 
took minimum chances. The men usually in the inner 
ring, or private councils, were of the sharper kind, while 
those on the outside were of the abstruse and agricul- 
tural sort. A majority of the former class, possibly, were 
university graduates, and from the law departments, for 
it is getting now in both Canada and the United States 
that parliamentary buildings and legislative halls are 
practically forming annexes to the universities. Thus 
when a young fellow goes through his graduating exer- 
cises and emerges a full-fledged lawyer, attorney, or king's 
counsel, and goes out into the world, he scans around, and 
disdaining private life and private practice, he seeks public 
life via the whirligig of politics. 

Being glib-tongued, that having formed a part of his 
collegiate training, he vaults lightly into the political 
saddle. Once in, he is master of the situation in Canada. 
He holds the fort until more subtle opponents, emerging 
from the same source, but having the advantage of a 
more thorough training, oust him. Farmers, and other 
untrained and uneducated rustics, are absolutely helpless 
to change matters. For them to try it would be as ab- 
surd as to have the mouse turn round and try to catch 
the cat. 

Therefore, the Dominion of Canada, from the north 
to the south and from the east to the west, is politically 



THE CANADIANS 189 

harassed. It has been so, and it is going to continue 
in the same plight, for the powers that be cannot well 
be dislodged, and even if they were another equally 
despicable would take up the scepter and wield it to their 
own advantage. More galling still is the possibility 
of having even worse conditions, for the incomers would 
undoubtedly be able to profit by the shortcomings of the 
outgoers, thereby intrenching themselves that much 
more firmly. 

In previous pages I have ventured to say many things 
concerning religious abuses existing in Canada. I 
took occasion to show how the colonists were so moral 
that rehgion became somewhat of a mania with them. 
This is not alone the failing of the whites, with their 
incessant evangelistic agitation, revivals, mission work 
and drink destruction — which also seems a part of their 
religious dogma — but even the Canadian Indians were 
continually on the warpath with their sun-dances and 
war paint, religious pow-wows, and many other fan- 
tastic performances pertaining to their semi-savage na- 
tures. The Indians would dance, but many o f the extreme 
religionists considered dancing sacrilegious. It will be 
thus seen that even whites can be more fanatical than 
reds. To put a taboo on dancing; to prohibit a moderate 
drink of vinous liquor, even going so far as to call in 
question the festive apple cider; to forbid attendance 
at a horse race; to frown upon a private house card party; 
to discourage a young lady from going driving with a 
gentleman of her acquaintance of known respectability; 
attending the grand opera, and after-theatre suppers; in- 
dulging in refreshments in the quiet of a private wine room 
after a long evening's walk in such pleasurable places as 
public parks and boulevards; guessing or gambling of any 
kind; wagering money upon elections; betting on fast 
horses; all of which, by the way, cannot be classed as gam- 
bling at all, but simply tests of judgment and intelligence. 



190 THE IRISH-CANUCK- YANKEE 

Nearly all of these, and many others too numerous to 
mention, are proclaimed from the pulpit, and by the 
preachers' press of one Protestant denomination or another 
sinful, irrehgious and soul-damning. 

Affrighted thus, is it in anywise remarkable that the 
Canadian youth left the country? Saner ideas must be 
instilled into the occupants of Canadian pulpits, and 
also into the editorial heads of the unsecular press, before 
a rational condition of thmgs can be looked for or 
expected. 

The United States 

Along towards the latter part of June, 1885, I first 
set foot upon American soil. This landing was made 
through the large circular building upon the brink of 
the water washing the feet of New York city and known 
as Castle Garden, the gateway to the new world for 
many before me, bound on the same mission, that of 
fortune hunting. 

The weather at the time was very hot, making it 
quite unpleasant for travellers coming from more tem- 
perate countries. My first night in the great city was 
a rather sultry one. But early, however, I was on the 
go next morning. My finances would not permit of 
very much idleness, so I sought a job as soon as pos- 
sible. I got it, too, through the emploj-ment bureau 
of the immigration authorities inside the big building 
already named. It was not a very exalted one, but 
gave me a start, anyway. Quite a nice gentleman, 
scanning all the candidates for jobs available in the 
apartment allotted to them, singled me out for engage- 
ment. We came to an agreement, particulars of which 
being duly recorded by the bureau ofl&cials, we departed. 
For a few days my newly-cutout work consisted of 



TEE YANKEES 191 

general usefulness around an up-town livery stable. 
This position did not seem to suit me very long, so I 
was taken out to do farm work on a small farm ad- 
joining my employer's country residence, situated in 
the suburbs of Mamaroneck, a small town some twenty 
miles distant from New York city. For a few weeks I 
busied myself here, performing field labor, churning 
in the cellar, and such other little chores as the ladies 
of the house required of me. 

Amid these surroundings I got my first introduction 
to American aristocratic society. It made such an 
unfavorable impression upon me that I hastened to 
shake myself loose from it. I could not condescend to 
become a menial, when I had the feeling bred, born, 
and reared in me that the stock I came from were of 
a superior and pedigreed kind. Old country aristoc- 
racy I could appreciate ; but new world, never. That 
my early ideas concerning snobbish Yankee unbacked 
and undeserved pride were not groundlessly founded 
will be fully borne out as I advance from one stage 
to another along the rugged pathway I have since 
followed during my business career covering a period 
of twenty years on Yankee soil. 

Hearing that summer heat was far less oppressive in 
Canada than in the United States, I pulled out of 
Mamaroneck, and returned to New York. Not wish- 
ing to take my departure so speedily from the United 
States, I made up my mind to tarry around the great 
cities of New York and Brooklyn for a few days, 
thereby becoming Yankeefied in a small way. But 
the heat'seemed to me so oppressive, that I hastened my 
leave-taking, left the city of New York, quitting the 
state of New York at the American side of the Sus- 
pension«Bridge, not far from Niagara Falls. 

Young, green and inexperienced though I was, so far 
nothing had occurred to overawe or dispirit me. I had 



192 2'flE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

come to the great country all youth had heard so 
much about, and was determined to take a tooth-grind- 
ing attitude, if needs be, in the working out of my 
own secular salvation, where opportunities were con- 
sidered to be so abundant. 

Exactly five years after I bade farewell to Yankees 
at the bridge crossing the Niagara river, I re-entered 
the American republic at Duluth, Minnesota, by way of 
Lake Superior. Booked for the twin cities, Minneapo- 
lis and St. Paul, I arrived in the former city, where I 
at once began to lay my plans for an indefinite stay. 
This time I was determined not to be driven out by 
either heat or smoke. Nor was I. 

Two days after my arrival I found a job with the 
Great Northern railway as truckman and freight 
handler in the company's city freighthouse. My work- 
ing hours were from one o'clock p. m. until twelve 
midnight. The work was hard, weather hot, and wages 
low— only $1.50 per day— so I sought something 
different. 

Through an employment agency, I was put in touch 
with an old gentleman, having a summer residence on 
the banks of one of the city's suburban lakes, and 
I hied myself out to his place. 

We came to terms and I started in. 

But we didn't hitch very good, and ere I had a 
thirty-day pay-check due me I served notice that he 
had better get another man. I took the old gent by sur- 
prise, as he had begun to take quite a fancy to me. 
Seeking an explanation of my rather ill-advised action, 
I promptly told him that personally he was all right, 
but that his daughter-in-law and three Swedish women- 
servants didn't suit me at all, at all. 

The old gentleman despairingly shook his head, 
saying that if my dissatisfaction was a matter of pay 
or working hours, we could amicably settle things be- 



THE YANKEES 193 

tween ourselves; but with matters pertaining to the 
house he had nothing to do and was accordingly 
helpless. 

Well, he tried faithfully to get a suitable man. 
Failing in this, he made overtures to me to withdraw 
my resignation and continue for a couple of months 
longer, when they would close up for the winter, going 
into city apartments. Out of the generosity of a 
large Irish heart, I changed my mind, and continued 
with him, at an advance in salary of five dollars, 
making my monthly stipend thirty dollars, board, 
lodging, washing and mending (for mending means 
much) included. 

At the expiration of three months, and some odd 
days, we separated. Before doing so, however, he paid 
me, and I remember very well how pleased I was to 
receive a check for $110. 

This old gentleman was a pensioned-off army man, 
and carried the title of "General." So with military 
precision I performed my unskilled and unmilitary 
duties for him during the quarter-year I gave in his 
service. Such a stickler was he for military exactness 
that when he came to pay me he figured out that the 
advance of five dollars per month in wages did not go 
into effect until Monday morning, the last day of the 
month having fallen on Saturday. It was therefore 
expedient that all day Sunday should be put in at the 
old wage scale. 

In the eastern state of New York, five years before, 
I had my first experience with samples of Yankee 
would-be aristocrats, of which I have spoken already. 
Now in the northwestern state of Minnesota, hardly 
a few miles from the frontier of Yankee civilization, 
I ran up against another dose of a far more virulent 
variety than the first. On both occasions I served in 
the capacity of a close servitor to the family, which 



194 2'H^ IEISH-CANUCK-¥ANEEE 

afforded me an opportunity of close scrutiny from the 
inside. These transparent upstart aristocrats found 
no favor in my sight, and I henceforward determined 
that when brought into contact with them we would 
be more on a common level. 

Returning from my residential surroundings to the 
commercial hub of Minneapolis, I began to carefully lay 
my plans for the future. Hard work wasn't easy, so I 
concluded to embark out into other projects. I had 
already in my possession a very passable education, and 
to enlarge and build upon it were my principal anx- 
ieties. With deliberation and close scrutiny I took 
pains to look into the merits and demerits of certain 
classes of education, and none appealed more forcibly 
to me than that of a commercial training. None of the 
professions caught my fancy, so there was no time lost 
in thought upon them. A business life was the magnet 
to which I was drawn, With nobody worth while to 
consult, and with everybody willing to give their views 
upon the proposition, I paid little heed to any, and 
as I have at all times done throughout my career, 
decided for myself. This decision led me to the most 
prominent business college the city afforded. 

With the professors I got acquainted, to whom I out- 
lined the object I had in view; in turn they told me 
what might be accomplished, and tuition engaged, 
supplies bought, I started in with vim and vigor to 
learn the simple rudiments of business theory. Being 
isomewhat rusty on the educational problem, it took 
me considerable time to get started. 

For two long months I studied the elements of com- 
mercial law and bookkeeping. Getting a working 
knowledge of these desirable branches of office routine, 
I changed from the college department of bookkeeping 
and banking to the shorthand and typewriting division 
of the school. Always keenly anxious to be thorough, 



TEE YANKEES I95 

I did not mince matters, but at once decided to buy 
myself a life scholarship ; or, as we used to call it, an 
unlimited time course. 

With unabated fury, the next six months found me 
diligently studying every day at the college, and even- 
ings at my boarding house. At the expiration of that 
time, my finances were sinking to a low ebb, so low in 
fact that it became imperative for me to get to work 
at something at once. 

Securing a trucker's job with the Chicago, Milwau- 
kee & St. Paul Railway Company, I again began 
laboring. 

My daily hours of t6il with this company were from 
one o'clock p. m. until eleven p. m. This plan suited 
my purpose admirably. It enabled me to divide my 
time between the railroad company's service and the 
business college for my further advancement along 
educational lines. Thus from eight o'clock a. m. until 
noon each day I was busy with my studies, the rest 
of my time being devoted to work and sleep. No time 
was available for the wasteful occupation of recreation. 

This railway employment and daily routine I kept 
up until Christmas Eve, when I quit work, and con- 
tinued my studies, with undivided zeal, until the early 
spring. Having by this time advanced myself to a 
point where I might be of some practical value in the 
business world, I kept an eye out for an opening 
suitable to my caliber. 

As you can get almost anything you look for in the 
United States, I found just such a place. It was in the 
office of a publishing concern that made a specialty 
of employing inexperienced college graduates, without 
pay, until they attained a high type of proficiency. In 
other words, we worked for no other remuneration 
than business practice. 

But being pushing and enterprising, I soon secured 



196 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANEEE 

an office opening with paj'' attached. It was with the 
Chicago, Great- Western Railway Company. While in 
the employ of this concern my duties were of a varying 
character. Half of each working day I served the 
freight agent as an amanuensis clerk, and half of each 
night I did janitor work in the station. 

It was further required of me to be present when 
midnight trains were coming in, so that I would have 
the electric lights turned on, and otherwise make the 
station a suitable and comfortable waiting room for 
such citizens as might come round for the purpose of 
meeting and greeting arriving friends. Here again 
I found my job lacking in attractiveness, and, waxing 
saucy to one of the higher officials one day, I was 
summarily discharged. Later on I was reinstated, but 
only to be again thrust forth jobless on the labor 
market. But none of these things annoyed me. They 
are a part of every man's existence in America. One 
day we have a good and well paying sit, while the 
lapse of but a very short time may find us again seek- 
ing. IJps and downs are very apt to prevail when most 
unlooked for. 

My next field of endeavor was in the state of Wis- 
consin. Through a newspaper advertisement, I was 
tried, tested and proven as private secretary to the 
superintendent and physician-in-charge of a large 
sanitarium. 

Here my ability began to be rewarded. 

Promotion followed rapidly, and it was not very long 
until I had charge of the business end of the institution, 
which responsibility carried with it the hiring and 
firing of the working corps of helpers; collecting and 
banking the funds; ordering and buying of supplies; 
bookkeeping and clerical work, as well as the steno- 
graphic and typewriting part of the institution's daily 
programme. Of course I had nothing to do with the 



TEE YANKEES 197 

professional part of the sanitarium ; but occasionally I 
would be called upon to visit twin city hospitals, for 
the purpose of hiring a trained nurse, or picking out 
a young lady desirous of becoming a pupil nurse. 

Life in this notable institution had varied aspects. 
The morphine millionairess, cocaine fiend, dipsomania 
victim, nervous wreck, and many other chronic suf- 
ferers came for care and treatment. After each pa- 
tient's diagnosis, the doctor dictated his medical dis- 
coveries to me, which I transcribed in typewriting 
form and mailed to the friends interested. Medical 
phrases, phonetically spelled, are a hard proposition 
for the ordinary layman. But, with the aid of medical 
dictionaries, I soon mastered this rather rough 
obligation. 

To give my readers even a faint idea of the many 
weird happenings I encountered, both designedly and 
accidentally, while my arduous tasks were being per- 
formed day after day and night after night in this my 
latest field of usefulness, is something not to be even 
attempted here. Up to this time my knowledge of 
humanity was very scant. But here a most entrancing 
opportunity presented itself to study certain types of 
the human race. It was my business to hear and see 
and say nothing. Human frailties were laid bare be- 
fore me, and coming so suddenly more than took me by 
surprise. Had I gone through a course of anatomy, 
where this knowledge would be gradually acquired, I 
should not have been so overwhelmed by the sights I 
saw; but tumbling headlong into it all was a partial 
stunner. 

Institutions of this character are undoubtedly 
serious traps for feminine morality and virtue. Drugs 
deaden the sensibilities and the rest becomes easy. 
Wolfish doctors have been known to administer ques- 
tionable preparations for more sinister motives than 



198 TSE IBISH-CANUCE-YANEEB 

healing purposes. Many imaginary female sufferers 
fall a ready prey into the clutches of unscrupulous 
physicians, through medicinal mediums, of which pa- 
tients know little concerning their import. So publicly 
and openly do some of these drug-stricken victims 
show their immoralities, that the bad example set 
results in wrongdoing among the many female em- 
ployees they are brought in contact with. The tempta- 
tions which beset myself from midnight irresponsible 
prowlers around the halls of the institution would 
dwarf the sad experiences of Joseph (of Egypt and 
biblical fame) with Potiphar's wife, and her amorous 
overtures. But it is not impossible to have modern as 
well as oldtime Josephs. Good men are found in all 
ages. 

"While sojourning in this Wisconsin sanitarium, it was 
my good fortune to make the acquaintance of many 
very fine people. 

In 1892 Mr. Grover Cleveland was elected to the 
presidency of the United States. Immediately after he 
and a Democratic government took office in AVashing- 
ton early in March, 1893, a commercial panic seized the 
countrj', all industries suffering. Our institution also 
felt the effects of the financial stringency to such an 
extent that we were obliged to curtail running ex- 
penses in different ways. "When doing so, I became 
one of the many others whose services must needs be 
dispensed with. 

Accordingly along towards the latter part of Decem- 
ber I received a note from the high executioner, which 
gave me little concern, as I saw the clouds gathering 
and had made other provision already. It read: 
"Compelled to still further economize in the manage- 
ment of this institution, I will be obliged to dispense 
v/ith your services on and after the first of the new 
year," etc., etc. However, matters so resolved them- 



TEE YANKEES 199 

selves afterwards that I was able to stave off my de- 
parture for three months longer. This brought me into 
the early springtime, and it was my good luck to be 
able, at the expiration of that time, to step from one 
place into another, but in a different part of the 
country, without loss of a moment's needless time. 

The experiences gone through during this highly im- 
portant milestone marking my career were things worth 
remembering. They seemed to be of a twofold charac- 
ter. Aside from the sad occurrences, which were con- 
tinually taking place within the walls of the hospital 
through the sufferings and despair of its patients, with- 
out the confines I found many pleasing pastimes. Such 
institutions are usually located on sanitary sites, care- 
fully landscaped and artistically beautified. With rare 
taste, all of these things were embodied in this mag- 
nificent sanitarium. It was amid these pleasing en- 
vironments I happily spent my days. With the ladies 
I should play lawn croquet; with the girls I was in- 
vited to swing in the hammocks; also take them boat- 
ing, fishing and carriage driving. These were amuse- 
ments not to be wilfully slighted by anyone ; but on the 
contrary appreciated by everybody. Karely indeed 
does it befall ordinary mortals to enjoy such a measure 
of charming enjoyments. I was lucky. 

The inner workings of such sacred and secret places 
would test the cleverness of the most close-mouthed, 
and the Christianity of all. 

In Another Role 

The spring of 1894 found me in a small town in the 
northern part of the state of Minnesota, acting in the 
capacity of private secretary to a large landowner by 
nationality English. Banks at this time were sus- 
pending payments and closing their doors, owing to 



goo THE IBISH-CANUCE-TANEEE 

the hard times prevailing. Courts were daily appoint- 
ing receivers to take over and straighten out as best 
they could the apparently worthless assets of these de- 
funct banking institutions. 

My new employer held one of these receiverships, 
and as I was his confidential man it naturally came to 
pass that I got an insight into the ways, means and 
methods employed in handling these trust funds. But 
it is not my intention here to minutely go into such 
details. However, I may venture a few opportune 
criticisms in this connection. 

Almost throughout the United States this rather dis- 
tressful condition prevailed. Many honest bankers 
were compelled to resort, as a last desperate measure, 
to dishonest dealings, faintly hoping that they would 
be able to finally pull through. 

Others again took quick advantage of the loudly- 
heralded hard times and financial stringency to shut up 
already bankrupt enterprises, and clear out, nobody 
knowing whither. But many honorable men valiantly 
stood their ground and weathered the financial storm, 
when all seemed lost. 

The "busting" up of banks, and breaking down of 
many other fiduciary institutions of various kinds were 
causes for many heartaches to the depositors, and 
others having their moneys lodged or invested in such 
business propositions. But when the courts took hold, 
appointing as receivers and assignees judicial wrecks 
of the bench fraternity; who in turn named others of 
the same professional kind as their legal assistants, 
what earthly show did the poor depositors or investors 
have to get back any substantial portion of their scant 
savings, for usually the victims most interested came 
from the ranks of the hard earners? By the time the 
receivers and their attorneys received all they figured 



TEE YANKEES 201 

their straightening-out services were worth, there was 
mighty little left for those most concerned. 

But these unfortunates were let down easy. Courts 
and receivers did their work with great legal 
skill and due deliberation. So, ere there was a final 
accounting, the patience of the poor was worn out. It 
all looked like an endurance test. Or possibly, though 
unlikely, many had their past losses recouped. In all 
human probability, the great majority of the losers 
had their misfortunes forgotten altogether, or swamped 
in the depths of still deeper woes and domestic 
anxieties. 

Moreover it would be both thoughtless and incon- 
siderate for the adjudicators to reopen seemingly 
healed financial wounds, by even small payments from 
time to time. This some of the less scrupulous did. 
The more unscrupulous conjured up fancied expenses, 
which largely added to their own already swollen per- 
quisites, depriving the rightful owners of all. 

These were doleful days. In fact they so strenuously 
tried and tested the good-nature and long-suffering of 
the American people, as to stamp them the most pa- 
tient of all humankind. That they withstood it good- 
humoredly has always been one of the uncleared mys- 
teries to the writer. Painful indeed have been their 
financial experiences in many ways, and ere I conclude 
the portion of this book devoted to ''The Yankees" my 
readers will admit that I have waded through a lot 
of it. 

The gentleman with whom I was now associated hav- 
ing large landed interests in the counties of Todd and 
Morris, located in the northern part of the state of 
Minnesota, my office duties were varied. They were 
still more diversified by reason of the fact that he also 
owned a valuable string of fast racing horses. The land 
handling required the drawing of deeds, mortgages, 



202 TEE IBISH-CANUCKTANEEE 

chattel mortgages, and many other official instruments 
of a documentary kind incident to the selling and buy- 
ing of a real estate business. Then the correspondence 
involved the entering of race horses at the different 
race tracks, tracing each animal's pedigree, writing 
unspellable names of dams and sires, all somewhat 
brainracking. 

Socially, my stay in the small town of Long Prairie 
(Todd County) was very agreeable. It afforded many 
ruralistic experiences, and marked another stepping 
stone in my ebbing career. 

But I grew discontented and yearned for a larger 
field to exert my developing capabilities. I got it. 

The summer of 1894 was a distressing one for many 
reasons. From a national viewpoint, the country 
seemed in the throes of financial disorder. The party 
in power at "Washington seemed helplessly incapable 
of handling the affairs of the country, and the people's 
confidence naturally slipped away from the govern- 
ment. 

Things kept drifting from bad to worse, until indus- 
trial stagnation and commercial chaos got such an 
impetus that it seemed well nigh impossible to stem 
the tide of continued disaster. Work was not to be 
had, and the unemployed, mob-like, marched through 
the streets of the large cities, unable to find either 
work or bread. Soup houses were started by the civic 
authorities, and in conjunction with the many charitable 
organizations which such untoward conditions brought 
into being, did a good work towards alleviating the 
pangs of hunger suffered by the workless portion of 
the population. 

It was amid such unfortunate tribulations I threw 
up my job in Long Prairie, took a six weeks' holiday 
in eastern Canada, of which I have made mention be- 
fore, and, returning to the city of Minneapolis late in 



THE YANKEES 203 

the fall of 1894, I got busy in seeking another open- 
ing. Whether there was idleness in store for others 
or not, it seemed as if there were to be none for me. 

It was, therefore, a part of my program to start in 
with a grain and commission firm in the Chamber of 
Commerce (Minneapolis), not permanently, but until 
such time as I ferreted out a more suitable and re- 
munerative position. This sort of way is not a bad 
plan, for I have often noticed that it is much easier to 
get a position when you are already employed than 
if you were loafing around idle. 

Being now ensconced in a new and different enter- 
prise, I adapted myself accordingly. For the benefit 
of the entire globe, I will here state that Minneapolis, 
Minnesota, United States, America, is the largest pri- 
mary grain market in the world. Further, let me add 
that the Chamber of Commerce in that city does the 
most extensive business in grain handling, flour mill- 
ing, foodstuffs marketing, and exchange excitement 
of any other like enterprise in the world, where the 
interests of the farmer and his accessory, the com- 
mission man, blend together to their mutual advantage. 
Very true, there may be other noisy stock exchanges 
far more boisterously exciting. 

Brawn grows the grain and brain does the rest. 
Either one without the other would be valueless and 
ineffectual. Jointly they make a workable team, which 
fetches additional dollars and profits into the private 
exchequers of both. Working in harmony, they are 
a unity for profitable commercial intercourse not to be 
underestimated. Divided, the farmer is hopelessly 
apt to get the worst of it from the irresponsible parties 
he must of necessity deal with. 

In common with all other big enterprises sprinkling 
the country over, the business depression reached the 
large Minneapolis Chamber of Commerce. Conse- 



304 TRE lEISH-CANUCK-TANKEE 

quently I knew a day of reckoning was fast approach- 
ing, so I sought to be independent. Thus I kept my 
eyes ajar, with a view of securing another opening. 

It being my usual custom to drop into the grain 
office every Sunday morning for the purpose of reading 
the Sunday morning papers and scanning the advertis- 
ing columns, I suddenly lit upon a want ad. one Sabbath 
morning which seemed suitable. Sitting down to my 
typewriting machine, I rattled off an answer about 
as follows: "Answering enclosed advertisement, will 
say, call and I'll figure with you." Tripping around 
to the newspaper office, I deposited my application in 
the usual way. That was all. This was Sunday 
morning. 

Early Monday forenoon a messenger arrived at the 
office looking for me. It was the secretary of the 
Minneapolis Commercial Club, who had inserted the 
adlet. We came to terms, and I started in the very 
next morning. My usefulness consisted of shorthand 
and typewriting for the time being. I knew I gave 
satisfaction, although the position was a very precise 
one, for a few days after my installment the secretary 
dictated a letter to me, addressed to the president of 
the club, in which he took pains to say that he was 
pleased to announce that he had at last, after diligent 
search and a good deal of newspaper advertising, se- 
cured the services of a competent stenographer, and 
would now be able to get his desk cleaned up of the 
accumulations of business correspondence compelled to 
lie there owing to the incompetency of the many ste- 
nographers he had lately hired and fired. 

This was complimentary to me, but it was not the 
first time I had been thus complimented. In fact, the 
selfsame troubles were experienced by my two previous 
employers. 

I mention this with a view of reaching young men 



TEE YANKEES 205 

who may be laboring under the erroneous impression 
that they are proficient, when they barely know the 
rudiments, and in reality are sufferers from bighead- 
edness. 

Going to still greater lengths, I would say that the 
day has come when business men of the country should 
take a hand in the educational department of the 
public weal. Theoretical people having captured the 
control of the public school machinery of the United 
States, a feminized generation of youngsters, deeply, 
dyed in the nonsensical prodigies of fads and fancies, 
is the result. 

Business men are, therefore, obliged to put up with 
a very inferior quality of help, owing to their inability 
to get competent workers, a dearth of same being the 
logical outcome of the present educational system. 

Above all nations in the world, American youth 
should never be indulgently entrusted to the feminiz- 
ing influences of female school teachers for training, 
even from their earliest youth. Sturdy and stern 
schoolmasters should be in the educational saddle, and, 
whip in hand, endowed with full discretionary powers 
regarding corporal punishment. Until these things are 
again in vogue, all employers of office help might just 
as well make up their minds to make the most of the 
unsatisfactory educational conditions now prevailing, 
which is producing a small run of sissy boys and molly- 
coddles, wholly unfit to grapple with the large twen- 
tieth century problems now confronting a mighty 
people. This day and age are loudly calling for men 
who are the true embodiment of capable manliness. 

My own trouble along this line began to make its 
appearance about this time. It so happened that I 
had to secure other stenographic services, and search- 
ing inquiry revealed the fact that the efficiency I 



206 THE IRISH-CANUCEYANKEE 

sought was not forthcoming. The indifferent could 
not be tolerated. 

I was now, as I might say, in the swim. Brought 
into close business contact with the ablest and brainiest 
men Yankeeland could boast of, I could not fail to 
profit commercially and intellectually by such good 
fortune. Minneapolis could always boast of a larger 
percentage of big men in proportion to its population 
than any other large center in the wide republic. The 
men who built up and carried on the vast enterprises 
of this wonderful northwestern metropolis were prin- 
cipally empire builders who had given a good account 
of themselves elsewhere before they came to this magic 
city, situated so majestically upon the banks of the 
Mississippi, to do still greater works. It was from a 
population of some three hundred thousand people of 
this aggressive character that the Commercial Club 
recruited its one thousand members. 

Our club was instrumental in putting on many en- 
tertaining features for the benefit of incoming country 
cousins, as well as for the diversion of Minneapolitans 
themselves, for nothing was ever considered too good 
for our citizens. Some of the outdoor performances 
would consist of street parades, made up of fancy 
floats representing large establishments, bands of 
music, military and civic exhibitions, spectacular pa- 
geants, and comic acting of a mirth-provoking nature. 
The people of the Flour City (this is another name 
Minneapolis is known by, owing to the fact that it is 
the largest flour milling center in the world) never let 
an opportunity of disporting themselves pass without 
doing themselves and their city a full measure of jus- 
tice. Great things are at all times expected of these 
peculiarly ambitious people, and they invariably arise 
to the occasion. 

During the years 1895-6-7 I was very closely asso- 



TEE YANKEES 307 

ciated, in an official capacity, with the Commercial 
Club and The Fall Festivities Association. Once we 
had made application to that honorable body known as 
the common council of the city for an appropriation 
of one thousand dollars to help defray the expenses 
of several public men who were expected to take part 
in the approaching festivities. The celebrations were 
largely of a public nature, and the request was a rea- 
sonable one. Thus it was only fair that the financial 
help sought should be forthcoming from the city's 
treasury. In the council chamber, while that body was 
in session, a motion was duly made regarding the 
funds asked, but it was lost and the money refused. 

Scornfully shaking my head, I left the city hall. 
But matters did not end there. Next day the chair- 
man of the ways and means committee came to the 
office with a grievous complaint regarding my conduct 
in the council the evening previous. However, as I 
happened to be the only occupant of the office at the 
time he called, I smoothed things over, we had a 
drink (the average alderman never refuses a treat), 
and he went away satisfied that his lacerated feelings 
would recuperate. 

Yes, nearly all American citizens know very well 
that aldermen hardly refuse anything. So well estab- 
lished is this fact that they have to be watched more 
or less from time to time, fearing that they would be 
caught lifting funds belonging to the city, boodling, 
or otherwise acting corruptly. The fact of the matter 
is, I have known aldermen, attached to the city of 
Minneapolis, detached therefrom and sent, by due 
process of law, to the penitentiary for indefinite 
periods, although the sentences imposed made their 
terms of imprisonment definite enough. But corrupt- 
ing influences without the prison walls brought such 
political pressure on the pardoning powers as to make 



208 TEE IBISH-CANVCE-¥ANKEE 

the untimely unlocking of prison doors possible for 
these public malefactors. To such an extent is this 
evil carried on in the United States that it now seems 
as if the law and punishment were made and provided 
for the poor and friendless only. 

Men who try to do things in the United States find 
obstacles thrown in their business pathway every- 
where. People who are capable of accomplishing very 
little themselves are the first to obstruct the efforts of 
the more able. If this cannot be done by fair means 
in an open fight, these despicable obstructors resort to 
foul means in the dark. It is, therefore, very natural 
that men who have climbed to the topmost rung of the 
commercial ladder, having experienced no encourage- 
ment from any source on the climb upwards, but on 
the contrary encountered apparently impossible ob- 
structions, should assume an air of soulless indifference 
to the wants and woes of the hinderers, even going so 
far as to look down upon them with contempt. Good 
and capable men are not the kind to permit their plans 
and schemes to be thwarted ; but instead will ride 
roughshod over every obstacle thrown in their way, 
going so far even as to set the laws of the land at 
naught. 

All of these things have been brought very near to 
me in the small sphere it has been my fortune to 
operate. Brought into touch with men of limitless 
business ability, I tried to drink draughts from the 
same enterprising brooks. During my business rela- 
tions with the Commercial Club and Fall Festivities 
Association in the years named I took an active part 
in the public and semi-public doings in the city of 
Minneapolis. "While thus engaged I enjoyed the con- 
fidence and good will of the officers and gentlemen 
with whom I was principally co-operating. 

At the inception of any public undertaking planned 



AMERICAN "HOBOS." 




CAUGHT SLEEPING UNDER THE GOODS. 



THE YANKEES 209 

and designed for the general good of the entire citizen- 
ship a few of the leading men of the city would, in 
addition to laying out the plan and scope desired, have 
to educate the bulk of the people up to a full realiza- 
tion of the importance to them of lending a hand. 
This once accomplished, all would readily fall in line, 
get their shoulders to the wheel, vigorously pushing 
and boosting. 

It is only necessary to point out to the average 
American mind where there is something "in it" for 
them and all will be well. But master minds are never 
found wanting in any part of the United States, and 
in this respect Minneapolis takes a foremost stand. 
Such profound confidence have the people at large in 
the good business sense and sound judgment of the 
city's most prominent captains of industry that they 
cease to look sidewise at the projects favored and 
fostered by them, and once enlightened as to their 
plan and scope, spit on their hands, taking hold with 
a working will. 

From the accursed affliction of knockers and wet- 
blanketers no part of American soil is free. These 
pests are numerously scattered everywhere. Various 
are the guises they assume. There is the rabid re- 
former, who is, in his own narrow imagination, so 
miraculously endowed by nature as to see danger and 
dire disaster in all things pertaining to the body politic. 
Then there are the selfish, greedy, begrudging human 
particles of society, who try to get into deep water 
but, being bad swimmers, keep paddling along the 
shore in shallow water, occasionally trying to sink the 
deep-water swimmers by devious means and divers 
meanness. When they fail to keep up with the chase 
themselves, they treacherously cling to those making 
a victorious race. If shaken off, as they usually are, 
they try other schemes still more despicable. 



310 TEE IBISE-CANUCK-YANEEB 

Prompted by my semi-public experiences in Minne- 
apolis, I have thus given vent to my wrought-up feel- 
ings. For three years I was so intimately associated 
with the advance guard of this growing northwestern 
city, both the good and the bad were bared before me. 
In all such instances we will find the worthless out- 
number and outweigh the genuine ten to one. 

There is no doubt but that I took an aggressive atti- 
tude myself, thereby bringing down upon me well- 
filled phials of wrath, often seemingly needless. My 
motives were impugned, often openly and oftener 
darkly. On each and every occasion, however, I went 
to the proper parties, explained to them the provoca- 
tory circumstances, and had no difficulty at any time 
in satisfactorily straightening things out. 

One time it would be something seemingly wrong 
that was brought before the meeting of the board of 
directors, when a reprimand of a cautionary character 
would be voted on, carried and duly spread, with im- 
portant solemnity, upon the pages of the minutes, all 
of which would transpire without a hearing in self- 
defense. 

But this would not occur because of any hankering 
members of the board might have for doing me, or 
anybody else that might happen to be occupying the 
same position, an injury, their main object being to 
transact business with all due formality, and this must 
needs be done if even only one lawyer is a member of 
the body, for these professional gentlemen are adepts 
in law construction and living up thereto. An addi- 
tional consideration might lie in the fact that a sop 
must be thrown to some real fire eater happening also 
to be a member, and whose imaginary keen perception 
saw things in a far more sanguinary light than his 
fellow-members. 

Well I remember how one year during the fall carni- 



TEE YANKEES 211 

val the city authorities gave permission for the erec- 
tion of official grandstands on the side streets crossing 
the main thoroughfare, on which the parades were to 
take place. The parties getting the concession so blun- 
deringly managed the stand proposition that little 
profit was left for themselves or the carnival associa- 
tion, who was to get a substantial percentage of the 
gross takings. 

The following year, profiting by the inexperienced 
methods adopted by the concessionaires the year pre- 
vious, I personally supervised the same privileges in 
such a manner as to make them a substantial financial 
success to all concerned. For doing so I was severely 
brought to task. It was another case, if you do or if 
you don't you'll get h anyway. 

Inadvertently hearing underbreath whisperings go- 
ing on regarding my officious activities in matters per- 
taining to the great carnival, and noticing that the 
members of the association were practically ignoring 
me, I went to them direct and cheerfully sought the 
cause. I was promptly informed by the president that 
there were rumors circulated about the city to the 
effect that I had used my inside knowledge of what 
was going on to further my personal interests; that I 
had used others for a stoolpigeon and had in many 
other ways acted as a go-between, from all of which 
I was deriving great gain. This was reprehensible con- 
duct that could not be connived at by the directorate, 
when carried on by any person in the employ of the 
carnival association, and the committee, therefore, 
wished to discountenance it. 

Very attentively, indeed, I listened to the grist of 
complaints, after which I frankly assured the worthy 
gentlemen that they were hopelessly in error. It being 
brought to their minds that all concessions were let by 
carefully advertised tender, and that there were no 



212 



TEE lEISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 



bidders, owing to the eminent danger of bad weather 
at that particular season of the year, in such event a 
substantial loss would ensue, and that having come to 
the rescue, giving the organization the percentage 
asked and yielding to their every other wish regarding 
decorations and seating capacity of stands, at the 
same time taking the most desperate chances with the 
weather probabilities, I had performed a most desirable 
service towards the welfare of the enterprise. Thus 
instead of being the target for undeserved criticism, I 
was entitled to the thanks and gratitude of the officials 
in charge. Clouds were cleared, and my integrity was 
vindicated. 

But no matter hew disagreeable different phases of 
business life may appear at times, there are always 
signs of pleasing things hovering about on the com- 
mercial horizon. Invariably the one will more than 
counterbalance the other. 

Such an occasion arose, in a very unexpected man- 
ner, when some friends and myself were having an 
accounting. We were sitting in one of the secluded 
wiuerooms of a fashionable clubhouse, carefully ana- 
lyzing some financial reports placed before us. Having 
passed upon the statements submitted, I, being treas- 
urer, drew a check for the amount accruing to one of 
my associates, covering his share of the profits of our 
speculations. As the already signed check lay untaken 
on the table we were sitting at, we had a Manhattan 
cocktail. As one drink generally borrows another, we 
had two. Immediately thereafter my intellect became 
a wee bit more animated and I at once grasped the 
thought that a mistake had been made. Reaching over, 
I again took up the check, as it still lay there, and tore 
it into fragments. My friend watched the proceeding, 
remarking that it was very queer if a couple of whis- 
keys could make me do that. But I hastily hurried to 



TEE YANKEES 213 

explain that I had written it out for entirely too much. 

Closer scrutiny of the figures at hand bore me out, 
a new check was signed, and everybody departed well 
satisfied. 

Drinking is a habit that I have never let interfere 
with business obligations; nor would I permit busi- 
ness to deprive me of the manly privilege of taking a 
moderate drink whenever I felt like doing so. Nearly 
every man I ever had business relations with was mod- 
erate in his habits in all other respects as well as in the 
use of intoxicants. I claim that such men are much 
more agreeable to deal with than the one-ideaed genius, 
who imagines he smells badness and distraction in 
everything everywhere, that does not happen to be in 
absolute accord with his private views. Men of affairs 
who guide and control big undertakings are in the 
great majority of cases abundantly able to control their 
own habits and manner of life. Men who can't are 
unreliable in whatever way you wish to take them. 
This latter type of human character is so few and 
far between that it is useless to waste much considera- 
tion on them ; nor is it done except by specialists, who 
devote their valueless time worrying over such human 
ills. 

However hard it may be at times to get along 
smoothly with large-calibered men of renowned ability 
for the putting through of business undertakings of 
much magnitude, it is a great deal more difficult to do 
so with small fry individuals, little in their nature and 
narrow in their general makeup. So far in my career 
I had the good luck of not being compelled to rub up, 
to any appreciable extent, against them. The men with 
whom I co-labored while engaged in semi-public use- 
fulness when identified with the Minneapolis Commer- 
cial Club were the shrewdest and most cleancut body 
of city builders obtainable anywhere in America. In 



314 ^-SE IBISE-CANUCE-YANKEE 

so complimenting them I am performing a simple act 
of well-earned courtesy, which I again reiterate. 

The latter part of the year 1897 discovered me in 
the service of a big brewing company. I had severed 
my connection with the good men who represented the 
dry goods business and many other manufacturing, re- 
tailing and wholesaling activities incident to the whirl 
of busy city life. It is undoubtedly men engaged in 
these avocations who are, in season and out of season, 
constantly advertising their city, as well as vigorously 
pushing their respective wares and lines of commerce. 

In the wet goods world, which might be considered a 
separate and distinct line of traffic to all others, there 
is not that necessary energetic push needful in order 
to draw trade and provide markets as all other indus- 
tries seem to have imposed upon them. The men em- 
ployed in the more substantial merchandising sharpen 
their intellects and key up their business faculties to 
the straining point in order to build up and retain as 
large a share of the public's patronage as possible, 
each firm outmaneuvering and outbidding its competi- 
tors. Thus we have bargain days and cheap sales, fire 
sales, clearance and many other sales to capture and 
attract the feminine bargain seeker, who goes forth 
determined to make a dollar do two dollars' worth of 
domestic usefulness. We therefore have not only ex- 
pert sellers, but in addition alert buyers, both of which 
tend to draw out all possible commercial cleverness 
they find each other capable of. 

But it would be a mild injustice to the womenfolk 
to say that they were the only ones anxious to take 
full advantage of cheap buying and swollen values for 
their dollars. Men are equally guilty, although not 
having the same opportunities for studying them out 
and following them up. Being the breadwinners, their 
time is spent in more needful occupations, leaving to 



TEE YANKEES 215 

their trusted mothers, wives and sisters the full re- 
sponsibility of attending to these buying domestic de- 
tails. Well they might do so, for of all nationalities 
none can be found more eager to take full advantage 
of every dollar-saving device than American woman- 
hood. Nor does it seem that the poorer classes have 
a monopoly on these things. Not so, to all intents and 
purposes, the well-to-do, yes, and even the real rich, 
greedily grasp all such available means of spreading 
their money. 

I have thus shown that the people on both sides of 
the bargain counter work together to their mutual aid 
in mental development along the arts of buying and 
selling. Woman against woman and wit against wit 
are the principal ingredients brought into play in 
these combinations. All day long it is a battle between 
feminine buying and selling combatants. 

O^vners and managers of large emporiums, where 
miscellaneous goods are on display, recognize the stren- 
uous endeavors urgently put forth by the seller and 
buyer, the one determined to do the best she can for 
the house, while the other is just as pronounced in her 
determination to get all she can for herself. Short- 
ened hours of daily labor is one of the results. 

With the manufacturer and vender of wet goods a 
far different condition of things present themselves. 
The trade is handled by men, and the patrons are also 
men. Buying and selling are altogether unlike other 
lines of trading. In all other lines, or nearly all, the 
merchandising is strictly between the two parties con- 
cerned — the seller and buyer. But in the handling and 
selling of spirituous liquor a third party unceremoni- 
ously inserts itself. 

This uninvited party is the United States govern- 
ment. With it all manufacturers, wholesalers, retail- 
ers, and even consumers, have to reckon. Ce/:tain laws 



31g TEE lEISH-CANUCK-YANEEE 

are made and provided by the national government, 
for revenue reasons, that must be rigidly lived up to. 
These laws are prescribed for financial purposes, and 
laws of that nature can never be evaded. Were they 
placed on the statute books for moral decency in 
America, little trouble would be experienced in get- 
ting around them. For financial considerations, never. 

Then there are municipal financial obligations. These 
are also money-getting laws and ordinances, which 
cannot well be evaded. In addition to all of these 
there are county commissioners, who look after the 
imaginary abuses of the rural districts in each county, 
where town and city police regulations do not reach. 

It is indeed marvelous how all these argus-eyed pro- 
tectors of the people 's peace and morality smell danger 
and disaster to the public good whenever a liquor 
vender happens to unwisely overstep the myriads of 
laws enacted for his liquor-handling guidance. That 
these laws are legion in both the United States and 
Canada is abundantly amplified by me before this. 
Indeed, they are, a great many of them, so senseless 
and man-made that it is almost a physical impossibility 
for even the most scrupulously respectful wine mer- 
chant to live within them and carry on his duly licensed 
business. 

Liquor laws, as put upon the statute books by the 
congress of the United States for the proper control 
of the traffic are fairly sensible and statesmanlike. 
But the supplementary regulations conjured up by 
local authorities, here and there in effect in different 
communities, are as freakish and silly as green law- 
making men can concoct, no matter what motives 
prompted their enactment. In every sphere of human 
endeavor there are a varied assortment of motives; 
but when dealing with the liquor traffic there is one 
that counts above all others, and that is the financial. 



THE YANKEES 217 

"When the liquor industry of the United States is under 
discussion it is well for the disputants not to lose sight 
of that fact, in order to be impartial in their judgment. 

Truthfully, I must say that for these nine long years, 
in which I have worked with drinking men and co- 
labored with wage-earning drinkers, I have seen far 
less drunkenness than in many other walks in life that 
it has been my privilege to be associated with. 

My co-workers were, in the large majority, foreign 
born. They worked as men. They drank as men, and 
they conducted themselves as men. 

With an ardent desire to give everybody their just 
due, I willingly say all of this for my co-workers in 
this great American industry. 

Graft getters generally use their fleeting official 
authority as a leverage to make manufacturers of and 
dealers in liquor financially "cough up." 

This they accomplish through adverse legislation at 
all times. In a country where the "undesirables" of 
Christendom find a ready refuge and where morality 
and virtue cannot possibly be as yet very deeply 
rooted, it would be folly to suppose that all of these 
measures are put forth for nothing more amiable than 
a profound desire for good. 

To me it has always appeared as if the liquor laws 
sent forth by the imperial parliament (London) for the 
universal government of the liquor traffic throughout 
the British Isles is far preferable to the American sys- 
tem. In any event, the British way prevents abuses 
from creeping in which are unquestionably inimical 
to honesty and incorrupt practices, in controlling this 
rather troublesome traffic. 

These continuous conflicts are perpetually going on 
between the local authorities and liquor traders. The 
former class looms up as willing wolves to financially 
feast and prey upon the half-harried dealers in spirit- 



218 ts:e ibish-canuck-yankee 

uous liquids they feel called upon to tyrannize over and 
exercise their officiousness upon. If these should hap- 
pen to be temperance cranks, they push their cause 
accordingly; or, of the grasping grafter kind, matters 
are still worse. In any event, it might be safely said 
that the American liquor captain of industry finds him- 
self badly wedged in between the horns of an unenvi- 
able dilemma. 

With all of these handicaps, persecutions and prose- 
cutions continually harassing the brewers and dis- 
tillers of the United States, for their mutual protec- 
tion they have been compelled to organize themselves 
into aggressive and defensive bodies. They have also 
to keep themselves well advised regarding adverse 
measures continually cropping up for their further 
embarrassment. To defeat or render them harmless, 
they exercise the keenest shrewdness. If their ends 
cannot be gained by fair play, more substantial efforts 
must be resorted to ; and in the great American repub- 
lic the most effective fighting weapons known to twen- 
tieth century enterprise are the almightly dollar in the 
hands of mighty men. This method for obtaining cer- 
tain ends is all-powerful. 

An old saying has it that where there is much smoke 
there must be some fire. Likewise, in the liquor traffic, 
where there are lots of money there will be found some 
smoldering. Yes, there can be at all times discovered 
something simmering regarding the so-called liquor 
evil in the republic. 

The grafter desirous of "bleeding'* the brewer, or 
shaking down the distiller, will work his devilish tricks 
in dark and devious ways. He is usually a clever 
swindler, and he knows that he is dealing with a 
shrewd foemen. "When he finds his newest measures, 
for the correction of apparent abuses fruitlessly com- 
ing to naught, or being squashed by other means, and 



TEE YANKEES 219 

without his aid, he becomes maddened enough to seek 
spite. 

He therefore brings to the help of his designing 
schemes all the theoretical reformers, a simple-minded 
class of well-meaning folk, who are ever ready to walk 
in without knowing or caring where they are going, 
Avhat for, or how they are going to crawl out- Thus 
we see these reformers continuously made the catspaw 
of a most despicably intriguing tribe of grafters. 

Manufacturers of liquor much prefer seeing their 
clientele keeping high and dry upon the broad way of 
sobriety, with an absolute freedom from all sorts of 
intemperance, yet indulging in the manly art of taking 
a little, as St. Paul said, "for the stomach's sake," 
whenever they choose. 

Brewing companies and liquor dispensers of every 
variety have been drawn more into the vortex of 
trades unionism than any other recognized business in 
the industrial world. In this way they have generously 
shared their profits with their men. 

One day the boss, a German-American of large, 
athletic build, came into the office, swinging his raiglity 
arms as determinedly as ever a professor bent upon 
gymnastic exercise for the development of his muscular 
makeup swung Indian clubs, scoldingly delivered the 
following, to me, important utterances: "It's just as 
well for you to pull out now as any other time. 
You don't seem to be able to manage them drivers. 
They are walking all over you, and all of us, for that 
matter. So you can resign the first of the month." 
I listened attentively. When he had done, I also broke 
out to the effect that I wasn't asking anybody to tell 
me how I managed my department. I knew only too 
well myself that no man could manage it better. More- 
over, I reminded him of the fact that I had been doing 
it for nearly six years, and was it possible it took him 



320 ^-ff-S IBISH-CANUCE-YANKEE 

all that time to find out my incompetency? However, 
I assured him that it suited me quite well to drop out, 
but that I would not do so under fire, as that would be 
an acknowledgment of my inability to satisfactorily 
fill the place I held down so long. 

As it is never one of the unsolved problems for 
good men to get together and settle their difficulties 
satisfactorily to themselves, we adjusted ours, and a 
couple of months later, for the time being, at least, I 
severed by connection with the brewing company as 
unconcerned as if I were in the employ of the concern 
but for six hours instead of six years. 

Nor was I foolish enough to imagine that the entire 
business would miserably collapse the moment it lost 
my invaluable services. 

Neither did the management deem my usefulness so 
indispensable as to entertain doubts and fears regard- 
ing the foolhardiness of separating itself from me. On 
the contrary, we were satisfied all around, they con- 
tinuing to do business in the usual way, while I im- 
mediately began to carry on activities elsewhere. 

Some ignoramuses and other simple geniuses rue- 
fully imagine that the very instant they are no longer 
associated with an enterprise its finish is within sight. 
Into the bargain, it not infrequently happens that the 
very least cog in the wheel imagines itself the all- 
important one. Upshots of this character get their 
quietus when least expected. 

In this day and generation no man is so indissolubly 
identified with any undertaking, no matter how much 
of a magnate he may be, or how gigantic in proportions 
the enterprise may assume, as to be wholly indispen- 
sable to its continued usefulness to the betterment of 
mankind. 

The very instant one of these great organizers step 
down and out another is ready to step up and in. Pos- 



TEE YANKEES 321 

sibly he has been in training for such a contingency; 
or he may be accidentally discovered when just needed. 
Which or whether it matters little. Suffice to say that 
when it comes to commercial Napoleons, America is 
ever ready to supply the demand. 

Far beyond the Rocky Mountains was to be the scene 
of my next wild and weird work. I was slated to enter 
a new field, wholly different to anything heretofore un- 
dertaken by me. Thrilling events were scheduled to 
follow fast and furious upon the heels of one another 
for the next couple of years. They were not of my plan- 
ning, but gradually unfolded themselves after I once 
got started. But having been tried and tested so 
often, no legitimate business, no matter what its mag- 
nitude might be, would make me flinch for a minute, 
after I got my first bearings thereon. 

Every large city in the United States has its quota 
of mining men. These may be divided and subdivided 
into many different and questionable species. The 
first is the genuine prospector, who has ''packed" his 
way into the mineral-bearing zone and, by accident or 
otherwise, located a property which was duly devel- 
oped by tunnel or shaft until it became a dividend- 
paying mine. Such a man can be chalked down as a 
mining man of strenuous ability, and in his class are 
found mighty few. He takes charge in person. He is 
always found at the mouth of his tunnelwork or brink 
of his shaft. Very minutely he looks out for the care 
and welfare of his good luck himself, intrusting nobody 
until at least his mine is far removed from the realm 
of speculation and uncertainty. 

Close figuring and economical handling while his 
property is in its incipient stages of development are 
absolute requisites in the management of such prop- 
erties, by reason of the fact that a horde of sharks 
are at all times willing to swoop down and take undue 



222 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

advantage of the so-called tenderfoot who has been 
so lucky in all their dealings with him. 

The sudden strike of ore in paying quantities en- 
tices otherwise honest men to do things of commercial 
dishonesty, because discovering ore is the same as find- 
ing money, and they become encouraged accordingly. 
It therefore behooves the lucky mine owner to be at 
all times suspiciously alert. 

There is another class of well-meaning gullibles, who 
imagine they are miners without ever having been 
closer than a thousand miles to the property they are 
financially interested in. Through rosy printed mat- 
ter and gaudy advertising material, they have literally 
read themselves into the idiotic belief that they cannot 
miss a big thing. Accordingly they put their spared 
savings, yes, and much of their unspared funds, into 
it, and I have personally known men of maturity to 
borrow money from their equally gullible but trusting 
neighbors to also foolishly throw into such invest- 
ments. They lost their money. In addition to that, 
they inveigled their relatives, friends and neighbors 
into the fool thing also, thus financially skinning them 
into the bargain. However, they afterwards soothed 
their financially shattered feelings with the insinua- 
tion that they took a gambler's chance. 

They did nothing of the kind. There was absolutely 
no chancework about it. From the moment they went 
in it was a dead certainty they would lose their money. 
This was but a natural and logical outcome, for they 
were in the hands of promoters as gullible as them- 
selves. 

In such eases gullibles affiliate with gullibles more 
gullible than themselves. In a majority of these in- 
stances they were well-meaning folk, but so exceed- 
ingly anxious to wax wealthy at once that they went 
into get-rieh-quick schemes with such supreme sim- 



fEE YANKEES 223 

plicity as to blindly lose sight of the most ordinary 
rules of business discernment. They, childlike, fed 
themselves with the fancy that the mining industry 
was altogether different from all other commercial en- 
terprises, a grievously mistaken notion indeed. On the 
contrary, that particular field of professional endeavor 
requires a most stringent training, years of geological 
study and practical labor. Mining is a profession in 
itself affording vast scope. Men who engage success- 
fully in it find ample outlet for their intellectual 
cleverness and business capacity. 

There is yet another class of mining men. They 
never mine nor never intend to mine for mineral. They 
do their mining in large, well-ventilated, neatly car- 
peted offices, luxuriously equipped with mining imple- 
ments, such as typewriting machines, lithographing 
machinery and printing presses. For your inspection 
they will exhibit a beautiful showcase containing rich 
specimens of gold and other ores, which would make 
the mouth of any prospective investor water. They 
will also give you as a return for your money, gaudily 
lithographed in colored work, stock certificates, which 
at all times serve as receipts, as the lucky possessors 
put them away so carefully, because of their artistic 
grandeur, that neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and 
thieves do not care to break through and steal. In 
fact, they are jealously guarded as souvenirs. With 
these smelted and unsmelted samples of ore from their 
own properties, ably backed up by their advertising 
paraphernalia and oily-tongued mining fakirs, the 
sucker-citizen is soon financially mined and under- 
mined. 

That the United States has offered a most inviting 
field for such exploitation is a foregone conclusion, and 
it is not in the least sense an exaggeration to assert 
that within the bounds of the great republic two- 



224: THE IBISH-CANUCE-YANEEE 

thirds of its population have been euchred out of some 
portion of their money in some way, through some of 
the flim-flam games played against them, none of which 
have occupied a more important place than the silly 
search for mineral wealth by gullible people. 

Nor are the poor, with meager means, the only ones 
thus fooled. Moneyed men of large business caliber in 
other lines of industry have also fallen a ready prey 
to this insatiable greed for gold. "With a reckless 
disregard for adherence to well-established practicer-i 
governing commercial procedure everywhere, they 
have entered this gainful pursuit in the most hap- 
hazard manner. But the entry did not reach far. 
Money was lost in office rent, clerk hire, salaried offi- 
cials, traveling expenses, stationery and printing and 
divers other ways of spending easy-got funds far away 
from the ore-mining prospects. 

Dividends were even paid out of stock sales, thereby 
linking together an endless chain for the purpose of 
keeping up the interest and roping in the increasingly 
incautious suckers farther and farther. 

For many years I had been a close observer of all 
this gullibility in Minneapolis, a city peculiarly humili- 
ated by the operations and peculations of these mining 
and other fakirs. Minneapolitans had "bit" on every- 
thing that came their way, recklessly regardless of 
merit or outcome. The town seemed to be the sucker 
center of the entire nation. To such an extent was 
this noticeable that I have often ventured the remark 
myself that if I had a whole trainload of gold bricks 
I'd market them all in ]\Iinneapolis. Failing therein, 
I would consider it useless to try elsewhere. A fool's 
paradise, indeed. 

Through no particular offliandedness of mine, I ap- 
peared to acquire the reputation of being in the pos- 
session of ready money. 



TRE YANKEES 335 

That was all-sufficient to bring me under the notice 
of parties having mining stock and many other uncer- 
tain securities for sale. I was, therefore, invited upon 
many an occasion to meet enterprising promoters and 
stock brokers. 

Civilly I made these appointments, and courteously 
I was received, dined and wined, beered and beef- 
steaked most hospitably. Verbally, by telephone, mes- 
senger service and mail these ambitious men kept after 
me. Being so charmingly entertained, I could not 
rudely shake them off, nor are they to be so easily 
shook off. Once getting an opening, they pertina- 
ciously cling to a prospective purchaser, like an occi- 
dental land agent to an oriental capitalist. A money 
transaction without value received is worth far more 
effort than with, a realization these gentry fully 
appreciate. 

At last I seemed landed. A gentleman with whom I 
had in previous years many pleasant business relations 
became a promoter, and having done so, he lost no time 
in tendering me the most flattering inducements to be- 
come associated with them. Giving the considerations 
submitted careful thought, I finally agreed to join in. 

The mining property lay in the faraway state of 
Washington, about a hundred miles north of Spokane 
city and thirty miles south of the British Columbia 
portion of the international boundary line. My friends 
had taken a three-year lease of an old shut-down prop- 
erty from some Chicago millionaires, who had been 
duped by purchase and jilted by after expenditures in 
unwise developing management, until their losses 
reached a very considerable figure and necessitated 
their drop out. They were estimable gentlemen and 
deserved better fortune, but in their case, as well as in 
the cases of thousands of lesser investing lights, due 



226 ^^^ IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

business precaution was not taken, financial loss re- 
sulting. 

In a Mining Camp 

Receiving free transportation to the works and a 
stipulated salary while away upon my tour of investi- 
gation, I started on my trip west. I realized it was a 
new experience, and one pregnant with far-reaching 
possibilities. I was, therefore, determined to make the 
most of any and all opportunities arising out of this, 
to me, rather important step in my money-making busi- 
ness career. 

Traveling through the state of Minnesota, with its 
prosperous looking farm houses, creeks, small lakes 
and sheltering groves of light growth of timber, giving 
the country a lawn-like and old country aspect ; North 
Dakota, level and ocean-like with its vast grain fields ; 
Montana, one of the largest states in the Union, with 
its mining, ranching and cattle raising industries, 
sloping up and down the sides of the Rocky Mountains, 
the great backbone of the American continent ; Idaho, 
with its hills, hollows and canyons, and finally into the 
state of Washington, where my mining capabilities 
were destined to be put to a severe test. 

Changing cars at Spokane, having traveled on the 
main line to that point, I continued my journey north 
on a branch railway until I reached the town of Col- 
ville, Stevens county. Arriving there we (for there 
were several in the party) went to a modest boarding 
house for dinner. The day was dark and drizzly and 
our little party experienced not a few disheartening 
features of the day's program ere we reached the hill, 
where operations were already begun. Our livery 
teams had a hard time of it climbing upgrade in the 
deep and tough mud for a distance of over eight miles. 

At last we reached the camp. Most of us had never 



TEE YANKEES 227 

seen one of the same kind before. Nor did any of us 
ever traverse such an uneven, broken country. Moun- 
tains, valleys, ravines and deep gulches were noticed 
on every side as far as the eye could cover. Many 
ranchers were already settled in that fertile, though 
uneven, country, and were carrying on a crude sort of 
farming industry. Strange as it may seem, it is the 
"bench" lands on the mountain sides in this part of 
the world that are the most desirable. 

That night we slept in the camp, which was a new 
innovation for us all. We were astir quite early next 
morning, and with much interest saw the miners at 
work, traveled through the various long, opaque tun- 
nels, also climbed down the ladderways into the un- 
worked old shafts, half filled with water, more moisture 
continuously oozing in from all sides. 

This old mining property had quite an interesting 
history. Accidentally discovered by two Irish-Cana- 
dians who had left Canada and settled in the western 
states, when out prospecting for mineral, as the ore 
was protruding above the grass roots, these men made 
a lucky strike. They mined more than a quarter of a 
million dollars' worth of the rich silver-lead pockety 
deposits, which all at once treacherously gave out, then 
sold the property to other parties, who in turn 
''salted" and disposed of it to the Chicago men here- 
tofore mentioned. 

Like many other soldiers of fortune, the Kearney 
brothers could not stand prosperity and keep a steady 
equilibrium. They spent their money faster than it 
came in, despite the fact that they had a money-making 
mine. They were poor men. Suddenly and unex- 
pectedly they waxed wealthy. AVhile in obscurity they 
were useful citizens. When in wealth they became 
dangerous, for it is hard to arm a foolish man in a 
more death-dealing way to himself, if not to others. 



228 TEE IBISH'CANUCEYANKEE 

than to place lots of money at his disposal. Many a 
man leads a useful life while barely able to meet his 
needs; but once enriched, unless possessing brains for 
ballast, his worthlessness begins to show itself. It was 
so in the instances named, and the lucky prospectors 
lost all through riotous living. 

As men accustomed to the big things Chicagoans are 
capable of could not knuckle down to small things, 
the latest owners of the Old Dominion mining property 
were determined to start in the canyon and mine up- 
wards, all mining in the past having been done down- 
wards. A thousand feet of virgin ground, all mineral- 
ized, was available. But as it is a physical impossi- 
bility for the shrewdest of financiers to keep on spend- 
ing a dollar for every twenty-five cents' worth of ore 
marketed, they were at last forced to give up and let 
go. Reluctantly they did this, for men with stamina, 
such as the builders of Chicago possess to an unusually 
high degree, know no such word as failure until things 
become altogether too desperate. It so unhappily hap- 
pened that the present case afforded such an issue. 

Cutting loose from my tenderfoot friends in the East, 
I began to look into things pertaining to the mining 
property at close range in an analytical way to suit 
myself, uninfluenced by outside interference or prompt- 
ing, taking as my working adviser a grizzly old veteran 
miner of thirty-one years underground practical ex- 
perience in rock reading, by the name of Owen Mc- 
Carthy, an Irish- American. 

Mae. took me around and tersely taught me all the 
intricacies of the mining profession from the practical 
side. For the theoretical, as practiced by the office 
tenderfoot in the East, I had no use, and always held 
it in contempt. McCarthy assured me that if I got 
the management of the property, and made him my 
working foreman, we would make the property pay big 



THE YANKEES 229 

from the very first day we took hold. These rosy pos- 
sibilities Avere backed up by sound arguments, and 
everything that Mac. said and did seemed exceed- 
ingly plausible and convincing. 

With this end in view, I returned to the home office 
and very soon got busy laying my future plans. At 
first the officers of the company contemptuously smiled 
at my suggestions. They seemed to have profound 
confidence in the management they had already in- 
stalled. I knew they were mistaken and that it was 
only a matter of a short time until it would come to 
grief. I was right. That is just what happened, and 
even much sooner than any of us anticipated. A young 
mineral student, son to the president of the old com- 
pany, was in charge. He being a western lad, imagined 
that eastern capitalists had money to burn, and began 
burning it in a most reckless and unbusinesslike 
fashion. 

A telegraphic wail came from him one day, demand- 
ing immediate remittances to pay the men off on the 
hill, who were making trouble in camp. Men engaged 
on western works, such as mining or marble proper- 
ties, being up against the practical side, know a great 
deal more than the capitalists in the East carrying on 
operations. Thus, when the men know only too well 
that the work started is going to be an absolute fail- 
ure they take no risk in getting their money, whether 
the same is for labor or supplies, and angrily demand 
it when the parties paying out are least able to do so. 

Figuring by a course of imbecile reasoning that the 
property will begin fetching returns almost at once, 
they have not financially coaled up to meet possible 
contingencies. Thus too often it has come to pass that 
eastern promoters have summarily skipped out, leaving 
in the lurch unpaid employees, as well as many other 
financial obligations. Such operators are usually of 



230 



TRE. IBISE-CANUCK-YANKEE 



the irresponsible kind, and not worth legal proceed- 
ings. In addition to that, they hail from other states, 
and when law machinery is set in motion bringing them 
to time, it is very cumbersome, as laws in each state 
differ. All this average workmen know, and clamor 
accordingly. 

The mine management I had determined upon super- 
seding was cornered. Ere it was operating six weeks 
it was in dire financial strait . It had shipped a car- 
load of ore to the smelter, \ it as the mine assayer's 
report and the smelter's returns were so far apart, an 
immediate settlement seemed impossible. The money 
was needed at once, but business sagacity prompted a 
slow settlement in order to avoid needless sacrifice. 

Advancing the company sufficient funds to tide them 
over present difficulties, I got the appointment of busi- 
ness manager. Fully credentialed to take over the 
entire control of the property, I again started west, 
providing myself with a ticket on the North Coast 
Limited, one of America's crack trains, which runs 
between St. Paul-Minneapolis, in Minnesota, and Port- 
land, state of Oregon. This train belongs to the North- 
ern Pacific railway system. Some forty hours continu- 
ous travel brought the train to Spokane, where I 
stepped off. Without delay I proceeded to the mining 
camp, and there began doing things. 

Calling at the cookhouse I put up a notice to the 
effect that all hands should report at the mine office 
that day at noon. Then I proceeded to pay off and 
discharge the youthful manager, who had already 
brought disaster on the company by reason of his 
inexperience. This particular part of my program was 
decidedly distasteful, as he was the son of a one-time 
millionaire, who was president of the old company 
and extremely anxious that his young son should be 
retained upon the payroll of the new company. Bu<; 



TEE YANKEES 231 

I gave him no quarter. He got his check in spite of 
his pleadings, and took his final departure down the 
hiU. 

Owen McCarthy, the ore-smelling veteran miner, I 
at once placed in charge as working foreman, instruct- 
ing him to the effect that he was to have full charge 
of everything under the ground, while I would look 
after the company's affairs above the ground. Under 
this joint arrangement we expected to proceed with 
the works. 

As requested, the men came one by one to the mine 
office. With Mac. I selected the best and most experi- 
enced men. Those who did not understand the forma- 
tion of silver-lead rock, the grangers and sheep herd- 
ers (these were Mac's epithets for green miners) were 
paid off and let go. Thus, with a carefully selected 
working force of miners and muckers, and with our 
operating expenses needfully pruned down, we began 
taking out ores. Within a very short time we were 
shipping to the smelter minimum carloads of rich ore. 
Our smelter remittances for these shipments varied 
from eight hundred and fifty dollars up to twenty-five 
hundred dollars, per twenty-ton shipment. Had it not 
been for the low quotations on silver in those cheap 
days, which was something like forty-eight or fifty 
cents per ounce, we would have fared much better. 

Having reorganized affairs at the mine, and putting 
things there on a business footing, I went to the 
smelter, with a view of effecting a satisfactory settle- 
ment regarding the carload of ore hung up there. This 
plant was located on Puget Sound, near the town of 
Tacoma, on the western edge of the state of Washing- 
ton. My task in making an amicable settlement was 
not an easy one, as there were too many interested. 
For my own company I was anxious to get all that 
could possibly be squeezed out of the smelting com- 



232 THE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

pany. Then there was the defunct mining company, 
who were to get a twenty per cent royalty. Being in 
bad graces with the president of that company on 
account of the high-handed manner in which I dis- 
charged his son at the mine, I well surmised that no 
matter what settlement I obtained, it would be unsat- 
isfactory to him, and be attributed to my greenness as 
a mining man. My supposition proved correct, as later 
developments showed. 

But I cared for none of these things. After due 
deliberation and study of the ways and methods em- 
ployed by the smelting company for sorting and assay- 
ing ores, I made a settlement perfectly satisfactory 
to myself. 

Trouble now began. There being a discrepancy of 
several hundred dollars between the figures of the 
mine assayer and the smelter returns, the old company 
loudly demanded their royalty on the larger figures. 
Of course, I was blamed, from one end of the country 
to the other, for being such a greenhorn in mining 
matters. I was even accused of being drunk, an accusa- 
tion of the most accursed and cowardly kind. Letters 
passed between the different parties interested, some of 
which were mailed to me, betokening their confidence 
in me. However, I paid the royalty on the smelting 
company's figures, for which I received a receipt on 
account for the amount paid, and threats of legal pro- 
ceedings for the balance, or an annulment of the lease, 
which was signed for three years, with options for 
further extensions. None of these things frightened 
me. 

A double moiety of trouble resulted over the set- 
tlement of the next ore shipment. A larger discrep- 
ancy than ever existed between the mine assayer 's 
figures and the smelting company's. 

Taking the bit in my teeth, I positively refused to 



TEE YANKEES 333 

take part in the thankless job of wringing more money 
out of the smelting concern this time. Instead, I in- 
sisted upon the old experienced president, who did so 
much howling over the settlement obtained before, to 
go in person and bring the smelter people to time, my 
company paying eighty per cent of his expenses, while 
twenty per cent came out of his own company's royal- 
ties. He peremptorily refused to accept such an offer, 
making the counter suggestion that we send to Tacoma 
a mineralogist under the same conditions. 

I agreed. 

I further gave him the privilege of naming the 
man, which he did. 

We were lucky in securing the services of a combina- 
tion man. He was both a mineralogist and geologist. 
His instructions were to sort and assay our ore ship- 
ment, which by telegraph was ordered held, as returns 
were unsatisfactory, and our terms with him were 
ten dollars and expenses for one day, or fifteen dollars 
and expenses for two days. 

Our professional friend went to Tacoma as per agree- 
ment. He performed the professional duties required 
of him. He also returned in about twelve days and 
submitted a bill accordingly. What were his experi- 
ences and the cause of his long delay? What kind of 
a report did he fetch with him? To me that was the 
all-important part. 

Well, he sorted and assayed our ore, and figured out 
what it should come to, using the latest market quota- 
tions on silver and lead. The smelting company re- 
sorted and reassayed the ore, in order to be sure that 
no mistake was made on their part. What was the 
result? Both our man and the smelting company 
showed by their latest figures that the smelting com- 
pany had paid our company entirely too much in the 
draft sent us on their first assay. I had got the money, 



234 THE IBISR-CANUCE-YANEEE 

and would make no refund. Our mineralogist had 
been unavoidably delayed by a dirt slide on the line 
in the Cascade mountains, rendering railroad traffic 
impossible, for which inconvenience there was no legal 
redress. All this mulct the company's pocket about 
eighty-five dollars, and upon me the getting of the best 
terms available devolved. 

By this time I was proving to "Ji concerned that I 
was not as much of a mining greenhorn as they first 
supposed. 

Several other carload lots of ore were shipped, and 
settlements were made in accordance with my own best 
business judgment, brooking no interference from any 
source. 

Up on the side of the mineral mountain ten thousand 
feet above sea level, with the comradeship of Owen 
McCarthy, the miners and muckers, the anxiety of min- 
ing and searching for ores, all of which was enhanced 
by the mountainous settings, deep canyons and pre- 
cipitous gulches, being fresh from city life, I got in a 
rather thrilling time. Indeed, I might add that indoor 
life was not a bit less exciting than the outdoor, 
which meant underground as well as overland scenes, 

McCarthy was a rock reader. He was also a natural 
born miner. In his eagerness to make a showing, he 
could be found both night and day creeping, with a 
lighted candle in one hand and prospecting pick in 
the other, through blind and half caved-in old tunnels, 
crawling and climbing about in the shafts and excava- 
tions in diligent quest of new ore deposits, and in many 
other ways probing and prodding the virgin ground. 
He was also a scarred old fighter, having received gun- 
shot wounds and knife thrusts without number dur- 
ing the riotous times he got in before the far West be- 
came law abiding, and while both life and property 
were insecure. How he would recount the good old 



THE YANKEES 235 

times when every man was his own protector, and when 
the man who could shoot faster and aim straighter than 
the others got the benefit of the law, such as it was, 
first. Pierced by bullets and cut with knives, Mc- 
Carthy furnished living evidence of the strenuous 
times encountered by the prospector and fortune seeker 
in the illimitable West before it was organized into 
states, counties and municipalities. In those days labor 
troubles and strikes aggravated the wildne^ of the 
West still more. 

When whisky-maddened McCarthy would just as 
soon shoot as eat. So one night I awoke to find him 
training one of his large-calibered revolvers (he owned 
seven of these weapons altogether) upon us. Up in 
the lonesomeness of our hillside home, where we were 
all alone, no human being nearer than the bunkhouse 
to witness a tragedy, I single-handed fought him off 
and dissuaded him from such tragic idiocy, A deputy 
sheriff had served him with official papers that day, 
requiring his appearance in court for some trivial mis- 
doing. Mac. said he would go down and shoot the 
whole town up ere he would submit to such tricks. 
He said he held his own when the country was savage, 
and that he wasn't going to lie down now and let 
people walk all over him when the country was civil- 
ized, having both priests and ministers. Being a suf- 
ferer from circular insanity, which made him maniacal 
at times, I had serious trouble in controlling and paci- 
fying him during these spells. 

Upon another occasion I was driving up to the 
mine, accompanied by some eastern capitalists, when 
we met Mac. going townwards on horseback. Girded 
with a leather belt well studded with bullets and pis- 
tols, the old foreman jumped off the horse and rushed 
at the liveryman, revolver in hand, in order to take 
his life for some fancied grievance. Quickly I stepped 



236 THE lEISE-CANVCK YANKEE 

between them, and with some energy overpowered 
McCarthy, throwing him down in the deep snow. 

Men of affairs will readily recognize that unpleas- 
antnesses, samples of which I have here enumerated, 
are often encountered in the daily routine of transact- 
ing business, and have for policy sake to be borne with, 
as part of the price paid for the services of capable 
and competent men. I found myself helplessly cor- 
nered in that way when submitting to the wiles and 
whims of Owen McCarthy. Periodically he was so 
crazy that not a man amongst the miners would come 
up to the office bedroom and bunk with us. None of 
them had any admiration for a madman. 

From the very first day McCarthy and myself took 
hold we put the property upon a paying basis. We 
were thus getting along swimmingly, when it occurred 
to the home office that possibly McCarthy could carry 
on mine matters all alone, and that they would 
use the writer elsewhere. I did not relish their schemes, 
and did not fall in line with them. So, instead of 
keeping on with them, I took my departure on a pro- 
longed trip to the old country the latter part of Oc- 
tober, 1903. 

Reaching Chicago in the month of May, 1904, I was 
met by appointment by the president of the company, 
who was exceedingly desirous of sending me back to 
the mining property, for the double purpose of 
straightening out the snarl things had got into there 
during my absence and to continue mining operations 
indefinitely, or until the expiration of the present 
lease. Delaying only long enough to spend a week at 
the Louisiana Purchase Exposition, held at St. Louis 
that year, I hastened westward. 

On again reaching the old works I found affairs 
there in a most unfortunate state of disorganization. 



THE YANKEES 237 

Owen McCarthy had gone, no one knew whither, and a 
new and worthless miner had been placed in charge. 
No mineral was in sight, and expenses were keeping 
on, with nothing to meet the bills. Eastern men had 
promised funds, but they were slow in coming to a de- 
cision. However, fresh financial sinews of war finally 
did arrive, and I began development work with the 
utmost caution. 

About this time disturbing miners were driven out 
of the mining portions of the state of Colorado by the 
then governor, and went swarming over the country 
seeking work in the other mining regions of the coun- 
try. Several of these men we hired in Spokane, and 
before I got very far with them I was inclined to the 
belief that the Colorado executive did his state valiant 
service in getting rid of them. One day the foreman 
gave two of these fellows their time checks and fired 
them off the hill. I was not there to give them their 
pay checks, but they ran across me down town late the 
same evening. Threatening that they would throw 
me out of the state of Washington, the same way as 
the governor of Colorado had thrown themselves, only 
with more violence, unless I paid them at once, I paid 
them quick enough to make their useless brains swim, 
and told them to keep going. They went. 

Between runaway horses, legal proceedings and 
black eyes from furious miners who were afraid their 
wages were not forthcoming, my time on the mineral 
property that summer was not a path of roses. 

I positively refused to pay practical miners, who en- 
gaged with the company under the agreement that 
they were willing to wait for ore returns for their pay. 
Being experienced men, they unhesitatingly worked 
on the ore beds available, claiming that the richness 
of the ore mined insured them payment in full. But 



238 TEE lEISH-CANUCE-YANKEE 

they were mistaken. The most clever amongst them 
made a miscalculation. The ore had lain in the water 
for years, and thereby had its values bleached out. 
These fellows, with all their practical knowledge re- 
garding mining, did not realize this and were duped 
accordingly. Nor did I feel morally responsible for 
their wages. I felt as if men getting good wages in 
a business they claimed to thoroughly understand 
might shoulder some slight risk, as well as the poor 
eastern tenderfoot who had already been mulct again 
and again out of his cash. 

Out of pocket several thousand dollars of sunken 
funds myself, I did not sympathize as feelingly with 
the men who wielded the hammer and drill as deeply 
as they expected I might. They had to take pot luck 
with all others and they appeared willing. They had 
fought with knives on the hill and chased each other 
with whisky bottles. Therefore, through the misman- 
agement of men wholly incapable of successfully con- 
ducting any line of business, things came to a crisis. 
Seeing the inevitable coming, I took my departure, 
just as hundreds of eastern promoters had vacated 
the western country before me. I was not to blame, 
for with the financing of the old property I never had 
anything to do, and would not become associated with 
it under such circumstances. Any and all bills for 
wages and supplies I personally contracted for were 
promptly paid, and I, therefore, left the mining camp 
with a clean slate and a clear conscience. 

In the city of Spokane I had a business appointment 
with the president of the company at his home, he 
being a resident of that town. My interview with him 
was an important one, as I was anxious to have a prom- 
issory note calling for some thousands of dollars settled 
in full forthwith. We arranged to meet at his lawyer's 



TEE YANKEES 239 

office at two o'clock p. m. Going there at the hour 
named, I met him coming out with a small journal 
under his arm. Upon inquiring where he was off to, I 
received the rather curt reply that he didn't care to 
have anything more to do with me for the present. 

Further inquiry elicited the rather startling informa- 
tion that he was going to take me into court for crim- 
inal prosecution. At this I smiled broadly. Blandly 
asking for further light on the source of the trouble, 
he assured me that himself and his lawyer had just 
discovered that I had mutilated the company's books. 
The book he carried under his arm had a leaf ex- 
tracted from it. Taking the little ledger from him, we 
both entered his lawyer's office. That learned gentle- 
man lost no time in questioning me regarding the un- 
wisdom of erasing or mutilating other people's prop- 
erty. At their childish simplicity I could hardly fail 
to be amused. Speedily I took the account book, 
which had an index alphabetically arranged along its 
margin, and turning to both index and page, showed 
them that a leaf had been extracted slick and clean, 
and that the page contained my personal account, 
which had been balanced up. But the lawyer assured 
me that it was their purpose to see the contents of 
that missing page before we went farther. Both 
legally and technically I was guilty of a criminal of- 
fense in attempting to change or alter one of the com- 
pany's books. Briefly I explained to their joint satis- 
faction that when I became their manager I was in- 
structed verbally and by letter that all correspondence, 
accounting and data pertaining to the mine should be 
promptly forwarded to the home office by me, where 
the official books of the company would be kept and 
all accounting done there by the secretary of the com- 
pany, according to the requirements of the company's 



240 THE IBISH-CANUCK-¥ANKEE 

organization and by-laws. The book in question was 
my individual property, having provided myself with 
it for my own convenience at the mine office. There- 
fore, any leaves extracted therefrom were torn out 
by myself, and for which I had no apologies to offer. 

They looked at each other for an instant, when the 
attorney broke silence by sgtying that the explanation 
was accepted and that we would go on with the busi- 
ness for which we met. So we proceeded, the writer 
in triplicate drawing up all amendments to previous 
agreements. Interest on the note was paid for a year 
back and a year in advance, the note was indefinitely 
extended and we all departed good friends. 

As it would take a very large volume to contain all 
my sad mining experiences, I will not further dilate on 
them here. Undoubtedly they afforded a chapter in 
my career worth recounting. 

During the long and dreary winter of 1902-3 Owen 
McCarthy and myself spent many a queer night on the 
mountainside. Occasionally the old man would have 
lucid moments, and at such times would entertain me 
with tales of his early adventures in the mineral zone. 
Several properties had been discovered by him, out of 
which he had made quite a few fortunes. But miners 
are not savers, and what came easily went easily. 

Incomplete indeed would any sketch of mining camp 
life be were reference wholly omitted regarding miners, 
tales and songs. One in particular that McCarthy took 
doleful pleasure in singing is worth repeating here, 
for the reason that it seemed to suit his own checkered 
career in the mining coimtry. Often the poor old 
fellow's eyes moistened with tears as he sang it over 
and over again for my enjoyment and hie own remi- 
niscences. It is as follows : 



TEE YANKEES 241 

"The Days Of '49." 

Here stands before you old Tom Moore, 

The relics of bygone days ; 
They call me now a bummer sure, 

But what care I for praise; 
For my heart is full of the days of yore, 

And oft I do repine 
For the days of old, and the days of gold. 

And the days of '49. 

There was old Lame Jes, the hard old cuss, 

"Who never would repent. 
He never missed a single meal, 

Nor never put up a cent. 
But poor old Jes, like all the rest. 

To death he did recline. 
And in his bloom went up the flume. 

In the days of '49. 

There was New York Jake, the butcher boy. 

Who was fond of getting tight ; 
And whenever Jake got on a spree 

He was spoiling for a fight. 
One night he ran against a knife 

In the hands of old Bob Kline, 
And over Jake we held a wake 

In the days of '49. 

There was Monte Pete — I will ne'er forget — 

And the luck that he always had ! 
He'd deal for you both night and day, 

And as long as you had a scad. 
One night a pistol it went off; 

It was his last layout, in fine, 
For it got Pete sure right dead in the door. 

In the days of '49. 



242 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

There was Rack-and-sack Bill who could outroar 

A buffalo bull, you bet ! 
He'd roar all day and roar all night, 

And I guess he's roaring yet. 
One night he fell in a prospect hole; 

It was a roaring bad d^^ign, 
And in that hole Bill roared out his soul, 

In the days of '49. 

Of all the comrades I had then. 

Not one remains to toast. 
I'm left alone in my misery, 

Like some poor wandering ghost. 
The people all laugh at me, 

And they call me a traveling sign ; 
Saying, "There goes Tom Moore, a bummer sure, 

Of the days of '49." 

(Taken in shorthand while being sung by the old minei 
in the mining camp and duly transcribed by the authoi 
of this book.) 

I whittled away over two years in my busy efforts 
in the mining country, and traveling abroad, during 
which time I thoroughly exploited the great western 
states of Montana, Idaho, Washington, Oregon, Cali- 
fornia. While making railway passages back and forth 
upon western trains, many queer and pleasing incidents 
occurred. For the benefit of the stay-at-homes I might 
mention a few of them. 

Before beginning a journey there is always the small 
preliminary of buying a ticket, or securing some sort 
of deadhead transportation, the latter, of course, being 
always considered by the average American citizen 
the most desirable; and this for two reasons, firstly 
because it saves that much more for other needful 



TRE YANKEES 243 

comforts, and secondly because it gives the traveler 
an air of importance indicating a stand-in with the 
railway officials, for such perquisites are not usually 
given without due consideration by these soulless cor- 
porations. It is a case of where a chicken is throAvn 
out to fetch back a turkey. 

Even when going through the little function of buy- 
ing your ticket, it is often necessary to be wideawake. 
The ticket agent generally sizes up his prospective 
purchaser and acts accordingly — always in the in- 
terests of his company, which is but pardonable. He 
will vouchsafe but scant information about second 
class tickets, or excursion rates, if he imagines the 
traveler good for everything first-class, which includes 
parlor cars, observation, sleeping and dining cars, in 
addition to the smoker and day-coach, both of which 
go with the ordinary locomotion. Of course the in- 
telligent and well-traveled individual permits no 
promptings from over-zealous ticket sellers; and I 
adopted the same plan, knowing full-well my personal 
requirements. Suggestions from such sources I never 
brook. 

A person out in the world of travel 365 days each 
year must necessarily take careful count of his dollars 
and cents; yes, and pounds, shillings, pence and half- 
pence, getting full value for each expenditure no mat- 
ter how trifling. But with the one day out-for-a-time 
fellow it is altogether different. He can afford to 
be lavish with his funds, consoling himself with the 
thought that it is only one day in the year. Therefore 
he can all day long treat his friends, foes and porters 
in a manner remindful of a money king. 

Millionaires, and many others, whose worldly posses- 
sions do not soar up in the millions, recognize the im- 
portance of economy while traveling, thus causing 
those seeking and expecting generous gratuities con- 



344 THE IBISH-CANUCKYANEEE 

sternation and dismay by their apparent penurious- 
ness. But these grumblers should bear in mind that 
his lordship, or the millionaire, run across many others 
also wistfully watcbiug for flattering donations. 

For the double purpose of pleasure and business I 
made a round-trip run from Minneapolis to San Fran- 
cisco one parching midsummer. Some three months 
were consumed while making this journey. The 
thoughtful ticket seller not being able to sell me a 
through sleeping car ticket at the time I booked, I 
took chances in getting a berth assignment at bedtime 
each night. This plan only involved me in the expense 
of the night rate and the uncertainty of having an 
unoccupied berth available ; whereas the other method 
meant a like expense for both night and day, with 
possibly a slight reduction for the wholesale berth 
engagement. 

The first night out I had no difficulty, berths being 
numerously unoccupied. Upon getting up in the morn- 
ing I made the acquaintance of a fascinating French- 
Canadian young lady, making the long train journey 
from Montreal, Canada, to Seattle, state of Washing- 
ton. Courteously she informed me that her berth was 
engaged for the entire trip. She further invited me 
to share its daytime occupation. 

With that end in view I moved my things across the 
aisle of the car, and planked myself down alongside 
her in the seat. Just at this crucial moment the 
parlor car conductor accosted me, saying that as I 
only had a night berth I should move out to the day 
coach. His invitation I scornfully refused, with the 
accompanying explanation that I was in the seat oc- 
cupied as the invited guest of the young lady, and 
would hold my ground until she ordered me hence. 
Reference to his car diagram, with a quick glance at 
the berth number, convinced him that there was noth- 



TEE YANKEES 245 

ing more to say, and kept going. Ere Mr. Conductor 
departed I took pains to good-naturedly admonish him 
to the effect that it is at all times wise to be discreet 
in handling passengers, for there was always the possi- 
bility that there might be just as clever men amongst 
the travelling public on trains as train hands. 

But the boys are ever obliging, and no matter what 
may be the provocation I invariably let them off easy. 
Without question, American train crews are far above 
the average in intelligence among the unskilled workers 
in that country, if they are so classed. 

Trains on long trips, and particularly in the moun- 
tainous regions, scarcely ever run on scheduled time. 
Frequently, therefore, on coast-to-coast trains it is noth- 
ing unusual to be several hours behind time, and in 
many instances whole days late. Upon one such occa- 
sion imagine my amazement, when applying to the sleep- 
ing car conductor for a berth for the night I was told 
by him that he could not assign me one until we crossed 
the Missouri river, for at that point the night rate 
went into effect. As it was then bed hour, and we were 
running five hours behind time, I promptly informed 
him that I didn't give a d about the geographi- 
cal location of the train, as it was in the retiring hour I 
was concerned. I got the berth at once. 

Sometimes trains are not as far behind time as a 
passenger thinks. The trouble is with his watch. 
From ocean to ocean going west we gain three hours. 
All timepieces must, therefore, be pushed back at in- 
tervals, else there is confusion. We have eastern time, 
central, mountain, and Pacific time. It is vice versa 
traveling east. 

The table d'hote service on some of these western 
trains is very luxurious and moderately priced. For 
one dollar, and a small tip to the obliging waiter, a 
hungry traveler can partake of the regular dinner, 



246 TEE lEISE-CANUCETANKEE 

consisting of many courses, plentifully supplied, and 
deftly served. He need make no haste, and can 
pleasantly keep on negotiating palatable viands while 
the monster of a locomotive keeps on devouring space 
to the extent of a couple of hundred miles, if he so 
chooses. 

There are other means of getting refreshments 
also. Countrified travelers provide themselves with a 
varied assortment of food in large lunch baskets be- 
fore starting, and willing porters furnish them with 
a supply of boiling water to use in the making of tea 
or coffee. But they will not do so a second time unless 
tipped the first time. 

Then there are the lunch counters, closely annexed 
to the stations on the companies' right-of-way, and 
operated somewhat under their supervision. As these 
convenient refreshments are approached, a brakeraan 
usually passes through the train audibly crying out, 
"five minutes for refreshments at the next stop." 

Other means of moistening people's parched tongues 
in summer weather are also available. Small houses, 
with the word "SALOON" conspicuously lettered 
across their fronts, present temptations to the boys to 
jump off and run up while their trains halt on sidings 
to let other trains pass. In these mountain places 
beer prices vary. The regulation five cent glass, 
schooner or stein, are unknown. 

Upon one particularly roasting hot day I entered a 
small saloon, but big bar, where the more fleet-footed 
male passengers had outrun me and were already belly- 
ing the bar with their foaming glasses of small size. 
As I entered I loudly called out to the bartender, 
"What are you charging a glass for beer today?" 
"Only fifteen cents," was the prompt response. Simul- 
taneously there was a clanging of glasses, many un- 
mentionable ejaculations, and a clatter of footsteps 



TRE YANKEES 247 

in a mad rush for the train. Almost to a man they 
refused to pay the exorbitant price. They had come 
from eastern points, where the 5-cent bootlegs and 32- 
oiince glasses were in vogue. 

But I have been still more fortunate in acquiring 
liquid refreshments. Generously inclined fellow- 
passengers have often passed me their hip-pocket 
flasks; and once, while crossing the broad state of 
Montana, two benevolent young ladies took me out 
into the coach vestibule and there secretly treated 
me from a choice bottle of "Canadian Club," Canada's 
best distilled product. 

Journeying by rail across the state of Washington 
on one of my trips, I had the pleasure of meeting with 
the Protestant Episcopal bishop of the diocese in which 
Spokane city is situated. The Right Reverend gentle- 
man and myself enjoyed a very pleasant trip together 
both socially and conversationally. Referring to the 
numerous peaks of mountains so noticeable in that 
state, all of which were honeycombed by the festive 
prospector, who sunk shafts and drove tunnels, pierc- 
ing the mountain sides high up in diligent search for 
mineral wealth, I differed with the reverend gentleman, 
he claiming that if a rich ore deposit was discovered 
in one mountain neighboring hills were also likely 
to be enriched in like manner with the hidden treasure, 
and particularly if located within the mineral-bearing 
belt. 

I took issue with him on this way of looking at it, 
insisting that Divine Providence never dispensed gifts 
in that manner. Instead large treasures were placed 
here and there, often a long distance apart for man's 
benefit, he being compelled to industriously search for 
them. 

Reasoning along this line I argued that should a 
robber board the train and compel the passengers to 



248 ^-^^ IBISE-CANUCE-YANEEE 

hold up their hands for the purpose of robbing them, 
if he found a million dollars in the pockets of the first 
man searched, who happened to be a millionaire, would 
he be so foolish as to imagine every traveler aboard 
to be a millionaire also? I fancied not. No train 
robber would be so gullible. 

Therefore, I considered it a senseless task for men 
to range the hillsides in eager search for mineral 
deposits because some lucky individual stubbed his 
foot against a find when least expecting to be so provi- 
dentially favored. In nearly all these mineral-bearing 
western and northwestern states it seems hazardous 
to be out walking after dark, for the simple reason 
that prospect holes are so numerous an unacquainted 
pedestrian might tumble headlong into one. It is a 
recognized fact that for each dollar extracted ten have 
been foolishly expended in vain efforts seeking wealth 
in the earth. 

"While it was my fortune or misfortune to be fortune- 
hunting in the West, I visited and took in all the 
large cities on the Pacific slope. Seattle, the largest 
and most important city in the state of Washington, 
I considered the New York of the West. Its fine 
harbor facilities, hilly location, and sturdy citizens are 
all interesting to the eastern or foreign traveller. 

Tacoma is another rather romantic town in the same 
state that will be heard from among the family of large 
American cities in time to come. Its principal in- 
dustry at the present time seems to be a large smelting 
plant, mention of which I have made before. 

Portland, in the state of Oregon, is a notoriously rich 
and beautiful city. It is situated on the Columbia River, 
and both town and river combined form an entrancing 
combination worth the pains taken by any traveler 
who makes a visitation. 

From Portland we proceed by rail over 770 miles 



TEE YANKEES 249 

southward, passing over the famous railway incline 
known as Mount Shasta, in the state of California. 
But before reaching this noted mountain scenery, the 
traveler has had the pleasure of seeing one of the 
richest and most fertile stretches of land in the world. 
It is the fruitful Willamette Valley. At the foot of 
Mount Shasta the train stops and everybody aboard 
vacates the cars, for the purpose of drinking from the 
well of natural sodawater, copiously flowing out of the 
mountain side. A nice well, and a supply of long- 
handled dippers, provided by the thoughtful railway 
company, are brought into requisition, so that the 
thirst of the most parched passenger becomes quickly 
slaked, and all aboard once more the journey is re- 
sumed. Some passengers more enterprising than the 
rest don't appear to be so easily satisfied. Accordingly 
they provide themselves with bottles, cans, jars, and 
various other utensils, to be utilized in carrying with 
them a more abundant supply of the free and re- 
freshing liquid. However, they have had their hopes 
rudely dissipated by the discovery later on that the 
sodawater provided by nature was only intended for 
present use, and will not keep any noticeable length of 
time. It must be partaken of fresh from mother earth, 
as it loses its bubbling and fizzing properties almost at 
once. This peculiar production is considered one of 
the supernatural mysteries. To me, at least, it was 
very interesting. 

Passing through the city of Sacramento, the capital 
of the state of California, the second largest state 
in the American union, and one particularly noted 
for its flowers, fruits, farming products, and mineral 
wealth, we soon reach the town of Oakland, where we 
are ferried across to San Francisco. This city, of 
Golden Gate notoriety, thrilled me with delight. Its 
gaiety, its wine-drinking proclivities, beautiful loca- 



350 THE lEISH-CANVCK-TANKEE 

tion, fine looking citizens of both sexes, its femininity 
more nearly approaching the old country standard 
for good looks than any other American or Canadian 
city I had hitherto visited, largely owing to the tem- 
perate climate prevailing there, and to the fact that in 
times goneby before transcontinental lines of railway 
provided .speedy communication between the East and 
West, none but the most rugged and healthy reached 
that land of fruits and flowers, its famous Chinatown, 
a portion of the city set apart for the Chinese citizens, 
all of which convinced me that San Francisco was the 
Paris of America. Under these circumstances no ca- 
lamity has ever taken place which caused me such a 
thrill of horror and regret as when the Golden Gate 
city was ruined by an earthquake and devastated by 
fire. 

Wrecked and ruined though she was, yet the spirit 
and energy of her people remained unbroken and un- 
daunted, and a grander and greater city will in due 
time magically appear, not of the mirage-like type, 
but one solidly and proudly setting forth the bound- 
less enterprise of this distinguished and good-looking 
portion of the great American nation. 

Some 430 miles farther south the city of Los Angeles 
is located, the second largest and most important center 
in the exceedingly long and comparatively narrow 
state of California. 

Returning once more to the city of Minneapolis, 
where I had spent so many years, and fr-^m which I 
had absented myself for more than two whole years, 
I took a swipe at politics. Without the interference 
of any committee deputation, or delegation, interview- 
ing me, or petitioning me to become their candidate, 
I entered the political arena on my own hook. My 
purpose was not so much to get elected with a view of 
holding public office, as to defeat a grist of young law. 



IRE YANKEES 251 

yers, who had from time to time monopolized practi- 
cally every minor elective office within the gift of the 
people of the state of Minnesota, and particularly the 
legislative memberships in my district, which were 
four for the lower house and two for the upper, known 
as the State Senate. So abusive had all this become, 
that it seemed as if the law department of the state 
university had annexed the law-making halls of the 
state capitol. These glib-tongued raw law recruits, 
right out of the class rooms, experienced little difficulty 
in getting themselves elected, as there are at all times 
a sufficient number of voters easily enough hoodwinked 
to carry the balance of power, A large mass of silly 
and unenforceable laws are the logical outcome, which 
the people of nearly all the states, as well as Canada, 
are now beginning to feel burdensome. 

Realizing all this, I opened a knocking campaign 
upon the professional monopoly. My political efforts 
were not two-edged. So, while I succeeded in defeat- 
ing seven out of eight young lawyer-candidates, I 
did not get elected myself. This outcome caused me 
no heart-throbbing anxiety, and, considering my work 
done, I retired from the field of seeking political pre- 
ferment. Unto this day my work has borne fruit, the 
voters have awakened to a realization of the fact that 
it is unsafe to bestow upon any one profession all 
available political honors, and with lawyers, as well 
as all others, they must be satisfied with their pro 
rata share. 

Having thus accomplished my political ends, I 
dropped out of public view, and again re-associated 
myself with the old firm I had previously served six 
years, continuing with the company for the next three 
years. 

During this period of settled down routine city life, 
I reflected a good deal on the foolishness of American 



252 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

''suckerdom." For years I had been variously baited 
by ''sucker" promoters with a view of landing me as 
a financial fish in their slippery schemes. But I had 
withstood their tempting offers and flattering pro- 
posals. Now that I had given a couple of years in the 
unlimited field of speculation and uncertainty myself, 
with rather indifferent success, in spite of my slow 
and painstaking watchout not to be caught napping, 
carefully nailing down, screwing down, and bolting 
down everything, so to speak, and still did not ac- 
complish any great wonders, what could be expected 
of the eastern simpleton, who blindly placed his few 
dollars in the hands of parties still worse, to be used 
in projects they were all wholly ignorant of? 

Western dugouts, water-filled shafts, caved-in 
tunnels, open cuts, sand-sifted piles of earth, 
prospecting holes; unspouting oil wells, uncapped 
pipe lines; unworked marble quarries; unused 
and rust-eaten machinery; mountainy office build- 
ings; bunkhouses; cookhouses; cleared, graded, ironed, 
but neglected, roadbeds, including innumerable other 
evidences of wasted moneys, all of which mutely re- 
mind the westerner of easterners' gullibility in the 
realm of foolish speculation. 

Men with small savings, and capitalists with large 
amounts alike fell victims. Working girls, as well as 
fashionable dames, sunk and lost their funds. Imma- 
ture boys, patterned after the staid and mature man- 
hood, in getting rid of their wee bank accounts. But 
investors high up in the world of finance could well 
afford to lose without feeling their losses, or letting it 
leak out that they ran against a foolish investment. 
That is exactly what happens. They are wisely able 
to keep their financial troubles smothered up. Not 
so with the small fry loser. He has not the commercial 
training that teaches to keep your troubles and worries 



TEE YANKEES 253 

to 5'ourself. He, therefore, blabs it all out only to be 
laughed at. 

A Series of Serious "Sucker" Stories 

A CLEEGYMAN'S FATE 

Happening to be in the office of a mining stock- 
broker upon one occasion, a clergyman entered. He 
was rather elderly and of a rustic appearance. At once 
he broke into an animated conversation with the 
broker, saying in substance that he had a small country 
charge, for which pastorate he received but a very 
meagre monthly stipend, and as he was now growing 
old he desired to leave something to his young family. 
He had given all investments careful and prayerful 
thought, and was now convinced that the best legacy 
he could leave his children was some good mining 
stock. So he had come all the way from his country 
home to call at the numerous mining offices in the city, 
for the purpose of selecting the stock he considered 
safest and best. Unfortunately he did not have much 
money and would be able to make but a very small 
payment down. The rest should be paid upon the 
installment plan. 

To all this the affable stock-seller acquiesced. He 
minutely explained to his reverend customer the safety 
and prospective dividend-paying qualities of each stock 
handled. Of course, he proclaimed aloud that he 
would have nothing whatever to do with mining stock 
that wasn't giltedged. Brokers, being human like all 
other specimens of mankind, invariably endeavor 
to market the stock lists, out of the sale of 
which they get the largest commissions, first, and if 
customers fail to bite on these others are produced, 
so that the most fastidious and careful buyer can be 
suited. It was so in the present case. Mr. A 



254 THE lEISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

had to submit all, with a running lecture regarding the 
value and prospects of each. 

At last a deal was made. The man of cloth got 
what he wanted. He even bought more than he first 
intended, the stock looked so good to him. This pre- 
vented him from making his first payment in full. 
Accordingly the obliging broker, who did not claim to 
be a professing Christian, excused the payment of a 
"V," saying, "Consider that a subscription to the good 
cause you represent." 

Obligatory papers being duly signed, the honest and 
well-meaning preacher departed. Scarcely had his 
heels cleared the doorway, when a half-smothered un- 
complimentary exclamation by the broker "let the cat 
out of the bag." He also swore to the effect that the 
old son of Belial should have known better than to 
delay him so long before closing the deal. 

These were palmy days for stockbrokers in both 
American and Canadian cities, towns and villages, all 
backed up by a country clientele of very juicy 
proportions. 

FEMININE FOOLISHNESS 

"While making one of my periodical visits to Toronto, 
Canada, I was putting up at the private home of some 
very estimable young ladies. Some time prior to my 
call these girls had fallen into the hands of a very 
gullible stock-seller, who unfortunately unloaded upon 
them an assortment of mining shares, purporting to 
represent very flattering properties in the semi- 
unexplored region known as Muskoka. So jubilant 
were they over their prospective mineral finds that 
they actually tried to inoculate some of their enthu- 
siasm into the writer, with a view of getting me to be 
a shareholder too ; but to no avail. 

Some years afterwards, when I made another visi- 



TRE YANKEES 355 

tation to the same house, I found them in quite a 
different mood. Ere that time they had become fully 
convinced that their investments were bad ones, and 
that it was just as well to say goodbye to their money. 
Like thousands of others they had been beguiled by 
some guileless well-wisher, and the result was loss to 
them and humiliation to the imagined friend, who was 
the cause of their foolishness. My good advice was 
also spurned. 

In a rather fashionable family hotel in the city of 
Minneapolis quite a large number of rather prominent 
school teachers, salesladies, stenographers and a 
variety of other businesswomen were staying. To my 
knowledge, nearly all of these inexperienced specula- 
tors were drawn into a marble quarry proposition 
out in the West, of which neither they nor the officers 
of the so-called marble company, who were none others 
than a galaxy of city saloonkeepers, butchers, meat- 
dealers and grocerymen, knew but precious little, the 
upshot being a clear and clean financial loss. 

Speaking with one of the largest investors, who 
happened to be somewhat of a friend, and was also the 
most heavily interested financially in the marble 
quarry stock of the feminine bevy, she frankly told me 
how the promoter succeeded in getting from the girls 
their spare cash. 

It appears he first, with his newly married bride, 
became guests at the boardinghouse. The luxurious 
raiment in which his young wife disported herself, 
and the way in which he showered love and affection 
upon her, so ingratiated this wily bridegroom into the 
good graces of all the unmarried in the family circle ; 
that they reasoned it would be impossible for such a 
charming couple to cheat anyone, and thus imbued 
with such girl-like confidence they cheerfully risked 
their earnings. That they awakened in due time to a 



256 TEE lEISE-CANUCK-YANKEE 

realization that all is not gold that glitters is my sor- 
rowful tale to unfold, and these are not the only in- 
stances coming under my observation, where femi- 
ninity were befooled by object lessons, such as the one 
herein referred to. 

It cannot be gainsaid but that women are now taking 
a very prominent part in the active affairs of America ; 
but it can be denied that they have yet attained that 
high commercial training and shrewdness men have 
reached. Therefore, it is my plea that the man who 
would wrongfully and maliciously defraud trusting 
womanhood out of her property, or despoil her affec- 
tions, is a cheating unchivalrous human carrion of an 
exceedingly low order. But here the admission must 
be made that at times men are not wholly to be blamed, 
and some very aggravated cases have come to my notice 
where women were the worse of the two. However, 
in the great majority of cases, the sterner sex are the 
sinners. 

Women, by reason of their partially unsexed aggres- 
siveness in the cold-blooded business world, must, from 
now on, be prepared to endure less courtesy from men 
than of yore. 

PROFESSIONAL DUPES 

I saw a very despicable trick perpetrated by one 
professional man (it would be a misnomer to call him 
a gentleman) on another occupying the same suite 
of offices in the prosecution of their profession, which 
was that of medical men. They were doctors. 

One of these men had a brother, who had entered the 
field of stock jobbing. His natural tendencies being 
that of a crook, he unscrupulously fleeced everybody. 
Kiiowing that his brother's professional partner pos- 
sessed idle funds, he planned to artfully separate him 



TBE YANKEES 257 

from his savings. In carrying out his scheme, it be- 
came necessary to use the brother. 

Giving him a decoy certificate, representing a good 
many thousands of one cent shares in his new mine, 
which was fast being developed into a dividend-paying 
plum, the doctor hastened to his office, and there be- 
hind closed doors confidentially revealed to his profes- 
sional partner his good luck. Almost breathlessly he 
recounted the new "strikes," assays, and flattering 
prospects. He held aloft his just-acquired stock cer- 
tificate, proving that he had been let in "on the 
ground floor." Casually he advised his colleague to 
get in too. Through his brother, who was the whole 
thing, he might privately and secretly get a limited 
amount of stock on similar terms, as the shares had 
already advanced considerably in price. 

So well did the scheme work that our capitalistic 
friend unhesitatingly turned over at one fell swoop 
five hundred dollars. He got in on the ground floor 
all right, and is there still, or up in the air. Soon there- 
after the partnership dissolved, and with his crooked 
brother the decoy doctor moved to another faraway 
city, having financially flayed their most trusting and 
abiding friends. Seldom indeed is a more shabby 
scheme for the wrongful possession of another man's 
money recorded, even in the United States, where all, 
not by a long shot, are morally decent and financially 
honorable. 

OTHER UNFORTUNATES 

Walking on the sidewalk townwards from business 
one evening, I met a couple of sign-painters. One of 
of these men addressed me, with the news that the 
manager of the mine, in which he had been a stock- 
holder for many years, had arrived in the city, bring- 
ing with him the latest intelligence pertaining to the 



258 TEE IBISHCANUCK-YANKEE 

property. In addition he fetched along a gripful of 
rock and ore specimens, for the Minneapolis stock- 
holders to see for themselves samples of the "new 
strike," and adjacent formation. Furthermore, he 
was abundantly supplied with formidable looking doc- 
uments, giving full official particulars pertaining to 
tests, assays and values of each ore crumb. Taken as 
a whole, it was a grand layout, and just the kind to 
extort money from the pockets of the unwary. 

Knowing that I was something of an experienced 
hand in the slippery art of mining, these men insisted 
on having me attend the stockholders' meeting to be 
held that same evening in the company's office. Owing 
to the fact that I was not interested, and no matter 
how good a case their western manager would make 
out I did not intend becoming so, I demurred the in- 
vitation. But this was unsatisfying to them, so I 
agreed to go. 

It was an enthusiastic gathering. Silently I sat in 
the rear and politely listened. Having been assured by 
the oily-tongued westerner that the small item of 
twelve hundred dollars would at last put them all 
living on "easy street," they began to parcel out the 
balance of the unsold treasury stock between them- 
selves, as they did not now wish to let strangers in 
after they had shouldered all risk so far. They were 
an innocent lot, and caused me much mirth. 

At last I was introduced to the manager, who in- 
vited me to propound any questions I saw fit, and also 
io join in with them and help finance the property, now 
ftn the verge of being a great financial success. At 
first I positively refused to cut in, saying I came to 
listen and learn. But this would not satisfy them, 
so, yielding at last, I took the floor. 

Pointedly I asked him how long he had been in the 
mining business? I now forget the number of years 



THE YANKEES 359 

he stated; but they were a great many. During all 
those years he had tried to develop nearly as many 
properties, none of which were ever put upon a paying 
footing. Money for development purposes was not 
forthcoming, railroad facilities were lacking, smelters 
too far away, and many other causes were assigned for 
the non-success of his mining undertakings. 

Having gravely listened to his tale of ill-luck, I 
finally said: "After all these unfortunate experiences 
of yours, what particular wabble do you expect the 
wheel of fortune to make now that it has failed to make 
in the past that it will make ye all rich so suddenly?" 
At this thrust he backed up a few paces, saying that 
he didn't care to have anything more to do with me, as 
I was sarcastic. The stockholders present smiled a 
smile pregnant with meaning, and clung more firmly 
to their moneybags, the wisdom of which was proven 
in due course of time. 

The sign-painter had decided to protect his previous 
holdings in this visionary mining company with ad- 
ditional drafts from his earnings; but after my brief 
parley with the manager determined upon keeping his 
money. Some years afterwards he again met me, 
treating me again and again, with the explanation that 
I saved him money, as he had all these years watched 
the tortuous fortunes of the "Overland" mining prop- 
erty and its ill-starred success, now being satisfied 
that his investment was a bad one. 

Ambitious, but unwise, investors cannot succeed. 
A company organized by barbers, officered and financed 
by men employed at the same trade, should be satisfied 
to conduct a tonsorial business, haircutting, shaving, 
shampooing, and such incidentals, being in keeping 
with their professional training. Entering other 
fields, with their very limited commercial knowl- 
edge, is a very unsafe experiment. Likewise in the 



260 THE IBISE-CANUCKYANKEE 

case of many other workaday classes, who are quite 
successful in their own chosen trades, but absolute 
failures when dabbling in undertakings out of their 
latitude. 

As an illustration, I have singled for brief mention 
the artists named. This will suffice. 

EASY MARK CAPTAINS OF INDUSTRY 

Small fry lips are not the only ones that smack at 
the glittering prospects of imprudent money specula- 
tions. Captains of industry, and men of pronounced 
business capacity, often fall helpless victims. 

Once I knew a coterie of Minneapolis Chamber of 
Commerce members to get the mining fever. One of 
their number was delegated to visit a certain silver 
prospect in one of the western states. Of course it was 
carefully "salted" for his special benefit. He was 
enamored with the magnificent showing. His report 
was most encouraging. He became a heavy stock- 
holder. So did many others. Time went on, money 
for working the hole was raised ; also more and more, 
but with indiiferent results. In fact nothing sub- 
stantial resulted, except dismay and alarm. 

Laughing at their perplexity upon one occasion, I 
said: "What connection has the grain and commis- 
sion business in Minneapolis with the mining industry 
in the West? They have nothing in common. On the 
contrary it takes double the skill and training to 
successfully operate a mining property than it does 
to manipulate grain mart. Therefore, what a nice 
quiet place the Chamber would be if you all went 
west to run the mining camp on the ground, and do 
your grain and brokerage business here from that 
end!" 



TRE YANKEES 261 

Of course I was laughed at. But the suggestion was 
just as sensible as the endeavor to manage a mining 
property in the West from the East. These men de- 
served a better fate. It is their class that invariably 
accomplish big things. They are the mainstay of the 
community in which they live and do business. How- 
ever, they, as well as the small fry, at times lose their 
discretion. 

OTHER HIGH UP MINING MAGNATES 
On one of the upper floors of the Monadnock build- 
ing located at the corner of Dearborn street and Jack- 
son boulevard, city of Chicago, are to be seen the 
names of several gentlemen nicely lettered upon the 
door to their office. The high-upness of their office per- 
spectiveness is not a whit loftier than their towering 
loftiness in the business world. These gentlemen have 
been associated with many big things pertaining to 
their great city's progress. They have also honors 
conferred upon them by governmental authorities in 
the nation's capitol, Washington. The splendid 
achievement of the World's Fair, held in Chicago in 
the early nineties, was largely attributable to these 
high-class citizens of the Windy City. 

The management of their father's estate was their 
most important business. As the capabilities of clever 
men cannot be circumscribed, they deviated and 
launched forth into other large undertakings, among 
which might be mentioned mining in the western states. 
They, too, notwithstanding their brilliant ancestry, and 
thorough college and commercial training, met with 
failure and loss in the mining enterprises they engaged. 
This intelligence may tend to cheer up lesser finan- 
cial lights, who have been unfortunate in their outlays. 



262 THE IBISH-CANUCE-YANKEE 

OIL VICTIMS 

Sitting in a large armchair in a fashionable Min- 
neapolis clubhouse, reading, one evening I overheard 
a whispering conversation carried on nearby. Several 
clubmen took part. As they became more and more 
animated, less attention viras paid to privacy. As this 
particular club drew its membership from the most 
representative businessmen of the city, I was more 
than surprised at what I heard. 

It seems they had invested in supposed oil wells 
away in the oil-producing regions, possibly in the 
states of Texas or California. The farther off such 
fields are, ofttimes the more flattering they appear to 
some people. As usual, these men were getting glowing 
accounts from their properties. Many wells were 
spouting high into the air, while others again were 
being bored, or marked out for boring. To make 
things yet more complicated and hard to understand, 
the field manager was loudly calling for more funds 
to carry on the work. With glittering reports coming 
by one mail concerning the flow and available markets 
for the oil, and a wail for more money the next, seemed 
quite an inconsistent way of operating a business to 
these men. 

Having borne this sort of thing for a long time, it 
became galling at last. Hence they decided to do 
something on their own account. Getting an expense 
account together, they singled out one of their own men 
to go quietly to the oil fields, and there secretly 
investigate the real state of affairs. 

It was this report the clubmen were analyzing. It 
was what might be termed, using street slang, a 
"corker." Instead of having several wells spouting 
torrentially numberless barrelfuls of refined and mer- 
chantable oil daily, all capped down because of a 



TEE YANKEES 363 

dearth of pipelines and low market quotations, there 
were only a couple of so-called wells sparingly trick- 
ling out about a half-barrel of non-commercial tarry 
liquid, that could by no contortion of the imagination 
be termed oil. 

These good and gullible capitalists reaped according 
as they had sowed. They went into something strange 
to their business life, and the result was obvious. The 
step they had taken last should have been the first 
preliminary. 

Fake and Fraud 

Gigantic fakes and frauds have from time to time 
befooled and defrauded a majority of American citi- 
zens. Tricksters, gamesters, and confidence conjurors 
of every known variety have fattened upon their ex- 
treme gullibility, and abroad as well as at home. 
From a London paper I have this moment clipped the 
following: "YANKEE VISITOR DONE BROWN." 
This visitor, by an old trick, got "DONE" out of 
ninety-nine pounds sterling. 

Less than a year since a millionaire Yankee got 
duped out of twenty-five thousand dollars, by means 
of a goldbrick scheme, a hoary old cheat, in a 
Minneapolis hotel. 

Usually no arrests follow. Guardians and sleuths of 
the law often seem immovable on such occasions. They 
imagine that men with so much money ought to have 
some brains. But quite often these two desirable 
human requisites are not found embodied in the same 
individual. 

Few indeed have escaped with a whole financial skin. 
Swindling schemes of the professional gentry, who 
make such things their lifework, relentlessly and 
successfully fetches them with one game or another. 

It has been said that the foreign-born alien is the 
easiest victimized. Such an assertion cannot be borne 



364 2\ff£ lEISH-CANUCK-TANKEE 

out by facts. It is a slander upon the newcomer. The 
very reason that he is there tends to prove that he 
had ambition and aggressiveness sufficient to launch 
out into the world getting his eye-teeth somewhat cut 
in the traveling operation. Besides he is not sur- 
rounded by as many legal safeguards in the land of his 
nativity as rustic statesmanship has thrown around 
the American youngster, to prevent him from wrong- 
doing, and removing possible pitfalls. The foreigner, 
therefore, starts out with slight odds over his American 
neighbor, who never yet has been beyond the bounds 
of the farm, or circle in which he was born and 
brought up. 

Thus I claim that the Yankee youth is the most 
susceptible to be taken in. This possibility is further 
heightened by reason of the fact that he is more eager 
to secure wealth without work than his foreign com- 
petitor. Accordingly he takes desperate chances. But 
in almost all cases he becomes victimized, through his 
natural inheritance of gullibility. 

Elsewhere I have hinted in this work at the unques- 
tioned fact that the foreign-born has nothing whatever 
to fear from wholesome competition with his American 
competitor, both possessing equal advantages. In the 
former I have always placed profound confidence, 
while at the latter I look sidewise with grave anxiety. 

At the behests of American ecclesiastical influence, 
racehorse betting, and all other harmless forms 
of gambling propensities, have been removed by statute 
in different sections of the country, in order to protect 
irresponsible Yankee sports from themselves. 

British governmental authorities have not thus far 
discovered the need of such drastic legal action. Be- 
cause a horsey-inclined admirer wishes, after close 
study of the pedigree and previous performances of 
his favorite animal, to back his horseflesh judgment 



TEE YANKEES 265 

with his money, it is his own manly concern, and should 
not, through the interference of any theoretical re- 
formers, who are dazzled by the sights of sinfulness in 
nearly all things, be deprived of such opportunity. 

Frequently have I stood and watched with much 
gratification the manliness displayed by the sporty 
Irish and English followers of the turf as they cheer- 
fully put their money up, after careful study and size- 
up of the different animals on the racetrack. With 
card and pencil in hand friends compared notes, made 
observations and profited by each other's views. 

At these manly "meets" I have witnessed husbands 
encouraging their wives to pick winners, young men 
their sweethearts, parents their children, and tipsters 
all who would them tip. After the winning, it was 
pleasant to see the suave and loud-heralding *' bookie" 
pay up; also the complacent features of the winners, 
whose happiness was twofold, by reason of additional 
funds and sound judgment. Losers were also quite 
jubilant, as it is recognizable that sporting folk must 
be good losers, as well as good winners. In adversity 
they must not be wry-faced, no more than overjoyful 
in prosperity. Both aspects have their manly traits. 

America, being no longer the much-boasted "land of 
liberty" as of yore, the people themselves having voted 
their old-time liberties away, these foreign traits of 
character cannot be developed henceforward to the 
same extent upon Yankee soil as in foreign climes. We 
are, therefore, safe in assuming that, with such a host of 
safeguards thrown around Yankee youth by well- 
meaning theoretical influences, a continued "carnival 
of crime," in which out-Yankeed Yankees will play 
the most prominent part in ever-increasing numbers 
will not cease. Less legal restraint, and far more per- 
sonal liberty, would unquestionably beget a more 



266 TEE IRISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

Sturdy generation of self-controlled and self-restrain- 
ing young men, yes and women. 

Yankees, Industrially 

America has furnished the world with the most 
colossal commercial brains in the history of mankind. 

Empire-builders, railway magnates. Napoleons of 
finance, merchant and manufacturing princes, and 
captains of industry abound everywhere. Each has 
left his mark indelibly upon the development of this 
wonderful go-ahead land. 

Nothing seems to have been too gigantic or hazard- 
ous to undertake and bring to successful completion. 
During all my Yankee experiences I have discovered 
only one undertaking, which outclassed their skill, and 
baffled their ingenuity and cleverness. It is the im- 
possible proposition of attempting to make one fast- 
moving train pass another going in the opposite direc- 
tion upon a single pair of railway tracks. 

Men are found capable of carving empires out of 
practically unexplored and unsurveyed regions. Others 
construct transcontinental railways with the ease of 
building a spur track. Money kings handle and em- 
ploy millions of capital to the satisfaction of their 
moneyed colleagues. Men are not missing, who com- 
bine the navigation of rivers, lakes and oceans in con- 
nection with their overland traffic. Well trained men- 
tal giants create and carry on manufacturing and com- 
mercial enterprises with sagacity and far-seeing wis- 
dom marvellous to behold. 

Such men find themselves, and often without their 
seeking, directors of this great industry, trustees of 
other large concerns, in addition to the various self- 
created money-making activities they have nurtured 
into being. Limitless indeed is their plan and scope. 



CAPTAIN OF TXDT'STRY. 




AMERICAN CITIZENS. 



TEE YANKEES 267 

Railway control, banking and real-estate proprietor- 
ships seem good to them, and drop, like juicy plums, 
into their ownership. 

Occasionally we notice one of these land philanthro- 
pists kindly donating a slice of recently acquired sub- 
urban land to his home city for public park purposes, 
which is readily and greedily accepted by the city's 
representatives. This public-spirited gratuity is herald- 
ed far and near by the public press. The aldermen 
quickly begin their expenditures, as such gifts are 
rarely made unconditionally. The new park is prompt- 
ly improved, landscaped and ornamented by the public 
treasury. 

But has the donor lost anything? Instead he has 
made a keen-visioned investment. The contiguous pub- 
lic improvement, supplemented by oceans of free news- 
paper advertisements, have so enhanced the value of 
the remainder of his land, which is quickly platted into 
building lots, fronting on the new park, that our pub- 
lic-spirited citizen finds himself overwhelmingly re- 
paid for his worthy benefaction to the public. 

Thus we see these far-sighted men making them- 
selves millionaires, multi-millionaires and billionaires, 
by pure dent of their own business shrewdness, in 
being able to successfully manipulate the great mass of 
public, who are unidentified with anything, and incap- 
able of becoming so, their principal asset in life being 
to sit around knocking and disparaging others, who 
are up and doing. As America is a land of brain and 
bluff it behooves every individual to make the most 
of his talents, no matter whether gifted by the former, 
or having cultivated the latter. 

The builders of commonwealths find themselves not 
only handicapped by adverse natural and climatic con- 
ditions, but in addition thereto a lot of man-made (not 



268 THE IBISE-CANUCK-YANEEE 

statesman) laws and repugnant regulations, ofttimes 
galling to his commercial instincts. 

Railway magnates are still more to be pitied. Their 
lines reaching across the different states compel them 
to labor under the disadvantages of the various state 
laws, as well as federal enactments, through which 
their tracks run. 

Do they scrupulously operate their tracks and trains 
in accordance with the laws, both state and national, 
laid down for their governance ? 

Impossible ! 

Why? 

The laws arc mainly made by small men; while the 
industrial enterprises of the republic are in the hands 
of big men, whose wonderful capabilities overflow all 
statute boundaries. 

Remedy : 

Reverse and revolutionize present conditions. 

Have the big men make the laws of the land, and 
let the small men control the industrial activities of the 
country. "When this exchange has been made there 
will be no need of statute infringements. Law enforce- 
ment will be easily executed, and all cause for unen- 
forcement will be eternally removed. Public friction 
arising from this source has proven very annoying to 
the people in the past, as well as detrimental to pros- 
perity. Big men will enact big measures, within the 
circle of which little men will be abundantly able to 
negotiate all the commercial enterprise they can com- 
mand without overstepping statute limitations. 

Commercial giants and political pigmies having 
changed their parts in the economy of the great repub- 
lic a new era will have dawned upon it. 

Chicago is the most American of all Yankee cities 
or centers of civilization. In it we find the highest type 
of American citizenship. Within its boundaries there 



r^^^" 




AMERICAN CITIES. 



TEE YANKEES 269 

are human (mentally speaking) skyscrapers, as well 
as skyscraping buildings. 

Chicagoans' capacity for the performance of almost 
superhuman things appears nearly incredible. 

Fortunately it has within its precincts a sufficient 
number of staid and conservative foreigners, whose 
votes cannot be swayed and swung by oily-tongued 
political radicals for the carrying out of this absurdity 
or that, principally the product of restless reformers; 
but instead are thrown solidly into the balance for 
sound and rational measures, much on the sensible or- 
der of the countries these voters hail from. These 
naturalized Americans, unlike their Yankee-born 
brethren, dislike trying experiments, preferring to 
pass on along the tried and proven pathways. Accord- 
ingly politicians can make but little hand of these 
painstaking voting citizens. 

The great New World republic has its full share — and 
more — of small people; or what a comedian in a Chi- 
cago theater aptly termed "Horse-and-chicken" folk. 
Once I was at this playhouse when I heard, and remem- 
bered, the above simile. Stepping to the front of the 
stage, a comedian started to deliver himself in this- 
wise: 

''Say, folks, the other day I started out with a lot of 
horses and chickens. Wherever I met a man boss of 
his own house I gave him a horse, and wherever the 
woman was the boss I gave them a chicken. Well, do 
you know, I gave away about two hundred chickens 
before I got a chance to give away a horse. Calling 
at one house I enquired where the man of the house 
was. 'In the barn.' 'Who is the boss of the house?' 'I 
want to give you to understand that my husband is the 
boss of his own house. Say, here is John now; he'll 
talk to you. John, who is the boss of this house?' 
'Stranger, I'll give you to understand that I'm the boss 



270 T^^ IBISH-CANUCK-TANKEE 

of my own house.' *0h, says I in my own mind, there 
goes one of my horses now. Well, John, seeing that 
you are the boss of your own house you can have your 
choice of them two horses out there, that black or that 
white.' 'Well, stranger, I guess I'll take that black.' 
'John,' said his wife, walking into the room. John 
followed. He then came back and said, *I guess I'll 
change that and take that white horse.' 'No you don't, 
a chicken is what you'll get.' " 

Thus we have it throughout the country. Men 
imagine they are the masters, but when it comes to the 
scratch they find out otherwise. The masterful Amer- 
ican woman controls the men, and when the worm 
turns, they go into the divorce court and cut loose. 

When a woman has an able provider, she has confi- 
dence in him and does not care to dictate. On the 
other hand, if her spouse proves himself to be a help- 
less vacillater, thereby bringing want and misery to 
their lot, she is fearful of dire consequences, and 
adopts the natural course of lending advice, and by so 
doing avoid further painful failures. 

Yankees Politically 

Scarcely less important is the political enterprise of 
the United States than the commercial. 

That the country is not noted for its mighty marvels 
of mental political giants can be best proven by a pri- 
vate letter written by President Theodore Koosevelt. 

Vice-President Roosevelt succeeded to the presi- 
dency upon the lamentable death of President William 
McKinley. Mr. McKinley had been elected and re- 
elected ere he was overtaken by the assassin's bullet. 
He, therefore, had ample time to select the very best 
men available throughout the land to fill his cabinet. 
Thus Mr. Roosevelt took hold of the highest office in 



TEE YANKEES 271 

the gift of the American people, supported by the best 
men his predecessor could collect together during his 
several years occupancy. Stepping into the office with 
the formal declaration to the public that the policies 
of Mr. McKinley would be "unbrokenly" carried out, 
he did so. 

As the letter given would indicate, President Koose- 
velt found places in the public service, either at home 
or abroad, for special friends and relatives, all of which 
was quite natural. 

Accordingly he sent the precious pair abroad, Mr. 
Bellamy duly appointed and credentialed by the Wash- 
ington government as ambassador to foreign courts, 
while Mrs. Bellamy became a self-appointed ambassa- 
dress to the Vatican, for the double purpose of creating 
a certain American archbishop a cardinal, by the aid 
of the Pope, and much to the annoyance of other am- 
bitious American archbishops seeking similar ''red 
hats;" also to the chagrin of the Washington govern- 
ment, which was in imminent danger of being drawn 
into the feminine intrigue. 

Women, religion and diplomacy being an explosive 
mixture, an explosion occurred in due time. But it 
was the president who exploded and exploited the 
Bellamy pair. Promptly, and without preface, he 
summarily dismissed from their posts, and from the 
diplomatic service altogether this trouble making in- 
ternational couple. 

Dismayed and disgruntled, they returned to the 
United States, where explanations were attempted, 
among which was the giving out of the following pri- 
vate letter, which is self-explanatory, and which shows 
pretty well President Roosevelt's size-up of the men 
bequeathed him by the late president as cabinet of- 
ficials : 



272 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANEEE 

** Executive Mansion, Washington, 
Oct. 4. 

"My dear Maria: 

''You need never be afraid of writing me or of ask- 
ing anything. If it is in my power to grant it, I shall do 
so. If, for any reasons, I cannot, I shall tell you so 
frankly. Personal reasons can never exist when I do 
not do anything you say. 

** Bellamy was right about its being needless to write 
me in order to keep him in mind. I think of both of 
you all the time, and have gone over several times 
possible plans. First, as to the cabinet. It is very 
unlikely now that I shall change any member of the 
present cabinet. You have probably seen that I have 
asked them all to stay. The secretary of war. Root, 
is one of the very strongest men before the people in 
our whole party. His Canton speech was the most 
effective delivered in the campaign last year. His ad- 
vice is invaluable, not merely in reference to his de- 
partment, but in reference to all branches of the serv- 
ice. As for his department, it is at the present time 
the most important in the entire government. It would 
be a public calamity to have him leave the cabinet now 
and I use the words PUBLIC CALAMITY advisedly. 
He is a sick man, a condition which gives me great un- 
easiness, not because there is the fear of his death, but 
lest he may have to give up his work here. If he went 
out, I should have to consider nothing whatever but the 
question of gettuig the best man the entire country 
afforded to do the work necessary to be done. It may 
be that after carefully looking over the matter I should 
conclude that Bellamy was the man for the purpose. 

"It may be that I should have to conclude that 
some one else, of whom I have no thought at present, 
would be the best man, and if so I should be in honor 



THE YANKEES 273 

bound to take him and not to consult any personal 
preference of mine in a matter so vital to the country. 
I do not believe that Secretary Long intends to leave 
the navy. In this department I am sure without 
further thought that Bellamy would be admirable ; but 
in filling any vacancy in the cabinet I would have to 
take note of all kinds of considerations. I should count 
Bellamy's religion in his favor for a cabinet place. 
Other things being equal, I should like to have a Cath- 
olic in the cabinet. I am sure that in the navy depart- 
ment he would do exceedingly well as secretary. I do 
not know whether geographically he would be the 
right man. For instance, I should like much to get a 
Pacific slope man into the cabinet and particularly in 
the navy department, and I do not wish to leave New 
England unrepresented. At present I see no Pacific 
slope man who would be competent to fill the position. 
Moreover, if possible I should like to get one or more 
members of the cabinet who are in close touch with 
the people, carrying weight when they explain the 
policies, purposes and acts of my administration. 

"This is the one point at which the present cabinet 
is not as strong as it should be. I do not believe that 
a finer, abler, more high-minded body of public ser- 
vants was ever got together around a president, but 
there is not one of them, with the possible exception of 
Root (who is so busy that he can hardly ever speak), 
who can appear before the country with the prestige 
of a great political leader to explain and champion my 
administration. If I could at any time fill this want I 
should most ardently desire to do so. 

"In other words, for a cabinet place the man 
should, if possible, be not only eminently fit for the 
administration of his department, but also if possible 
a party leader of weight, and, furthermore, it is rarely 
that one can fill a cabinet position with reference only 



274 THE lEISH-CANUCE-YANKEE 

to itself — all surrounding conditions must be taken 
into account. 

"Now, after foreign affairs, my inquiries speedily 
develop the fact that a Catholic just at present would 
not be a man whom it would be wise to send to Ger- 
many. For wholly different reasons it would be wise 
to send him to Italy. I had not thought of or known 
either these facts when I advocated Bellamy's going 
to Italy. As soon as I made inquiry to the effect both 
here and abroad of the appointment to Germany and 
Italy I found what the facts were. In no other case 
would the question of Catholicism cause any serious 
trouble ; but I have not the slightest idea whether any 
man intends at present to leave his position. 

"Of Porter, in France, I hear nothing but the 
strongest praise. He seems to have done peculiarly 
well. It would be an injustice of a flagrant kind to 
turn him out at the present time. It is, of course, al- 
ways possible that I may make a shift, and if in doing 
so France should become vacant I should offer it to 
Bellamy at once, unless it happened that I was able 
to offer him a cabinet position, but as things are just 
at this time, I do not see the likelihood of such a con- 
dition arising. I have written with minutest detail, 
for I want you to understand exactly how the things 
now stand. 

"Faithfully yours, 

"Theodore Roosevelt.*' 

Maria got a long letter, in which the "finer, abler'* 
public men of the United States from "New England" 
to the "Pacific slope" got quite a raking over. 

But ambitious Archbishop Ireland, of Saint Paul, 
Minnesota, still remains an unannointed cardinal. 
Moreover, there are upwards of a hundred million 
Yankees who are wholly indifferent as to whether or 



TEE YANKEES 275 

not he ever does, regardless of the efforts of these 
troublesome cardinal-makers. 

There are fifty states and fifty-one duly elect- 
ed legislative bodies in the United States. 

Under these conditions there can be little chance of 
escape from the blighting effects of senseless and 
freakish laws, and where the dearth of able statesmen 
is so apparent. 

Laws are put on the statute books impossible of en- 
forcement. Here I may mention three striking in- 
stances of endeavors to enforce obedience to law, with 
the results obtained in each case. The three instances 
I have singled out have to do with national, state and 
city affairs. 

In the year 1907 President Roosevelt's *'big stick" 
hobby was law enforcement, going so far as to start a 
legal crusade against certain law-breaking trusts and 
monopolies. A financial panic ensued of great and 
grave proportions. 

When a brainy railway magnate in St. Paul, Minne- 
sota, tried to merge two competitive paralleling lines 
of railroad, running more than half way across the 
continent, the then governor of that state interposed 
an objection by invoking the state law prohibiting 
such merging. A great shout of enthusiasm went up, 
and the aggressive governor was re-elected with a far 
greater plurality than when first elected. 

However, as the men controlling the railroad systems 
were superior in brains and resources to the govern- 
ing authorities of the state, the same ends were at- 
tained by getting around the law and avoiding conflict 
therewith. Pensonally I was assured that such was 
the case by one of the high-up officials of one of the 
interested companies. 

The reason for all this is clear. When the govern- 
ment employe an attorney-general, it generally gets 



gyg TEE lEISE-CANUCK-YANEEE 

a cheap man in good political party standing. When 
a corporation needs counsel it looks up and obtains a 
high-priced legal light, totally disregarding the salary 
sought. 

The city of Minneapolis, also in Minnesota, furnished 
a most doleful tale concerning the political foolish- 
ness of honest efforts to enforce unpopular farmer- 
made laws. 

A religiously inclined home-bred, through a fluke on 
the part of a bare plurality of the voters, got elected 
mayor. At the behests of intermeddling ecclesiastical 
gentlemen, religious societies, professional reformers 
and theoretical busybodies, this goody-goody, churchy- 
churchy mayor began making radical changes in the 
government of the city, his battlecry being law en- 
forcement. 

Being a one-ideaed man, he singled out the liquor 
traffic, and the laws pertaining thereto, for persecution 
and prosecution. Saloonkeepers were relentlessly pur- 
sued for the most trivial offences. All through this 
man's two-year term as mayor he continued his crusade 
against certain so-called abuses, which loomed up 
mountain-like before his civic vision. So helpless were 
himself and his advisers to control law-breakers that 
a carnival of crime reigned, such as the city had never 
witnessed before. Murderers went uncaught, in spite 
of the fact that such crimes were more numerous than 
ever all through his regime. 

When the time came for the reform mayor to an- 
nounce his intentions regarding further designs upon 
the mayoralty office, at the urgent petitioning of 
theorists, like himself, he again became a candidate. 
His peculiar type of political workers got busy to se- 
cure his re-election. These consisted of pulpit orators, 
reformers and Christian folk of every class and creed. 
The regular party organization was scorned, and 



TBE YANKEES 277 

badged women, labeled with streamers as purity work- 
ers, took charge of the polling booths, for the purpose 
of influencing and buttonholing the men. Their argu- 
ments were that the reform movement must be main- 
tained, as anything else would be reactionary. The 
mayor being a great campaigner, and possessing un- 
limited funds for electioneering expenses, great things 
were expected of him. 

When he first took office my own advice to him was 
to conduct the city's affairs in such a broad-minded 
manner as to make it unnecessary to have much ex- 
planations to offer during the brief period usually de- 
voted to campaigners before election day. Just a case 
of summing up his two years stewardship. 

He took the opposite course and got his reward. 
When the fateful day arrived, the voters weighed him 
in the balances and found him ridiculously wanting. 
It was like driving a two-inch plug into a four-inch 
hole — he simply fell through, far too small for the 
public office he filled and further aspired to. His law 
enforcement mascot brought both himself and friends 
such disaster as that neither he nor they have ever 
been heard from politically since. 

Of such small men the country is abundantly sup- 
plied, and when the votes are counted, alas! the sad 
scene. 

The city administration, just prior to this reform 
one, was just the opposite. The previous mayor in- 
augurated a "wide open" policy. This tended to at- 
tract blackguards and confidence men to the city to 
such an extent as to compel the grand jury to take 
action, which it did indicting the mayor, chief of de- 
tectives, superintendent of police and many other lesser 
city hall employees. After long-drawn-out legal fights 
in the courts, some were sent to the penitentiary, while 



378 2'fl^; IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEB 

the mayor himself escaped through technical loopholes 
after being jury convicted. 

Later when the reform forces came into power, a 
well organized party of traveling evangelists swooped 
down upon the city, with evangelizing vigor. Religious 
meetings were held in large downtown drinking dens ; 
street parades, with accompanying gospel hymn sing- 
ing in the direction of the various theaters, where the 
gospel was preached to theatergoers without the 
necessity of leaving their opera seats, formed a part 
of the religious revival. 

Thus it was for several years that Minneapolis was 
in the grasp of one extreme or another. A siege of toil 
and turmoil unceasingly prevailed for a prolonged 
period of time. Liberal-minded people would hold 
sway for a time. Then the narrow-minded would get 
things their way; and no more convincing evidence 
could be adduced of the smallness and weakness of ad- 
ministrators than the way in which some of them per- 
mit their policies to be shaped by small-souled reform- 
ers, who eke out their precarious livelihood by making 
others imagine that molehills are mountains in the 
moral atmosphere. Men of such small-bore calibre are 
usually short-lived politically, while big men wear 
longer, and go on gaining larger victories. 

It may be interesting to take a peep at the dismal 
legislative absurdities now in prospect for Americans. 

Freakish laws are already in vogue in many parts of 
the "mossbacky" and backward portions of the con- 
tinent. 

In some states and provinces it is considered morally 
criminal for a thirsty man to step up to an "open bar" 
and slake his thirst by the use of a moderate amount 
of intoxicants, vinous or fermented liquors. Prohi- 
bition prevails, brought on by the votes of the easily 



TEE YANKEES 379 

led youthful Yankee. In other parts it is statute-break- 
ing to roll, buy or smoke, a cigarette. 

Let us imagine a traveler starts out on a transconti- 
nental railroad journey. Before doing so he has packed 
and provided a large luncheon basket. In it he has 
placed meat, liquors, cigarettes, and by way of pastime 
a deck of playing cards. The first state the train en- 
ters happens to be in the hands of vegetarians, who 
have made laws against the use of dead animals for 
dieting purposes. Accordingly an inspector inspects 
your lunch basket, removes your meat, takes you off 
the train and prosecutes you. This is only one of the 
possibilities yet. 

Another state is about to be entered. On doing so, 
the traveler's lunch basket is again examined, and 
what is apt to follow I give by quoting a clipping from 
an American paper, which is as follows: "The new 
constitution works as follows in Oklahoma: 'Mike' 
King pulled a bottle of whiskey from his pocket and 
took a drink while riding on a passenger train between 
Enid and Medford. The Grant county sheriff was on 
the train and arrested King for transporting whiskey 
from one place to another inside the state. King was 
fined $50 and sent to jail." 

Further I would add another cutting by way of 
bolstering up my contention, viz: "There are Demo- 
cratic States in which it is a crime to have wine in the 
house, even for sacramental purposes; Democratic 
States in which it is a crime to offer a guest a glass of 
wine ; Democratic States in which it is a crime to travel 
with a spoonful of alcohol in one's gripsack and Demo- 
cratic States in which it is a crime to give away a 
cigarette." This has no political significance, although 
it is a well-known fact that the Democratic States of 
the Union are acknowledged to be the most backward. 
However, the Republican states are fast following 



380 THE IBISH-CANUCK-YANEEE 

■upon the heels of the others in efforts to become back- 
ward along law-making lines also. 

Meanwhile the train has tapped another state, which 
has enacted laws against anything that savors of gam- 
bling. So if a few jolly good fellows are amusing 
themselves with the deck of cards, pennies being the 
stakes, they are arrested and haled into court, fined 
or confined. Another state may have laws bearing 
upon the shape and cut of your wearing apparel, lest 
any male should appear attired in anything approach- 
ing feminine costume. So that by the time the cross- 
continent journey is completed, it is within the pale 
of possibility that a tourist can be legally deprived 
of both his grub and clothes, finding himself within 
prison walls into the bargain, particularly if traveling 
in the Democratic section of the country. 

Where this law-making mania will end is very prob- 
lematical. Ignorance and rusticity being so prevalent 
make a guess decidedly hazardous. 

To the over-enthusiastic Yankee, who would try to 
make out that all Yankees are born clever beyond 
comprehension, I would offer a word. Just throw an 
analytical glance over the vast number of boys and 
young men you have known and been brought into 
contact with since your boyhood days, and reckon up 
how many of the number have really become famous 
in the world of enterprise, along lines of commerce, 
statecraft, invention, professions, etc., etc. "When you 
have done so, you will be more than surprised at the 
meagerness of the sum total, and the mediocre drift 
of the bulk of your vast circle of acquaintances. 

Even the financial kings of the United States are 
found lacking in real hard sense in many respects. 
Corroborative of this assertion, nothing could be more 
conclusively convincing of mental and financial weak- 
ness on the part of a money king than when he barters 



THE YANKEES 381 

off his daughter, her name, her religion and his mil- 
lions, for the acquirement of a title, with a foreign 
nobleman thrown in. He does not care for her. He 
does not want her. It is the money going with her is 
the attraction. For fascinating femininity it is abso- 
lutely unnecessary for any matrimonial candidate to 
cross the Atlantic westward, no matter what his tastes 
pertaining to humanity may be, in quest of a ''better 
half." 

Therefore, when an indulgent millionaire parent 
yields to the desires of his daughter to the extent of 
permitting her to invest in a despising foreigner as a 
matrimonial catch, they both deserve all that follows, 
which is invariably a tale of heartrending woe, misery 
and abuse, finally trying conclusions in the separation 
or divorce courts. 

My experiences in the homeland have conveyed to 
me beyond all possible doubt that the American mil- 
lionairess stands mighty low in the estimation of ordi- 
nary mortals there. Henceforward may both girls and 
parents in the United States take warning by the fates 
of the unfortunates gone before, and select their hus- 
bands from the untitled men in their own circle, and 
upon their own common level at home. By so doing 
the would-be duchesses, countesses and lady this and 
lady that may peradventure miss many a heartache 
in their matrimonial lives now so commonly the out- 
come when matrimonially mixed-up with the foreign 
fortune-hunters. 

In America can be frequently heard epithets, such as 
imbeciles and idiots, applied to the scions of the for- 
eign nobility. To these ill-advised vulgarities I have 
never given countenance. With them I altogether 
differ, and on the contrary give the peerage great 
credit. If these noblemen do not acquire or build up 
great fortunes themselves, to the same extent as self- 



382 2'HJ5 IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

made Yankees, they, at least, pass on from one genera- 
tion to another, intact and improved, the vast estates 
and responsibilities resting upon them during their 
life tenure and occupancy. Even such feats are worthy 
of honorable mention in this age of fast living and 
vast possibilities for modern money outlays. 

No one has ever been heard on American soil pro- 
claiming to the world that the self-made millionaire 
was either an imbecile or idiot. Therefore, how much 
sillier it must appear to all when such men deliberately 
palm off their daughters, with all the millions that can 
be scraped together, upon unappreciative men, who 
take fiendish delight in sending them home again when 
tired of the novelty of matrimony. In all this there is 
food for reflection to all of those contemplating such 
steps in the future. 

Continuing my political comment, I would briefly 
refer to the presidential election of 1896. That year 
the voting masses of the United States, led by Mr. 
"William Jennings Bryan, a comparatively new star in 
the political firmament, became all wrought up over 
the silver question. Men knowing nothing whatever 
concerning finance, vigorously undertook to expound 
the silver issue all through the electioneering period. 
Sidewalks were blocked with curbstone orators, loudly 
telling all they knew, and more, about the new fangled 
campaign cry. That there should have been such a 
large vote cast for the fallacy reflected no credit upon 
such a large number of American voters. 

The national election of 1900 also proclaimed to the 
thinking world the gullibility of millions of Americans. 
The Democratic party, again led by Mr. Bryan, in my 
estimation, had neither a platform nor principles. They 
waited to see what the Republicans stood for, and then 
took hold of the opposite end. It was a party of anti 
this, and anti that, to such an extent that the comic 



TEE YANKEES 283 

papers and cartoonists righteously pictured them 
"Aunties." Old womanish indeed were their party 
principles, and their audacity in expecting to capture 
a majority of intelligent American voters remains a 
national byword to the present day. 

But all the candidates, who foolishly identified them- 
selves with this negative and backward-moving party, 
whether running for national, state, county or munici- 
pal preferment, went down together to defeat and 
disaster. 

Even fire-eating members of the houses of congress 
and senate (Washington), who wasted the legislative 
time of these important bodies in floor harangues re 
the British-Boer war, questions, with which the United 
States government had no concern, were wiped off of 
the political map just as quickly as the voters could get 
at them, and much to the intense gratification of the 
sensible majority. 

This sort of international intermeddling has never 
yet been smoothly swallowed by the American citizen, 
except in rare cases where his country has substantially 
profited financially or commercially by such interfer- 
ence. Even then fruitful recompense must be well in 
sight, and far removed from the possibility of uncer- 
tainty before the prudent Yankee takes enthusiastically 
to the contemplated move. 

To the Irish-American politician, and his American 
sympathizers, who imagine themselves the self-ap- 
pointed guardians over the political destinies of the 
home Irish, I would intimate that your guardianship 
is not needed. The people of Ireland are abundantly 
able to watch out for their own political welfare. If 
your foolishness continues to urge you to pay over 
your hard-earned dollars to those people, whose rank 
and file are, in the main, thankless, it is your precious 
privilege to do so. If you will take the pains to travel 



284 T^^ IBISE-CANUCK-TANKEE 

amongst them, you will find a haughty and dignified 
people. You will discover that even though you have 
heard all through your lifetime sad tales of their dire 
distress, poverty and destitution, that you are not going 
to buy up the whole island for a few dollars. But on 
the contrary you will learn that money disappears in 
Ireland faster than in America. Many a much-trav- 
eled tourist told me that they could get more "Roast 
Joint" in an American saloon for a half-dime, with a 
glass of beer thrown in, than they could get at home 
for a half-crown and no liquid refreshment. 

You will also find the Irish a sport-loving people, 
willing at any moment to drop their daily avocations, 
no matter how important, to attend a horse race, re- 
gatta and other athletic and outdoor sports, regardless 
of consequences. You will also notice that the people 
are sleepyheads, going to bed early at night and get- 
ting up late in the day. It will be further discernible 
that a goodly portion of their time is wasted in re- 
ligious attendance on secular days of the week, in ad- 
dition to the large number of civic and church holidays 
they enjoy. 

All of these easy-going things are denied the average 
Irish-American, who usually is not found amongst the 
ranks of the extremely wealthy element of American 
society or even moderately well off. They are far too 
busy working at their daily grind, earning money to 
send to their unappreciative brethren abroad. 

Let the homefolks run their own show. Concentrate 
your efforts at home. Try and elect one of your race 
and religion to the presidency of the United States, 
neither of which you have been thus far able to accom- 
plish. True, there was a fac simile of the late President 
McKinley's ancestral Irish home in the Irish village 
section of the St. Louis World's Fair held in 1904. But 
that was far-fetched. We should have something more 



THE YANKEES 285 

down to date, and in the acquisition there will be 
ample scope for a united pull together, without dab- 
bling in political affairs beyond the Atlantic. 

In my honest opinion ecclesiastical influence is not 
advancing progressiveness in the Emerald Isle. Too 
many are seeking easy berths via the cloth. The pre- 
dominant church there is getting more closely knitted 
together than ever. This is largely resulting from the 
fact that English-speaking Americans, of the Roman 
Catholic persuasion, are now practically drawing their 
supply of clergy from the "Island of Saints." Many 
Irish people are also joining American religious orders 
of both sexes. No matter whether an humble Irish 
family have a boy priested at home or abroad, the 
tendency will be to cement the various members of 
that family more firmly than ever to the institutions 
with which he, or she, are identified. If Americans 
were to step into the modest dwellings in Ireland, from 
which many of their pastors originated, some surprises 
might follow. 

In matters of religion it takes more than one genera- 
tion to change the Irish character. The teaching that 
has been impounded into them ever since the evangel- 
izing days of Saint Patrick, cannot be obliterated or 
outrooted in a hurry. We, therefore, find that wher- 
ever Catholics, be they men or women, become matri- 
monially united to the adherents of other religious de- 
nominations, the Irish refuse to relinquish one particle 
of their faith or religion when making the contract. 
It will fall to the lot of the other parties to yield every 
point, if not fully embrace the tenets of Catholicity in 
its entirety. This pronounced conviction is admirable. 

In my estimation, should a home rule measure of 
government be granted Ireland, it would be all-im- 
portant to have a clause inserted in the bill to the 
effect that no clergyman should enter the legislative 



286 THE IBISH-CANUCKTANKEE 

halls in his ministerial garb. His presence would be 
conspicuously prejudicial to a fair debating of the 
question at issue. Few debaters would care to utter a 
word on behalf of the point they wished to make, un- 
less conscious of the fact that they had the approving 
smile of the clergy present. 

Recent observation made firsthand in Ireland, dur- 
ing the British general elections, held in the early part 
of the current year, taught me much concerning the 
inconsistencies of American contributors to the Irish 
parliamentary fund. 

In the United States political and ecclesiastical 
usages are strictly divorced. Clergymen in the re- 
public are often found opening political proceedings 
with prayer, and closing with benedictions. Clergy- 
men as presiding officers rarely ever. 

How different in the Emerald Isle! There it is the 
clergy everywhere. No matter what the unofficial 
gathering may be, it is practically owned and con- 
trolled by clerical influence. It is upon the archbishop, 
bishop, parish priest, or curate, the obligation of act- 
ing as chairman, or some other form of presiding of- 
ficial, devolves. 

That these trained and educated citizens make emi- 
nently well qualified and acceptable leaders are ac- 
knowledged facts. That the sj'stem tends to make the 
layman a helpless nonentity is equally true. There- 
fore, from a purely educational and progressive view- 
point, the system should be changed, thus debarring 
the clergy from taking the official part they now enjoy 
in all political conferences, and placing the Irish lay- 
man upon the same footing as his American com- 
patriot. Funds from friends abroad should be for- 
warded on these conditions. In that way Ireland would 
the more quickly shake off a yoke, that is now, as in 
France, fast becoming so burdensome and top-heavy 



THE YANKEES 287 

as to insure its eventual fall by its own weight. Many 
of the church's most humble followers, at the present 
time, are beginning to take an awakening interest in 
this outcome, and it would be the veriest sort of clap- 
trap to even insinuate that the Catholic church in Ire- 
land has not long since reached the zenith of its 
churchly prestige, with rumbling indications of lesser 
enthusiasm henceforward. 

In the attainment pf this desirable condition, re- 
turning Yankees are playing a vitally important part. 
A further hastening process should not be lost sight of. 
It is the inclination on the part of the Irish people, who 
are fast attaining both light and learning, to more 
carefully scrutinize the family records of those enter- 
ing the priesthood. In olden times it was the deep 
conviction among the bulk of the Irish people that no 
man could claim holy orders, save those fortunate 
enough to descend from morally immaculate fore- 
fathers, who possessed blameless individual records 
themselves. From this exalted pinnacle of character 
and adaptation, it seems to be the general impression, 
relaxation has taken place of late years. It is not a 
good omen, and is pregnant with religious revolution- 
ary seed in the recognized ''Island of Saints." 

Owing to America's intense interest in Ireland I 
have thus moralized. 

Yankees, Military and Marine 

The military and marine departments of the United 
States government are quite important. 

It is not my intention to indulge in any statistical 
delving regarding their development, but hastily pass 
on, giving my readers a brief sketch of the warlike 
happenings, as they have appeared to me, and the na- 
tional results obtained therefrom. 



283 TBE IBISE-CANUCE-YANKEE 

In revolutionary days, when the thirteen original 
states sought their independence from England, con- 
ditions were altogether different to those of modem 
times. Then it were practically old country forces ar- 
rayed against one another — the sturdy and pioneering 
colonists not having yet time to become Americanized. 
But the hard work gone through while the country 
was being transformed from a wilderness into suitable 
human habitations produced a rugged and muscular 
colonial soldiery to such an extent as to render an 
equal number of tenderfoot military from the British 
Isles an unequal match. Accordingly the war waged 
was favorable to the sturdy colonist, used to hardships, 
inured to the climate, understanding the country and 
the way to get over it. 

In later years the republic was convulsed by a civil 
war lasting several years, which wrought bloody havoc 
throughout the country. This warring conflict was 
carried on by peasant soldiery, of strong physique and 
countrified constitutions. As a grizzly old fighting 
veteran once remarked to me, the civil war volunteers 
did not travel to the various battlefields, aboard and 
asleep in Pullman palace sleeping cars, but got there 
as best they could walking, ahorse, or as unticketed 
passengers aboard fireless and uncomfortable freight 
cars whenever and wherever possible ; all of which un- 
avoidable hardships helped to harden their manhood, 
and bring out their best fighting qualities, the military 
results following being great. 

These men were further entrained in the art of war- 
fare by the various campaigns fought against scalping 
and treacherous Indians, ere they were finally driven 
back to their allotted reservations. 

How different during the more recent engagements 
incident to the Spanish- American-Philippine trouble! 
These warlike operations were carried on during my 



TEE YANKEES 289 

own residence in the states, I was thus afforded an 
opportunity of keeping in touch with passing events 
at close range. 

When the exigencies of a series of untoward events 
practically forced war upon us, the war department 
was found wholly unprepared. The populace was 
loudly clamoring for war, while a certain element in 
the country, known as peace-at-any-price, or little 
Americans, were equally loud in their protestations 
against war. Handled just right was the former class 
when a wittily inclined politician reminded them that 
"shooting off their mouths" cost nothing, while mat- 
ters pertaining to actual war were quite different. 
Moreover, later on when a war tax was placed upon 
the people at large, the business man, who was obliged 
to affix revenue stamps upon all official cheques and 
documents, the poor man compelled to pay just double 
revenue upon his beer, the war spirit gradually sub- 
sided and quite naturally the nation became less en- 
thusiastic over the outlook. 

People historically educated abroad, and acquainted 
with English history, knew very well that the pending 
conflict could be only a one-sided affair. 

Ever since the destruction of the Spanish Armada, 
in the reign of Queen Elizabeth, and in English waters, 
Spain was a decadent country; or as Lord Salisbury 
once aptly said, belonged to the class of decaying na- 
tions. That sixteen millions of ignorant and back- 
ward people, who had already spent their energy in 
warfare with their own dependencies (Cuba and the 
Philippine Islands) and faraway from their base of 
supplies, should be expected to show up to any ad- 
vantage against eighty millions of enlightened and far 
advanced people of the world's latest and greatest 
republic, was simply an undebatable question. To 
imagine so was inconceivable folly. 



390 ^S-^ IBISH-CANUCE-TANEEE 

It was going to be a contest between one of the most 
backward of Roman Catholic kingdoms in the old 
world, and the most forward of Protestant new world 
republics. From the dire disasters that befell the for- 
mer, being forcibly wiped off the face of the earth as a 
naval power, while the latter passed through the ordeal 
almost unscathed, it would tempt the most skeptical 
into believing that a superhuman power had intervened. 
No ships, and few men, suffered loss on the American 
side. 

The untoward and unlooked-for occurrences leading 
up to these wars were many. With the blowing up of 
the battleship Maine in the harbor of Havana, a war- 
like crisis speedily arose. This was a terrible and 
dastardly calamity, fruitful with far-reaching effects of 
international importance. Marines to the number of 
two hundred and fifty-eight were summarily hurled 
into eternity. War ensued. 

All through the Spain-Cuban wars, the American 
busybody press, and governmental trouble-seekers in 
congress and senate ("Washington), sought to have 
the authorities interfere, going so far as to demand 
that the United States government compel, by force of 
arms, if necessary, the Spanish government to with- 
draw its troops and give the Cubans their independ- 
ence. These unofficial and semi-official utterances were, 
of course, watched by the Madrid (Spain) war au- 
thorities, naturally creating a resenting sentiment 
throughout that country. So later on, when the Wash- 
ington government sent the warship Maine to Havana, 
the Spaniards met it unwelcomely. A pilot guided 
the ship to her anchorage, which happened to be right 
over a blowing-up trap. Soon it was touched off, and 
the catastrophe, as stated, took place. 

Captain Sigsbee was ashore at the time, fortunately 
saving his life. Whether this was Providential, or by 



TEE YANKEES 291 

design, I am unable to determine. At all events he 
escaped. Perhaps had he been aboard no explosion 
would have taken place just then. 

Some years afterwards, when the captain was the 
guest of the Commercial Club of Minneapolis, a promi- 
nent semi-public organization of that city, in which I 
had the honor of holding a membership, I, with the 
rest of the clubmen, received a formal invitation to 
meet, and help entertain, the doughty captain. As 
Mr. Sigsbee did not come up to my standard of what 
a commander and protector of lives entrusted to his 
care ought to be, the invitation went unaccepted. At 
that time it was my personal impression that Captain 
Sigsbee should have been in closer touch with the ex- 
isting temper and feelings of the Spanish people con- 
trolling Havana harbor, towards American jingoes, 
thereby exercising due precaution as to where his ship 
weighed anchor, and not permit himself to be so peace- 
fully piloted to danger marks. 

The war continued, and victory came so easily to 
American arms that the contest seemed decidedly un- 
equal. 

Five men were brought particularly into the lime- 
light of public gaze at this time. 

They were Commodores Sampson and Schley, Ad- 
miral George Dewey and Kichmond Pearson Hobson, all 
of the navy; and M. Theodore Roosevelt, colonel of a 
self-organized regiment of Rough Riders, pertaining 
to the land forces. _ 

The Commodores utterly destroyed the Spanish San- 
tiago fleet in Cuban waters, where every ship lay bat- 
tered, beached, wrecked and ruined, with practically 
no loss to themselves. 

Sampson being away on a naval reconnoitering sail 
at the time the Spanish fleet was espied in the narrow 
channel, heading for open water, Commodore Schley 



292 TEE lEISE-CANUCK'YANEEE 

took command, and totally destroyed the enemy's 
fleet. Of this great event Commodore Sampson ap- 
prised his countrymen in a special Fourth of July 
message. Undoubtedly it was an agreeable Independ- 
ence Day present, and particularly so when the total 
destruction was effected minus loss of either lives or 
property to Americans. 

Later on an unseemly, imsoldierly and unseamanlike 
personal and newspaper controversy arose between 
the two fighters — Sampson and Schley — as to which 
should get the credit of the great victory. This ill- 
timed dispute was further augmented by the injection 
of the influence of the friends of the noted old seadogs, 
who should have considered that there was honor 
enough for both in the great naval feat, and thus drop 
the question at issue. 

Mr. Hobson, with several other fearless volunteers, 
endeavored to obstruct the narrow channel, thereby 
bottling up the Spanish fleet, by sinking an old collier, 
named the Merrimac, for which valiant efforts he 
afterwards kissed the feminine freaks throughout the 
United States, thus bringing national contempt upon 
himself in the minds of all sensible folk by reason of 
his female folly, as well as on the fools osculated. 

Admiral Dewey silenced the Manila land batteries, 
and sunk the antiquated Spanish warships in the bay, 
all of which was accomplished without noticeable loss 
to his command. 

For this wonderful prowess, on his return to his 
native land, he was made the recipient of many honors 
and spectacular pageants. The animated and unthink- 
ing masses were going to make him a present of, at 
least, a million dollars, provided by public subscription, 
and make him president of the United States in addi- 
tion. But when the nation sobered down, Mr. Dewey's 
gifts simmered into practical insignificance. How- 



TEE YANKEES 293 

ever, he did get a secondhand house to live in, a 
Washington widow for a wife, and an ornamental 
sword by action of Congress, presented, I think, by the 
president of the United States in person. His residen- 
tial present he re-presented to his newly acquired 
bride, and so great was the national uproar raised by 
the donors for this display of ingratitude, that the 
house was quickly re-deeded back to himself. 
This thoughtless and overt act made him an over- 
thrown public idol, his presidential aspirations went 
a-glimmering, and Admiral George Dewey, the hero 
of Manila Bay gradually sank into oblivion, as far 
as the general public cared. 

Of all the heroes brought to the surface by this in- 
ternational strife one remained, not only with an un- 
tarnished military escutcheon, but continued gaining 
more glittering honors both political and otherwise. 
I refer to Colonel Theodore Koosevelt, who with sus- 
tained admiration has kept himself before the gaze 
of the great American admiring people. 

Since his bloody days upon the battlefield he has 
been elected governor of the great state of New York, 
vice-president and president of the United States suc- 
cessively. As time passes he continues to grow in 
favor and gain in the love and affection of his country- 
men, to whom he has given at all times a "square 
deal," and whose interests he has never betrayed. 
Therefore, ex-President Theodore Roosevelt stands out 
most conspicuously, when comparisons with many 
other eminent men are fairly made. 

Those composing the rank and file of the private 
soldiery did very well, and on the part they played 
during the war I shall refrain from making much 
comment. 

However, I will briefly refer to one regiment. It was 
the noted Thirteenth Minnesota. The members of this 



294 THE IEISH-CANUCK-¥ANEEE 

regiment returned to their state from the Philippine 
Islands, leaving their work incomplete. President 
McKinley came from Washington to Minneapolis to 
receive and welcome the boys. In the parades and 
proceedings attendant on their arrival I took no inter- 
est, explaining that had they stayed and finished their 
work in the Islands, put down the Filipino rebellion, 
and then returned marching triumphantly victorious, 
carrying their banners aloft, I would be one of the first 
to vociferously exult over their victories. 

But as politics play an important part in the general 
civil and political life of the great republic, questions 
military and marine are not as apt to swim along as 
smoothly when a Republican president occupies the 
White House at the central seat of national govern- 
ment ; and Democratic state executives are in control 
of the various states as governors. The policies are 
out of joint and inharmonious for which both parties 
stand. 

Therefore, unsympathetic aid is given in the raising 
and training of troops, in some cases, by state officials, 
as upon them the responsibility of furnishing volun- 
teers to the national war department falls. 

With all due respect for military and marine war- 
riors of the United States, I will freely and frankly 
admit that Lord Roberts and Lord Kitchener, of 
British fame, approach my ideal of military men more 
than any others. Also the British nation's way of 
recompensing and honoring its brave warriors. 

Mark the contrast. When Lord Roberts returned 
to his own country, after subjugating the fighting 
Boers, his king showered further titles and honors 
upon him, while parliament appropriated 100,000 
pounds sterling for the dignified upkeep of the titles 
conferred. In like manner did Lord Kitchener profit 



THE YANKEES 395 

by his monarch and parliamentary action to the sub- 
stantial extent of 50,000 pounds sterling. 

For several good and sufficient reasons the United 
States, although now considered a world power, may 
never reach the proportions of one very formidable 
against such great powers as Great Britain, or even 
Germany. 

One of these is a very important reason. It is the 
fact that the republic is essentially an industrial, 
manufacturing and agricultural country. The thrifty 
Yankee don't take to a project very well unless he 
sees dollars in the outcome, and whoever heard of 
money being in an expensive and devastating war, as 
all wars are? Many other good reasons also cut a 
figure. Amongst them might be mentioned the un- 
disputed fact that Yankee youth does not take kindly 
to the restraining discipline, which forms a part of 
military careers, as they consider it inconsistent with 
their extravagant views of so-called liberty. 

Yet one other good reason might be cited tending 
to curtail the public's aspirations along the line of a 
high standard of military efficiency. It is the combi- 
nation of ecclesiastical and moral influences, added to 
weak-kneed statesmanship, which has already deprived 
the American soldier of his club-canteen, that is apt 
to prove all-powerful. 

Milk-and-water statesmanship should, above all 
countries and great nations, find no encouragement in 
the United States. From time to time the people are 
impulsively swung by rather irresponsible arguments, 
and at such times the restraining influences of strong 
statesmanship are wanted. With weak and vacillating 
state governments, dominated over, and dictated to by 
reformers and theorists, who are always on the job, 
steady and insistent statecraft are most urgently 
needed at the nation's hub. 



296 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

Moreover the president, who is commander-in-chief 
of the United States army and navy, should be a man 
of stamina and stern qualities. Politics should be 
eschewed, theorists excluded, and little Americans 
regaled to the rear. When all of these things have been 
attained, the big giantess known as the young republic, 
will make as rapid strides along the lines of military 
and marine as she has been making all along in her 
industrial activities. 

Yankees, Educationally 

The public school system of the United States having 
in recent years surrendered its usefulness to the com- 
bined evils of fads, fancies and feminization, little now 
is expected of it by practical people, and that little 
is fully realized. The two first mentioned evils have 
been wholly turned over to the latter for execution. 

Above all races, American youth should never be 
turned over to the tender mercies of feminine school- 
teachers, after children have reached years of dis- 
cretion at any rate. Owing to their natural bent to 
assume an air of freedom, sturdy and correcting school- 
masters should wield the chastening rod. Strict en- 
forcement of childish discipline, by a strenuous school- 
master, would help to speedily suppress the far-fetched 
idea now entertained by the youth of the land that it 
is their wont to conduct themselves at will, totally re- 
gardless of the requirements of their instructors. New 
ideas should not have left corporal punishment a dead 
letter. Instead it should be an important part of 
educational curriculum. 

The present generation of American millionaires did 
not have the advantages — if such can be called ad- 
vantages — of kindergartens and kindred childish edu- 



TEE YANKEES 297 

eational facilities. But a high type of American citizen 
has been produced despite this shortcoming. 

Nowadays everybody seems to be taken care of in 
some way or another relieving the young from all per- 
sonal responsibility. From their mothers' arms, chil- 
dren are turned over to the wet nurse, or bottled along 
until able to walk, when taken in charge by kinder- 
garten teachers, passed along to the feminine public 
school ma'am, thence on to the supervision of the 
police department, finally landing in the embraces of 
trades unionism, secret societies, or political organiza* 
tions. In the latter case the voter is amply looked 
after by the sympathizing politician and office seeker 
for several days prior to election day, but totally for- 
gotten the day after, and cold-shouldered into the 
bargain. 

Women clubs and church activities take care of the 
tight-laced womenfolk, while the looser fragments of 
feminine society find pastime in the theatre, dance- 
halls, and such other places of amusement as may 
appeal to them. In the case of either set domestic 
life and family anxieties are things not to be tolerated 
by their intrusion into the daily routine life of modem 
femininity. 

But the only unfortunates, who are wantonly obliged 
to carefully look out for their own interests are the 
poor millionaire businessmen. Rarely indeed have 
such men the benefits derived from even a moderately 
thorough common school education, not to mention the 
equipment of a mental nature furnished by graduation 
from colleges and universities. Their scholarships have 
been won in the stern schools of work-a-day adversi- 
ties. Under these rather adverse conditions these able 
men have steadfastly carved their careers until the top- 
most rung of the mercantile ladder has been reached, 
thus refuting the oft-repeated proposals that modern 



298 TEE IBISE-CANUCE-YANKEE 

education is unfinished and inefficient without the 
many appendages now becoming so widely recognized. 

"When an ambitious young man applies for a position 
with a large business firm, he is not usually inter- 
rogated regarding his many school advantages, and 
the number of graduation exercises he has passed 
through, or the colleges in which his education was 
rounded off. Just the simple inquiry ascertaining his 
knowledge or adaptability pertaining to the particu- 
lar business he seeks to be identified with fills the re- 
quirements. It is, therefore, easily assumed that much 
of the modem educational touches now listed as 
needful, turn out to be needless. 

However, it is a well-founded fact that the possession 
of all these preliminary sources of knowledge is the 
more apt to help the owner into more readiness 
of adapting himself to the details of the business career 
just chosen. It is thus wise not to minimize, or decry, 
too excessively the practices of higher education, while 
the babyish portion might well be eliminated. 

The United States public school system is the ac- 
knowledged national nursery of freedom, liberty and 
independence. 

Permitted by disarmed and indulgent feminine tu- 
tors, the scholars now have their full fling. 

Boys are taught from their earliest days that the 
presidency is some day within their grasp, and that 
foreign-born boys cannot compete with the home-bred 
for this prize. 

Indeed it was quite a wise and safe provision draft- 
ers of the American Constitution made when inserting 
the clause that all presidential material must be bom 
and begot upon Yankee soil. Had the omission been 
permitted, in all human probability, quite a very large 
proportion of our presidents would have been nat- 
uralized American citizens, instead of the homebora. 



THE YANKEES 299 

But perhaps average foreigners, competent to oc- 
cupy the presidential chair, would not appreciate the 
brand of liberty now ladled out to the country's chief 
executives. It cannot well be denied that these men 
are now literally obliged by certain public sentiment 
to live and move in a narrow and abstemious sphere. 
Thus they do not enjoy the same measure of liberty as 
the majority of European rulers. 

For instance, temperance cranks throughout the land 
would want to see the nation's chief executive a tee- 
totaler, so that they could hold up to all the prospect- 
ive future presidents how non-tippling landed our 
present president in the White House. Many other 
forms of amusement, such as horse-racing, yachting, 
theatregoing, yes and even allowing manufacturers of 
fermented liquors to use their names as part of their 
trade-marks, which is permissible in Great Britain 
and other European countries, must not be tolerated 
by the narrow-gauged reform workers in the United 
States. Our presidents must taboo all these things, 
for the sake of the moral welfare of the nation. 

Thus we discover a narrowness hedging in America 's 
elected rulers, which should be considered un-Ameri- 
can, and is highly at variance with the usage accorded 
succession monarchs abroad. TVhen the much-vaunted 
land of liberty will, by public consent, curtail its presi- 
dents ' personal freedom, how are the bulk of its 
inhabitants to escape, is the mooted problem? 

In the eyes of the easily worried, all these precautions 
must be taken in the interests of budding boyhood, 
when public school training seems wholly inadequate 
to produce self-controlled young manhood. 

Let us look at American liberty as others see it. In 
a recent London interview, a noted playwright, upon 
being invited to make a tour of America said: "For 
instance they are ignorant of the fact that liberty doeA 



300 ^^^ IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

not exist there." Further he added, "I could be ar- 
rested the moment I landed on the charges of inciting 
the women of America to immorality by my good 
looks," and so forth. These outside utterances are not 
pleasant to contemplate by growing generations. But 
unfortunately they are unassailable. 

Professors of business colleges, bookkeeping and 
commercial training academies, and many other like 
educational institutions, profess to teach and qualify 
young students for a large money-earning capacity in 
the mercantile world. Their advertisements are catchy 
and gaudy, and all of these wonders are to be worked 
for a mere bagatelle in the way of tuition fees. More 
astounding still can their philanthropy be considered 
when we imagine the poor professor plodding along 
himself with a meagre income, while his well-taught 
pupils are collaring such flattering emoluments as the 
result of his cleverness. 

Professorships and theory go hand-in-hand. 

Practical knowledge, aided by the auxiliary known 
as cold-blooded business experience, make a winning 
twin-team in this age of commercial strife. 

Youthful police surveillance, prohibiting the tossing 
of pennies for keeps, pitching buttons, playing marbles 
for ownership, all of which juvenile forms of gambling 
are now legally forbidden, under juvenile court penal- 
ties, in various sections of the great American republic, 
make a pitying spectacle. These absurdities, supple- 
mented by curfew ordinances, cannot and will not 
develop proper manhood, as the present generation 
of American youth evidence. 

To bring out the best manly qualities attainable, we 
must retrace our steps to the sensible ways and 
methods applied by our sturdy forefathers. Instead 
of letting the public schoolmaster recede out of sight, 



TEE YANKEES 301 

he must again supersede the dainty and lenient fem- 
inine, who has usurped his prerogatives. Then, being 
again enthroned, these despotic male teachers must 
valiantly wield the scourge with outstretched hand 
and sensible discretion. Then, and not until then, 
will the foundations be laid for the bringing up of 
men able and willing to fill the shoes of their sires. 

Parents in the meanwhile must again shoulder cares 
and anxieties incident to the proper rearing of their 
kids and kind. Instead of relying upon the policeman 's 
whistle to run them homeward at eight or nine o 'clock 
at night, they should be parentally controlled all 
through both day and night. It would be only wisdom- 
like to keep youngsters, yet possessing unthickened 
skulls, from playing bareheaded in the hot midsummer 
sun, thus avoiding all possibility of having a brainy 
boy become soft-brained, or addle-brained ; also a brain- 
less boy from growing still worse. 

With these few contrasts and criticisms, I will leave 
the future of the American boy with his parents, guard- 
ians, public school authorities, high-up educators in the 
arts and letters, government officials, and eagerly watch 
for a more manly citizenship than the country can at 
present boast of. When this ideal condition is finally 
attained, the days of the millionaire, multi-millionaire 
and billionaire are at an end, and in their places will be 
a more proportionate number of moderately wealthy, 
the industry of the republic being more evenly captured 
and distributed among its progressive citizenship. 

Spectacled babyhood, mouthfuls of artificial teeth in 
boyhood, and baldheads in early manhood are not con- 
vincing proofs of a healthily constituted race. On the 
contrary they are serious evidences of degeneracy, and 
indicative of brainstorms and general uselessness. 



302 2'HE lEISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

Yankees, Religiously 

As commerce, politics and education produce mighty 
men in their respective lines in the vast republic, so 
does religion. The country, therefore, has had from 
time to time men, representing different religious de- 
nominations, of worldwide renown. 

Where can an individual be discovered, so ignorant 
and unread in any corner of the earth where Christian 
civilization, no matter how gleamless, has penetrated, 
that has not heard about such men as Moody and San- 
key, Henry Ward Beecher, T. DeWitt Talmage, all 
noted Americans, whose fame was not circumscribed 
by the extensive boundaries of their own wide country? 
The influences of these famous Christian men were 
boundless and overflowed until covering the entire 
face of the Christian world. Even before their time — 
their earthly days being almost concurrent — America 
did not suffer from want of pioneering gospel carriers. 
The pugilistic preacher. Peter Cartwright, and such 
men as his stamp, did wonders in carrying the word 
into fastnesses and treacherous forests. These great 
Christian leaders have at all times inspired my most 
profound respect. No worshiping temples were ever 
designed by man to accommodate the crowds eagerly 
wishing to sit and listen to their gospel messages. 

With estimable clergymen and evangelists it is not 
my province to indulge in unchristian criticisms. Such 
is far from my desire or intention. They have done a 
great work, and many people have derived temporal, 
as well as spiritual, consolation through their labors 
and teaching. 

But America has also produced other types of min- 
isterial mountebanks, whose pulpit magnetism is ever 
lacking in drawing qualities. Resourceful and sensa- 
tional though they may appear for a time in attracting 



TEE YANKEES 303 

people to their churches, having no great ability, 
their usefulness as preachers of the gospel lapses. 
These men camp upon the trail of official authority, 
demanding the literal enforcement of impossible laws, 
thereby draggmg with them into public obscurity those 
for the time being occupying places given them by the 
people's preferment. Neither the one class nor the 
other seem to be big enough to keep pace with a 
growing young nation, the one religiously and the 
other politically. Vacant pulpits and empty pews are 
the rewards measured out to the one class, while va- 
cated public office is the gift to the other. 

Seldom indeed is it necessary, in the populous cen- 
ters of the United States, for an able, broad-gauged, 
and liberal-minded preacher to deliver himself in an 
uncrowded church edifice. 

Like many other important institutions, church and 
churchgoing have been commercialized to a very grave 
extent of late years, and what is still more deplorable 
there are no signs upon the christian horizon of an 
abatement perceptible. Many people now recognize 
that to be a true christian character does not neces- 
sarily imply that you must humbly get down on your 
praying knees, it will quite suffice to go generously 
down into your paying pockets. For various motives 
the latter mode of serving God has been brought con- 
spicuously into vogue latterly. By some it is con- 
sidered a new departure, and another way of adding 
to the all-important commerce of gain-getting. 

America might well be termed the land of waves. 
Owing to the unstable tendencies of a majority of the 
people, these things are possible. Therefore, it is not 
surprising to find the country in the throes of 
religious excitement and reform periodically. 

These so-called waves attain irresistible velocity at 



304 ^-ff^ IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

intervals, by reason of the innumerable clergy 
available to keep them a-moving when once started. 

Even some of the most prominent men in America 
seem to be devoid of pronounced convictions on any 
subject they become interested in, religious or not. 
They will change their religious mantle as readily as 
their political affiliations, or commercial connections, 
so lightly does it sit upon them. As the great bulk of 
the people, whether highup or low down in the coun- 
try's counsels, know but little of their family gene- 
alogy, their religious convictions suffer in conformity 
with their other principles. That their fathers lived 
and died faithful adherents to one denomination or 
another carries little weight with them. We, therefore, 
find them buffeted about, trying one thing now and 
another later. 

Are the churches so organized as to attract and hold 
luke-warm church attendance in this the early part of 
the twentieth century? It is exceedingly doubtful. 
Many things have been tried to compel the unchurched 
masses to enter and feel at home. Fetching young 
women have been put on welcoming committees, who 
with fascinating smiles warmly shake the hands of 
young and fleeting strangers, bid them welcome, and 
invite them to come again. In this way impressions 
have been wrongfully made upon unsuspecting young 
men to the effect that they have made conquests in the 
feminine field. Is this christian deception? 

"No Collection" signs, and many similar de- 
vices have been unsuccessfully tried. Quite frequently 
small things count considerably in determining whether 
or not a person would attend church. For myself I 
have often felt annoyed at some featherweight 
preacher, cutting short the singing of a popular hymn 
by an enthusiastic congregation, by lopping off several 
verses, in order to get at talking the quicker himself, 



THE YANKEES 305 

but only succeeding in soothing many of his hearers 
to sleep. 

Giddy, indifferent, non-contributing and drowsy con- 
gregations are some of the many drawbacks to modern 
pulpitism, and to which the clergy are brought face 
to face with. 

It is indeed pleasant to contemplate that in every 
community throughout the land godly and christian 
men are ever found at their posts ; and a goodly portion 
of the nation's citizenship are steadfastly clinging to 
their labor of love and christian charity, as well as to 
their churchwork. These people represent the solid 
and unswayable. They continue in the handed-down 
principles of their ancestry, and it is an indisputable 
fact that today in the world's grandest republic its 
greatest men are Godfearing men, whose christian 
professions are openly made. 

These christian examples are found in every depart- 
ment of the big country's industrial, political and 
commercial activities, none having a monopoly, none 
neglected. The masses, minus profound principles, or 
deep conviction on any economical subject, will con- 
tinue to be swayed and swung in wave-like fashion by 
evangelistic revivals, and fiery pulpit oratory, which 
beget non-staying qualities, not being sufficiently rooted 
to last beyond the passing hour. 

As with all other industrial departments in the 
United States, the cause of religion is strenuously 
carried forward. This is done in various ways. In its 
working out Yankees are both energetic and resource- 
ful. Many are the modem appliances brought into 
requisition to aid and propagate the work. 

There are self-propelled gospel wagons for city 
use to carry the glad tidings into the slums, whose re- 
sorters refuse to go to the places appointed andl 
equipped for gospel preaching and teaching. Such 



306 ^SJS IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

items of the underworld are usually known as the 
unchurched masses. These wagons are fitted out with 
all needful and modern appliances. They are strung 
with wires and electric lighted. They have portable 
organs, a supply of hyranbooks, scores of folding 
chairs, to be conveniently set around the chosen spot, 
thereby enabling the tired worker to sit and rest while 
the hymns are being sung and the gospel preached. 

This is a most meritorious work, and very often have 
I noticed large gatherings much interested and 
respectful. Men who would not take the trouble to 
enter a mission or other place of worship will gladly 
listen when brought face to face to gospel preaching. 
Volunteers furnish free singing. 

There are also chapel cars, properly fitted out with 
church equipment. These are hauled out into the 
wilds, where new railroads are being constructed, the 
navvies, teamsters and all others engaged in that work 
being reached occasionally. This is also a work of ex- 
treme merit, and deserving of much praise. Only for 
such agencies for good, many men would absolutely 
lose sight of the fact that they were living in a chris- 
tian country. But these reminders are spiritually 
beneficial and appreciated. 

To the amazement of almost the rest of the civilized 
world, the American branch of the Anglo-Saxon race 
are continually resolving themselves into conferences 
and conventions of every conceivable kind, and the 
religious requirements of the country are not behind 
hand in this particular field of endeavor either. Church 
societies hold their regular city, state and national 
conventions annually. At these meetings all the 
heavyweight preachers and leaders are present. 

Attending a great international Christian En- 
deavor convention upon one occasion, I was more than 
inspired by the magnificent sight. This was further 



THE YANKEES 307 

heightened by the appearance of the late Mr. Moody, 
who sang and played that beautiful hymn known as 
''Throw Out the Lifeline," at the conclusion of which 
he undertook to tell how he happened to compose it, 
as it was one of his own creation. Traveling as a 
passenger upon an ocean liner once, the cry went up, 
''Man overboard, throw out the lifeline." Here he got 
his cue, and at once took full advantage of it. 

Young Men's Christian Associations, and Young 
Women's Christian Associations, are beautiful in- 
stitutions and carry on a useful work. They own 
magnificent buildings, well adapted and fitted up to 
carry on the work designed for. With their educa- 
tional departments, gymnasiums, lecture halls, reading 
and reception rooms, parlor games, sleeping apartments 
for members, swimming pools, ealisthenics and many 
other equally desirable features are enjoyed. Even 
the passing stranger is made welcome, and often helped 
over thorny places far away from home and friends. 
Godliness and cleanliness, as well as mental and 
physical development, are the prominent and un- 
derlying principles upon which these noble insti- 
tutions are founded. They are financed and gov- 
erned by Godfearing men, who have little to gain and 
lots to lose, in a worldly sense, by these christian 
activities. 

America is well studded with costly temples of 
worship. Often the casual passerby views with aston- 
ishment the outlays. He does not quite realize that 
hundreds of quiet-going prosperous men have unosten- 
tatiously contributed to their building and upkeep. 
Many men of that stamp make no loud-mouthed pre- 
tensions of professing Christianity, but give of their 
substance in generous and large-hearted fashion. If 
their erection and maintenance were dependent upon 
the gratuities of the howling individual, who is so sin- 



308 THE IBISH-CANUCK-TANEEE 

struck as to give liberally of his moans and groans, 
very few of the noble edifices would be reared high 
in the air. 

As the New World never suffers a serious lack in 
having the right men in the right place when needed, 
and in workable numbers, the moral and religious wel- 
fare of the country are in the hands of capable men, 
who invariably temper their theories and theologies 
with sound sense, although at times there may appear 
to be a breaking away from the common sense, with 
brief incursions into the impracticable. When such 
things are attempted, their life is brief, and theorists 
are promptly halted in due course of time. Excursions 
into visionary realms of reform by many of the over- 
enthusiastic reformers never produce lasting results. 

Much disquietude is felt throughout the backward 
portions of the United States, as well as in the Domin- 
ion of Canada, in liberal-minded circles, at seasons of 
the year when the various religious bodies hold their 
annual assemblies and conferences. These fears are 
well grounded, for the brethren in convention assem- 
bled are never tired of passing new resolutions con- 
demning this and demanding that, all of which rusti- 
cated and weak-kneed statesmanship, such as these 
self-governing communities alone can produce, take 
cognizance of, and eventually embody into statutes 
of some impossible kind. 

The Presbyterian general assemblies, and Wesleyan 
Methodist conferences are usually leaders in these 
movements, but closely followed by nearly all others. 

In old lands such theoretical manipulators of men 
and measures receive little attention from law-making 
bodies and governmental authorities. Thus dis- 
couraged, they devote all their energies to churchly 
matters. 



TBE YANKEES 309 

Yankee Social Life 

Even within my own brief memory Yankee social life 
and usages have undergone radical changes. 

These are largely attributable to the unfortunate 
unsociable relation the sexes bear one towards the 
other. 

Boys and men having become far more effeminate 
than their fathers and forefathers ; and girls and women 
having discarded nearly all their girlish and womanly 
traits, in order to put on mannish airs, a strange con- 
dition of social usages resulted. Under these rather 
unhappy circumstances, the men, who admire complete 
femininity, have, to an extent, lost interest in the 
fair sex; while women, who invariably admire manli- 
ness in the sterner sex, find little attraction in them 
nowadays. It is, therefore, nothing unusual to see 
the ladies congregating together at church, theatres, 
and many other public and semi-public places; while 
the men are likewise assembled by themselves. 

The Yankee girl is in a class all by herself. This 
is acknowledged by all, both at home and abroad. She 
swings her arms from the shoulder, and with a toss of 
her head wishes to proclaim to the world that she is 
independent. "Whether or not that sort of indepen- 
dence, usually bragged of, is of the most fetching 
variety is another unsettled question. 

To do the Yankee girl justice, while at the same 
time not increase her already misconception regarding 
herself, her intelligence and importance, is a proposi- 
tion hard to tackle and difficult to handle. 

She has her allotted share of natural intelligence and 
sprightliness. At an early age she imagines that she 
can outdo nature in making herself fascinatingly 
beautiful and attractive. Accordingly she uses all the 
arts known to modern femininity, regardless of whether 



310 TEE JBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

the requirements are paints or powders or both. In 
lacing herself into shape she is an adept. She is de- 
sirous that from the ground up her form and figure 
must needs be faultless. In this respect her French 
sister has but little odds. But her eye for beauty does 
not quite reach far enough. Her touches lack artistic 
and feminine finish. Otherwise no Yankee girl, no 
matter whether young or advanced, would think of 
ornamenting a scrawny and discolored neck and throat 
with an immaculately white and stiff linen collar. 
The contrast is far too severe to prove attractive. This 
particular article of wear should be speedily abandoned 
by the womanhood of America, no matter whether in 
their homeland or traveling abroad. It is an unlovable 
appendage that should never have shown itself. 

The Yankee girl is also whimsical. She will accept 
courtesies from a gentleman friend one evening, and 
pass him unnoticed on the sidewalk next day. She 
possibly imagines that he spent all his spare cash upon 
her the evening previous, and she is in quest of some 
sport whose funds are as yet unspent. In these modern 
times men do not seem quite as anxious to dance at- 
tendance upon the fair ones as in former. Opportuni- 
ties, therefore, for slack dealing by the girls to the 
boys are not as abundant as of yore. Many other 
things in modern life serve to attract the young men 
of the twentieth century that were wholly unknown 
to those existing in times goneby. Owing to the ten- 
dencies prevailing in current times for the sexes to 
segregate themselves from one another, with little 
acquaintance and less formality, marriages hastily take 
place. Thus the divorce courts form a ready ren- 
dezvous for many unhappy and unmatched couples. 

It is indeed hard to decide which of the two evils is 
replete with the more dire misfortune. I refer to the 



TEE YANKEES 311 

hasty and unthinking matrimonial adventures of 
the Yankee girl, which will assuredly find its ter- 
mination in the divorce and separation court; or 
the youthfully made, and long-drawn-out engagements 
of old country girls. Both systems are equally bad, 
and should not be tolerated by discerning parents. 
Slow but sure should be the motto in the first case, 
as haste ends disastrously. Haste has also hurted the 
long-engaged girl in the same connection. Her im- 
mature and early engagement has possibly hindered 
her from securing as good matrimonial material as 
if she had to patiently wait until she brought a staid 
and settled judgment to bear on the selection of a 
man, instead of picking out, with girlish eyes, boyish 
fascinations. 

"Wonderment has often been expressed at the prone- 
ness of Yankee young ladies to elope with their father's 
liveried coachmen, or others beneath their moneyed 
standing. Aristocratic tastes in all things are not 
acquired with sudden riches. 

Supposedly highup Yankee society is a negligible 
quantity. Every city, or large populous center, has its 
"400" of one kind or another. 

There are in every town and city folk who did 
the pioneer work and grew prosperously. Dollars, 
marriages, intermarriages and other relationships 
foster an exclusive set, and into which it is sometimes 
hard for strangers to break. But in the vast majority 
of Yankee instances doUars-and-cents comprise the 
password. Family parties are given and friends and 
relations are invited. Neighbors of the same dollar 
standing might also find themselves honored guests. 

New rich often seek to make themselves unwar- 
ranted important. They possess fancy equipages, and 
many other things that may be acquired with wealth, 
which only tend to make them ridiculous. You will 



313 THE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

find folk owning luxurious and fast-running automo- 
biles, whose fathers and grandfathers didn't own the 
spades and shovels they performed their day's labor 
with. Putting such people astride dangerous vehicular 
conveyances, life, property, and themselves, are not 
secure, and withal cause the street authorities much 
annoyance and grave fear for the public safety. 

People of this stamp often think of taking a trip 
abroad. But as one must be educated up to a point 
where travel can be enjoyed, as well as entering into 
any other new undertaking, a start is rarely ever 
made. Long before plans have been matured for their 
final departure, their going and prospective itinerary 
are outlined again and again in the "Personal and 
Social" columns of the daily press. Then something 
or another turns up and there is no trip or tour at 
all made. 

But instances can be cited of supposedly well-to-do 
folk, having heralded their departure long and loud, 
and didn 't go, finally retire into the back parts of their 
homes, closely drew the curtains in front, and in this 
retreat carried out the ruse of a make-believe world 
tour, their friends and neighbors laboring under the 
impression that they were gone abroad. 

Comments and criticisms heard in foreign lands, 
while living and traveling there, have long since con- 
vinced me that the prevailing opinion among those 
peoples regarding Yankees is that they are unneces- 
sarily self-conceited, artificial, superficial and unstable. 

Readily do they acknowledge the supremacy of 
Americans in many, very many, ways. Socially at 
least they are considered serious misfits. Color is 
further added to these rather uncharitable views by 
the readiness with which the brainiest and cleverest 
Yankee self-made millionaires barter off their daugh- 
ters and dollars to the effete and financially "broke" 



CONTRAST AND CBITICISM 313 

nobility of the old country, as none others but those so 
unhappily circumstanced could be found to carry off 
the American feminine matrimonial prizes. 

Old world social eminence, and new world plebeian 
asininity will not smoothly and permanently com- 
mingle. No matter how cemented together by Yankee 
craft and American gold, the despicable results are 
always the same — the ambitious Yankee title-hunters 
get their well-earned desserts. For a brief period these 
foreign princesses enjoy their well-bought titles; but, 
alas! how humiliating to themselves; their parents; 
their families ; their relatives ; their youthful acquaint- 
ances, and possible home suitors ; yea, and the nation to 
which they originally belonged, when again driven 
home and reduced to the common level of their 
unpedigreed ancestry! 

Contrast and Criticism 

The Irish people have the name of being supersti- 
tious. Possibly such accusation may have been true 
to an extent in times goneby. But there are absolutely 
no traces of the kind now. On the contrary, the people 
are generally farther removed from silliness of that 
variety than supposedly advanced and educated Ameri- 
cans. How about the Yankee superstition attached to 
"Friday" the "13th," of each month, horseshoe 
luck, rice-throwing, and many other strictly Yankee 
superstitions ? 

No artistic artist, nor the most amateurish dauber, 
ever yet thought of increasing the beauty of a flower 
once nature had finished it. Neither is it necessary for 
an Irish girl to supplement nature's handicraft by 
either paint brush, or powdering chamois. Providence 
turned out a completed work ; therefore, anything sup- 



314 TEE IBISHCANUCEYANKEE 

plementary would be superfluous. "What is better still, 
the recipients of such good gifts are perfectly satisfied 
with the blessings bestowed, and do not concern them- 
selves much about the widely-advertised possibilities 
of modem toilet preparations. This cannot be said, 
in many instances, where other nationalities are in- 
volved, even though nature has also been bountiful 
to them. 

Ireland generously gave its race and religion to 
America, and that country has wonderfully profited by 
that little country's generosity. At one time the emi- 
grant ship brought out the Emerald Isle's best boyhood, 
manhood, girlhood and womanhood; but fortunately 
for the homeland, and unfortunately for the new land, 
the terrible drain has almost ceased. Ireland's human 
contribution to America is now lacking in quantity, 
but made up in quality. Home-ordained clergy, as well 
as lay representatives of various religious orders, are 
daily exercising their Christianizing influences on the 
land of their religious adoption. 

The woes of foreigners in America are often ex- 
tremely pitiable. "Wonderful as that great and re- 
sourceful land is, it does not supply everything. For 
instance, I have heard of a German-American natu- 
ralized citizen boarding an ocean liner bound for Ger- 
many, in order to get a stein of malt-and-hops beer, 
claiming the American product to be manufactured out 
of chemicals. I have also heard of an Irish-American 
who crossed the Atlantic for the purpose of getting a 
good mess of Irish bacon and cabbage cooked over a 
turf flre. 

Americans abroad flnd similar troubles. Some un- 
Irish folk go so far as to say that they consider Ire- 
land's renowned hospitality over-estimated. They do 
not stop to consider that the Irish folk are a modest 



CONTRAST AND CRITICISM 315 

people, who will not readily share their humble fare 
unless they are first confident that it will be appreciated 
by those receiving it. 

Moreover a game of give and take has been played 
between the two countries. At times of dire necessity 
in Ireland it has been substantially helped by the 
"Land of the free, and the home of the brave." When 
destitution devastated the tight little isle, and its con- 
gested inhabitants suffered more or less from the 
pangs of famine, great and generous America came to 
the rescue. When the wily Irish politician needed 
financial aid to push his political ambitions Yankee 
shekels showered copiously into his never-to-be-satis- 
fied satchel. When priests, and other clergymen, at 
home were distressed by having unfinished chapels 
and churches on their hands they invaded easy-giving 
Yankees in quest of the needful, and never went away 
empty-handed, 

A sort of unofficial reciprocity policy has existed 
from earliest times between the now greatest nation in 
the world, and the one aspiring to be great far beyond 
what its geographical measurements would permit. 
Whether right or wrong in so aspiring, the big-hearted 
American republic has also sympathized with Ireland's 
pardonable aspirations. It realizes that what it lacks 
in extent it makes up in energy; and where it falls 
short in numbers it responds in aggressiveness. 

For the further welfare of Ireland it is not necessary 
for Irish- Americans to worry over-officiously. The men 
at home have accomplished much in rectifying wrongs 
and righting domestic affairs there; while many things 
tinged with abuse needs attention at home in America. 
Grappling with these apparently unsatisfactory prob- 
lems with determination will tend to draw off the 



316 THE IBISH-CANUCK-TANEEE 

keenness now so prevalent amongst the Irish-American 
wellwishers from the home brethren, thereby giving 
them a chance to walk, along national lines, without 
steadying or guardianship. Henceforward no more 
babying along is necessary. This I wish to impress 
upon Ireland's friends and foes alike. Consider this 
again repeated. 

In all parts of America the Irishman, or Irish- 
American, is in active demand for official usefulness. 
Wherever uniforms, lace and badges are wont to be 
worn, these men are pressed into action for their more 
dignified display. Metropolitan police forces; bank 
messengers; floor walkers for commercial emporiums; 
liveried door-tenders, and in many similar places, 
where muscular statoliness and good appearance are 
requisite, these men are found almost to the exclusion 
of all others. Irishmen are not only physically supe- 
rior, but in addition they are supple and athletic. 
We thus find them upholding a high standard of sports 
and pastimes, whether of an official or unofficial char- 
acter. Therefore, in all the different capacities the 
sons of the Green Isle acquit themselves like men. 

Irishmen abroad henceforward may well withdraw 
their moral and financial support from their brethren 
at home. This will enable them to devote their entire 
time to the affairs of the land of their adoption. It 
is indeed silly for Irish-Americans to waste their time 
and money upon the home friends. Easy times all 
the while seems to be theirs to enjoy. Holidays of a 
civic and religious nature are frequent. Chapel at- 
tendance, and religious duties consume much more of 
their time than should be permissible; and far more 
than the Irish- American can indulge in. Home rule is 
not necessary; and it is very doubtful if the large 
measure of self-government allowed Canadians, as well 



CONTRAST AND CBITICISM 317 

as the American states, is an unmixed blessing. In new 
countries far-sighted statesmanship is a scarce article, 
so the least law-making by unstatesmanlike lawgivers 
we have the better off the colony is. 

I am a house of lords admirer, and any act that 
passes that sensible and responsible body of statesmen 
suits me, and I have no difficulty in living, in a law- 
abiding way, thereunder. During the general election 
in the British Isles, held in the forepart of 1910, I 
was there, and all through the campaign the lords were 
made the butt of much ridicule. 

Canada, a country having lost its best asset — ^the 
youthful brain and brawn of one million and a quarter 
of its native born sons and daughters — has a very 
doleful tale of woe to relate, as well as a grandmotherly 
condition of colonial affairs into the bargain. The 
empire-builders, public men, and governmental meas- 
ures, all so helpless in stemming the tide for the last 
twenty-five years, deserve little credit. From the 
Straits of Belle Isle, on either side of the Gulf of St. 
Lawrence, and all along both sides of the St. Lawrence 
river, and across the continent for more than 3,000 
miles, this vast geographical empire scatters its wee 
sprinkling of inhabitants, all-told not more than 
6,000,000. Indeed the narrow men and measures that 
succeeded in squeezing out this vast army of worthy 
Canadian sons are blamable. The land of their nativity 
furnished them with ample scope for their talents, it 
being a country of unlimited resources ripe for develop- 
ment. If, under all the repressive restrictions, religious 
reform and coercion, Canada has been renowned for, it 
populously and prosperously forged to the front rank 
in the list of new countries, there would have been 
some tangible excuse for the further continuance of 
all this colonial narrowness with emphasis. But, alas ! 
just the opposite has been the melancholy result, con- 



318 TEE JRISH-CANUCE-YANKEE 

sequently even now there should be a let-up, and more 
tolerant measures adopted. 

It is not remarkable that there should be such a 
large number of small-bore reformers and morality 
workers, as many, very many of them eke out a scant 
living by such agitation. But that they should wield 
such great influence over little statesmen is one of the 
mysteries. These remarks are applicable to similar 
situations in the United States. 

For the pushing foreign emigrant Canada has been 
the same to the United States as purgatory to heaven, 
according to the doctrine of some religious teaching. 
After spending some time in Canada, the cash-chaser 
suddenly discovers that he is in the right church but 
the wrong pew, and passes over the line accordingly. 
Why, I have met people in Canada that would go 
farther for five cents (two pence half penny) than even 
poor folk in the British Isles would go for a shilling 
(twenty-five cents). 

Two of the most important words in the vocabulary 
of Canadians and Yankees in modem life today are 
"Reform" and "Graft." Canadians consider reform a 
mighty issue. Yankees deem graft an all-powerful 
thing. They both, in their respective usages, mean 
mighty things. Nobody of much prominence cares 
enough about either to properly define it. In a grand- 
motherly way a vast majority of Canadians howl about 
"Reform." It must be applied to somebody or some- 
thing incessantly. Likewise in the United States, 
"Graft" means much. 

Indeed it is hard to determine whether too much 
self-government, as exemplified in Canada by ten par- 
liaments ; or no self-governing parliamentary bodies at 
all in Ireland, is the most responsible for the notable 
exodus of both countries to America's greatest re- 



CONTBAST AND CBITICISM 319 

public. In Ireland youth had but limited scope in a 
crowded country. But no congestion existed in 
Canada, and furthermore the country was pregnant 
with the possibilities of an unscratched continent. 

Ireland and Canada go hand-in-hand in one par- 
ticular. When a few surplus thousands are available 
they are put into either a Catholic chapel or Protestant 
church, respectively. These outlays per edifice employ 
only a couple of priests or preachers, as the case may 
be, while similar outlays along industrial lines would 
produce labor-employing factories, needful in both 
countries, which would afford employment to hundreds 
of Heedy men. But outside manufacturers are fully 
satisfied with the methods at present obtaining in both 
these unfortunate lands. 

From a narrow colonial viewpoint, Canada's most 
important unsettled question is the liquor habit. To 
my mind this should not be. 

Let me say for these good people's edification that 
I have temperately tippled in the public houses of 
Great Britain and Ireland, the saloons of the United 
States, the taverns of Canada the barless cafes of 
France, the German winter gardens, and I have been 
treated most courteously by all. Never yet have any 
proprietors or bartenders forced their goods upon me. 

Boldly have I entered their places, used freely and 
frequently their telephones, newspapers, washrooms, 
lavatories, toilet rooms without even encountering a 
frown or sour look, because I passed through without 
spending an iota. 

The so-called abuses of this traffic in both Canada 
and the United States have been magnified far beyond 
their importance by money-getting reformers, who 
have a price for each reform. 

It used to be the policy of both these rather unstable 
governments to keep liquor away from within reach of 



330 2'fl:£ IBISH-CANUCK-TANKEE 

the Indian, but of late they have changed these poli- 
cies. It is the white man's time to be put on the "In- 
dian" list now, seeing that he is being compelled to 
shoulder the "Red Man's" burden, by keeping fer- 
mented beverages from himself. 

Instances are on record, where murderers and horse 
stealers have escaped just punishment for their wrong- 
doing, while violators of the liquor laws for minor 
offences have been severely dealt with by narrow- 
minded and prejudiced judges and ruralistic juries. 

This particular traffic has always bred more than its 
share of silly cranks, and has furnished a fruitful field 
for the perpetual agitator. It is therefore quite natural 
that silliness and erankism should be reflected in the 
nature and multiplicity of the liquor laws. That the 
trade thus carrying on its legal business is often ac- 
cused of law infringement is not surprising but a logi- 
cal outcome. 

In both Canada and the United States the custom 
prevails not to permit liquors wherever large assem- 
blages of people are apt to be outside of the regular 
licensed limits. It is quite different in the British 
Isles. Tents temporarily erected in all places where 
sporting events are scheduled are allowed and en- 
couraged. People are given every opportunity to dis- 
port themselves, and to conduct themselves as well. 
However, if they fail in self-government, and overstep 
the bounds of good conduct, they are promptly taken 
in hand by the law's powerful arm, and if one officer 
fails to check and control, a million will. But men when 
given liberty don't usually abuse it. 

In my many visitations to the old land, where I have 
carefully observed their ways and methods of life, I 
must admit that gentlemanly behavior everywhere was 
the positive rule. 



CONTBAST AND CBITICISM 321 

Some untraveled Americans and Canadians imagine 
that there are few things to be admired abroad. This 
impression is a very foolish one. 

For instance, railway passenger traffic. The old 
country methods far excel the American. Aided by 
depressed tracks, which bring the coach on a level 
with the platform, thereby permitting travelers to 
board their carriages on the level, entering innumer- 
able doors along the entire length of the train is far 
preferable to the American style. To begin with in 
America, a traveler has first to buy a long and treacher- 
ous ticket, to be signed and countersigned, stamped 
here, there and everywhere, punched in the margin 
and elsewhere several times, all of which consumes a 
wearying lot of time. Then boarding the train, where 
you often out of breath encounter three or four bar- 
barous steps, finally zig-zagging your way through a 
narrow aisle, filled with human feet, suitcases, grips 
and a variety of other obstructing packages proves 
very annoying. 

Yankees and Canadians are continually telling the 
English and Irish people what Ireland ought to have 
in the way of self-government, etc. It is about time 
the Irish people at home resented all this needless in- 
terference. It has a bad effect on the people. The 
tendency is to reduce the Irish people to the level of 
serfdom. Now let me here say that the Irish people 
are not as childlike as outsiders imagine. They seem 
to be abundantly able to look out for their own inter- 
ests, both of civil and religious importance. I have 
taken pains to reiterate this particular phase of Irish 
busybodyism. 

In Scott, Saskatchewan, I once met an Irishman and 
Frenchman. The former was all the way from Ireland, 
while the latter was all the way from France. Much 



322 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

to my surprise, I gleaned from their chummy conver- 
sation, carried on socially in the rotunda of the hotel, 
that an Irishman was once president of the French 
republic. This would indicate that the ubiquitous Son 
of Erin did not confine his political energies to any one 
great republic. 

When obnoxious measures are propounded for pas- 
sage in Canadian parliaments, if at all copied after 
Yankee bills of a similar nature, they are dubbed and 
taunted Yankee bills, and are accordingly un-British, 
and should have no place upon the pages of Canadian 
statute books. This unenvious rivalry between the two 
countries is really a good thing from one viewpoint at 
least. It sometimes saves the colony from having sad- 
dled upon it all the foolish laws enacted in the States 
in addition to the many foolish acts conjured up by its 
own superficial statesmanship. 

Nearly everything is carried on of a civic nature in 
Canada by the suffrage of the people. As the colonists 
are easily led, they go to the polls and vote for imprac- 
ticable absurdities. 

All-conquering temperance fanatics, followed by the 
easily led, have at last practically accomplished their 
ends in depriving the liberal-minded of a chance to get 
liquors. This is done through local option laws, known 
throughout Canada and many unprogressive portions 
of the United States as inadequate cures for liquor- 
stricken fiends. Of such annoying and bad-blood-be- 
getting laws and enactments old country people know 
nothing, and care far less. They are narrow colonial 
performances that empire-like people would not toler- 
ate. They take a bigger and broader national view of 
such things. As I have said before, old country voters 
cannot be led, by the theoretical preacher, or pro- 
fessional politician. In Canada backwoodsmen would 



CONTRAST AND CRITICISM 333 

be found who would vote the barbershop out of exist- 
ence, just as readily as an open bar, if given a chance. 
Their arguments against the tonsorial artists would be 
that the boys were wasting too much time and money 
in such shops. Let them learn to shave themselves, and 
let their mothers cut their hair. 

But it is not alone at the frontier that rusticity is 
rampant. A metropolitan center, annexing a lot of 
suburbs, under conditions that permit the villagers to 
vote on city civil affairs, soon drags the citified folk 
down to the same level as those possessing village 
ideas. The villagers not being able to comprehend the 
tastes of a metropolitan people cannot be expected 
very easily to fall in line with those already having 
acquired such taste. 

I have been foolhardy enough to openly and frankly 
say to Canadian farmers, that they were much on the 
order of field laborers. They toil and moil from early 
in the morning until late at night, with uncertain re- 
ward in sight. An unlimited number of daily hours 
is their working lot. I have broached this subject with 
a view of proving that the soil-tillers of Canada, and 
particularly those living in the province of Ontario, 
have been far too strenuous, in the clearing and up- 
building of their holdings and homesteads. This severe 
drudgery also helped to scare the boys off their fathers' 
farms, and drive them across the borderland. Parents 
did not begin to realize, until entirely too late, that 
their offspring were not made of the same mettle as 
themselves, and made no allowance whatever for the 
tenderness incident to a generation once removed from 
the pioneering stages. This was not an unmixed bless- 
ing, for they went across the border and prospered in- 
finitely better than had they stayed at home. 

The unmixable nature of Canada's population has 



324 T^^ IBISH-CANUCKYANKEE 

also helped to squeeze the people out of the country. 
The French-Canadian and English-speaking elements 
are very naturally at variance, and live unneighborly 
apart. A dual tongue, school system, religion, politics, 
do not tend to strengthen the bond of unity. Their 
style of life is different in many ways. 

The political side taken by preachers in Canada gen- 
erally wins. The side taken by the clergy in the United 
States invariably loses. In Ireland the side sanctioned 
by ecclesiastical authority is winner; but in the house 
of lords (England), when a division arises over par- 
liamentary acts by the house of commons, that may 
savor of moral reform, the lords spiritual suffer defeat 
at the hands of the lords temporal. 

Nowhere throughout white and civilized races will 
the bystander behold a finer looking lot of men, and a 
more beautiful bunch of women, than on Grafton 
street, Dublin, Ireland, which is the most fashionable 
thoroughfare in that noted city. This is in marked 
contrast to the rather indifferent aggregation noticed 
on Yonge street, the most important street in the city 
of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, another evidence of 
leaked-out manhood. 

Shopshaped girls and intensified schoolma'ams do 
not make the most desirable matrimonial material. The 
former class have fallen into a cold and formal way of 
receiving people; while the latter class are so used to 
make their juvenile charges toe the mark, that it is 
difficult for them to understand that all others cannot 
be handled in the same manner. 

Average American parents are afraid to let their 
youths get out of their sight for fear of falling into 
temptation. Old country fathers and mothers rather 
delight in seeing their sons and daughters brought into 



CONTBAST AND CRITICISM 325 

contact with things tempting, which help to develop 
their manhood and womanhood by practicing resistance. 
Therefore, the foreigner can at all times be depended 
upon to hold his own with any Canadian or Yankee, 
born and brought up amid like environments. 

It is said that the great American nation is yet in the 
formation stages. That is possible. But to make the 
large bulk of its people realize this is another problem. 
They imagine it the grandest and most complete al- 
ready in the annals of history. In many respects it is. 
In many other ways it is not. Narrowness in views is 
one of its drawbacks. The late King Edward VII. did 
many things an American president dare not do. If I 
remember aright, the late King visited England's 
largest brewery at Burton-on-Trent, and by operating 
a system of levers brewed a vat of Bass's ale; which 
beverage was to be held untouched for twenty years, 
and then doled out, for advertising purposes, in small 
phials as the "King's Brew." 

But royalty is not averse to lending its name to other 
manufacturers within the pale of their vast dominions 
for advertising enterprise. Thus we find many brands 
of goods, as well as of spirituous liquors, by permis- 
sion, allowed to use the "To H. M." (his majesty) on 
their trademarks. These are liberties enjoyed by for- 
eign princes and rulers denied American presidents. 
If one of them were to officially visit a large brewing 
plant, certain elements would raise a howl of horror 
that would shake the republic's foundations. Further 
mighty monarchs in the old land are known to be ag- 
gressive sportsmen, and enthusiastic exponents of horse 
racing, yachting and many other outdoor, as well as 
indoor games, which often savor of gambling tenden- 
cies, according to the American standard. Ere Amer- 
ica has reached the zenith of empire-like usages, such 



326 ^-ff^ IEISH-CANUCK-¥ANKEE 

things must be condoned by a vast and increasing num- 
ber of small-bore fault-finders, whose narrow vision 
magnifies manifold shady morality. 

In some things pertaining to the growth of the coun- 
try the United States government is woefully behind 
the pace set by many of its empire-building citizens. 
Musty old laws are still on the statute books for the 
guidance and control of Indians in parts where the 
tribe has long since been extinguished or driven back 
to the reservations allotted them. This governmental 
slowness in abandoning the enforcement of old-time 
Indian treaties, now occasionally work hardships upon 
the whites who have superseded the reds and live in 
ceded territory. Fortunately for Yankeeland, its great- 
est men have taken to the industrial life of the country, 
while the lesser lights bestow their talents on the po- 
litical. We thus, at a glance, discover the reason why 
governmental machinery fails to keep abreast of the 
fast-changing requirements of a great and growing 
country. 

Brain and bluff are two very important assets among 
Yankees. It is a sane and safe estimate to place the 
former at 10 per cent, and the latter at 90 per cent. 
We, therefore, have a few men in every community, 
heading every enterprise, while the great majority are 
mixed up in nothing of a seriously tangible nature. As 
a result money-getters abound. 

The Yankee is a very restless human being. He grows 
tired of almost everything. First he possesses a well- 
furnished mansion, built to suit himself with recently 
acquired wealth. Next he must own carriages and 
swift-running automobiles. Finally he grows weary 
of all. He disposes of his house, discharges his ser- 
vants, sacrifices his personal effects and moves into 



CONTBAST AND CRITICISM 337 

hotels or apartments. Soon getting tired again he de- 
parts for foreign fields, there to get lost amongst the 
teeming millions; or keep himself before the public 
gaze by the lavish expenditure of Yankee dollars, a 
form of pastime the touring Yankee is condemningly 
reputed for abroad. What is more melancholy still, he 
gets tired of his wife and divorces her for the first fleet- 
ing fascinations of a newfound feminine friend. Pano- 
rama-like everything has passed before him, and, being 
unlike his more stable and home-loving English co- 
partner, he discards all. 

A self-made man in the United States, who has gone 
through the toil, moil and turmoil, of accumulating a 
million in cold cash, is not the man for the sentimental 
to tamper and trifle with. In his money-getting efforts 
he has been too hardened to be easily dented. All 
through his cash career there were lots to hinder, none 
to help. Single-handed he fought his dollar-accumulat- 
ing fight, placing himself in no mood to brood the self- 
sacrificing ideas others would now map out for him. 

The almighty dollar wields far too potent an influ- 
ence over American life to be healthful. One of the 
very worst evils resulting therefrom is the easy facility 
afforded those possessing unlimited funds to escape 
just punishment for wrongdoing. Through this chan- 
nel many crime-stained criminals escape court clutches ; 
which is in direct variance with legal proceedings 
against alleged offenders in older lands. American 
law technicalities are innumerable when dollars are 
available to unearth them. Of all these the rich get the 
full benefit, while the poor cannot so avail themselves. 

It should be quite insulting to American men to hear 
voteless and prattling women proclaiming to the world, 
via the public press and rostrum, what they are going 
to do for the country through the agency of the ballot- 



328 TEE IBISE-CANUCK-YANKEE 

box. Controlling little Americans, and reading them 
like lambs, are further proofe of a decadent period in 
our fast-going existence. 

Man's most modern accomplishments are embodied 
in the greatness of the wonderful city of Chicago. Here 
American genius, along every conceivable line, has 
reached its cleverest climax. Nothing, either phys- 
ically or financially, seems to have been able to limit 
their architectural and commercial capacity. In this 
new-world London enterprise has run riot, bounded 
upward only by the firmament. A scale in all ways has 
been attained never before attempted. Therefore, I was 
not surDrised when told by returned English tourists, 
at their own firesides, that they get more "hot joint" 
in Chicago, with a 5-cent glass of beer, than they could 
get at home for a half-crown outlay. 

Old country ways and methods will never be joy- 
fully received in America. No transplanted inno- 
vation from the old land is more detested by people in 
the new world than the classification of travelers on 
passenger trains. First, second, third or emigrant, ac- 
commodations are not acceptable in a land where the 
fundamental principles exist to an extent that one man 
is as good as another, although this rather hackneyed 
expression has long since fallen into disuse. In a coun- 
try of Jack-is-as-good-as-his-master type, things of that 
sort should have been left where they first originated. 

If the primary usefulness of the Irish-American An- 
cient Order of Hibernians, Knights of Columbus, 
Foresters and many other similar sympathetic societies, 
of both religious and secular hue, was to aid and assist 
the native Irish in the attainment of their aspirations, 
they might now conscientiously disband, as the boys 
at home are beginning to resent their interference. It 



"Daughters of Ireland" who have not "Settled in the United 
States," Mr. President. See opp. page. 




COUNTY CLARE GIRLS. 
The Irish girl is gifted with face and feature, 
Followed up by form and figure. 
She's the Master's masterpiece in femininity, 
And the world 's wonder in virginity. 
"Irish Femininitv." 



CONTRAST AND CBITICISM 339 

places them in the light of helplessness that really does 
not obtain. Only too well are they able to fight their 
own battles, either politically or pugilistieally. The 
elements so helpful, and well-meaning in the States in 
the past can now concentrate their efforts in correcting 
existing abuses at home. 

President W. H. Taft, in a Saint Patrick's day eulogy 
on the Irish, delivered in the city of Chicago, according 
to press reports, said : 

"From 1820 until 1907, 18,000,000 foreigners settled 
in the United States, and of these 8,800,000 were from 

Ireland In all wars the Irish have 

been to the front The beauty and 

fascinating wit of the daughters of Ireland have ever 
been wreathed in story and poem." The president of 
the United States was right. The Irish colleen is all 
he said of her, with the bonnie Scotch lassie a close 
second. 

To me, Mr. President, it has always been a profound 
mystery why the Irish girl should be so bewitchingly 
and providentially blessed with both "beauty" and 
"wit," while the femininity of many other nations are 
almost criminally neglected in bestowings of these 
human graces. 

Convicted and confined murderers are never 
wreathed in flowers by Irish femininity. That despic- 
able practice is left to the mawkish female fools of 
other nationalities. 

If 6,000,000 loyal, royalty-loving, law-abiding Can- 
adians can sport ten parliaments ; surely the so-dubbed 
disloyal, royalty-despising, law-defying Irish, 4,250,000 
strong ought to have five parliamentary bodies. 

Well debated British laws are enacted for enforce- 
ment; while poorly debated Yankee laws cumber the 
statute books, impossible of enforcement. 



330 r^^ IRISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

NINE VOYAGES ACROSS THE ATLANTIC 

VOYAGE 1 

Wednesday morning, June 17, 1885, was a memorable 
time in ray youthful career. On that date I arrived at 
Queenstown, Ireland. Putting up at a modest lodging 
house for the night, unaccompanied by any friend or 
old acquaintance, but one of many others departing 
upon the same mission — that of fortune-hunting in 
America — I felt rather lonely. 

Early in the morning of Thursday we boarded a ten- 
der, which conveyed a rather sobbing lot out to sea, 
where we boarded the Anchor liner, City of Rome, a 
first-class steamer in her day. Steerage passengers 
predominated, although there were many first cabin 
and intermediate passengers also aboard. In a 
couple of days our seasickness passed away, and the 
boys being of the mirth-provoking kind began to amuse 
themselves. A couple of cattle drovers impersonated 
Messrs. Moody and Sankey (two evangelists who were 
enjoying great distinction both at home and abroad at 
this time), and held mock meetings in the steerage din- 
ing saloon nightly. What purported to be choruses and 
refrains of Sankey selections were loudly sung, comic 
songs, and addresses on a variety of subjects, also 
formed a part of each evening's programme. 

Sunday came and in the afternoon a deck preacher 
made his appearance. When he and a few followers 
tried to sing gospel songs, the Irish rowdy element 
aboard drowned them out by singing such songs as 
"Jenny, my own true loved one." The volunteer man 
of cloth was compelled to desist, much to the annoy- 
ance of his Protestant friends and followers. I am 
sorry to say that it is such intolerant performances 
in the past by the unthinking Irish that has produced 
prejudice against their church. But a more tolerant 



NINE VOYAGES ACROSS THE ATLANTIC 331 

age is with us, and it is now nothing unusual to see 
street preachers conducting services, unmolested, open- 
ly and publicly upon the business thoroughfares in 
Koman Catholic Ireland, yes and Catholic priests lec- 
turing from Protestant pulpits. 

We were not allowed to finish the voyage, however, 
without more stirring excitement and graver trouble. 
One afternoon in mid-Atlantic a stormy scene took 
place between about 150 firemen, begrimed with coal 
and smoke from the furnace rooms. With them they 
brought large baskets full of promiscuous provisions, 
which they rudely deposited upon the deck, with a 
strong protest to the effect that if they didn't get some- 
thing better to eat the "bloody ship" could stay there. 
The officers in charge quickly remedied their griev- 
ances, and they went back to their coal-shovelling 
duties satisfied. 

Reaching New York City, New York State, we landed 
in Castle Garden, where so many of those gone before 
also took refuge. 

VOYAGE 2 

In the early part of February, 1889, I happened to 
pass through Montreal, Canada, on my way to Portland, 
Maine, from which winter port I was going to sail to 
Londonderry via Halifax. Montreal was in gala attire, 
the carnival season being on, with an ice palace and 
the governor-general the principal attractions. This 
was my first introduction to a palace built solely of ice 
blocks. Nor did I ever hanker for similar sights since. 
Instead of intensifying the snow and ice crops of 
Canada, undertakings that would ameliorate the ice 
cold temperature of the Dominion would appeal more 
strongly to me. Raising large blocks of ice one above 
another, and cementing them with frozen water, and 
leveling them down again after their crowd-drawing 



332 ^'■H-E IBISH-CANUCE-YANEEE 

usefulness ceased, presented no particular attraction 
to me. 

However, I sailed from the open port of an adjoining 
state, reaching Halifax next day, steaming out of this, 
one of the most capacious and noted harbors in the 
world, the next day. 

This voyage was exceedingly dull and uninteresting. 
Nothing whatever worth mentioning transpired aboard 
on the passage over, save the usual festive seasick suf- 
fering. 

Through an oversight, the steamship ticket agent 
routed me wrong. He booked me for Queenstown, 
while the ship went north via Moville to Liverpool. 
Noticing the error, I took the matter up with the 
purser, who informed me that I would be carried on to 
Liverpool, and returned to the southern Irish port by 
the next steamer. As I dicj not approve of this round- 
about way of reaching home, I got off with the rest of 
the Irish passengers. The ship was the Circassian, and 
the company were the Allan Line people, so on reaching 
their Londonderry offices, and explaining my dilemma, 
the compEuay's representatives there courteously ten- 
dered me a railway ticket to Dublin and three shillings 
in cash. So pleased was I with this generous treat- 
ment, that I have never forgotten it, and made it a 
point thereafter to cross the Atlantic, whenever prac- 
ticable, in their ships. Save one voyage, westbound, I 
have religiously kept this promise. 

VOYAGE 3 

One day in the forepart of March, 1889, 1 again sailed 
from the south of Ireland, boarding the City of Chicago 
(Inman Liner), once more bound for New York. Quite 
a large cabin passenger list ensured a lively time. Sea- 
sickness again played havoc with us. For long days 
and nights I suffered untold agonies from it. Help- 



NINE VOYAGES ACROSS TEE ATLANTIC 333 

lessly I laid in my berth, unable to put anything down, 
but heaving everything up. 

Along towards the finish, thrilling episodes daily 
transpired. But the night before landing capped the 
climax. The bar and smoking saloon habitues became 
hilarious, positively refusing to clear the deck and go 
to their bunks. In a hoof-sounding way they patrolled 
the deck until far into the early morning. It was a 
night's carouse. Storytelling, songs, short speeches, 
interspersed with the "cup that cheers," garnished the 
festivities. Seamen sleeping in apartments adjacent 
could snatch but little refreshing slumber. Thus the 
annoying, oiled and lubricated by fiery liquors, noise 
and confusion lasted until daylight, 

Sunday forenoon we docked and landed. That day 
I spent in Brooklyn, where I availed myself of the op- 
portunity of attending services in the evening at the 
Brooklyn Tabernacle, the Rev. T. De Witt Talmage, 
one of America's foremost divinity doctors, being the 
preacher. 

Well do I remember when in the course of his ser- 
mon he portrayed the difference between a real thief 
and a sneak thief, he invited all of those in the church, 
who were sneak thieves to ** stand up," the same invi- 
tation being extended to the other kind. Carefully 
surveying the immense concourse of people present, 
and noticing none upon their feet, he expressed great 
satisfaction that no such people attended the Taber- 
nacle. 

Since that time I have heard this eminent divine 
preach and lecture frequently in various places and 
upon different occasions. Fully repaid was I indeed 
for the effort made to hear this eloquent man on this 
my second entry into America through its greatest 
gateway. 



334 ^'SE lElSHCANUCK-YANKEE 

VOYAGE 4 

For the next fifteen years I kept landward. At the 
expiration of that time business arrangements permit- 
ted me to look Atlanticward again. So I once more 
sailed from New York on the Allan-State steamship 
Laurentian, about the middle of October, 1903. The 
ship sailed for Glasgow, and my destination was Dub- 
lin. 

This rather small vessel was slow, and our cabin 
party was also small. There were only thirteen of us. 
"With such a meager passenger list, gathered from the 
four comers of the world, with lots of time to whittle 
away both funny and unmirthful situations arose. Men 
would gather in the smoke-room and swap barnyard 
and other stories. Others again would tempt fate by 
repairing in couples, with their deck chairs and steamer 
rugs, to quiet nooks on deck, weather permitting, or 
elsewhere when sea air was unpropitious. As for my- 
self I enjoyed the enlivening society of a bonnie Scotch 
lassie, and in her pleasant company shortened the long 
voyage admirably. 

A little Australian gentleman passenger aboard treat- 
ed the ladies of his liking to snakebelt souvenirs, all the 
way from the antipodes, and some of these, ere the 
voyage was finished, created a lot of talk, in addition 
to some other unpleasant and unchivalrous doings. 

In due time we were landed in Greenock, Scotland. 
From that town I took a coastwise steamboat to Dublin. 
How interesting the town seemed to me after a fifteen- 
year stayaway can illy be appreciated by those never 
having gone through similar experiences, where their 
native land was concerned. 

VOYAGE 5 
Along in the forepart of April, 1904, I boarded a 
small steamer in Dublin, ticketed to Glasgow, Scotland. 



NINE VOYAGES ACROSS THE ATLANTIC 335 

The distance being something more than a night's 
steaming, our boat reached the Clyde seaport early the 
next forenoon. Immediately thereafter I took a cab 
and drove to the ocean-going steamship Mongolian, 
Allan liner, scheduled to sail that evening for Moville, 
Halifax (Canada), and New York. 

While viraiting for the time to come when our vessel 
would push out, quite a scene was witnessed, and one 
the like of which I had never seen before, that is on 
British home soil. Up to that time I had considered 
such impromptu gatherings strictly American. But 
the more we travel the more we see and learn. This 
ovation partook of the nature of dock gospel meetings. 
Singing, praying and preaching were carried on in a 
most soul-stirring manner for over an hour before the 
ship shoved out from the wharf. 

On this voyage a good time was in store for me. Six 
ladies and myself comprised the first-cabin list. Be- 
tween second and third class there were over six hun- 
dred souls aboard. Taking the North Atlantic route — 
Moville to Halifax — icebergs, of a large and ship-de- 
stroying kind, occasionally interested the ladies. 

Crossing the ocean on one of those slow-moving ves- 
sels, passengers are much more banged about than on 
the swift sailers. Accordingly their anatomy becomes 
more disturbed, and their stomachs more riled, all of 
which lends its quota to prolonging the usual siege of 
seasickness. On the slow ship big waves play more. 
Ere they push forward a savage-like whitecap, moun- 
tain high, will hit them full swing amidships, rolling 
the craft thus hit out of its way, shipping water on 
deck into the bargain. 

Speedy steamships act differently. No one wave can 
get in a full whack at them. Steaming so fast, they 
have gone by. Waves can only touch them here and 
there, powerlessly spending themselves touching only 



336 TEE IBISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

a small portion of the fore and aft parts of the levi- 
athan. 

Aboard the Mongolian Captain Pickering treated us 
most courteously. We were guests at his own table, 
and he spared no pains in giving us nautical informa- 
tion. All the ladies were enthusiastic in their praise 
of the gallant captain. He even invited us on his 
bridge, and briefly explained the various uses of his 
navigation instruments. 

All the other oiBcers, engineers and stewards, were 
equally civil and agreeable. In no service, on land or 
sea, do we find a finer body of men than those manning 
trans-Atlantic steamships. It is indeed wonderful to 
see the cleanliness and punctuality discernible every- 
where. 

On this voyage the dressing bell rang at 8 o'clock a. 
m. Breakfast bell at 8:30. By 11 in the forenoon our 
bouillon, or beeftea, was served on deck, or wherever 
else we desired. Luncheon at 1 p. m. Afternoon tea 
about 4 o'clock, served on saloon tables, or wherever 
else ordered. At 5:30 the bell announced the dress- 
in g-for-dinner hour. At 6 o'clock dinner was served, 
the day's eating programme finishing up with supper 
at 9 in the evening. 

My lady traveling companions being of the accom- 
plished kind, the music saloon, its piano, and other ac- 
companying musical instruments, were in constant use. 
Music and singing, therefore, passed off many pleasant 
hours. 

Life aboard ship is either one thing or the other. It 
is a season of music, merriment and pleasantry, or a 
time of nauseating suffering. Usually all hands appear 
at the first meal served. Afterwards they begin to drop 
out one by one, the most squeamish going first. Later 
on in the trip they begin to stalk back to their allotted 
dining-saloon seats. Some are subdued, and talk loud 



NINE VOYAGES ACBOSS THE ATLANTIC 337 

about never crossing the ocean again. Others again are 
glad to be well and around, asserting that they will 
never be sick on sea in the future. But a feeling of 
empty languidness is visibly shown by all, which takes 
its final departure long before a slow ship reaches port. 
In the case of fast ships convalescence is different. 
From them passengers, half convalescent, are apt to 
be put ashore. In such cases it resembles discharging 
patients half-cured from hospitals. For this very rea- 
son I have always taken pains to select comparatively 
slow ships when crossing. Thus I am provided with 
ample time to become very sick, and also to become 
perfectly healed up again ere I strike land. 

It may be information for many landmen to know 
that nearly all ship hands are engaged at the port of 
origin for the round-trip voyage. If satisfaction is 
given, and good records are made, they are re-engaged 
again and again. However, in any event, they are, on 
reaching the home port, paid off and discharged, with 
the admonition that they may come round again before 
the ship sails. Of course officers, pursers, ship surgeons 
and head stewards are exempted, being permanently 
employed. But they go ashore to their respective 
homes, as the culinary department of their ship is closed 
down when in harbor at home. 

The Mongolian in due time reached Halifax. Here 
she discharged much cargo, and nearly all the second- 
class and steerage passengers. Having gained some 
notoriety on the way thither, regarding the fact that I 
was the only first-cabin male passenger, the boys just 
disembarked, foregathered on the rickety old wharf, 
and gave me several cheers as I stood on deck while 
the ship backed out of the harbor for New York. This 
was an ovation wholly unlooked-for by me. It satisfied 
the cheery Scotch lads, and did me no harm. 



338 ^'HE IBISH-CANUCK-YANEEE 

On the two-day sail to my destination, Captain Pick- 
ering and myself grew quite chummy. Approaching 
New York, while on the bridge with him, he asked me 
if I had my watch set correctly. All travelers know 
that westbound timepieces must be daily adjusted in 
order to keep time, as we are steadily gaining time. 
Thus a ship making the run from New York to Liver- 
pool in four days necessitates the pushing on of the 
hands of a clock or watch one hour daily. An eight- 
day ship demands a putting on of hands only a half- 
hour daily. Westbound passengers ascertain the cor- 
rect seatime by acting vice versa. Taking his marine 
glasses in his hand, and training them upon the bright- 
ly shining sun, he promptly gave me New York time to 
the second. Setting my watch in accordance with the 
captain's time, I proved same at the first opportunity, 
and when assured of its accuracy I complimented the 
genial captain on his exactness. 

Sea-faring men, when arrayed in tight-fitting tunics, 
beautified with brass buttons and imitation gold braid, 
wantonly attract their butterfly feminine passengers 
to such an extent that ships have been known to be 
neglected by the gallant officers, while yielding to the 
fascinating entreaties of the fair sex to entertain them 
while idly crossing to and fro. Less gaudy gold braid 
would, therefore, increase the safety of ocean travel. 
The scarlet cloth of the British ''Tommy Atkins" on 
land, and the bright and shining apparel of the sailor 
at sea, prove far too fetching for the average gullible 
feminine to resist. She suddenly surrenders to either. 
A common sight, therefore, presents itself to the ob- 
server in every British seaport, where soldiers, blue- 
jackets from warships and sailors from the merchant 
marine, abound. It is the adherence of the girls to 
these attractively ornamented and medal-wearing 



NINE VOYAGES ACROSS THE ATLANTIC 339 

adorned boys, almost to the rigid exclusion of even 
good-looking civilians. 

VOYAGE 6 

December, 1907, saw me again at sea on an Allan 
steamship. Sailing from Boston to Glasgow on the 
Numidian, we were scheduled to reach our respective 
homes for the Christmastide. This turned out to be a 
miscalculation, as we did not dock in Glasgow until the 
26th day of December. Our passage over was prolific 
with many little incidents. Rough weather was en- 
countered, and we were tempesttossed to a far greater 
degree than anything I had hitherto experienced. Very 
few ladies shipped, so it was a stag party almost com- 
plete. 

Among the most interesting of the men aboard two 
rather elderly Scotchmen carried off that distinction. 
They had been sent out as a spying deputation, and 
were returning to report upon both the United States 
and Dominion of Canada to their friends. After a 
month's investigation, during which, according to their 
own story, they traveled inland short hazy days, when 
they could behold the beauties of the country from 
their car windows but for a short time daily. How- 
ever, they imagined that they saw it all, and by them 
I was almost convinced that what I found out pertain- 
ing to America covering a period of more than a score 
years was infinitesimal compared to their discoveries. 
Suffice to say that they were full to the brim with evil 
report concerning America for the delectation of their 
countrymen. 

I have often regretted that some reliable provision 
has not been made for the proper piloting of such dele- 
gates through the country they were contemplating 
to adopt, whereby they would see the maximum of good 
and the minimum of bad and discouraging. 



340 2'flr lEISE-CANUCE-YANKEE 

As we approached the end of this, my sixth voyage, a 
rather new and novel incident came up. Word reached 
the cabin passengers that a Jewess in the steerage gave 
birth to a baby. Of course, with some people, a baby 
at all times is interesting, but under such unfavorable 
surroundings still more so. The ship surgeon having 
assured the lady passengers that both mother and child 
were doing well, nothing would satisfy them but to 
bring the child to the saloon for infantile inspection. 
Hurriedly they did so. After several days routine, 
with nothing but the ordinary taking place day after 
day, life grew somewhat boresome. Then think of the 
novelty of a newborn babe, suddenly cast in the laps 
of women and girls. Of course, it was passed around 
from one to one, all interested, all admiring, some even 
pretending to claim that it looked like its father, an 
individual they had never seen. 

A souvenir plate was procured from the dining- 
saloon steward, a sixpenny collection was taken, and 
a guinea Christmasbox for the child and sick mother 
realized. The company's steward refusing to donate 
the plate, the writer paid for it, an additional expense 
of one shilling and sixpence, all of which was gladly 
contributed. To me the furore caused by the unex- 
pected advent of an infant aboard a passenger steamer 
on the broad Atlantic was quite surprising; and more 
particularly so upon this occasion when the baby 
ownership belonged in the steerage, while the parties 
so engrossed with interest were cabin. 

On land I had seen many such performances. In 
America there are many feminine child-haters. Whim- 
sically, many of that species would kill a youngster 
with kindness at one moment, while the next they 
would shrink away from their childish touch with a 
scowl and a frown. Such moody methods never could 
be connived at by the writer. My ideas are to be one 



VOYAGES ACROSS TEE ATLANTIC 34I 

thing or the other at all times and under all circum- 
stances. The superficial person, whenever given a 
chance, betrays his, or her, insincerity in a most un- 
mistakable manner. Acting natural is a personal gift 
not to be despised. This can be displayed as well at sea 
as on land. 

Down the narrow Clyde river, with its banks on 
either side a hive of shipbuilding industry, the deck 
sightseer is wonderingly entertained. Seagoing ves- 
sels are seen undergoing construction in all stages. 
Keels just laid, skeleton shipmoulds far advanced, mas- 
sive traveling cranes, trip hammers and riveting ma- 
chines, all tend to make a din hard for the ear to under- 
stand. The Clyde is one of the most interesting water- 
ways in the world. Glasgow, the city it runs through, 
is also a place of commercial activity, scarcely second 
to any center of its size in the world. 

In the saloon of a coastwise steamer plying between 
Glasgow and Dublin, another passenger and myself 
were having a sociable of "Stout" together. Within 
convenient reach on the table lay a small plateful of 
cut cheese. I reached out and partook of a piece. At 
once an attendant stepped up to me, demanding six- 
pence for the wee chunk of cheese. I paid him. How 
different to the United States, I mused. In that bounti- 
ful land of plenty, where free lunches accompany liquid 
refreshments, many a foreigner would be amazed. 

Using a nautical term, we experienced a "dirty" 
night sailing to Dublin. Curiously enough little haste 
is made in landing passengers there. Usually they take 
their time in depositing their living cargoes ashore, 
often waiting to turn the prow of their vessels seaward, 
so that they are ready to steam ahead at the outgoing 
signal. Growing restless at their slowness in placing 
a gangplank, I swore emphatically. At this juncture 
an Irish wit, standing upon the brink of the dock, 



342 TEE lEISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

lustily yelled out, "Let his lordship off." How for- 
tunate, I thought, that all the pin-headed and pin- 
moneyed American heiresses were out of sight and 
hearing at the time, or my matrimonial future would 
be assured. 

VOYAGE 7 

Upwards of twenty-five years ago the Steamship 
Parisian (Allan liner), was considered a first-class At- 
lantic greyhound. Now she had come to be listed at 
even less than second-class. On June 4, 1907, in Lon- 
don, England, I embarked upon her. Next day we put 
in at Havre, France, for cargo and Frenchmen, In the 
old days the Parisian had navigated the waters of the 
deep, carrying many nobles and notables. But on this 
trip she was scheduled to convey a few illustrious pas- 
sengers also. 

A Alontreal gentleman, who served as a Canandian 
commissioner at the Dublin exposition held the previous 
summer, and myself chummed 'it very pleasantly all 
the way across. He being a Canadian politician of no 
mean activity, and the writer a political worker of in- 
different repute in the United States, many an hour we 
whiled away in each other's staterooms recounting our 
checkered political experiences. 

Quite a number of our French friends joined us at 
Havre. As the men and women from France are al- 
ways suavely interesting, we were glad to have them 
with us. As Frenchmen are no great lovers of icewater, 
they were liberally supplied with table wines at each 
meal. Consequently large decanters containing two 
kinds of domestic wines (white and red) were placed 
upon their tables at every sitting. This was the very 
first time in all my checkered career that I felt like 
denying my Irish nationality, and passing myself off as 
a Frenchman. Table icewater, I considered, just as ob- 



NINE VOYAGES ACROSS TEE ATLANTIC 343 

jectionable to an Irishman as a Frenehman. When I 
sought an explanation concerning the whys and the 
wherefores of the discrimination — one people subsist- 
ing on unfiltered water, while another class drank wine 
—I was told by an obliging steward that the French 
government, when subsidizing the steamship company 
to carry on a French-Canadian trade and ship commu- 
nication, table wine should be served travelers of the 
French republic. Here, I thought, was another instance 
where the shortcomings of the American republic were 
emphasized. 

Under the aegis of the Montrealer and myself, two 
comely English girls were safely landed, and handed 
over by us to their awaiting young men at the landing 
stage, each having a fiance, who had gone before to 
prepare a mansion preliminary to matrimony. They 
were now going to enjoy the fruits of their speculation 
and preparation. 

Enjoying thoroughly summerlike weather on this 
voyage, my usual dose of mal de mer was omitted. 
Shuffleboard, and many other deck games, were in- 
dulged in, and the immaculately white-garmented strut- 
ting Englishman, and fastidious Frenchman were 
adepts in all things pertaining to sea life and amuse- 
ments. The smokeroom and bar attachment were 
pleasing pastime resorts. 

These untraveled gentlemen were convinced that 
they were going to the Canadian promised land, and 
once there their toil and worry would eternally cease. 
My Montreal friend and myself did not wish to spoil 
their fleeting moments of exquisite pleasure by dis- 
illusioning them. They would be up against the rough 
corners soon enough. Unless very fortunate, Canadian 
thrift and dirt would rub so threateningly close to their 
fine linen pants as to soil them. We had seen such 



344 ^^^ IBTSH-CANUCE-YANKEE 

things happen before, and would not be surprised to 
see the same occurrences take place again. 

Muscular steerage passengers, willing to rough it 
from the starting point, would prove more up to the 
requirements of undeveloped Canada, than cabin tour- 
ists, seeking fortune-making openings, who could not 
even on the passage thither forego the luxuries of deck 
chairs, steamer rugs, fancy smokes, wines and liquors, 
in addition to ship stewards extra attendance. Alas, 
the Dominion of Canada has been the Mecca for far 
too many of this type of settlers in the past. The man 
who is able and willing to enter into a muscle tussle 
with part of the earth's surface in Canada is the man 
of the hour. 

Quebec city being reached, our ship came alongside 
the dock, in order to have the immigration officials of 
both countries — Canada and the United States — pass 
upon all the passengers, and take the third-class off. 
Between a Canadian officer and a young Londoner there 
was quite a parley. Having got his name, and where 
he came from, the officer rather sharply said: "How 
much money have you?" Our young friend evidently 
considering this a rather impertinent question seemed 
slow in answering. 

"My gracious, I have no money at all." 

"What, no money at all! Where are you going?" 

"To Sintaluta." 

"What are you going to do there?" 

"I am going to study fawming." (farming). 

"How are you going to get there?" 

"Aw, a clergyman is going to meet me at Montreal 
to give me a pound to buy my food on the train." 

"What then?" 

"Another clergyman will meet me at Sintaluta, and 
will take me and 'introdooce' me to the 'fawmer' I'm 
going to study 'fawming' with." He was passed on. 



NINE VOYAGES ACBOSS THE ATLANTIC 345 

A very nice genteel boy of twenty years indeed, but 
wholly unfitted for western prairie life. Canada has 
not yet got to a point where it can easily assimilate 
such empire-building gentility. 

Next day our ship left the historic city of Quebec, 
and nosed its way up the St. Lawrence river to Mon- 
treal, 162 miles distant. In doing so we passed the 
calamitous collapsed bridge, which disaster sacrificed 
some sixty-five lives, one of the worst bridge building 
mishaps in the history of any country. 

To properly tip stewards on shipboard, and other 
servitors on land, is a problem of some importance. 
Traveling by sea, I generally use three employees, who 
are entitled to gratuities. They are my table steward, 
bedroom steward and bathroom steward. These men 
I have always found very decent and willing to serve 
me in every particular. "While a great many travelers 
complain of the tip evil, I have never found ground 
for complaint of that kind yet. Ordinary common sense 
should govern a man's generosity in this connection as 
well as all others. The servitor, who adds extra 
touches, and thoughtful care, to his daily routine earns 
his little cash courtesy, and the donor is only paying 
a well-earned debt when donating. "Tipless" this or 
that does not appeal to me. I am wholly influenced by 
the surplus courtesies shown. It must be borne in mind 
that travelers are always subject to target talk prac- 
tice. Even menials of the precocious kind will com- 
ment behind your back, and often to your face, re- 
garding your plan of action. If you throw your coin 
lavishly away, you are dubbed a ''sucker,** that never 
was out from home before. If you are noticeably 
stingy, you will be taunted a ** cheap guy." So there 
you are. Use common sense and discretion, and be to- 
tally impervious to all menial remarks. Hit a happy 
middle ground and remain placid. 



346 ^'HE IBISH-CANUCK-¥ANKEE 

VOYAGE 8 

Friday, November 20, 1909, about 11 :30 p. m., I once 
more boarded an Allan Atlantic liner in Montreal for 
London. On the voyage there we stopped at Quebec, 
Havre (France), putting in twenty-four hours, or more, 
in each city, before finally reaching the port of desti- 
nation, England's capitol and the world's metropolis. 
We had a mixed passenger list, English speaking folk, 
French and French-Canadians. The Pomeranian was 
a slow, but sure, little craft, and gradually and grace- 
fully she glided over the thundering and disturbed 
waters of the St. Lawrence river and Atlantic. Taking 
this route, one is in sheltered waters for a couple of 
days. This enables the sick-inclined traveler to secure 
his sealegs ere he gets out into the mountain-high 
waves. 

Throwing the fact that I was an Irish-Canuck-Yan- 
kee to the winds on this voyage, I hobnobbed with the 
French passengers as one of their own. This "dirty 
Irish trick" ensured me a supply of table wine all the 
way across. As on the previous voyage, the dainty 
boys of France were so wined. No matter who a man 
may be, a glass of table claret will, if daintily handled, 
give him a Frenchy appearance. My knowledge of 
their language was quite imperfect, but as long as I 
could say or motion "pass the wine" I got along swim- 
mingly with them. 

Sporty inclined gentlemen aboard ship on this my 
eighth voyage, enjoyed themselves gambling and tip- 
pling each night after they had regained their lost 
health through seasickness. The ship surgeon, who 
happened to be a jolly Irishman, and a French- 
Canadian doctor, developed into serious funmakers 
along towards the conclusion of the trip. Thus the 
evening prior to our landing our Havre passengers 
there was enacted a blood-curdling scene in strictly 



NINE VOYAGES ACROSS TEE ATLANTIC 347 

wild west fashion. The gentlemen named passed the 
early part of the night in the usual way; but on this 
occasion seemed to have got far too close to the "cup 
that cheers," and felt giddy accordingly. 

Conviviality on their part did not create a corre- 
sponding amount of pleasantry on the part of all other 
innocent onlookers. Therefore, while quietly chatting 
with some of the lady passengers in the dining saloon, 
I was much annoyed, and the ladies were much affright- 
ed, to notice the fun-loving French and Irish lads, some 
of them armed with revolvers, rifles and bowie-knives, 
playfulh' tagging around after each other, and pre- 
tending that they were going to enact the most dread- 
ful crimes in the way of bloodletting. The ladies quick- 
ly disappeared to their staterooms, while I tried to 
calm the combatants. However, there was little danger 
of serious trouble, as the head steward assured me that 
he had carefully examined the deadly weapons himself 
and found them unloaded. 

Only one really horrifying accident unavoidably oc- 
curred during the entire voyage. A rough and boister- 
ous sea so upset our table accoutrements one evening 
at dinner as to spill a whole glass of wine, belonging 
to a Frenchman, right onto a non-drinking Canadian. 
This was a fiery liquor baptism the colonial victim suf- 
fered, which seemed a laughable farce. A starboard 
lurch caused it. Luckily the splashing tumbler re- 
mained unbroken, and there was no other serious harm, 
save the humiliation experienced by the Canadian tee- 
totaler, a species of abstainer quite numerous in that 
land. The table guards were on, but our poor friend 
was not protected. "We were wave-tossed worse than 
we imagined. 

Making trans-Atlantic voyages on these port-calling 
steamships afford those so traveling a taste of private 
yachting, by giving them a chance to go ashore and 



348 TEE IRISE-CAKUCK YANKEE 

visit the seaports entered. This feature the majority 
of the men passengers take quick advantage of. Con- 
fined on shipboard for several days, they feel like re- 
laxing their crippled muscles by walking exercise. 
Furthermore, foreign cities-by-the-sea are exceptionally 
interesting to everybody used to navigating. Ships 
flying different foreign flags are also harbored in these 
ports of entry and call, all of which tend to enliven and 
interest. 

Occasionally the boys, when on land, take a little too 
much personal liberty. They indulge a wee bit too 
freely. So, once in a while, some one comes back to the 
ship bowled up. His brain being lubricated, and his 
tongue unloosed, he undertakes to tell the rest of his 
fellow-passengers about his adventures ashore, includ- 
ing many things he saw and did. 

No member, or admirer, of the British empire can 
fcall into a foreign port, no matter how brief the stay 
ftiade may be, without entertaining a deep and lasting 
impression concerning the greatness of that wonderful 
little country, the hub of the universe — England. Its 
sea-carrying craft are to be seen, conspicuously flying 
the Union Jack, in all parts of the world, regardless of 
remoteness, or backwardness from the great centers of 
civilization or commerce. 

Passenger accommodations and comforts aboard the 
little Pomeranian were not as luxurious as on many 
of the other ships belonging to the Allan Steamship 
Company. But the extreme civility of the men in 
charge, all through the voyage, more than compensated 
the folks aboard for any embarrassing deficiencies in 
matters of convenience. Captain Anderson was ever 
willing to give inquisitive passengers any information 
sought, regarding seafaring life, nautical lore and the 
hardships incident thereto. 

Many of these rather ancient vessels now carry only 



NINE VOYAGES ACBOSS THE ATLANTIC 349 

two classes of passengers, known as one-class cabin and 
steerage. The Pomeranian was one of this kind. She 
was also one of the ancient and hand-made kind, very 
seaworthy. It being somewhat of a winter trip, heavy 
seas ran, large waves washed our decks, and windy 
weather howled through the ship's ropes and rigging. 
On comparatively private little ships of this type family 
usages are more frequently the rule governing those 
aboard. Bells are not continually ringing. Bedroom 
stewards gently tap stateroom doors to announce to 
the sleeping passengers the dressing hour. Even the 
usual daily inspection by the commander, doctor and 
chief steward, is occasionally omitted. This is a for- 
mality gone through on all passenger-carrying vessels 
at 10 o'clock a. m. daily. Yes, and divine services on 
Sundays, usually held in the music-saloon, are not in- 
sisted upon. Money-contributing vocal and instrumen- 
tal concerts are not held. Neither do we be bothered 
with moving-picture shows, advertising the beauties 
and industrial possibilities of the Dominion of Canada, 
a hard-worked feature of the desperate efforts put 
forth in recent years, by governmental authority, to 
populate that "Lady of Snows" land, as Poet Kipling 
aptly styled it. 

These are a few of the appreciative advantages ac- 
corded modestly inclined tourists when traveling back 
and forth across the Atlantic on supposedly slow and 
out-of-date steamers. Other comforts are obtainable 
also. You sleep better. There is a minimum of shiver 
and vibration. Far less formality, less frigidity among 
people of the hotel type, and more family-like inter- 
mixing. 

On the whole, leisurely and experienced tourists take 
more real delight and joy out of a ten-day sea voyage 
than can be crowded into a five-day limit. Thus it is 
already becoming apparent to shipowners that, except 



350 ^^^ IBISE-CANUCE-YANKEE 

for fast mail and business purposes, the faster a vessel 
glides over the briny deep the less popular she will 
prove in the ease of leisurely inclined ramblers, who 
figure upon the sea voyage forming a very prominent 
and interesting part of their holiday-making tour of 
distant lands. To the untraveled this phase of time and 
travel has not been duly weighed by them; nor will 
it at first meet with their casual approval. But when 
once experienced they will readily see into the phi- 
losophy of it. More recent accessions to Atlantic pas- 
senger-carrying fleets, are of the slower, rather than 
faster, type of steamship. Size, not speed, is the 
problem now being solved by ship architects. 

After an acknowledged rough and "dirty" voyage, 
the winds and sea beating scandalously upon our good 
little ship, we entered the mouth of the Thames, shortly 
thereafter entering London streets. That city being 
thoughout my lifetime of the greatest historical in- 
terest to me, I tarried amid its treasures of wealth and 
greatness for many days. Later on I visited other parts 
of the noted little country, finally sailing on a small 
steamer from Liverpool to Dublin. 

VOYAGE 9 

On this visit to Ireland it was my intention to cut 
it short, not making my stay last longer than about six 
weeks. But that country, always possessing more than 
ordinary interest for me, literally compelled me to re- 
main about six months. Every moment of this stretch 
of time was more than interesting. The Irish people, 
as usual, presented varieties of cuteness and cleverness 
not hitherto observed by me. 

However, when the time came that I was imper- 
atively obliged to move, I was much surprised to learn 
that all steamships were booked full for weeks in 



NINE VOYAGES ACROSS THE ATLANTIC 351 

advance, so mad was the spring rush for Canadian 
ports. 

Times had at last wonderfully improved. Cabin 
passengers from Ireland were now the rule and not the 
exception as in days of yore. It was, therefore, possible 
to secure a steerage booking, while cabin was out of 
the question. Through the dropping out of an early 
booked passenger, I was enabled to secure his 
cancelled berth. 

Accordingly I reported at Londonderry on the even- 
ing of Saturday, May 21, 1910, went aboard a tender at 
6 a. m. Sunday, sailed down Lough Foyle, embarking on 
the Allan steamship Ionian, which lay off Moville, 
having left Glasgow the evening previous. 

Early in the Sabbath morning though it was, quite 
a large crowd of warm-hearted people were at the dock 
to see us off, many boarding the tender to go the full 
limit allowable, while the vast concourse not so favored 
spread themselves out along the docks, waving their 
handkerchief farewells. Some were shedding tears be- 
cause their friends were saying what might prove to 
be a final goodby, while others again had moistened 
eyes by reason of the fact that they weren't going 
along also. Few were strictly dry-eyed, and all were 
undoubtedly heart-moved. But the emigrant ship had 
long since lost its terrors. In the miserable times 
gone by, a departure for foreign fields involved a 
funeral-like procession, where family weepers and wail- 
ers led the way to the ship landing, sympathizing neigh- 
bors feeling not a whit less mournful. Now an exodus 
seemed to furnish an occasion for mirth arid gaiety, 
with a few surface sobs, and heart throbs, by members 
of the family immediately bereaved incidental and 
natural. Emigration was at last robbed of its heart- 
rending sting. 

Most of those going had been there before, and ex- 



352 TEE lEISE-CANUCK-YANKEE 

pected to return to the homeland again and again in 
all human possibility, for separation from the Emerald 
Isle, indefinitely, is never a part of the average Irish- 
man's, or Irishwoman's, programme. Others again 
were going home-seeking accompanied by returning 
friends. The meagre few going alone, and for the 
first time, minus friends, relatives, or neighborly ac- 
quaintances, at the other end to receive and coach them 
were not many. How different in the days of the dim 
and miserable past ! Then the people were green and 
uneducated, the vicissitudes encountered traveling 
thither discouraging, and conditions on the other side 
of the wild and pioneering kind, all tending to dis- 
hearten the poor unfortunates compelled to take the 
lead in those early days. 

Our tender sided up by the Liner Ionian. A shipload 
of passengers from Scotland craned their necks over 
the deck bulwarks and ship bulkheads to curiously 
catch a glimpse of the oncoming Irish. They were 
amply rewarded, for 120 strong they marched up the 
gangplank, getting lost in the gaping Scottish crowd 
already aboard. The weather was balmy and the 
scene rather romantic. Passengers' hand and hold, 
"Wanted" and "Not Wanted," baggage was quickly 
shouldered and rustled from the smaller to the larger 
vessel by quick-moving ship roustabouts. Final adieus 
were spoken, kissed and handshaken, the tender turned 
its prow eastward in the direction of Lough Foyle, 
while the steamship faced westward towards the River 
St. Lawrence, and we were off. 

All that Sunday forenoon everybody was astir and 
aglow with confusion and excitement, getting their 
berths and bearings. Moreover sentimental folk 
eagerly watched the last traces of land gradually fade 
away. Who knows, it might be their last long glimpse 
of terra firma? The stewards in the meanwhile were 



NINE VOYAGES ACROSS THE ATLANTIC 353 

not idle. They had to allot diningroom seats for first 
and second sittings, owing to the large cargo of human 
souls entrusted to them. To please everybody was their 
main anxiety. To attain that end was something of 
a human impossibility. The first bugle call would be 
too early for some; and the second an hour later, too 
late for others. Then whole families had to be seated 
at the same table, regardless of whether the children 
were large or small. All of this furnished room for con- 
fusion and discontent. But trained men were in the 
harness, and everything was amicably and smoothly 
settled in due course of time, and by the exercise of 
patience and forbearance. 

Mine was a portside berth, with a baywindow into 
the sea. It was a makeshift sleeping place, with three 
others also occupying bunks therein. 

The days passed on. Deck dancing daily passed the 
time away for many so inclined. Scotsmen, kilties and 
bagpipes paced the decks, rendering thrilling music. 
Cabin concerts, and steerage entertainments of the 
singing and smoking kind, were held in both ends of 
the ship, respectively. Parlor games and deck pastimes 
were enjoyed by many. Even athletic sports, of a 
prize-winning and prize-receiving nature, were carried 
on to while away the afternoon hours. Into these the 
Scotch lassies enthusiastically threw themselves. They 
were most delightfully charming. 

This was by long odds the gayest and largest crowd 
I had thus far in my traveling career met aboard ship. 
Mirth and merriment were so rife as to cause con- 
sternation. Something terrible seemed pending. It 
came. 

On the early morning of an unlucky Friday a coal gas 
explosion in the bunkers took place, making a terrific 
noise and terrifying the poor unfortunate passengers 
located in that particular portion of the ship far above. 



354 TB^E lEISE-CANVCK-TANKEE 

Luckily the hatchway was blown out, the concussion 
going upward instead of downward, in which case 
results would be far more disastrous. Blacked by coal 
gas, and shocked from fear, I was thrown out of my 
narrow bed, and it was some moments before I could 
regain my shattered senses. The shot upward sunk 
the ship downward deeper into the water, so I imagined 
I was far under the water already. 

Hearing no one else making an outcry, and seeing 
nobody around, I began to think that I was being 
made the butt of a huge joke. But these fears were 
quickly dissipated by the terrible wailing that at once 
burst forth from women and children, in their night 
garments, already huddled together in the passageways 
of the ship. Panicky-stricken all were in a frenzy of 
fright. None knew what to do, or felt composed 
enough to do it even if they did. Lamentations of the 
most heart-rending kind wore chorused by the terri- 
fied feminine passengers, but happily all was of short 
duration. 

Officers and stewards were promptly on hand, calm- 
ing the affrighted passengers, and assuring them that 
there was no danger. Magic-like their fears were 
quelled, the uproar ceased, and the scorched and dis- 
arranged berths were made habitable once more. 

Trained and unexcited men are valuable at times 
of sorrow and stress. Never have I met a time when a 
horror-stricken situation was so neatly righted. Tact 
and thought were the ingredients used. 

Gallantly and sympathetically officers and stewards 
led the distraught and terror-stricken women and chil- 
dren to the dining saloons and music rooms, fetched 
them their clothes, served them tea, and made them as 
comfortable as the circumstances would permit. Within 
a very short time order was restored, all were composed 



NINE VOYAGES ACROSS TEE ATLANTIC 355 

and consoled, and life aboard settled down to its 
normal state. 

This little accident taught me a lesson. No matter 
how heroically one might feel at times of coolness; it 
is rarely a man is gifted with the genius of doing the 
right thing at the right time under fearful provocation. 
When extreme danger arises, self-preservation is an 
uppermost thought with all. Married men, having been 
accustomed to look out for the care and welfare of 
wife and children, are much more apt to jump to the 
aid and succor of the distressed upon the impulse of the 
moment than the single individual, who has never had 
fatherly or family love and anxiety form a part of his 
protecting care. Such singleness of life accustoms one 
to seek his, or her own welfare when danger is immi- 
nent. Even the most tender-hearted are apt, on the 
spur of the moment, to first seek their own safety. 

All this recalls a Pat and Mike story. Briefly it is 
as follows : 

Thrown out of a rowboat one day, Pat promptly 
swam ashore. Then he returned and brought back 
Mike. A bystander, noticing Pat's method of saving 
life, said: "Pat, why didn't you bring Mike in with 
you the first time?" ''Faith, I wanted to save meself 
first," was the reply. 

Heroism momentarily performed is a human gift 
few possess. When a calamity happens on land, the 
worst is usually over with the first distressful occur- 
rence. Not so on board a ship in mid-Atlantic. When 
explosions, fires, or such things take place internally 
on shipboard, other dire consequences may speedily 
follow. She might suddenly sink, carrying her living 
freight down with her; be thro-\vn helplessly into the 
sea ; or in manning lifeboats order and composure may 
not be easily maintained, the mad mob rush capsizing 
and swamping the boats being lowered. These grave 



356 ^^SE IBISH-CANUCK-YANEEE 

possibilities in ocean catastrophes test heroism far be- 
yond the probabilities of like events on land. Those 
who passed through that severe ordeal of suffocating 
coal gas, will never again hanker for the privilege of 
being eyewitnesses to similar scenes. It made a 
memorable milestone in their mind and memory. 

A shipload of homeseekers presents a many-sided 
problem. As the observer, with analytical eye, fur- 
tively scans the people as they troop by, curiosity seizes 
him. Inquiry unravels interesting things, as nearly 
all are willing to tell of their ambitions and prospects. 
Women and children are going out to reunite with the 
husband and father, who has gone before to blaze the 
way for them. Instead of smothering up their motives 
for going abroad, they take delight in rehearsing the 
many good things in store for them, all the fatherly 
work of an enterprising husband, he having truth- 
fully kept them advised as to his doings and prospects 
in his adopted land. Past experiences have taught 
them that what has been written them by him can be 
strictly relied upon. They are, therefore, jubilant at 
the thought of being again united under one family 
roof, with the additional novelty of being in a new 
country, where life and surroundings will be radically 
different from that in the old home, as well as more 
flattering opportunities for business and progress 
presented. 

Then again we meet the festive fiancee. She is joy- 
fully going out to be joined matrimonially to her be- 
trothed. Of these we meet many. True to their girls, 
whether they have been engaged or not, the manly 
old countryman, be he English, Scotch, or Irish, "makes 
good," in this particular as well as in any other. 

Again we meet the newly-married couple. Ere they 
set sail on the ocean they embarked on the sea of matri- 
mony, and are now on their way to seek a desirable 



NINE VOYAGES ACROSS THE ATLANTIC 357 

home. Blindly infatuated by love, they frequently 
start out knowing not whither. But they get awakened 
in due course of time, the honeymoon ceases, and life 
in stern reality is braved. 

We also see the buoyant and hopeful young girl, 
womanly starting out into the world with nothing 
more attractive than domestic usefulness in view, but 
which is often escaped through the agency of 
matrimonial bliss. 

There is also the young man, brimful of spirits and 
enthusiasm, who keeps on flattering himself with the 
feeling that he is going to return home some day in the 
near future, surprising all his friends and neighbors; 
also astounding them with the "weight of money" he 
has fortunately seized and laid hands upon. Somehow 
such aspirations get rudely quieted before he gets far 
in his money-making mania, and the rough corners he 
has been rounding have worn off his money-getting 
keenness. He soon finds himself plugging along, in a 
mediocre manner, just like the great majority of his 
working companions. 

Many stories are related regarding the ease where- 
with money is picked up in America. May I be par- 
doned for citing an instance here? It is: A just 
landed young man, walking up from the ship, even 
though naturally staring skyward in amazement at the 
new world sights, glanced groundward long enough 
to spy a twenty-dollar goldpiece, which he promptly 
picked up. Just then he met a blind beggar. Handing 
him the coin he said: ''Take this, my poor man. 
You're blind and can't see. I can, and will pick up 
lots more." Ere he did so he suffered many optical 
illusions. In fact it was all a delusion and a snare. 

But this feeling prevails to an unsafe extent in 
nearly all the old countries regarding America. Nor 
do many actions of Americans abroad help to dispel 



358 ^-S^ IBISH-CANUCK-YANEEE 

such delusions. Their vulgar display of coin certainly 
does not. Often have I watched a lot of wharf young- 
sters eagerly pouncing upon one another while picking 
up the small "chicken feed" thrown from the crowded 
decks by generous American travelers, who took fiend- 
ish delight in a birdseye view of the unseemly scramble 
by the street gamins beneath. In this way their pennies 
afford them their first foreign entertainment, which is 
given on the dock ere the ship is roped to the landing, 
or the gangplank laid ashore. Nor is it necessary for 
American coin-givers to leave their own land, in order 
to enjoy the sight of juvenile scramblers fighting for 
their stray coin no matter how small. Truly these 
things lead the untaught to consider America a land 
that floweth with milk and money. 

Before concluding my observations on this my ninth 
voyage across the Atlantic, I must not neglect a word 
concerning a class of passengers in whom I became 
very much interested. 

They were the old people, who, with all the vim 
and vigor of youth and ambition, were on their way 
to join and live the balance of their short lifetimes 
with their sons, daughters, sons-in-law, daughters-in- 
law, or possibly other near relatives taking sufficient 
interest in them to place a home at their disposal. 

Some of these patriarchal Scotchmen and women were 
advanced in years, having soared as high as seventy- 
five and eighty. But they belonged to the old stock, 
and were aggressive accordingly. 

May they all be abundantly rewarded for their pluck 
and enterprise. 

May the new world provide happiness and joy for 
them far in excess of anything the old world ever 
offered. 

May their declining years be fraught with the rich- 



NINE VOYAGES ACROSS TEE ATLANTIC 359 

est and choicest blessings, that have hitherto been their 
lot to enjoy. 

May Providence protect and provide for them far 
more bountifully than their wildest expectations ever 
conceived. 

Furthermore may they become so charmed with their 
adopted country, when the time comes to lay their 
bones away, that prairie burial may not be considered 
a chastening after death, even though far removed from 
the cemeteries of their forefathers. 

Without supreme confidence in an All-Wise Being 
these christian-like Scotsmen and women would never 
have ventured so far in the eleventh hour of their 
existence, from the land of their nativity and ancestry. 
For doing so they deserve a full measure of unalloyed 
happiness from now to the end. My humble wishes are 
that it will be unstintingly bestowed upon them. Their 
child-like faith so merits. 

Again entering the Straits of Belle Isle, we sailed 
through the Gulf of St. Lawrence, entered the St. 
Lawrence river, and tied-up in the city of Quebec. 
There above us the frowning cliff, back of which lay 
the Plains of Abraham, the battlefield on which the 
two noted generals (Wolfe, the English ; and Montcalm, 
the French) received their mortal wounds, seemed to 
reach out and bid us welcome. Those viewing it for the 
first time were keenly interested. It was Sunday 
afternoon. 

Next morning our third-class passengers landed and 
took train to Montreal. All others continued to that 
city aboard the ship, reaching it by way of the St. 
Lawrence. It was a pleasant and picturesque sail, 
and much admired by those making it, regardless of 
how frequently they had done so in the past. Towns 
and villages on either side, small islands and trees, all 



360 TEE IRISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

seemed to commingle with masts and funnels, making 
a most absorbing sight. 

By eight o'clock in the evening everybody had 
cleared the deck. Our baggage underwent the usual 
customs inspection. This formality concluded, we were 
at liberty to continue to our respective destinations. 

Those booked inland lost no time in hastening to the 
railroad depots. Long trains, with a varied assortment 
of cars, colonist sleepers, and tourist awaited their 
reception. Worry and confusion were rampant, but all 
got started somehow. Another ship having docked 
simultaneously with us, also heavily laden with human 
cargo, intensified the bustle. 

The Canadian Pacific railway, Canada's most notable 
trans-continental highway, negotiated the biggest part 
of the incomers and ongoers. 

The Grand Trunk System, with its various steel 
ramifications into the United States, as well as the 
Dominion of Canada, distributed passengers in both 
countries. Also the Grand Trunk Pacific, a coast-to- 
coast auxiliary of the parent "System," carried others 
into the far Canadian Northwest, by way of the States. 

Visiting both these railway stations, I saw many of 
them off, and wished them Godspeed. 

Two days later I left Montreal, in Quebec province, 
for Toronto, province of Ontario. Canada's crack train 
conveyed me between these two important Canadian 
cities. It is known as the "International Limited," 
having Chicago for its terminal. 

Prom Toronto I went into the country for a month. 

Six weeks later I reached my favorite American city, 
so proudly guarding, in sentinel-like fashion, the shores 
of Lake Michigan — Chicago. 



TENTH VOYAGE ACROSS THE ATLANTIC 361 

Tenth Voyage 

More than a year was now spent between Chicago; 
MinneapoUs; Winnipeg, the Saskatchewan and eastern 
Canada. 

While in Ontario in the early spring of 1911 I received 
sad news. It was the rather sudden death of my brother 
in Western AustraUa. By looking at page 8, this book, 
it will be seen that at an early age he sailed for Brisbane, 
Queensland, AustraUa. 

Not having carried on an active correspondence with 
him for something like a dozen years, I knew little about 
his circumstances. However, I was now assured by 
British friends and relatives that his proprty varied all the 
way from a couple of thousand pounds up to five hundred 
thousand pounds sterling. What truth there was in this 
I could not tell; but I did know that he died without a 
will or issue, being a bachelor. 

With some Kalgoorlie lawyers I at once communicated, 
and at the end of some three months I received word 
from them that my brotherly interests were amply pro- 
tected. 

Consohng myself as best I could because of the loss 
of my brother; and congratulating myself by reason of 
his worldly success, as money has never been my hobby, 
I remained composed, and decided upon a trip to my 
late brother's recent home, if only to lay a wreathe of 
flowers upon his grave, or erect a tombstone over it. 

With little unseemly haste, I boarded a slow ship at 
Montreal (Allan liner Corinthian), again bound for Quebec; 
Havre, and London. 

It being midsummer, the voyage was a most pleasant 
one. We sailed on June 24th and landed early in July. 
Owing to the coronation ceremonies of their majesties. 
King George and Queen Mary, all ships from American 
and Canadian ports were booked full about that time. 
This condition compelled many rich and notable people to 



362 THE IRISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

travel across in second-class ships, and in consequence 
wealthy and prominent passengers were aboard the 
Corinthian. 

It being the "open season" for American and Canad- 
ian school-maams, many of them were going abroad 
to vacation. With the presence of so many professors 
and educators aboard, we were enabled to have a very 
interesting spelhng bee in the dining-saloon, and it may be 
news to know that it was a French count that carried ofiE 
the prize. The author of the Irish-Canuck- Yankee did 
not participate. We also had a mock jury trial one after- 
noon, the prisoner at the bar being the purser, who was 
charged with "wilfully and maliciously refusing to take 
unto himself a wife and multiply," etc. The jury being 
12 lady passengers, and the prisoner being considered 
rather young and good looking, a verdict of "guilty" 
was promptly arrived at. Moreover, the judge severely 
sentenced the unwilling purser-prisoner for his matri- 
monial obstinacy. 

In broad dayhght some very large and beautiful ice- 
bergs were sighted near at hand. So intensely excited 
did some of our untravelled become at the sight, they 
could hardly restrain themselves on deck. Naked eyes, 
telescopic, microscopic, opera glasses, field and marine 
glasses, etc., were trained upon these great monsters of 
congealed water, that tradition says have one-eighth of 
their size above the water, while seven-eighths are below. 
Then all manner of land judges pass upon these sea sights, 
redistance from ship and height skj-ward. Heated ar- 
guments in this connection often result, and in which 
seamen carefully avoid being drawn into. 

Without variation, on every voyage and upon every 
ship, little cliques form amongst the passengers. There- 
fore upon this occasion my most intimate fellow passenger 
happened to be a German priest, who was a right royal 
good fellow, quite popular with all the passengers, being 



TENTH VOYAGE ACROSS THE ATLANTIC 363 

good-naturedly dubbed the "Sky Pilot." Father S— 
and myself became so friendly in fact that I sought to 
have him defer his trip to Germany until he spent a 
couple of weeks in Ireland as my guest. Being anxious 
to reach the Fatheriand as quickly as possible, my invi- 
tation went unaccepted. 

But my priestly friend was not all. Strange to say 
a rather prepossessing Italian lady, speaking English 
and Italian fluently, also favored me with her deck society. 
On the voyage she seemed rapt in thought. She seemed 
to be strugghng within herself trying to solve something. 
She finally made me her confidant. She had been abroad, 
and was now returning to England, where her parents 
were living. She had an offer of marriage from a young 
Englishman of the "smart set." But there were serious 
obstacles in the way, the most troubleseme being a re- 
ligious one, she being a devoted adherent of the Roman 
CathoUc church, while he was a pronounced Protestant. 
Therefore she was looking for light as to whether she 
would become a wife or enter a religious order. Learning 
the circumstances surrounding her troubles, it did not take 
me long to give her the advice sought. I never mince 
matters on such questions. So I advised her to do neither, 
as I didn't like to see nice young ladies shut up from the rest 
of the world. Their good influence could be used to 
better advantage out in everyday life with the rest of us. 
Besides, marriage under such unfavorable conditions would 
never happily pan out. It goes well enough during the 
courtship, honeymoon, and possibly for a short time there- 
after; but it never could be depended upon to last long 
with any semblance of matrimonial harmony and bliss. 
But she assured me that her intended had promised not to 
meddle with her rehgion, and she had agreed not to meddle 
with his ; but in all other respects he yielded to the require- 
ments of her church, even agreeing that their offspring, if 
any, should be baptized and brought ttp Romaji Catholics. 



364 THE IRISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

Hearing this I ruthlessly assured her that such a man 
never appealed to me, for no man surrenders himself 
in such a way, and that she had only captured a "Sissie 
boy." A coolness ensued. It made little odds, as we 
soon landed in London, each one going his or her own 
way, getting lost in the great metropolis. 

This incident rather helped to explain why so many 
young ladies travel back and forth on ocean liners alone 
and unescorted. Quite frequently I have had my at- 
tention drawn to this class of travellers. 

Eleventh Voyage 

Although headed for Western Australia, it was not my 
intention to leave the homeland without spending a 
couple of months there, it being the first time in twenty- 
six years I was afforded an opportunity to holiday in mid- 
summer, in the British Isles. 

Old people said that this was the hottest and best 
summer Ireland had for fifty years. Crops were good, 
and the people, at least for once in history, were satisfied. 

With a certain form of "Home Rule" almost staring 
them in the face, few were jubilant over the prospects, 
and many were up in the air, so to speak, regarding the 
proposition at all. Men with large farming mterests 
seemed satisfied, and if given a chance to vote on the 
question, would undoubtedly mark their ballots **No." 
One thorough-going Irishman, who had lived and travelled 
abroad, but was now a permanent resident of the old 
country, said very emphatically to me that instead of 
Ireland needing a John Redmond to give them ballots, 
it should have an Oliver Cromwell to give them bullets of 
sense. 

This gentleman, who proudly boasted that he was a 
religious, but not a political follower of Mr. Redmond, 
was rather harsh in his criticisms. However, as the 



ELEVENTH VO YAGE A CROSS THE A TLA NTIC 365 

question is big enough for the best efforts of statesmen, 
we will drop the matter here and take what comes. 

As a great many Australians and New Zealanders came 
to London during the coronation time, when I did begin 
to enquire for passage, I soon learnt that all ships sailing 
that way were booked full until November, those holding 
return tickets having to be taken care of. 

Meanwhile some unfinished business cropped up in 
America, and I hastily decided to travel to Australia 
across the American continent. So once more I sailed 
from London for Havre (France), Quebec and Montreal, 
again selecting the Corinthian, Allan steamship. This 
was an Autumn voyage, and turned out to be quite rough 
in spots. As usual on these ships, we had a mixed passen- 
ger list — English and French. I must admit that it was 
not a very sociable party of travellers. The bulk of them 
were greenhorns, never out before, and were going out 
now with wonderful conquests, both financial and com- 
mercial, in their minds' eye. The grandeur and glory of 
Canada had been heralded far and near, and these invaders 
armed with cigarettes; golf sticks; cricket bats; tennis 
racquets; nice white duck pants, footwear and vests, were 
bound to capture the entire North American continent. 
Deck chairs and buffet service on the way thither rested 
and recuperated our friends for the strenuous times 
awaiting them. They go to conquer but get conquered. 

Unfortunately, seasickness played havoc with the most 
of them, and in its wake the strange phenomena of seeing 
an ocean-going palace turned into a sanitarium resulted. 
Many of the dear ladies, who had kept some kind of a 
servant or handmaid at home, now imagined that the 
stewardesses were their private property while crossing 
the ocean. Therefore, hotwater bags, and other hospital 
paraphernalia, were freely used by the ever obliging 
stewards and stewardesses, all ©f which were supplied 
and sanctioned by the great steamship company. 



366 THE IRISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

Many young ladies, heavily laden with trousseaus, 
wedding gifts and household effects; adorned by all the 
jewelry they possessed in the shape of rings, bangles and 
bracelets; considering carrying them upon their persons 
the safer way, were with us. Young couples, just hitched 
before leaving home, were also going to start housekeeping. 
Others were only seeking; and so on. 

Always anxious to aid and assist weak and lowly folk 
going into strange parts, I tried to guide and direct many 
of the helpless; but such people never appreciate. It 
is wasted time on the part of the experienced to bother 
with the greenies. They seem to have studied it all out to 
their satisfaction before starting. They have read free 
Uterature, studied maps, and looked at railroad guides. 
Accordingly it is sound sense to leave such people severely 
alone. The experienced globe trotter is far different. 
He is always willing to learn, as wisdom slowly acquired 
has taught him that there are many things yet unlearnt. 

To the men who had travelled much the service aboard 
was considered superb, and the men in charge obliging, 
agreeable and willing to the full limit of human expecta- 
tions. Steamship boys are always so. 

Those who had never seen the saltwater, or anything 
floating thereon before, loudly grumbled against this, 
that, or the other, pretending to say that better this, 
or that, could be had on other ships they had heard of. 
This last aggregation of the human family are mostly 
found amongst the people everywhere possessing beer 
incomes, but champagne palates. 

In due course we landed our third-class passengers 
at Quebec, next day the rest at Montreal, and all hands 
went on their way, and may the Lord be with them from 
landing day, Saturday, October 7th, 1911, on. 

During my 3-month stayaway things political were 
doing in Canada. A general election was held. Old 
political policies, of the reform and religious variety, be- 




OCEAN-GOING PALACES, DELIGHTFUL TO LIVE IN 
WHEN SAILING BETWEEN ALL SEAPORTS. 



ELE VENTH VO YAGE A CROSS THE A TLA NTIC 367 

came threadbare, and a new one was necessary. It 
took the form of reciprocity or anti-reciprocity with the 
United States. Upon this issue the old government was 
ousted and Sir Wilfrid Laurier became ex-premier. The 
Conservative party took up the reigns of government, 
and the leader of the opposition, Mr. R. L. Borden, 
became Canada's new premier. ("Sir" R. L., soon.) 

Long since I had lost all interest in both Canadian and 
American politics, and for the first time in twenty years 
refused to vote the year previous in the United States. 
This was for the reason that the public questions at 
issue were not of a man's size. They had dropped to 
the unimportant level of liquor option of one kind or 
another, conjured up by small-bore reformers, and such 
questions have never yet been able to fetch out voters, 
full strength anywhere. In the United Kingdom a 16- 
year old boy can legally breast the bar on licensed prem- 
ises, and drink like a man. To do so in the United States, 
or Canada the legal age is 21. Thus the homebred Brit- 
isher is considered more of a man at 16 than the Yankee 
or colonial at 21 years of age by their respective authori- 
ties. Some may sneer at this. 

If becoming Amercanized, or Canadianized, means be- 
coming babyized, then I prefer becoming Europeanized. 

The States made their most sensible and substantial 
growth when citizenship was easily attained by the alien, 
and when the foreigner almost walked direct from the 
emigrant ship to the voting booths, and in some cases to 
be sworn in as public officeholders. Does all this in- 
dicate that in time the republic will become more freakish 
and brainstorm swept? Alas, it looks threatening. 

Chicago To The Southern Cross And Back 

Enlisting the services of many steamship agents and 
railway ticket sellers in Chicago with a view of having the 



368 THE IRISH-CANUCK-YANKEE 

benefit of their experiences in determining which way to 
travel — east or west — ^to Austraha, I soon discovered their 
helplessness. To such an annoying extent did this ap- 
pear to me, that I rather gruffly informed some of them 
that the companies mentioned might just as well employ 
penny-in-the-slot devices to furnish the travelling public 
with tickets. They were all willing to wire, cable, etc., 
at my expense, but not me. I balked. 

Using my own judgment, I finally decided to travel 
east. Therefore I again booked passage from Montreal 
to Liverpool on the R. M. S. Corsican — Allan Line. 

Our saloon list of passengers was small but select. So a 
pleasant voyage was experienced across the Atlantic. 

Captain Cook proved himself a good musician, as well 
as an able seaman. Daily he gave us a few songs, being 
his own piano accompanist, in the music saloon. Thus 
the fijst cabin passengers were generous in their praise of 
the courteous commander. We all liked him. 

On this voyage I had the pleasure of meeting a dis- 
tinguished empire builder from the the Canadian North- 
west, in the person of Major W. R. Bell. Of him and the 
"Bell Farm" I had heard more than twenty years before. 
Speaking with the major about his early farming ex- 
periences in the west he told me that as early as 1882, 
his farm near Indian Head consisted of 62,200 acres. 
But the enterprising major was too previous in that frost- 
fought country, and the "Bell Farm" "busted" up- 
Major Bell is now a Winnipegger, and is still doing a land 
business. He is also both a pleasant and interesting 
gentleman, and I enjoyed his friendship much. 

Landing at Liverpool early in December, I was given 
an opportunity of making a few drop-in-and-drop-out 
calls upon friends in England and Ireland before sailing 
for Australia, December 14th. 

On that date I boarded the White Star Liner, Persic 
bound for Austraha. We had a big and most interesting 



CHICAGO TO THE SOUTHERN CROSS AND BACK 369 

passenger list. Australia being many times farther away 
from the United Kingdom than Canada or the United 
States, it takes intending settlers many times as gritty, 
to go there. These we had, and no mistake about it. 

Outward bound three weeks we put in at Capetown, 
South Africa, a nice city surrounding Table Mountain. 

With another fellow-passenger I went into a beer store 
having "AMERICAN BAR" gold-lettered on the windows. 
Together we had a drink of " Black and White, " a standard 
brand of good old Scotch whiskey. The bar belle did not 
trust us to do the pouring. She kept the bottle herself. 
Then she said : " Two shiUings, please. " Being an Amer- 
ican citizen, I could not idly stand by and see the great 
American bar misrepresented. I called for the manager, 
who wasn't around. But I took pains to tell those present 
that for three all-sufficient reasons this was not an "Amer- 
ican Bar" at all. I knew whereof I spoke. 

First, in America we have no barmaids. Second, all 
bottles are handed the customer to help himself. Third, 
all standard goods, such as ''Black and White," "Canad- 
ian Club," "Silver Pitcher Rye," etc., at all and sundry 
first-class bars were only 25 cents for two drinks — and 
take until your're ashamed — instead of two shillings, (50 
cents), the amount I had just shot to pieces. (Selah.) 

Two weeks more on the Indian and Pacific oceans 
landed me in Albany, Western Australia, a neat town. 

A train journey of two nights and a day brought me 
into Kalgoorlie, the center of the eastern goldfields of 
Western Australia, and where is located the largest gold 
mining camp in the world, jointly with Boulder City and 
Kanowna, including the surrounding kiln-dried country. 

Here I summered, simmered, and sizzled during the 
months of January, February and March, their summer- 
time, which was an inland roaster, and frying spit. 

Thence I went to Perth, sailing from Fremantle to Adel- 
aide, South AustraUa. Thence to Melbourne, Victoria. 



370 THE IRISH-CANUCK- YANKEE 

From that by rail to Sydney, New South Wales. Sailing 
from Sydney on the White Star liner Afric, seven weeks 
later, having called at many ports homeward bound, I 
arrived in London, England, on July 1st, 1912. 

Holidaying in England and Ireland until the latter part 
of October, I again returned to Chicago, selecting the 
steamship Sicilian, another Allan liner, for the passage. 
Rather rough weather prevailed, our list of fellow passen- 
gers was small, and altogether the voyage was uneventful. 
Being neither a smoker, drinker, or cardplayer my ship 
associates are usually the ladies, and with them I while 
away the time on shipboard. 

Always sailed by the Allan Line, and railed on this side 
by the Grand Trunk System, I find travelling easy and com- 
fortable. In such shape I reached the portals of Chicago 
once again. 

While away things political were doing in the United 
States. A presidential election was held. A new genera- 
tion of voters had arisen that "Knew not Joseph," 
(Democratic party) and elected a Democratic president, 
the first in 16 years, and then only by a split in the old 
and tried party. 

While in Australia (Southern Cross) I sold for cash 
my share in my late brother's unwilled self-created es- 
tate. British law being that as we had the same father 
and same name, three half-brothers and one half-sister 
shared equally with me. I, therefore, got only one-fifth. 
Mothers are not legally considered in such settlements. 

My brief business visit to Australia convinced me that 
this, the largest island in the world, is a great country, 
and of its possibilities I will have something to say in 
a later edition. 



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